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I have a stalker...


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:eek: I went on a date with this guy and we talked about wanting the same thing. A relationship with someone. Only problem was , he was not my type.

 

I was trying to be kind and waited for the end of the date to be over.

After the date , I did not return any of his calls. I blocked his messenger. I read his emails and deleted them without answering them.

 

I have received 3 desperate emails that he is going to " come over to my house and knock on my door " If I don't respond to him. I am doing the right thing ( I believe ) by ignoring his calls, emails, texts and blocking his messenger.

 

If he knocks on my door I won't open it ,of course. But that does not protect me when I go outside. He knows where I live.

 

Do I have to wait until he knocks on my door which will totally creep me out ? Once he does , I won't even go near the door because I don't want him to know I am inside. None of this helps if I am getting out of my car....

 

What advice would you offer ?:confused:

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Wow. It's creepy guys like this that make some women so paranoid. What an absolute loser.

 

I think the best thing for you to do is to keep ignoring him. If you respond to him, he'll conclude that he can manipulate you into doing what he wants by scaring you.

 

If he does show up, you can call the cops on him and get a restraining order if you have to. Unless he's 100% psycho, that will be enough to get him to quit.

 

Alternatively, if you have a close guy friend, you can have him over to your place during the evenings until this whole thing blows over.

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Get the law involved. Don't let it get as bad as my situation is right now. Stop it before it gets real scary.

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justagirliegirl

I think you are being a tad bit dramatic.

 

After this date, did you tell him in person, by email, or other means you weren't interested?

 

If you are old enough to date, you are old enough not to be cowardly and tell people you aren't interested.

 

Then if he continued to bother you after that, he is being a weirdo.

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I have received 3 desperate emails that he is going to " come over to my house and knock on my door " If I don't respond to him. I am doing the right thing ( I believe ) by ignoring his calls, emails, texts and blocking his messenger.

 

Have you told him *clearly* that you are not interested in him?

 

If so, perhaps telling him again by phone or e-mail that he is not your kind of guy, and making it once again clear that you have not changed your mind might be of some use.

After telling him a couple of times, let him know that he is annoying and/or upsetting you with all those calls and emails.

If he insists, let him know that you consider him a stalker.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

If you didn't tell him, then I can understand his reaction.

More than a stalker's beaviour, it would be the reaction of a guy that is upset at what he perceives as a lack of respect towards him.

 

I know many people who would find not answering phone calls and e-mails and blocking the telephone very, very rude.

 

I am one of those people myself, if a guy "vanished" in the air after a date which apparently went okay, I'd be really hurt, and label the guy with a choice of epithets, the nicest one of which would be "coward".

 

Perhaps, again, he hasn't still got it that you are not interested and is worried that anything bad or unpleasant might have happened to you since the date.

 

I believe that the most effective way to 'get rid of him' is to send him an email apologizing for having disappeared that way, and saying kindly that you have realized you are not interested in him, do not wish to continue communicating with him, and that you wish him the very best.

You might receive an annoyed reply (which would be understandable), but at least he'd get the message.

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littlekitty

Mary states she hasn't told him she's not interested.

 

Personally I agree with the posters who say you should have had the decency and courtesy to have let him know. You went on a date with him, it's rude to just ignore all calls etc. You are an adult and you should have been able to just say 'sorry, not interested'.

 

To call him a stalker just because he's trying to find out what happened is a bit strong. Yes, he's going a little overboard, I would have called or text a couple of times and then got the message. But all the same, I don't think your actions were right either!

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Mary states she hasn't told him she's not interested.

 

No, she said nothing of the sort. Maybe he's afraid she's been murdered. The least she could do would be to tell the guy that she is alive and not interested.

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whichwayisup

Mary, I would honestly write him ONE email to explain to him that you are not interested and it would be best if he would respect your wishes and not contact you anymore...

Then see what happens. If he still pursues you THEN get the Police involved, especially if you're feeling threatened by him.

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littlekitty

I agree with WWIU! Definately let him know, and if it continues, of course take the appropriate action. :)

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SmoochieFace

Just dropping off the face of the earth and ignoring someone after a date is tacky and juvenile IMO. You should have had the decency to at least tell him that you are not interested in anything further.

 

Then again... he should have realised that any woman who treats him in that way isn't worth pursuing so he should quit *stalking* you too. :)

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I agree with Which, tell him you are interested and then maybe he will get the picture . Tell him you like him for a friend but nothing more than that. Hopefully he will leave you alone. Maybe he thinks you like him and are playing hard to get. Just tell him !!

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kitten chick
To call him a stalker just because he's trying to find out what happened is a bit strong. Yes, he's going a little overboard...
I agree. Having a stalker is finding them watching you and having them know where you are on campus at any point in time. uch, sorry, flashback. Your label is just too strong. You were wrong not to let him know that you weren't interested. It's time to learn how to reject tactfully.
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whichwayisup
Just dropping off the face of the earth and ignoring someone after a date is tacky and juvenile IMO. You should have had the decency to at least tell him that you are not interested in anything further.

