Ethics

[gabereiser]

Hello everyone,

 

I just stopped by to ask the community what they think of this scenario.

 

Me and my fiance have been dating for several years now.

Recently, she has had a problem "knowing the limit" when it comes to alcohol. No big deal, I just have to baby-sit her to make sure she doesn't drink too much.

 

My issue today is my fiance and I are having a fight. Last night we were over at a neighbors 4th of july party. it was 11pm and I had to go home to goto bed for work the next day. She declared she wasn't ready to leave and to go home without her.

 

My question to you all is this.... ..Do you believe that a true couple will show up together and leave together? Or do you believe it's ok to leave the "better half" there if he/she really wants to stay?

 

I told her that I believe a true couple shows up together and leaves together, no matter what. I also re-iterated that if SHE was the one that needed to leave, I would be the first to get her coat.

 

Am I nuts for thinking this is a big issue?

[westernxer]

Did you go home alone last night?

[Pyro]

Hello everyone,

 

I just stopped by to ask the community what they think of this scenario.

 

Me and my fiance have been dating for several years now.

Recently, she has had a problem "knowing the limit" when it comes to alcohol. No big deal, I just have to baby-sit her to make sure she doesn't drink too much.

 

My issue today is my fiance and I are having a fight. Last night we were over at a neighbors 4th of july party. it was 11pm and I had to go home to goto bed for work the next day. She declared she wasn't ready to leave and to go home without her.

 

My question to you all is this.... ..Do you believe that a true couple will show up together and leave together? Or do you believe it's ok to leave the "better half" there if he/she really wants to stay?

 

I told her that I believe a true couple shows up together and leaves together, no matter what. I also re-iterated that if SHE was the one that needed to leave, I would be the first to get her coat.

 

Am I nuts for thinking this is a big issue?

 

 

Under normal circumstances, it shouldn't be a problem for her to stay. It was only the neighbors house, but you did say that she has somewhat of a drinking problem, so I wouldn't let her stay because like you said, you have to be her babysitter.

[Walk]

I'm kind of torn on this. If it was close by, and she was with friends (female) then I guess it was okay if she wanted to stay. But if she needed a ride home, and only guys were offering to drive... then no. She should've gone home with you.

 

I had an ex who would pull this on me while I was in my 20's. I found it really disrespectful. Insulting. I wanted him to go home with me (we lived together) it wasn't like it was super early or anything, usually way past midnight, and still he'd want to stay and drink til he puked. I got so resentful that when he'd come crawling in the next morning throwing up all over the place, I'd just throw him on the tile in the bathroom. Then make him clean it when he finally quit dry heaving.

[Outcast]

There's no law that says a couple must go together and leave together, especially when you're just down the street at a neighbour's. Sometimes one half is tired and only wants to go to bed and the other is still full of zip and not sleepy. So as long as she doesn't need to be carried or driven home, I don't think it's worth making a big deal out of.

[gabereiser]

I'm kind of torn on this. If it was close by, and she was with friends (female) then I guess it was okay if she wanted to stay. But if she needed a ride home, and only guys were offering to drive... then no. She should've gone home with you.

 

I had an ex who would pull this on me while I was in my 20's. I found it really disrespectful. Insulting. I wanted him to go home with me (we lived together) it wasn't like it was super early or anything, usually way past midnight, and still he'd want to stay and drink til he puked. I got so resentful that when he'd come crawling in the next morning throwing up all over the place, I'd just throw him on the tile in the bathroom. Then make him clean it when he finally quit dry heaving.

 

Well, we are both in our 20's, we live together, and I feel the same way you do about it. I think it's kinda disrespectful. She is the same way as wanting to stay till either the party dies or she pukes. In the morning when she complains about hang-over or what have you, I wouldn't say "I told you so" but I say "See, you should have came home with me". I look at it more along the lines of respecting the others wishes. I know if she wanted to leave someplace where I was having a good time, I would be the first to grab her things and take her where she wanted to go.

 

I've told her that its not a matter of "trampling on her fun" but more of a matter of "Being one unit and respecting the wishes of the other".

 

I told her that if we are married, I would not tolerate her staying behind but in the event (like this one) where it was a neighbor or something, she is more than willing to go back.

 

I had to put my foot down and say "I will not marry someone who stays behind at bars, I will not marry someone if I will be going home alone, and I will not marry someone who doesn't think about anyone other than themselves".

 

I just can't do it. Those things mentioned above are pretty much the reason why someone gets married right? Not to be alone? I'm not saying she has to be by my side the whole time, but it would be respectful to leave with your spouse if your spouse wants to leave. (IMHO)

[LikkleMissConfused]

I think if your guys are engaged then you should act as a team. If she didn't have an issue with drinking I don't think her staying at a party longer than you is an issue. But otherwise I can understand your point and why you would want to leave together and attend together. Isn't that what couples do?

[Outcast]

You should quit beating around the bush. Tell her 'I will not marry an alcoholic'.

And get her help. I'm pretty sure drinking until you puke every time you're out is not 'just social drinking'. She's in trouble and the sooner you nip it in the bud, the better.