Rebound guy/girl?

[TheTallOne]

Whats your definition?

 

Discuss.

[ALC]

I don't know your situation, but right now it appears that my ex is doing the rebound thing... it hurts like hell because I didn't think that I was easily replaceable. Read this and if you have to, print it out and whenever you start feeling bad about what he or she is doing, read it... It helps me get by.

 

 

"My ex gave me no reason, just refused to talk to me one day, and called the next and said he was feeling pressured and ended the relationship. POOF! HE WAS GONE! His daughter told my daughter he has a girlfriend. I understand when you wonder how he could have moved on so quickly. I wonder the same thing. How could he touch someone else, wake up with someone new, make love with them, and be in a new relationship???? I can't even talk to a new guy on the phone without having to end the conversation because I start missing my ex so much!! My ex planned it perfectly well. I feel so used and replaceable. BUT as you know, your ex's actions indicate someone who is very messed up, and emotionally dishonest. If you think that his problems will go away with the new girl, they won't. If he could hurt you the way he did, he will hurt her as well.

 

And sometime, he will have to grieve the ending of your relationship. Maybe not now, in the high that a new relationship brings, (it's like a drug for him, and most likely he's an infatuation addict), but there will be a point where he will be haunted. Try to be thankful that you at least loved deeply enough to grieve. He doesn't. You grieve deeply because you loved deeply. I seriously doubt that my ex feels very much. Your ex may be the same way. They put on a good show in the beginning, but in the end, they reveal themselves for who they truly are. Give yourself time to adjust to the changes that shock and betrayal bring. Right now I think it's normal to feel as though you can never trust again. But use this time to work on you, and don't focus on him. For me, I see that I gave too much, and I ignored warning signs in the beginning. -- e.g. (flirtatious, arrogant, tendency to rebound, blaming the ex for his probs., never taking accountability, hating his mother, etc.)..He was a taker, I was a giver. I'm learning to identify my dysfunctions, and also to pay attention to what I sense in others, rather than offering myself the excuse of DENIAL in the name of LOVE.

 

I was afraid to be alone and also felt that he was the best that I could do. These are examples of my life, but really think about what YOU want for you. Can you really say that you would want a man who could betray you in this way? I wouldn't put money on your ex's rebound relationship. Eventually it will end. I'm starting to not care what my ex does, because I see a pattern with him. It's not the new person...it's the falling in love with love, and the high that infatuation brings. He'll be engaged in a few weeks, if he isn't already. And he'll eventually crack when she starts putting pressure on him to make good on that commitment. All his baggage is STILL THERE. DON'T think for a minute he will do anything differently. If they can't take the time for introspection and find happiness within themselves, if they need the crutch of a new relationship to dull the pain of the old, if they need someone to validate their ego and self-esteem, if they can't be alone with themselves for any length of time, and run from relationship to relationship,...they won't take the time to figure out where the problems with themselves stem from. It's just easier for them to blame you for all their problems. They will repeat the patterns, because we tend to take the path of least resistance. A new relationship is easier for him, because it is a clean slate. Unfortunately, when this new relationship starts to have problems, he will use all the old excuses and invent more as to why he needs to bail. Baggage is baggage, and most people don't throw out their suitcases unless they have gone thru them to see what is in them. He'll keep his baggage. He can't be bothered to check what's in there, even though it's rotting and the stench can be detected from the carnage of hurt and devastation that he has left packed inside. He's used to the smell...it doesn't bother him! It has helped me to acknowledge that whoever he is with now, ..He is now HER problem... HE WILL DUPE HER AS WELL, convince her that he is the most wonderful man on earth, and if she knew about me, and chose to be with him anyway, then she deserves what she gets !! If I was worth so little to him, then good riddance!! He has NO RESPECT for anyone but HIMSELF, and his selfishness is extreme. He'll eventually become bored with her as well, as he has with all his past relationships. Look at your ex's patterns. The way he treated you is the way he will treat HER. (both good and bad..)..And EVENTUALLY, the bad nature always rules matters of the heart for people like this..... Take some comfort, my friend. Read materials offered here. Take time for you. Let yourself feel the anger of betrayal, and do what you need to grieve in your time. You are so much better off that you aren't jumping into something right away before you are ready. Let him make his bed with her. In the end, when you meet someone wonderful, who treasures you, and you have something built on solid reasons to begin a relationship (instead of ego, low self-esteem, fear of being alone, superficiality, rebound, etc.)... while he will be hopping from one used, tired relationship to the next, tossing aside women like a spoiled child who has grown bored with his toys. Learn about you now, let him go. He'll find a way to screw it up,.. Rest assured."

 

This link is also helpful... http://groups.msn.com/BreakUpSurvival/yourwebpage1.msnw

[TheTallOne]

I don't know your situation

 

I don't know if she has a rebound guy or not.. but, here it goes.

 

 

 

We dated for awhile, I told her to make up her mind as to what she wanted to do.. and, she didn't want to make any type of formal commitment. I said fine, then moved on.

 

Within one - two weeks later, she was dating someone else.

