Reducing status from "relationship" to "casual dating"

[masaki1085]

I have been dating this girl over long distance for the past several months (since September). I had known this girl for a few years and we had caught up at a party at the end of the summer, and had seemed to hit it off since then. I asked her out, then we went on a couple dates and she was, without a doubt, totally into me. We had several things in common, and we had fun together.

 

We all know where this is heading, right?

 

Anyhow, the beginnings of my troubles are documented in this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t75988/

 

The gist of above post is that she began acting in cycles of hot and cold throughout the course of the relationship thus far (and that's what it was--a "relationship"). Also during this time, she began telling me about her past relationships and how she gets freaked out/bothered by the semantics and perceived rules of relationships (the calling each other on a regular basis, the complements, holding hands, being referred to as someone's "girlfriend"--even in general conversation) as well as the implications of a relationship (where it might lead, commitment).

 

This came up the other night, where she wanted to reduce the status of the relationship down to just casual dating to take the ease off of these pressures. She was the one who suggested the idea relationship status after our second date.

 

This is where I would like to point out that I have never imposed these pressures on her... she seems to be doing it to herself. I talked to one of her old high school friends whom I work with at my job, and she mentioned that this happens quite often with the girl I am currently dating.

 

I told the girl that I am seeing that I did not mind downgrading the status of the relationship when we had our conversation, but frankly, as I thought more of my situation, I'm sick of it all--I'm not having fun and I am stressed out. Apparently with all of her other exes, she has never done this before, but rather, terminated the relationship completely--she likes me enough to keep wanting to date me, is what she told me.

 

I was wondering if anyone has any input on my situation. She and I are supposed to go on a date tomorrow, and I am about 99% sure I am going to just break the dating thing off completely once the date is over.

[travellingman]

I told the girl that I am seeing that I did not mind downgrading the status of the relationship when we had our conversation, but frankly, as I thought more of my situation, I'm sick of it all--I'm not having fun and I am stressed out. Apparently with all of her other exes, she has never done this before, but rather, terminated the relationship completely--she likes me enough to keep wanting to date me, is what she told me.

 

You bought that?

 

Not trying to be a d1ck, but you need to make the next move and downgrade her out of your life.

[stevestunts]

hmmm im agreeing with travelling man.

 

you need her out of your life mate and this is all based on how you said your "not having fun and your stressed out". to make a long story short i dated a girl for 3months who was into me but was "bothered by the perceived rules of relationships"... when she also suggested a relationship in the first place.

 

forget about her, i wouldn't even go out with her... just end it and move on before she really gives you a headache.

 

good luck

[masaki1085]

You bought that?

 

I should not have at the time.... sometimes it takes me a bit to process these things, and after much thinking and reflection, I don't buy it for a second. It's as if she wants to keep me around just for the sheer sake of keeping me around.