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the neverending cycle of denial, or the ultimate fantasy ending ?


Alexander84

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Alexander84

First off id like to say hi to everyone as im new here. hopefully i can learn a good bit, but for now here is my contribution in hopes of finding some answers and insight ! (ps: i know its a bit long of a read but some backround history was necessary)

 

Everything began in high school. seeing her around i developed a deep crush for her that was only fueled by her own actions. Constantly gazing into my eyes, shyness whenever i was around, trying to bump into me on some ocassions when around her friends, even following me around during lunch time, ah what good times. As i probed about her i learned she was very religious and had very strict parents aside from the fact she was really into her school (now an engineering major at a top uni) Needless to say i was rejected by her friends (keyword) on the same basis. heartbroken and saddened i moved on and on to college.

 

The girl in question we'll name Janet for the sake of privacy and respect. In college i learned a good friend was engaged and ready to get married to guess who, Janet's good friend ! When the wedding finally came around sure enough she was there too and this time rather adamant in her feelings. immediately she bumped into me smiled and as i look back shes still there looking at me. later as i go to congratulate the newlyweds a friend of hers that was sitting at janets table comes up within inches and starts video taping me. taking a look back i see janet with her head down a bit stroking her hair, and i knew it was on her command, flattery at its best :)

 

A few days after the wedding i get a call from my newlywed friend claiming janet was talking about me with her friends and that he would ultimatey hook us up. finally after some time i got a call for a get together but was unable to go. well ill be honest i was shy and gave an excuse for not making it. a friend who did go had a revelation for me, telling her i was coming she said "oh, i didnt even dress up" some months passed and i got anther inivtation to their house knowing she would be there too. everything went well, again catching her glancing at me, crossed legs feet pointing at me, and a smile with every word. everything went great that night and a few days later got another call from my friend saying how she was asking his wife if i still had a crush on her, etc etc..... about a month later i got a call from my friends wife (janets friend) that she had a date for me and to pick a restaurant accordingly. i was pleasantly suprised, but yet two months passed and no word.

 

upon visint their house again her friend says that in the next two or three weeks that date will happen, just not recently because shes been busy with her newborn and janet is still busy with school, no problem ill wait i told her and myself. and again nothing, two more months would pass and i would decide to take things into my own hands, calling my friends wife and letting her know of my impatience (well not in those words) she said ok, shed call her and get back to me.

 

 

well she did, and to my suprise and with a bit of paraphrasing had this to give me as an answer from janet. "basically her thing is shes too busy with school and work. she doesnt want to lead you on bevelving thers going to be a relationhip because she has no time for one and is not ready. she barely has anytime for her family and her sister too.i did ask her though if she was seeing anyone and she said no. she also said she was really flattered.

 

Now i was dustraught and devasted hearing this, i didnt know what to make of it either. i do know and understand she really is busy with her life. i also know she wouldnt lead me on for so long and invovle her married friend either ! it doesnt suite her morals and who she is. so basically my question is what now ? time to get in tough with reality and accept she never did have any interest ? understand that shes busy but that she did leave a bit of a window open with the flattered/not seeing anyone comments ?

 

Any help would be much appreciated, im at the end of the road :/

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Sounds like she is interested, but maybe doesn't really have any experience dating. Perhaps, she is scared. If you want to date her, you are going to have to do the pursuing. Just don't scare her off, but do be romantic. Sounds like she's the type that likes romance.

 

Good luck!!

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Alexander84

Thanks for your help Guest, you definately MIGHT be on to something sound aond concrete ! Anyone else willing to chime in ?

 

Considering the possibility that the Guest mentioned, what should my next course of action be ? Inquiring via my friend again ?

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The problem isn't with her, it's that you didn't take the reins. You didn't ask her out in high school. You didn't ask her out at the wedding. You skipped the get together where you knew she would be. And you didn't ask her out when you saw her at the friend's house.

 

Also, why all this third party set up from the friend? You should have gotten Janet's number from the friend and called to set things up yourself.

 

I'm guessing that she did have a genuine interest at one point but you kind of blew it. No offense, man, but you sound like you have zero confidence in yourself.

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