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Would this be abusing power?


j.carsey

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Question about if you think this is an issue at all, or maybe it's no big deal.

 

Let's say that between friends, person A had some temporary money trouble and person B lent them a sum of cash (we're talking enough to pay rent). And the debt was repaid without problem.

 

Person A and B have known each other for some time and might have a bit of a flirty thing happening. Would it be OK for person B to make a move on person A, considering their recent history (few days ago) where A was indebted to B. Keep in mind the money was already repaid without problems.

 

Before the money issue the people got along as close friends and were slightly attracted anyway, so really I'm asking about the effect of the debt.

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Before the money issue the people got along as close friends and were slightly attracted anyway, so really I'm asking about the effect of the debt.

 

But, there is no debt :confused:

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amaysngrace
But' date=' there is no debt :confused:[/quote']

 

Exactly. Helping friends isn't suppose to have a price tag on it. It's just what you do. It seems like you're keeping score or something, or am I missing what you're trying to say?

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Yes there is no debt any more, correct. I don't think I'm keeping score, but I absolutely required that money back and would have sued her if she did not repay her debt as agreed.

 

I just couldn't help but think of that situation where an employer or boss has a thing for an employee. The boss might not ever think of the power thing, but the employee might be thinking... I'd better be polite and friendly to these advances, wouldn't want to jeopardize other things.

 

Since I already got the money back, this probably doesn't apply at all. Just worrying too much

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catgirl1927
Yes there is no debt any more, correct. I don't think I'm keeping score, but I absolutely required that money back and would have sued her if she did not repay her debt as agreed.

 

I just couldn't help but think of that situation where an employer or boss has a thing for an employee. The boss might not ever think of the power thing, but the employee might be thinking... I'd better be polite and friendly to these advances, wouldn't want to jeopardize other things.

 

Since I already got the money back, this probably doesn't apply at all. Just worrying too much

 

So you're asking that if you leant this person money, would she be obligated to accept your advancements?

 

There's no debt left. You have no more power over her anyway. You really never did.

 

The situation in bold is known as sexual harrassment. When you force an employee to accept your "advances" or you'll fire him or her, that's harrassment. No employee is obligated to have sex with his or her employer.

 

Maybe I just don't understand the question. I'm very confused about what exactly you're asking.

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So you're asking that if you leant this person money, would she be obligated to accept your advancements?

 

There's no debt left. You have no more power over her anyway. You really never did.

 

The situation in bold is known as sexual harrassment. When you force an employee to accept your "advances" or you'll fire him or her, that's harrassment. No employee is obligated to have sex with his or her employer.

 

Maybe I just don't understand the question. I'm very confused about what exactly you're asking.

 

Yea, what she said

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But' date=' there is no debt :confused:[/quote']

agreed, so the question is moot. in the future I would recommend not doing financial transactions with friends. they usually end badly.

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Thanks for the replies, it clears it up. There is no lingering debt and there is no power situation any more.

 

Maybe lending a friend money was a mistake in itself, luckily it went OK

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catgirl1927

Uh, you never had any power over her. You had a contract with her. I find your perception that you were somehow over her when you lent her money very strange...

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Uh, you never had any power over her. You had a contract with her.

 

I see what you're saying. True, it was only a contract and it's all in the past tense anyway. However these are the scenarios that crossed through my mind that made me feel like perhaps there was a power issue. These are just hypothetical:

 

- if she did not repay her debt, I might employ my power as a business owner with registered presence, to affect her credit rating after the bad debt. This would even make it difficult for her to borrow money from other banks.

 

- she has in the past and probably will in the future will approach me for help with respect to business networking and contacts in our field. I am an asset to my friends in this field because I have solid contacts, help to find work, etc. Leaving me with a bad debt would definitely sour my willingness to help her.

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amaysngrace

Okay so now I'm REALLY confused. You'd be willing to throw her under the bus but like her enough to get in her pants?? This doesn't sound like true romance to me. :eek:

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Are you talking about the credit rating / business contact thing? Look I didn't say I would ever do something that awful, it was never my intention. I'm not going to ruin the girl's career. I'm saying if this kind of thought crosses her mind (she knows I run a business and she needs me in some ways) then she might perceive an unequal footing between us, and act differently because of it.

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amaysngrace
I'm saying if this kind of thought crosses her mind (she knows I run a business and she needs me in some ways) then she might perceive an unequal footing between us, and act differently because of it.

 

Look, the genuine people in this world won't give a crap about what you have...they will care about who you are. If you really think that owning a business makes you superior in some way to potential partners, I suggest you get off your high-horse and come back down to earth before pursuing a relationship with anyone. No offense. :)

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I would love to find genuine women like the ones you mention, the ones who are not materialistic, who don't care that I'm rich, and who are not impressed by my education or the people I know.

 

I wonder where those women are hiding out

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catgirl1927

These women are everywhere. But, they are immediately turned off by someone who is very obviously full of themselves and who does nothing but brag about what an "asset" they are. You don't sound like someone that kind of women would associate with, so that could be why you don't realize they exist.