 

I don't know what the signs is for rebound guys however. She doesn't talk about him to me at all. (Which I guess is a good sign, right? Shes not trying to get me jealous) She does however.. make it a habit of calling him right in front of me sometimes.

 

Furthermore, when her sister and I hung out last week (I've known her sister for years), she got all upset about it... very, very upset. She said that she didn't know where her sister was, and she needed her. (She never called home or her cell to get in touch with her however) So, it was a bull**** reason that she gave, there was something else going on.

 

I don't know what her angle is.. or if she even truly likes this guy. I truly hope she does however, shes had a bad past.. would be nice if this guy shows her some of what she deserves.

[ALC]

I'd go with your gut instinct... if YOU suspect something is going on, you might be right on target. I've been in your shoes and I'll be the first to admit it's no picnic. What you must do is cut yourself out of her life... at least for now. If your break-up is fresh, you both need space to figure things out. It's EXTREMELY difficult, but you have to do it. It's going to drive you crazy, but you have to let her fall on her face. She has to be with this dude (if she really is seeing someone) in order to want and miss you. You have to ride out the storm... and it might be a long one. I know that what I'm telling you is not what you want to hear but YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACTS. You two are no longer together, so you must suck it up and be strong and worry about YOU now. Right now IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU. Let her be with this dude... They are in the "honeymoon stage"... Everything is going great but IT'S ALL TEMPORARY... Check this out....

 

Ten Ways To Blow It In a Relationship

What do you do when you've attracted a lovely person into your life and now you're terrified you're going to blow it? Or, terrified it's going to end?

Arm yourself with the following strategies, and you're sure to blow it in a relationship right from the start.

1. Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in your lives.

2. Forget about your life, your friends, your self-care. When you have a soul mate, why would you need a life outside of the relationship?

3. Reveal everything, and test your partner with your worst behavior. Let it all hang out. After all, if this is truly your soul mate, he or she will love you no matter what.

4. Have sex right away. If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, you might as well get started on the fun part right away.

5. Ignore anything about your partner that does not mesh with your values, lifestyle, or belief system. True love can conquer such insignificant differences.

6. Do lots of drama together. Job, family, and life crises are great ways to establish a relationship and test whether or not you are meant to be together.

7. Spend as much time together as possible. When it's true love, you can't bear to let your partner out of your sight.

8. Ignore behavior that crosses your boundaries or hurts your feelings. It's true love, so it's ok.

9. Lavish a huge amount of attention on your partner or expect a huge amount of attention to be lavished on you. How else would you act if you finally found your soul mate?

10. Push the relationship forward and demand that it go deeper, in spite of where your partner is emotionally. You have the right to have the relationship be exactly how you want it to be and your soul mate owes you that.

If you want some insurance that your new relationship has every chance of making it, be…

• Honest

• Communicative

• Clear about your needs and boundaries

• A good listener

On the other hand, your relationship may end no matter what you do. But being in fear it will end actually makes the end more likely. To eradicate this fear, let go of the attachment that the person you are with be the right person. Simply be with him or her one day at a time.

[TheTallOne]

-snip-

 

We broke up about a month and some odd weeks ago. She was dating her current guy friend within a week or so.

 

Thats an awesome list.

 

However, this chick said at the beginning she wanted to take it slow, which I agreed with.

 

However, she upped the level of involvement/phone calling etc, and considering my life right now doesn't need anymore pressure than it is with regards to clingyness... I forced her to make a decision as to what she wanted to do. She kept saying "take it slow" but her actions were "I am all over you.. I am attached"

 

I was trying to be respectful to her, however.. she was just.. clingy.

[ALC]

Do you use any kind of instant messaging software? Like Yahoo! or MSN? I use Yahoo! Messenger. If you need someone to talk to and help you get through this

[luvtoto]

Whats your definition?

 

Discuss.

 

I've been doin' some research lately about mending a broken heart. I'll share my knowledge.

 

What I found out is that there are three stages during a break-up.

 

Stage one: The Hurting Stage

This is the stage where we are hurting so bad that we can barely get out of bed in the morning. We've all been there...so I don't need to elaborate on this stage.

 

Stage two: The Getting Even Stage

This stage involves rebound relationships. When your heart begins to heal...the hurt turns into anger. "How dare she/he hurt/dump me!!" Some rebound's last, but most do not for the simple reason that you will do anything in your power to inflict pain on your X during this time. There are better ways to cope with anger...like throwing darts at your X's picture..or burning love letters. Rebound relationships are a way of saying to your X, "Our breakup is FINAL!!"

 

Stage three: Not Giving a Damn Phase

This stage speaks for itself...but, however, this is when you should be starting your new relationships.

[TheTallOne]

-snip-

 

Are there any signs of being a rebound guy however?

 

Or is that the "only time will tell" type of thing.

[luvtoto]

Are there any signs of being a rebound guy however?

 

Or is that the "only time will tell" type of thing.

 

It's hard to tell, but...the last time I was a rebound...my BF spent alot of time talking about her to me. He always wanted to vent to me about her. It was annoying and now I see that sort of talk from a guy as a red flag.