Women: Talk to us men :)

[CaliGuy]

There was a question brought up in another thread about "playing games to win women" or being who you are.

 

Women are attracted to men who are aloof, whom they have to work a bit at to get. They are not attracted to men who lay all their cards on the table during courting. We know that isn't attractive at all. Many men just don't understand how to be a bit reserved during the first part of dating. We know it's a sort of 'cat and mouse' game. Show one card, but not the entire deck. Be unpredictable, be interesting, be fun and above all, be confident and self-assured.

 

Now, some men don't know how to do this yet. Yes, they understand that's how they need to be but feel uncomfortable working on being more aloof and a bit of catch. They feel that changes who they are. But if they don't change, they will scare off most women they meet. And what if they become that person and don't open up anymore. How does it effect the relationship later down the road?

 

I've seen a lot of divorce topics here and most can be summed up with "I don't love him anymore..." and it can be traced down to either he's complacement or he doesn't generate that spark. You know, the spark you had when first dating? Perhaps it's because now that all his cards are on the table, you have nothing to keep the relationship fresh?

 

What DO women want? I realize not all men can change and the thought of playing a game to win someone is not appealing to everyone. It's only a game if you have to 'act' that way to keep someone interested. If it isn't you then it's fake.

 

So ladies, when you are dating a man, what keeps your interest?

After you've been dating and the relationship progresses, what KEEPS your interest?

What would keep your interest after marriage?

 

And really, I would love to hear your top 10 list of must haves in a man.

 

I realize it's a long post with a lot of questions but, inquiring minds (men) want to know.

[cygny]

well for me personally i don't feel attraction for aloof men so much--i like the fun and flirty ones. especially if they got lots of stuff going on in their lives that looks exciting.

[cygny]

the other thing is that i want intimacy (but only as the relationship progresses) with a man and i do want to be treated well--but alternating with some teasing and fun and flirty behavior. not sh*tty bahvior but could be pretty challenging almost there. kind of like on the edge of a cliff sort of thing--and then back to holding my hand and kissing my neck and buying me something nice etc. i do like that.

 

 

it's a pendulum, the guy has to go back and forth between being nice and chivalrous and being teasing and a challenge. keeps me on my toes but also makes me feel loved.

 

i need both. i think most women do.

[witabix]

Cygny, how about one of each?

 

Thats twice the presents............... err I think....dunno though......hang on...............

[Outcast]

Women are attracted to men who are aloof, whom they have to work a bit at to get. They are not attracted to men who lay all their cards on the table during courting

 

There is no single type of man that all women are attracted to. And a lot of people haven't patience with 'games' and the myth of 'mystery' and 'playing hard to get'.

 

BE YOURSELF and you will find someone who likes you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be.

[honeybunch2k5]

Not all women are attracted to aloof guys. Personally, I am yo some extent, but that is because I am an aloof person, and I get along better with reserved guys. I have been with men who were very open, and I really enjoyed them. However, I do not like guys that play games. I like men who aren't afraid to be nice and say how they feel about me.

 

I think the spark goes away because couples stop doing romantic things for each other. After awhile couples especially the guy stop being affectionate. The same thing you do to get someone is the same thing you gotta do to keep them.

 

My must haves in a man-

 

10.good job

9. maturity

8.does not look like a gremlin

7.not metrosexual

6. somewhat assertive

5.high sex drive

4.energetic

3.fun

2.good sense of humor

1.good heart

[ms_jnj]

 

And really, I would love to hear your top 10 list of must haves in a man.

 

 

1. Intelligence/education. I need someone I can talk to and who understands the “big words.”

 

2. Kindness. No kicking puppies and teasing small children. Doesn’t like to see me cry. Brings home my favorite take out dish when I am having a bad day.

 

3. 100% straight. Not in the closet gay, not bisexual. Might as well count out meterosexual as long as I’m at it. If another dude has ever made his heart (or nether regions) flutter, no.

 

4. Maturity. I’m really not all that into drinking myself into a puddle of vomit every day off I have or racing dirt bikes, and it would be nice if I could find a guy that was not either.