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How was the business arrangement done? Was it an informal thing? Or an actual contract?

 

And either way, if there was no problem, it really does seem as if the issue might be all in your mind.

 

If you don't ask, you'll never know. Maybe she's also attracted to you but doesn't want you to think she's just after you for $$. I don't think you're being arrogant because you want to make sure someone wants you and not your $$, and I think some are being unfair to presume such.

 

But there really are some good ones out there, but not if you can't/won't see past your $$$.

 

Go for it and see what happens. That's the only real power we have--to control what we do without trying to guarantee anything about how another acts.

 

Best wishes!

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These women are everywhere. But, they are immediately turned off by someone who is very obviously full of themselves and who does nothing but brag about what an "asset" they are. You don't sound like someone that kind of women would associate with, so that could be why you don't realize they exist.

 

You know catgirl, I've held my tongue reading your own relentless, bitter anti-male posts... but you really sound like a woman who has issues. Either that or you are a man out to paint women as looking like silly feminists.

 

I don't advertise my wealth or status. I live in cheap housing, drive a cheap car, and never mention anything about money to my friends. They find out through other means and my whole life I have tried to distance myself from an image based on status, finance and all the other crap I find irrelevant to friendships.

 

You are a rude woman, catgirl. I sincerely hope for your sake you've already given up on men

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catgirl1927
You know catgirl, I've held my tongue reading your own relentless, bitter anti-male posts... but you really sound like a woman who has issues. Either that or you are a man out to paint women as looking like silly feminists.

 

I don't advertise my wealth or status. I live in cheap housing, drive a cheap car, and never mention anything about money to my friends. They find out through other means and my whole life I have tried to distance myself from an image based on status, finance and all the other crap I find irrelevant to friendships.

 

You are a rude woman, catgirl. I sincerely hope for your sake you've already given up on men

 

:lmao: Yes, disagreeing with you, or not thinking everything you do or say is magical and perfect DOES make me a man-hater! It truly does!!!

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That was harsh catgirl. I haven't gotten a sense from his posts that he's looking to flaunt his money or status. Only that it was a concern regarding how this specific person might view the situation.

 

 

J.carsey:

I could understand why you would be hesitant in potentially dating this girl. For the same reasons you stated. However, I think since the debt was repaid then it re-establishes the equality in the relationship. Whether she would need to borrow in the future shouldn't be taken into consideration, since it isn't a known fact, and hasn't occured yet. (Unless your positive she'll ask again)

 

I guess the fact that she did re-pay the loan would be a mark in her favor, in my opinion. And I would be more inclined to date that person. I think it shows a sense of responsibility and obligation to settle debts. That she isn't after you for just money, but she needed some help at that point in time.

 

As long as you made it clear that business was businesses and she should leave it out of personal relationships, then I'd say go for it.

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:lmao: Yes, disagreeing with you, or not thinking everything you do or say is magical and perfect DOES make me a man-hater! It truly does!!!

 

Don't worry catgirl it's no big deal, you're still kitten soft compared to some of the people I routinely deal with in real life :)

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I could understand why you would be hesitant in potentially dating this girl. For the same reasons you stated. However, I think since the debt was repaid then it re-establishes the equality in the relationship. Whether she would need to borrow in the future shouldn't be taken into consideration,

 

I guess the fact that she did re-pay the loan would be a mark in her favor, in my opinion. And I would be more inclined to date that person.

 

This makes sense to me. Thanks, Walk. I agree there doesn't appear to be any reason to hold back so I'll shake this silly thought out of my head

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catgirl1927
Don't worry catgirl it's no big deal, you're still kitten soft compared to some of the people I routinely deal with in real life :)

 

Well, I don't mean to be a bitch, it just happens sometimes. ;)

 

Seriously, though, I have a good friend who, whenever he gets around women, esp ones he's interested in, he can't stop talking about how much money he has. He always ends up with these awful, shallow, money grubbing girls because normal girls are turned off by it. I know, because I was. He thinks no nice girls exist.

 

What you did was a favor for a friend, and you said you were going to sue her if she didn't pay and that you were not someone she would want as an enemy. Those are both pretty arrogant statements.

 

You might not be like that in real life. But if you are, that would be why girls like that avoid you and you don't know they are there. I don't mean to be a bitch, I'm really actually trying to help.

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Seriously, though, I have a good friend who, whenever he gets around women, esp ones he's interested in, he can't stop talking about how much money he has. He always ends up with these awful, shallow, money grubbing girls because normal girls are turned off by it. I know, because I was. He thinks no nice girls exist.

 

I appreciate your concern, but this isn't the difficulty I encounter with women. My relationships have never had a money or materialistic basis, I don't even like talking about the stuff and I just want someone who shares the same interests with me like hobbies, and knows how to have fun.

 

My main issue is just being somewhat of a loner and not running into a lot of exciting women to begin with. Studying in a male dominated field and then working for myself means I just don't run into too many people :(

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