cal gal Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 What is up with all these people I meet lately that have never been married? I guess I am quite surprised by how many people have never committed. Are they phobic? I am at a loss as to an explanation or logical reasoning. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 People have evolved from that idea that it's a MUST that you marry. They get old and still get bootycalls!!! They rock! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 * If you split up, lawyers take quite a bit of cash. Divorce rates are around 50%, so it is not a remote possibility that divorce might occur. Why waste money on lawyers? * Marriage is just a contract, nothing more. Has barely ever been more than that. So why consider it special? * Marriage means people get upset. Because you spend way too much on the celebration, or because there is no celebration. Can't win, can you? It is always nice to choose whether to mortally offend your family or your inlaws-to-be. * Careers mean you have little or no time left for your personal life. Which means little or no time for relationships. Some prefer their career over marriage. And then of course, there are a few psychological issues, often easily refered to as commitmentphobia. Link to post Share on other sites
Max Overclock Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 What is up with all these people I meet lately that have never been married? I guess I am quite surprised by how many people have never committed. Are they phobic? I am at a loss as to an explanation or logical reasoning. From a man's perspective, it's simply that there are just so few worthwhile women out there now that it's like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. Max Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 My fiance is 41 and I will be her first marriage. It's not my place to tell another person how to live their life and they have their reasons, To me it is better to hold out for the right person. Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 My sister married a man in his early 50's...never married prior. My other sister married a 45 year old.....never married prior. My BF is 42.....never married. What do they have in common? They all watched their parents get divorced, have affairs, and struggle to cope. Who would want to get married after watching their parents go thru hell? I Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Somebody who doesn't blame marriage for what happens to marriages? Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 What is up with all these people I meet lately that have never been married? I guess I am quite surprised by how many people have never committed. Are they phobic? I am at a loss as to an explanation or logical reasoning. I hope the intention of this question is not to imply that people who are not married are commitment phobic or that only being in a marriage validates your existence, otherwise I might feel stimulated to give some quite nasty answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Most men that I've come across who have never been married by the age of 40 do not know how to commit. A lot of them are players, usually good looking bachelors who date one 25 year old after the next because they can. The other ones have some serious flaws that makes them far from anyone a woman would want to marry. There are very few older never married men I've met that are a great catch. Some maybe, but not many. Yes, there are some men who have never married because they haven't found the right woman and are scared of divorce, but you're kidding yourself if you think that's a high percentage of the whole pool. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Divorce rates are around 50%, so it is not a remote possibility that divorce might occur. Last I heard, it was 58% divorce rate. You have a 42% chance of making your marriage work! I think if the doctors gave me less then a 50% chance to live, I'd be filling out a will. But so many people look at that and think, that's them, we're different. It won't happen to me. Link to post Share on other sites
travellingman Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Most men that I've come across who have never been married by the age of 40 do not know how to commit. A lot of them are players, usually good looking bachelors who date one 25 year old after the next because they can. The other ones have some serious flaws that makes them far from anyone a woman would want to marry. Good obs. Guys over 30 I know who are still single fit into one of the two categories - always have a girlfriend or never have a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 I'm a 33 year old and never married female. I've been engaged but that's my closest. I called it off because he wanted to go on my home I've owned for 7 years and had nothing but debt. He turned extremely lazy and unresponsible when that ring went on, just someone looking to sponge. It had nothing to do with commitment issues. The way I look at it is I have my own house, I have a decent job and inheritance when my parents pass. Financially I'm good. Dating offers the relationship needs. He gets to sleep next to me, have sex with me and spend time with me. But if he or I get over bearing we can get our space. I don't have to make him sleep on the couch, lay next to him angry, argue for days with no space, etc. Granted there's nothing like marriage and we all know that. It's a beautiful challenge. But I haven't found the right person and I may never. If I do great, but I will not be one of those people settling to have it or depressed laying around it's not there because all the reasons I mentioned, being single can rock. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Most men that I've come across who have never been married by the age of 40 do not know how to commit. A lot of them are players, usually good looking bachelors who date one 25 year old after the next because they can. The other ones have some serious flaws that makes them far from anyone a woman would want to marry. There are very few older never married men I've met that are a great catch. Some maybe, but not many. Yes, there are some men who have never married because they haven't found the right woman and are scared of divorce, but you're kidding yourself if you think that's a high percentage of the whole pool. superb LONEY....i'd like to add that the stats show that the older one gets without every being married the lower their chances of ever getting married. If a man or woman is 45 and have never been married the chances of them every marrying is quite slim. Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 One Man's trash is another man's(or woman's ) treasure. You can say that men who are over 40 and not married must have something wrong with them, but I think differently. Every man over 40 I know, knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. None of that "still trying to find themselves." They also know how to treat a woman, finally. They have seen what doesn't work in relationships and they work harder to do the right thing. Yes, when they do get married it is usually with a younger woman. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 You can say that men who are over 40 and not married must have something wrong with them, but I think differently. Every man over 40 I know, knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. None of that "still trying to find themselves." You also forgetting, BEFREE, that those same 40 yr old men are more set in their ways and much less flexible. Once a person gets accustomed to a certain lifestyle its quite hard to change it. Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 No alpha, I am not forgetting, I reminded everyday when I am with my bf. He is totally set in his ways, much like me. But when you love someone, you compromise. And we do a lot of that. But in every relationship you take the good with the bad. It is just a matter of what you want in a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Man or women they will be set in their ways from doing their own thing for many years living single. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Every man over 40 I know, knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. And too often, if a guy's single, it's because that translates to 'controlling and uncompromising'. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 And too often, if a guy's single, it's because that translates to 'controlling and uncompromising'. As blind otter usually says, "word." Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Depends on the guy, any guy could have that problem it has nothing to do with age. My BF is neither of those things. If he was, I would not be with him. There is a lot of generalization going on here. Why are we so eager to put everyone into a catagory? When we are eager to catagorize others, we close doors on people. Not just potential mates, but friends, co-workers ,ect. No one person is ever one way or another. We are humans made up of many emtions and actions. We all have our own reasons we do things. The sooner we stop trying to catagorize eachother as being one way or another, the happy we will be. Many people these days wait to get married. Each has its own reason. Why were our parents so eager to get married when they where young? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 The point is that you keep an eye out for possible causes and in the case of the older singles, what you'd look for is the phobic or controlling behaviours as a possible explanation. If they're not there, great. Link to post Share on other sites
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