 

5. Ambition. I’d like a guy with goals and a job that is not, say, manager of an ice cream booth (that’s a real life example of an ex). It isn’t the money it is the “go-getter” attitude.

 

6. Sense of humor. Life is short, laugh while you can.

 

7. Looks normal. Doesn’t have to be a model, but looking like a human is good. Average weight is also nice.

 

8. Fidelity. A guy that can keep his woo-hoo in his pants. Or in mine. Either or, but no one else gets any of the woo-hoo in the pants.

 

9. Communication/honesty/directness. I deeply admire someone that can deal with me in an up-front, clear and adult manner. This makes me feel comfortable, secure and horny, yes horny.

 

10. Someone who can be not only my red hot love muffin but also my best friend. Friends and lovers, lovers and friends –that’s the best.

[clynn]

You know something? (I'm a woman, by the way)

 

I think I've had this aloof thing beaten into my head so much.

 

And that combined with just having suffered a broken heart (at worst) or disappointments, I have become rather closed off emotionally when dating.

 

Now, while I think it is important to play your cards close to your chest, for both men and women.........I also wonder at one point do you start opening up?

 

I feel like I've been so closed and the guy I'm dating is somewhat reared from this same school of though (I think it is somewhat our similar personalities)....that getting past the protection phase and into the intimacy and closeness is becoming increasingly difficult, and frustrating.

 

When do you let your guard down? And how? Who is the first risk taker?

 

I mean, really if you don't do it right from the start - what is the difference later on? I think personally it gets harder, because by now you've built something of a relationship, but actually...now that you've invested things in a relationship, it is EVEN more difficult to be open and vulnerable than it would have been at the beginning when you hadn't spent a great deal of time getting to know a person yet.

 

Just me postulating.

[Forever Searching]

When I really like a guy and have some sort of chemistry with him nothing is going to change my mind about liking him until he STARTS acting aloof and starts to play games.

 

I think these "rules" are all bull crap. I think it's about timing and chemistry. If I'm not feeling it, I'm not feeling it and no matter how macho and aloof he acts isn't going to change my mind that I don't really "want" him and I think it goes the same way for guys as well.

[Freckles1001]

I am not attracted to aloof men...or ones that play games. Turns me off completely.

[SmoochieFace]

Women are attracted to men who are aloof, whom they have to work a bit at to get. They are not attracted to men who lay all their cards on the table during courting. We know that isn't attractive at all. Many men just don't understand how to be a bit reserved during the first part of dating. We know it's a sort of 'cat and mouse' game. Show one card, but not the entire deck. Be unpredictable, be interesting, be fun and above all, be confident and self-assured.

 

Well, CaliGuy, looks like your point has been blown straight to hell, huh? Time to quit taking advice from Doc Love and all his clones.

 

It is not wise to make such a sweeping assumption about women... all women certainly are not the same. Read the posts from women here on LS and you will eventually understand that.

[BlahBlahQueen]

Call me an anomaly, but...

 

I hate when men are not completely open. I made this list a long time ago about qualities my ideal man must have, and I'm anal about being able to see these things from the get-go. I pick my men based on traits, and if they're closed with me, I get anxious and discontent because I'm basically gambling on the possibility that they may or may not be the right match for me. Aloof is a horrible, annoying thing to be. To me, it's a matter of "place all your cards on the table... do we match or not?" I hate when men play games with me. I'm not a freakin' toy, do not toy with me. Be open or be tossed aside. I understand some men have issues they may not be comfortable discussing, but this is AT BEST an acceptable loss. It's never a turn-on.

 

The spark should not come from game-playing. That is a fake, worthless spark. The spark should come from you marvelling daily at what an incredible person your partner is. If they can knock your socks off permanently because of who they are, you know it was meant to be.

 

Top ten qualities, in order of importance:

 

1) Must be a right-brain

2) Must be very intelligent

3) Must have a great, witty sense of humor

4) Must be emotionally mature

5) Must truly like and respect me

6) Must be passionate (about ideals, pursuits, people, everything)

7) Must be adventurous (open-minded, curious, down for new experiences)

8) Should have similar range of experiences to mine. And that's PLENTY. Don't have to be the same experiences, just similar in quality and quantity.

