Will he ever marry me?

[ubercute2002]

My BF and I have dated for 6 years now. We broached the topic of marriage a few years ago, and he gave me every indication that as soon as things were in order we would go ahead and get married. Well we currently earn a great combined salary and are stronger than ever. All of a sudden when I bring it back up 6 months ago- he's not ready...AND he had NO CLUE when he will be ready. The answer to everything is "I don't know" He doesn't know why he's not ready or when he will be. I feel like he lead me on years ago. He says if I love him I will wait until he's ready. I mean, after 6 years I would think he would know by now. So, is he just passing the time and will never marry or do you think he will come around. I'm starting to get angry and resentful. Any thoughts are appreciated.

P.S. he is NOT the throw me off and surprise me type.

[AriaIncognito]

I spent 4 years with a man wondering the same thing. Will he ever propose? He didn't. We had a great friendship, very close, but we weren't "the one" for eachother. We wanted some different things, well, some things were deal breakers for him and when I look back on it, for me too. He and i broke up, and he met and engaged his now wife, within 5 months of meeting her.

 

The fact that your man is so hesitant, isn't a good sign, unfortunately. You might need to leave, in order for him to potentially see what he's losing. Only thing is, if you leave, you have to be strong enough to stick to your guns and not go back unless you get what you want. That I've learned from my most recent break up (last night - yikes). I went back to him and he hadn't come any closer to deciding what he wanted. We broke up. Am I hopeful that it will turn out for us, of course, but I know now all I should do, is have no contact and move on, because he wasn't willing to give me NOW what i need. Yours is also not willing to give you NOW what you need. And you deserve it NOW.

 

Please give this a lot of thought. It will hurt like hell. I know. Many of us here are in the same boat of pain you'd be in, but at least know that eventually, the pain will lessen, and you could end up happier.

 

Jennifer

[bab]

You need to talk to him again. Ask him why he is not ready. What does he'll think it will take to "get ready". Maybe he has some genuine concerns, maybe he's just a committment phobe. Maybe he has concerns that he hasn't told you about that are silly that a simple conversation could clear up. For instance, one of the reasons my now husband was afraid to get married was that he kept hearing that once you get married you wife never gives you blow jobs anymore.

 

A more realistic concern was that he spends a ton of money on his hobby and he was concerned that once we were married that it would be joint money and he didn't know how I felt about that. He was right, I cringe at the thought of how much money gets dumped into his hobby, but we sat down, worked out a budget that we could both agree to.

 

It could be issues that can be resolved, you just have to get the actual info out of him. Talk. After 6 years if the two of you can't handle this conversation, then maybe your communication skills aren't ready for marriage anyway.

[rkman]

Yo

 

A more realistic concern was that he spends a ton of money on his hobby and he was concerned that once we were married that it would be joint money and he didn't know how I felt about that. He was right, I cringe at the thought of how much money gets dumped into his hobby, but we sat down, worked out a budget that we could both agree to.

 

Ding!!!!!

 

 

Besides, leaving him will only demonstrate to him that you are willing to give up. I know myself for one does not consider divorce an option, giving up at this point is just as bad a signal as a divorce. Be patient when talking to him, emtions will bring him stress. It may take a couple weeks to sort thigns out. Just empathyze by remembering the time in your life when you were lost, had no clue which way was up, or down, who you were, what you wanted....

[ubercute2002]

 

This seems to be all we talk about anymore. Talking isn't the issue. It's reaching a compromise that we can both live with. I just don't want to spend more years of life on this path that seems to be leading nowhere. He just did a complete 180 on me.

[a4a]

For instance, one of the reasons my now husband was afraid to get married was that he kept hearing that once you get married you wife never gives you blow jobs anymore.

 

.

 

:mad:

 

Tell me I don't really have to do that!! I married him just so I didn't have to any more!! :mad:

 

SHOOT!

 

Next you will be telling me that I am also supposed to still have sex with him?

 

Just kidding.....

 

You need to talk to him..... better to clear this up now then in 6 more years wondering and waiting.

[NTB]

IMO, if he hasn't done it by now then he never will.

[norcaldivr]

You might need to leave, in order for him to potentially see what he's losing. Only thing is, if you leave, you have to be strong enough to stick to your guns and not go back unless you get what you want.

 

I was with a girl for a long time. She had personality issues that made me unsure about making the committment but just as I was about to give in *blam* she bailed. She said that since I wouldn't marry her she was leaving. I asked her if I proposed would she stay ? The answer was no.

 

Within a short time she was replaced. Turns out that she really did want to get married but had to prove some kind of point by going through with her move-out. She tried to get me back but it was too late. I don't want to be with someone who would pull that.

 

Here scheme backfired badly for her. For me, she did me a favor by revealing her true nature before I tied the knot with her.

 

Moral of the story: Don't leave unless you REALLY want out. If it is a game then be prepared for it to backfire. Since then once someone says they want space or anything like that to me then it's Buh-Bye and don't let the door hit you in the butt.