 

Then again... he should have realised that any woman who treats him in that way isn't worth pursuing so he should quit *stalking* you too. :)

 

Smooch, you're opening a can of worms and making this a MAN/WOMAN thing, once again.....MEN do this the EXACT SAME THING to WOMEN sometimes. They don't call back, ever...

 

Either way it's wrong. If someone is NOT interested, then out of respect, just let the other person know.

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SmoochieFace
Smooch, you're opening a can of worms and making this a MAN/WOMAN thing, once again...

 

Nope, not at all. I am quite aware that both sexes are equally capable of that behaviour and I made no such insinuation that ONLY women do it. I was speaking of this case only. :)

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:eek: What advice would you offer ?:confused:

but a little thing of pepper spray and put it in your purse :laugh:

 

um...let me guess, you met this wierdo over the internet.

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lobsterbabe

Tell him you got back together with your ex. Always works. I've had a few "stalker" experiences myself.

 

My best advice, always meet up in a neutral place. Don't offer to be picked up at your place. Never. Unless you're already 100% sure about him.

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AriaIncognito

You should definitely give this man the respect you would want, by replying to his emails and telling him while you are flattered he is interested in you, that you didn't feel the connection, or maybe tell him you are pursuing someone else right now and want to see where that goes.

 

Jennifer

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In addition to NOT telling them to pick you up at your house, you should never tell anyone spcifically where you live until you are PERFECTLY comfortable with them and have know them a short while. For that matter, your place of work is out of the conversations as well....

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Well obviously you made a mistake by not making it clear you aren't interested. To some guys (including myself LOL) the fact you went on a date says "there could be something there". This line of thought leads to why isn't she talking to me, what did I do wrong... but "there could be something there".

 

Until you make it clear you are not interested this guy will still be obsessive because he will always think "there could be something there". It's repetitive and frustrating but until he knows nothing will happen he'll always imagine something could potentially happen. That said if you deleted my e-mails etc I might get the hint however I might still think well does she want to take it further.

 

If all else fails the best thing to do is "get a b/f" (a friend or even make them up) for some guys the only way they will stop obsessing is if you become "unavailable" otherwise they will alway hope and hang around (trust me I've been hung up on girls but never as much as this guy but I know that'd work) To some guys the girl who talks to them (not even going on a date) suddenly becomes a obsessive love interest it depends on how experienced a guy is when it comes to the "does this girl like me?" question.

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:confused: I agree with all posters advice that I tell him I am just not interested.

 

It just seems nowdays when someone goes out on a date with you and you don't hear back from them , you can assume they are not interested, ( I know I should be doing the right thing here and I will )

 

But can you imagine if I went out on a date with a guy, never heard back and then made repeated calls and then said :" I am coming over to your house if you don't answer my calls ! "

 

This brings back a deep rooted fear in all women that someone is going to come over there house knowing they live alone and might likely hurt them.

 

I did not dramatize this in any way. The only * drama * is this guy scaring me saying he is going to knock on my door and I only met him once.

 

I know I should have been up front and said " I'm just not interested in you "

 

But how many people here can say thats honestly * easy * to tell someone that. Recently I had a request from a potential date to tell him if I were not interested and I told him : " I dont feel a romantic connection to you " Its never easy to say something to someone that will hurt their feelings.

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SmoochieFace
But how many people here can say thats honestly * easy * to tell someone that. Recently I had a request from a potential date to tell him if I were not interested and I told him : " I dont feel a romantic connection to you " Its never easy to say something to someone that will hurt their feelings.

 

See, this is where I think many women are wrong. Most men like directness and decisiveness therefore they wouldn't have any issues with you telling them upfront that you are not interested.

 

Quit assuming that you will be *hurting their feelings* when you tell them no. :)

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Brittanyjean06

Well the reason he is stalking you is because he hasn't realized you are not too fond of him, there for you ...you should really tell him to bug off, fly a kite or something

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Just because it's not easy doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. It is better to be upfront and truthful.

 

Lots of things in life aren't easy but they are the correct thing to do.

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It just seems nowdays when someone goes out on a date with you and you don't hear back from them , you can assume they are not interested,

yes, thats generally the way it works when dealing with rational and normal individuals.

 

This brings back a deep rooted fear in all women that someone is going to come over there house knowing they live alone and might likely hurt them.

most men don't have to deal with this....so then are men and women really equal in every way?

 

But how many people here can say thats honestly * easy * to tell someone that.

its not easy but it can be said in an indirect way but there will always be some who cannot figure it out.

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SmoochieFace
Well the reason he is stalking you is because he hasn't realized you are not too fond of him, there for you ...you should really tell him to bug off, fly a kite or something

 

Yeah, or maybe she's just not interested. Telling someone to *bug off* or *fly a kite* sounds so... well... schoolgirlish.

 

Telling him *thanks, but I am not interested* should work fine. No need to make it personal. :)

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