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Strange Male friend Circumstance…


exotic_virgin

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exotic_virgin

Is this male friend I really really like…. Now I just love him as a friend nothing more… Now its really strange cause he is really nice to me when he sees me out… He always comes and says hi… We even used to call each other…

 

If I am going somewhere and I ask him to come along… He always says No… Or if we speak on the phone he says oh ok so I will see u around… And if I say something like we don’t hang out in the same places any more… He says u never know….

 

A while back… I told him that I loved him like a brother and a week later he was talking about how much he would like to have sex with me… Which I found very offensive….

 

Now I don’t get on with anyone on the same level I do with him and I like his friendship very much… He does not have a girlfriend…. So why does he not want to hang out with me… If he always seems so eager to talk to me etc when we are out…. Why does he not arrange meet ups or decline mine?

 

Help… Please….

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He is a very wise man that does not want to be cast into the friend zone. Not quite the same as burning in hell but not much better. He can be totally infatuated and just hang around and watch you pursue other guys.

 

He has made his desire known and it is not what you want. So, he has no choice. His male instinct would just drive him crazy hanging around a woman such as you.

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whichwayisup

He has feelings for you and you telling him that you think of him like a brother probably is why he can't be your friend. Give it time and see what happens. You can't force a friendship on someone if they're not ready or wanting it at the moment.

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As WWIU said and,

 

could you continue to be just friends with a guy who wants more?

 

Wouldn't you always wonder whats going on behind his look/words?

 

How would/does any current/future bf of yours or gf of his react or fit into this picture?

 

It can be mine field, I know, been there.

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whichwayisup

It will take him time to decide if he wants that friendship. He may not be able to handle it at all. Some, in time can accept a friendship, get over the feelings...I guess it depends on how intense he feels for you.

 

I agree with W, would you wonder if you were 'nice' to him, that you're giving him hope or maybe that is how he would interpret that? It isn't an easy place for him to be in, but if you're really not "into" him that way it may not be fair to have him in your life just because you want him there. Don't mean to sound harsh...

 

Time is on your side, so just see how it goes slowly.

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its very simple! u want him only as a friend and he wants something more than friendship. and u have already made it clear that u don't have a romantic interest in him by telling that he is like ur brother. obviously he wouldn't want to hang around you because its really painful when u have all these feelings and not having them returned. even worse is when he sees u kissing another guy. he wants to save himself from the agony and that's why he is distancing himself.

 

i really don't understand why women want the friendship so badly but at the same time are so adamant not to take it to the next level. if u r not interested then let the poor guy go.. plz do not chase him in the name of friendship!

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exotic_virgin

Thanks guys.... Maybe I am being abit selfish..... But its hard when u feel such a great connection... But I will no longer bother him...

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i really don't understand why women want the friendship so badly but at the same time are so adamant not to take it to the next level. if u r not interested then let the poor guy go.. plz do not chase him in the name of friendship!

 

Well Noclobber, women by nature, especially those drama queens out there, need to have as many men around to give them attention as possible. If they can get it without having to give up something important such as emotions, then all the better.

 

That's where male friends and gay pals come in. The latter isn't interested in ever sleeping with them and the former are usually too dim-witted to realize that they're, to quote En Vogue: "Never gonna get, never gonna get it, never gonna get it, never gonna get it." Both will shower a woman with attention without expectation of kisses, sex and eventually, long-term plans.

 

Which is why when a woman actually finds someone with whom she wants to mate, she uses affection and sex to gain their love, the reason for the old saw about women using sex to get love and men using love to get sex. The woman, in cases such as this, wants to get the proverbial milk (attention) for free (from the male friends) without buying the cow.

 

The reality is that in most cases, male-female friendships don't really exist, at least in the way same-sex friendships do. They both have ulterior motives for hanging out with each other and such situations can't last for long.

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i really don't understand why women want the friendship so badly but at the same time are so adamant not to take it to the next level. if u r not interested then let the poor guy go.. plz do not chase him in the name of friendship!

 

Well Noclobber, women by nature, especially those drama queens out there, need to have as many men around to give them attention as possible. If they can get it without having to give up something important such as emotions, then all the better.

 

That's where male friends and gay pals come in. The latter isn't interested in ever sleeping with them and the former are usually too dim-witted to realize that they're, to quote En Vogue: "Never gonna get, never gonna get it, never gonna get it, never gonna get it." Both will shower a woman with attention without expectation of kisses, sex and eventually, long-term plans.

 

Which is why when a woman actually finds someone with whom she wants to mate, she uses affection and sex to gain their love, the reason for the old saw about women using sex to get love and men using love to get sex. The woman, in cases such as this, wants to get the proverbial milk (attention) for free (from the male friends) without buying the cow.

 

The reality is that in most cases, male-female friendships don't really exist, at least in the way same-sex friendships do. They both have ulterior motives for hanging out with each other and such situations can't last for long.

 

wow! that was too good sevenmack!!

 

i just need some clarification on what exactly you term as "attention". is it the compliments that the poor guy keeps showering, is it the money that he is spending on her, hanging out with her ... what exactly is the woman looking for when she says "attention"?

 

i am asking this b'cos i am in the same situation. i was friends with a woman and asked her out after she broke up with her long-distance boyfriend. she refused to date me but wudn't let go of me. she said why can't we be friends and we r still hanging out. my feelings for her have pretty much died but i always wonder why she wants to be with me so much and at the same time won't date me. we meet for lunch and coffee every single day.. i don't compliment her, i don't pay for her, she never ever talks about other guys, she never comes to me with her emotional problems... so i am kinda curious as to what exactly she is getting out of me.. i don't want to be taken advantage of by this woman!!

