timidity99 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I see a double standard on these threads. Why is it that guys are pressured into having sex but women are not? If a woman is not ready to have sex the guy is told to be patient and give her time but if the man is not ready to take the relationship to that level then the woman is advised to dump him. Why is that? I feel like I'm under alot of pressure to have sex when she wants it and I don't. Yet I'm told that I'm not a real man for not being ready when she is. Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 whoa women aren't pressured into sex now?? From what I've heard women, starting from when they're dating in their teens experience a massive amount of pressure to have sex. On average girls start having sex younger than boys, it's the girls who are being pressured by older partners into sex. I guess that's not what you're talking about but well if you don't want to have sex then you aren't going to have sex right unless your lady plans on raping you. But I do know what you mean, the image is definitely that a masculine man should be pushing for sex. Whatever you do, be confident and manly in your refusal or postponement of sex. That will still come off as sexy, yeah women are kinda twisted that way Many alternatives to full out sex. Perhaps she can be content with other degrees of physical contact Link to post Share on other sites
Author timidity99 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 Well I don't understand why many women feel it's a turn off when a guy suggests to take it slow when it comes to taking the relationship to a sexual level. I'd hate for any gf of mine to read these boards and get advice to dump me just because I suggested to take it slow. If I'm suggesting to take it slow then I have my reasons for doing so. If she were to blindly take the advice given here to just dump me then she's not the right girl for me to begin with. How do I know? because eventually she'll dump me for something else if not the sex issue. I'm in my 20s. I don't think I'm immature or less of a man just because I'm not ready to have sex when my gf is. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I see a double standard on these threads. Why is it that guys are pressured into having sex but women are not? If a woman is not ready to have sex the guy is told to be patient and give her time but if the man is not ready to take the relationship to that level then the woman is advised to dump him. Why is that? I feel like I'm under alot of pressure to have sex when she wants it and I don't. Yet I'm told that I'm not a real man for not being ready when she is. Double standards aside - the best thing to do is to not concern yourself with what other people are doing when it comes to sex. There's no need to be pressured into doing anything. If you're not ready, you're not ready. Simple as that... and it has zero to do with being *man enough*. If a woman dumps you because you are prudent and want to take things slowly then she isn't right for you anyway. No big loss whatsoever IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
ronnieromance Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Well, I suppose you could look at this two ways: Biologically and emotionally. Biologically, you are less of a man for man for not being ready. You are going to miss your sexual peak (which may arguably be a plateau). Emotionally, you know best so you should not let others try to sway you. The thing with women is, they expect you to want to f*** them. If you don't, to them therir can't be a simple reason behind it like you aren't ready, you aren't attracted to her or she isn't your type. No, it has to be turned into some psycho-babble Dr. Phil bulls*** and posted here. "He says he loves me. Is he cheating on me because he loves me so much he doesn't want to get too close and thus risk opening himself up to me?" -R- Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I think it's pretty cool if you show some kind of restraint. I had a conversation with one of my male friends this past weekend, and he was telling me how he doesnt like to just date, he's more of a relationship type person. I gained some respect for him because of that. My exh was pretty respectful towards women too. He wasnt the oggling type of guy who chased after anything with big boobs. Dont change. There are women out there that will appreciate this about you, and the ones who dont, well like you said, they'll dump you anyways for something else just as shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
Hitman10000 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I usually use my suave techniques to heavily hint I want to bang them, but I never do it until my gut tells me that they are ready. If they appear awkward they're not ready so I don't get down to the dirty business but I keep it dirty. Eventually the girl when she feels comfortable, she will open up more sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 To the OP -- you are correct, there is something of a double standard. A man's potence is measured to a certain extent by his desire and ability to have sex. If you are dealing with immature women, they will get actively turned off if you appear to have no sexuality, if you don't make a move, etc. For the young ones, they are much more comfortable with you making a move that they need to deflect than they are you not making a move at all. Partially, this is because their ego is wrapped up in it: since girls assume that boys are always eager for it and less discriminating, she takes it as a blow to her that you don't find her attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
shoedevil Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 If I'm suggesting to take it slow then I have my reasons for doing so. If she were to blindly take the advice given here to just dump me then she's not the right girl for me to begin with. How do I know? because eventually she'll dump me for something else if not the sex issue. I'm in my 20s. I don't think I'm immature or less of a man just because I'm not ready to have sex when my gf is. I'd say you were showing maturity by taking it slowly. And I agree that suggestions of dumping are bad advice in your case. If the decision when to have sex is the make or break issue in the relationship, I wouldn't really call it real a relationship. At least, it doesn't seem like a very good foundation. I've observed that many successful long-term relationships are built on more than just sexuality. My fiance and I are very close companions and share a lot of common interests and beliefs. Sex is an added benefit, not the focal point of all our interaction. When she and I were first dating, I thought she was pressuring me (I hadn't been with a woman before). It was a misunderstanding (she actually felt pressured, I don't know how!) and we both agreed to take it slowly. You seem to care more about the future of the relationship rather than some short-term benefit. You're not less of a man, I'd say you're more of a man. Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Dont change. There are women out there that will appreciate this about you, and the ones who dont, well like you said, they'll dump you anyways for something else just as shallow. Haha the women who appreciate the respectful guys who don't rush into sex... also date (and very much enjoy) the aggressive disrespectful overly sexed guys. They might eventually settle for the respectful guys, after their lives have been twisted every which way by drama and emotional carnage. So maybe what I'm saying is, IF you are being overly cautious about sexual advances because you think that's what women want, then you might want to rethink that. On the other hand if you are doing it purely for your own reasons (don't want to have sex) then of course you can do that, and you will still meet amazing women. There are all types out there Link to post Share on other sites
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