9) Should be hot. Hotness specifications: Tall, slim (not too muscular; that is unattractive. I prefer a twig over an Arnold any day), big green eyes, kissable lips, pretty nose, angular bone structure, dazzling smile, round butt, beautiful hands, shapely legs, full head of hair, light-to-medium skin, freckles a plus.

10) Should be amazing in the sack. This usually consists of receptivity (tuned in to my body), decent stamina, hair-trigger arousal , fluidity of motion, and a big ol' winkie. Yep, size matters. I have a great quote on this one: "They say it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean... bull$hit... motion of the ocean is important, but you're gonna have a hard time crossing the Atlantic in a canoe."

[lindya]

So ladies, when you are dating a man, what keeps your interest?

After you've been dating and the relationship progresses, what KEEPS your interest?

What would keep your interest after marriage?

 

And really, I would love to hear your top 10 list of must haves in a man.

 

 

Continually interesting man = someone who manages to be open-minded but maintains his ability to think independently. Someone who inspires me and is inspired by me.

 

After marriage? I don't know. Travelling together, staying open to reading, learning, socialising with new people. Being sufficiently invested in the relationship that I don't start to doubt his staying power and mentally detaching myself from him....but needing his own/giving me space from time to time so that things aren't too crowded. Finding a balance between the two is the difficult bit, I guess.

 

Top 10

 

1. Courage

2. Integrity

3. Humour

4. Intelligence

5. Optimism/positivity

6. Wisdom

7. Empathy

8. Insight

9. Balance

10. An open mind

 

All the things I value in my friends, plus sexual chemistry.

[SmoochieFace]

Top ten qualities, in order of importance:

 

1) Must be a right-brain

2) Must be very intelligent

3) Must have a great, witty sense of humor

4) Must be emotionally mature

5) Must truly like and respect me

6) Must be passionate (about ideals, pursuits, people, everything)

7) Must be adventurous (open-minded, curious, down for new experiences)

8) Should have similar range of experiences to mine. And that's PLENTY. Don't have to be the same experiences, just similar in quality and quantity.

9) Should be hot. Hotness specifications: Tall, slim (not too muscular; that is unattractive. I prefer a twig over an Arnold any day), big green eyes, kissable lips, pretty nose, angular bone structure, dazzling smile, round butt, beautiful hands, shapely legs, full head of hair, light-to-medium skin, freckles a plus.

10) Should be amazing in the sack. This usually consists of receptivity (tuned in to my body), decent stamina, hair-trigger arousal , fluidity of motion, and a big ol' winkie. Yep, size matters. I have a great quote on this one: "They say it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean... bull$hit... motion of the ocean is important, but you're gonna have a hard time crossing the Atlantic in a canoe."

 

Hmmm... interesting reading.

 

I also find it interesting that you spent considerably more effort in describing what is *important* when it comes to looks and prowess... and scant time on those *other* things.

[CaliGuy]

Well, CaliGuy, looks like your point has been blown straight to hell, huh? Time to quit taking advice from Doc Love and all his clones.

 

I'd like to keep this to a mature discussion if we could. I'm sure many appreciate your sarcasm, but in this case, I'm really more interested in hearing opinions, not who's right or wrong.

 

It is not wise to make such a sweeping assumption about women... all women certainly are not the same. Read the posts from women here on LS and you will eventually understand that.

 

They are much more questions than assumptions, based on the experience of some of the men here. I haven't said what is absolutely true in each and every situation.

 

In Cygny's case, she said she wants a man that has a lot going on in his life. Wouldn't you know it, that many is busy. He's aloof. Doesn't call often, doesn't text or email much, is not always available, etc.

 

When I say aloof, it doesn't mean he has something wrong with him in general. It means that he's busy, or at least to his S/O, it seems that he is not always readily available.

 

Think about it. If a guy is at your beck and call, where's the intrigue? Where's the mystery? Where's the fun?

 

Women and men want to think/know they have someone who's worth having. Given that, do you not agree that a man who eaves nothing for you to wonder about him has not at least to some degree lost some luster?

 

I would definitely like to hear some responses from more women.

[Mz. Pixie]

Yeah, I'm not big into aloof men either. Here are the top 10 of my requirements.

 

1. Honest

2. Faithful

3. Mature

4. Sense of humor- and he should "get" mine as well.

5. Communicates well

6. Reasonably attractive- doesn't have to look like a model or be stick thin but shouldn't have to sneak up on a glass of water either.

7. Respectful- knows how to treat a lady

8. Loves kids and is willing to be good to mine- I have two

9. Affectionate- very important, knows how to give and receive

10. Good lover- takes the time to get to know my body and what makes me go 'WOW'

 

I don't want a man who cries more than I do or who would sit in a bar and leer at other women in my presence. I like to be in a room and know I'm treated better than any other woman in there. It also is a must that they are employed and it's a PLUS if they love their job but are not a workaholic.

 

What keeps me interested is how the man treats me. Is he able to maintain the above 10 qualities for the distance or is it only to "get me". Can he manage all 10 and still be romantic and loving and not forget the little things??

 

I couldn't care less about him leaving the lid up- or for that matter, the toothpaste top. I just want to be treated well on a daily basis.

[Freckles1001]

My own top-10 list is below. Incidentally, I am 33 and female, recently ended a long-term relationship and engagement:

 

1. Honest

2. Kind

3. Confident

4. Sense of humor that matches mine

5. Attractive (to me this means many things, none of which result in any one "type" of man)

6. Emotionally and physically affectionate and this includes his abilities to satisfy me

7. Able to control his temper

8. Thoughtful (and by this I mean, he follows through, thinks of me and his actions prove it, and is careful with his words)

9. Career-oriented

10. Animal lover

[CaliGuy]

well for me personally i don't feel attraction for aloof men so much--i like the fun and flirty ones. especially if they got lots of stuff going on in their lives that looks exciting.

 

Wouldn't a man who's got a lot going on in his life be unavailable often?

 

Couldn't that be considered, to some degree, being aloof?

[SmoochieFace]

Think about it. If a guy is at your beck and call, where's the intrigue? Where's the mystery? Where's the fun?

 

Some of us aren't intrigued by intrigue.

 

And people can have fun without the games and drama. My realtionship has neither and I'm having a blast.

[slubberdegullion]

Honesty is always in the top 5. But how many men would last a heartbeat in a relationship if they were sincerely honest all the time?

 

"Actually, yes, you do look fat in those pants."

 

"Your driving scares the s*** out of me."

 

"No, I really DON'T like your mother."

 

etc etc...

[CaliGuy]

I noticed HONESTY at the top of at least a couple lists.

 

Do you feel men lie often?

[CaliGuy]

Honesty is always in the top 5. But how many men would last a heartbeat in a relationship if they were sincerely honest all the time?

 

"Actually, yes, you do look fat in those pants."

 

"Your driving scares the s*** out of me."

 

"No, I really DON'T like your mother."

 

etc etc...

 

Or.... "Your pot roast takes like crap!"

 

Haha. I see your point, Slubber, but I think in regards to their feelings. Men and women both lie about their feelings and for some reason can't be honest with each other. I guess for some it's easier to lie but for me, I feel it's easier to tell the truth, no matter how painful.

[Freckles1001]

Both men and women lie...but I ended my engagement in part because of his lack of honesty.

 

In general, do I think men "lie" in dating situations...in my experience, it's all too common.

[CaliGuy]

Both men and women lie...but I ended my engagement in part because of his lack of honesty.

 

In general, do I think men "lie" in dating situations...in my experience, it's all too common.

I have never lied to anyone I have dated. I've always been sincere and honest. In this last case, I was much farther ahead of her in the dating process and as such, my honesty about my feelings ended the relationship.

 

Had I just shut up and gone with the flow we'd probably still be dating.

[BlahBlahQueen]

Hmmm... interesting reading.

 

I also find it interesting that you spent considerably more effort in describing what is *important* when it comes to looks and prowess... and scant time on those *other* things.

 

Only because the first 8 qualities are givens. The last two are more complicated and vary according to people's preferences, so I felt it necessary to describe what they meant to me.