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Dating a coworker/gamer... wow, disaster


BearHugger

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BearHugger

So I don't know where to start. I have nowhere, where I can get advice.. so I'm here. I am an 18 year old female and I work at a grocery store part time. I started dating a coworker in February... and have made tons of friends since I started working in this place.

 

This is a little off topic. but I had only planned to work there until June.. what I wanted to do is move down to Portland, Oregon and get into school there. I'm still in Washington, in an extremely small town with not many job opportunities, and I'm not in school.

 

I have a boyfriend that makes me feel ignored half the time. I dont know if I'm overreacting but he really seemed to care a whole lot more when we first started dating, We only got to spend time together once this week and it was my idea. he plays video games all the time (World of Warcraft) I usually find him on there before he ever contacts me.... we dont call each other... we use IMing... it feels like he completely waves me off now... :(

 

If I announce these things to him, he'll think I'm a whiner. I already feel soo ignored. I dont feel like I'm in a relationship at all. I'm definitely not his first priority. Heh I dont know if I'm just needy, and try to cram in too much time with him... but we only see each other once a week now. We used to hang out 2-4 times a week. I don't know what the limits should be... I just don't want to feel like I'm being so ignored..

 

Oh and for the details, I do work with this guy. I used to work in the SAME department with him, even. I switched to a different one because I thought it would help. I dont know how I should treat him at work... so I dont even greet him anymore. He doesn't greet me either. He doesn't greet most of his coworkers, though. It almost feels like we're playing some sort of ignoring game.

 

I just dont understand how you can have a relationship with a Coworker, who Waves you off, and then when you actually spend time with him, he treats you like you're his everything... and then it goes back to feeling like he doesn't care about you at all. I think I should just end things, this may have been just a really bad idea.

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phyrespryte

I just dont understand how you can have a relationship with a Coworker, who Waves you off, and then when you actually spend time with him, he treats you like you're his everything... and then it goes back to feeling like he doesn't care about you at all. I think I should just end things, this may have been just a really bad idea.

 

Well you stopped greeting him at work...and you changed departments...

Um you started it?

I think he's just following your lead.

 

When you spend time with him outside of work does he still treat you like you're his everything? Or has that stopped?

 

If anything I would just ask him if he thinks you guys should pretend that you don't know each other at work? Honestly I think everyone probably knows that you two are dating. And as long as you guys behave in a professional manner (no pdas, no pet names, etc) I don't see why you can't acknowledge each other.

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BearHugger
Well you stopped greeting him at work...and you changed departments...

Um you started it?

I think he's just following your lead.

 

When you spend time with him outside of work does he still treat you like you're his everything? Or has that stopped?

 

If anything I would just ask him if he thinks you guys should pretend that you don't know each other at work? Honestly I think everyone probably knows that you two are dating. And as long as you guys behave in a professional manner (no pdas, no pet names, etc) I don't see why you can't acknowledge each other.

I was usually the one to greet him first. I stopped and switched departments because it doesnt always seem like hes very happy to see me anymore. ALSO: he's somewhat anti-social

 

And I cant say whether he's stopped treating me like he used to, because - the other morning having breakfast with him... I hadnt spent time with him in a week. And he didnt talk much.. :( I hate always feeling like I have to start the conversation. I usually am.

 

And we do act professional.. infact some days it seems like he is more friendly with other coworkers than me.... I sure feel like a drag now... things used to be easy, and he did his part of the relationship. :(

 

I can't really think of any other way to describe it. There have been times where i'd get really jealous of other female coworkers because he'd be given jobs where he'd be working with them more. and it makes me just feel really ignored...

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phyrespryte

That's crappy of him. I'd get rid of him then.

 

He's not doing anything to make you feel better. And when you talked to him he thought you were being whiny. This relationship is too much work and you're obviously not happy.

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ImWithHim

It doesn't even sound like you're in a relationship. I can't believe ya'll don't greet eachother at work...

 

What do you do when you "hang out?" Is there anything physical when you're together? If you try to talk, and he calls you a whiner, I take it you don't talk about your normal everyday problems together (for support) or discuss the relationship (or lack thereof) in any way?

 

I would ask if he's ever been treated for depression but it sounds like he doesn't talk to you at all, nor is he interested, so I doubt you'd know. I would get rid of him.

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BearHugger
It doesn't even sound like you're in a relationship. I can't believe ya'll don't greet eachother at work...

 

What do you do when you "hang out?" Is there anything physical when you're together? If you try to talk, and he calls you a whiner, I take it you don't talk about your normal everyday problems together (for support) or discuss the relationship (or lack thereof) in any way?

 

I would ask if he's ever been treated for depression but it sounds like he doesn't talk to you at all, nor is he interested, so I doubt you'd know. I would get rid of him.

It may have sorted something out for me... Tonight i told him I was unhappy about things... everything that was pent up inside me all week...in a calm manner. He didn't really seem to care...and made it very obvious.

 

He replied to everything I said, and I was getting fed up.. because instead of saying "yeah, I dont show I care as much as I used to"and agreeing the LEAST bit, he fought back. I got mad and just told him "night" on IM. I logged off before he could finish his sentence which started with "maybe".. but i didnt get the rest of it. heh..

 

He spent the entire evening playing this video game... In fact he's probably still on there. I'm so fed up with this. It's rediculous I even care about this guy... which I cant believe, because 5-6 months ago I didnt have the least bit interest in him, and now...

 

When we first met, he would always put everything aside to spend time with me... now I feel like his last priority. I'm so mad at him for making me feel uncared about! :( Give or take, if this were a few months ago.. I don't think I would have cared. I would have done something of my own instead.

 

And this week I have to work with him 4-5 days out of the week. :( I wonder if I should just not speak to him at all? I don't know dating rules, but it feels like the only thing I can do...ignore him until I feel better.

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Ignoring the problem is not a solution. It's just going to get worse. Part of being in a successful relationship is learning to communicate properly. ie, telling him your feelings, getting into an argument and then just signing off before he has a chance to reply is not good communication skills, nor is it really mature :) I understand WHY you would do it, and I understand how you feel, but it's just making things worse. Sadly, I'm not sure he's really interested in this relationship and you probably are not his first priority. You've only been dating for a short period of time, and although it might hurt, it might be time to get out. Either that, or try to read up on communication skills and put them to practice. See if there's anything you can put to use to change the situation around. And then, if not, get out.

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