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For some women, it is the money. But for most women, it's the compliments, the shoulder to cry on, the talking, all of that. Some women will say that they need a male friend to get a 'perspective' on men, especially the one upon which they're actually showering their affection and, let's be blunt, p---y.

 

Occasionally it's the ability to say they're pals with someone who is famous or influential in a field. One girl I dated loved the fact that she was hanging out with someone who was a local columnist, but didn't want to do more. I figured her out quickly and tossed her out with my trash. Another pal of mine had the same experience. Either way, it depends on the woman and her what she's looking for.

 

In your case Noclobber, this may be a "who knows." Perhaps she's one of these women who are lonely, socially inept in general and thus uses you as a way to compensate for those issues. This is one that I am clueless about. All I would say is to simply cut her off if she's not interested in a real relationship. And that ultimately depends on what you want; at this point, her wants and needs aren't your concern.

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Thanks Sevenmack!

 

yeah this woman is way too confusing. really am not sure what she is getting out of me. all that she wants is that i shud hang out with her. i don't have to spend money, don't have to give compliments, blah blah... recently she got free boxed VIP class tickets for a basket-ball game and immediately she pleaded me to go with her. she has lot of other friends in this area but it was me that she chose.. i enjoy her friendship and company but at the same i am curious as hell as to why wants to spend so much time with me... well, i may never get the answer i think :confused:

 

since she didn't return my feelings i am planning to date other women... i will also let this girl know of that.. i wud be curious to see how she reacts when i say i am going out with someone....

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Chances are she probably won't care. And if she does, it's only because she's losing her source of whatever and little more.

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exotic_virgin

Noclobber... It sounds like the girl likes u... She sees something in u... I love hanging out with people... Cause they make me laugh... Tell me stories... Enjoy the same conversations.... Clarify my mind... And a million other things...

Enjoy...

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Noclobber... It sounds like the girl likes u... She sees something in u... I love hanging out with people... Cause they make me laugh... Tell me stories... Enjoy the same conversations.... Clarify my mind... And a million other things...

Enjoy...

 

thanks exotic_virgin..

 

its pretty much the same case as urs... u like that guy friend of urs but wudn't date him. in my case the whole thing is a bit more amplified.. when we initially met she had a long-distance boyfriend. but she loved to hang out with me. every day we spent nearly 4 hours together (travel, lunch, coffee). one fine day she broke up with her BF and 2 weeks later i asked her out. but she said she likes me only as a friend.. later she also told that she wud date and marry only a Jew (i am from India and am a Hindu). first i thought she was telling this to ease the pain on me but she is a very bold and straight-forward woman and doesn't mind hurting peoples' feelings by telling the truth. so i took it as a valid reason. she also said that she is broken inside because of the break-up with her BF and she is not in a position to date any man now.

 

now we r hanging out as friends but she still wants to spend so much time with me. she will have lunch only with me every single day. sometimes the way she talks gets me very confused.. for example when i said that i may have to go back to India she said "you are breaking my heart. if u go back i will come there and see you. i know the flight ticket alone costs $1500 but i will still come and see you". i dunno whether even close friends wud talk like this. we know each other only for 4 months.. well anyway, i am just not able to figure out this girl.. i have decided to see other women and today i am going to tell this girl about the dinner date i had over the weekend. will be interesting to see her reaction.

 

as a woman if u can figure out why she is doing all this please let me know.. also remember that i never compliment her, never pay for her, am never a shoulder to cry on, and she never talks about other guys..

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wow it was kinda hard to read these posts about women's ulterior motives.

 

couldn't it be that when one finds a good friendship, it is enjoyable to have that friend?

 

I know that if I were to allow some of my male friends to take it to a sexual level, that the relationship wouldn't last (not enough in common) and the friendship would be lost. So I don't let it get sexual.

 

Is that really so awful of me? thanks for letting me know, I will cut off all my male friends immediately.

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wow it was kinda hard to read these posts about women's ulterior motives.

 

couldn't it be that when one finds a good friendship, it is enjoyable to have that friend?

 

I know that if I were to allow some of my male friends to take it to a sexual level, that the relationship wouldn't last (not enough in common) and the friendship would be lost. So I don't let it get sexual.

 

Is that really so awful of me? thanks for letting me know, I will cut off all my male friends immediately.

 

you do not have to cut off your male friends... there is nothing wrong in being friends with the opposite sex.

 

this thread is talking about the problems that arise when one of ur male friends develops feelings and u don't reciprocate. in that case it would be very tough emotionally for the guy to continue to hang around you and even worse when he sees u date other guys... i guess the same applies to women as well. so that's why its best to leave the guy alone when he walks away instead of trying to pull him back in the name of friendship..

 

sevenmack pointed out the reasons why some women tend to pull the guy in the name of friendship when they don't have feelings for him. if u do not have ulterior motives and want the guy back for genuine friendship go ahead and do it but also at the same time if he doesn't want to be ur friend let him go.

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whichwayisup
couldn't it be that when one finds a good friendship, it is enjoyable to have that friend?

 

Yes, as long as BOTH people know it's platonic and not ever going to turn into anything else other than just friendship. That means, never crossing the line. Once one person "feels" something for the other, all bets are off and the energy changes in the friendship. It's done.

Is that really so awful of me? thanks for letting me know, I will cut off all my male friends immediately.

 

That is over reacting. I mean, all men at some point will think of their woman friend sexually. Just don't make a big deal of it. Don't talk about it either, but accept it. Just like you maybe have thought of a guy friend as something more or developed a crush. Don't react on the feelings at hand, just enjoy the friendship as it is supposed to be.

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