blkbond Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I have been dating a woman for over a year. She is the mother of two daughters, operates a sucessful business from her home and we have a ball with each other 95% of time. The recurring problem has to do with how she wants me to comfort her when she feels insecure. She states that she knows I love her and thatcae deeply for her but wants me to treat her in the same manner her girlfriends treat her when she feels she requires comforting. ........to be told how wonderful she is, how beautiful she is, reasons why she is loved, etc. She states that she needs this when she feels hurt or confused. She also wants to be coddled and held as though she were still a child. She request that I need to tell her something nice and "I love you" and "You are the most important person in my life" together are not enough. Help!! Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 So what's the problem? Why can't you do this? Is she asking for the Taj Mahal? I'm sorry, but I don't get it. Most men complain that they don't know what to do for their woman, but here she is telling you, and you think it's a problem. What's that about? How does this request make you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Yep....I'm not getting it either??? Link to post Share on other sites
Pendawn Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Moi Aussi. I'm like this too. Most of the time i KNOW how my bf feels about me, but some days when you're just havign a bad day or whatever, you just needs to say "Hey I'm feelign low, i need some puming up, baby." And he can say "You're so amazing, so special to me, etc etc" and give lots of cuddles and face kisses. *sigh* it's better than drugs and suddenly the world seems a lovely bright shiney place. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Someone needs to write a boyfriend manual and put this technique in there, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Someone needs to write a boyfriend manual and put this technique in there, lol. Good idea! (Your avatar scares me, cygny. Whew! Is that one mad cat, or what?) Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Her insecurities? I want that, too. And I feel pretty secure wanting it. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I have been dating a woman for over a year. She is the mother of two daughters, operates a sucessful business from her home and we have a ball with each other 95% of time. The recurring problem has to do with how she wants me to comfort her when she feels insecure. She states that she knows I love her and thatcae deeply for her but wants me to treat her in the same manner her girlfriends treat her when she feels she requires comforting. ........to be told how wonderful she is, how beautiful she is, reasons why she is loved, etc. She states that she needs this when she feels hurt or confused. She also wants to be coddled and held as though she were still a child. She request that I need to tell her something nice and "I love you" and "You are the most important person in my life" together are not enough. Help!! Since she is telling you what to do, do it! Tell her how beautiful she is, support her, help her, comfort her, coddled, held. Since you are dating her, kiss her also. I had to guess with my ex and I wasn't a mind reader. you got self maintaining one that tells you. One thing you may want to do is surprise her, take her mind off of things. Find a sitter (or bribe the kids depending on age) and take her out and go have fun; during the day. "Kidnap her." Bring balance and confidence back to her. Light some candles, put on music, give her a massage, put rose peddles on the bed, etc... Better yet. Rent a hotel room, go to a spa for a his & her day treatment. Afterwards... "oh my" Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 It's interesting to me that the first thing you say is how together she is. Is that what attracts you to her? Are you in this relationship to have your emotional needs met but don't expect to meet hers? Check out http://www.marriagebuilders.com for what that means. It'll save you a lot of relationship hassle in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Good idea! (Your avatar scares me, cygny. Whew! Is that one mad cat, or what?) haha, that was my mad-cat mask. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 haha, that was my mad-cat mask. Definately, NOT SO SCARY now!! Less scary, still clawed. Link to post Share on other sites
filarena Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I also don't see the problem, and I'm a guy. I do those things for my girlfriend routinely, without her telling me she needs to hear it. I always thought that was part of the job description. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Thank you, guys! I was beginning to think it was gonna be a bunch of women weighing in, which could then be interpreted as some kind of feminist plot. And Cyg's not scary anymore! She's a swan! Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshine2003 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 So, what's wrong? I want those things too. If she can't expect that from you, who? Do you want her to go to another guy to get comfort and support????? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts