How to approach multiple unassociated women in same general location?

[Lights]

If I see multiple attractive women nearby who are not associated nor together spatially in an environment which isn't specifically meant for picking someone up and where any approach to one of them will be visible and transparent, what would be the best way to sequentially pick each of them up, assuming they'll be in the same places for long enough at a time?

 

The reason I am asking is because if anything goes wrong in an attempt to pick up one of them, groupthink will severely damage my chances with any subsequent one.

 

Thanks for any help--this happened twice earlier this month and I didn't really know how to proceed.

[Basic]

Hah! would you settle for just one?

 

If these women out number the men, you might try letting them come to you.

 

Or approach each one with some "non pick-up agenda". Hi I'm Mr. Lights and I'm looking for supporters for the UN's save the African pelican program. Then move on to your pick-up lines. If you approach others after a rejection, they'll assume the last woman was just discussing your the UN program.

[Lights]

Hah! would you settle for just one?

 

If these women out number the men, you might try letting them come to you.

 

Or approach each one with some "non pick-up agenda". Hi I'm Mr. Lights and I'm looking for supporters for the UN's save the African pelican program. Then move on to your pick-up lines. If you approach others after a rejection, they'll assume the last woman was just discussing your the UN program.

 

No, I wouldn't settle for just one--this is why I was hoping to ask how to pick up all of them. However, I said sequentially because none of them were "together" in any fashion and nowhere near physically closely located enough for an attempt to strike up a conversation with multiple at a time.

 

Please read my post before daring to express a scoff--these were not environments which were meant for picking people up. If I didn't do something, no one would, regardless of gender ratios. And no one did, with me being paralyzed not knowing what to do.

 

Let them come to me? Sure. Only one problem though: Women never come to me, for reasons unknown, and no one here's been willing to teach me how to have them approach me. I would be grateful if you would teach me how though, given that you list it as a valid technique (provided, of course, that you know how).

 

I'm not associated with any UN programs. Has that method given you high-percentage results? I'd be interested if it actually works.

[loony]

No, I wouldn't settle for just one--this is why I was hoping to ask how to pick up all of them. However, I said sequentially because none of them were "together" in any fashion and nowhere near physically closely located enough for an attempt to strike up a conversation with multiple at a time.

Would it be possible to stop looking at them as "prey" and instead of as human beings who have similar needs as you in terms of socializing and human contact?

 

Please read my post before daring to express a scoff--these were not environments which were meant for picking people up. If I didn't do something, no one would, regardless of gender ratios. And no one did, with me being paralyzed not knowing what to do.

Then why do you try to pick up people in such places?

 

Let them come to me? Sure. Only one problem though: Women never come to me, for reasons unknown, and no one here's been willing to teach me how to have them approach me. I would be grateful if you would teach me how though, given that you list it as a valid technique (provided, of course, that you know how).

I'm not going to teach you anything, but I suggest you work on improving your attitude towards your environment. You're insinuating malice when people don't conform to your wishes and you possess an air of arrogance that must repell them.

[Basic]

I'm with loony on this one.

[travellingman]

I'm with loony on this one.

 

She makes some good points, but I don't know how much I can agree with someone who has a powder puff girl for an avatar.

[Lights]

Then why do you try to pick up people in such places?

 

This is a legitimate question. The reason's quite simple--I have no choice.

 

What's that, you say? There are such places where are specifically meant for people to pick up people in the areas that I've been based in? Where'd they be? Nightlife? Nope, that's not for picking anyone up. That's solely for getting drunk with existing friends--talking to anyone outside one's little urban tribe is considered freakishly bold and recipients of such talk are to brush their intended interlocutors aside as an annoyance. Common interests? Nope, that's for spending time doing the activity and occasionally for those very few who have the requisite social skills in the local language to yack to their existing buddies and pretend that they actually give a crap about anything involved.

 

And so on down the line of commonly mouthed urban legends about places that are good for "meeting people" or "getting dates" or what-have you...

 

As a result, I am left with little choice save for to be a bit more opportunistic.

 

Would it be possible to stop looking at them as "prey" and instead of as human beings who have similar needs as you in terms of socializing and human contact?

...

You're insinuating malice when people don't conform to your wishes...

I'm not going to teach you anything,

 

Ah, but you have. You have taught me who is the one who is truly insinuating malice. On what basis do you dare accuse me of predation or assuming that anyone is prey?

[loony]

I personally think that some places are classical pickup places and others are just places. There are no places where picking someone up is wrong, even church is used by some people to go out and meet potential partners (even though most wouldn't be so bold to look for a one night stand there).

 

I don't see anything wrong to try and befriend people who interest you.

 

Ah, but you have. You have taught me who is the one who is truly insinuating malice. On what basis do you dare accuse me of predation or assuming that anyone is prey?

I'm sure Basic understands what I'm talking about when I say you insinuate malice. Your post emitted arrogance and mistrust and it was quite inappropiate.

 

Do you have any women as friends or do you merely consider them as 'those', the ones who reject you and make you feel nervous, the ones who don't appreciate you and don't see your worth? Are you associating anything positive about them as human beings or are they just the 'other gender'? The ones with the power over men, unwilling to approach you out of malice, social incompetence, stupidity, lack of courage to step out of the confinements of their social circle, etc.? In every post I have read of you as far as now I see you insinuate negative reasons if not evil intentions if people don't do what you expect them to do. Whether it is that you don't get the kind of advice you want from this messageboard

and no one here's been willing to teach me how to have them approach me

Please read my post before daring to express a scoff

or they don't behave as you think they should

That's solely for getting drunk with existing friends--talking to anyone outside one's little urban tribe is considered freakishly bold and recipients of such talk are to brush their intended interlocutors aside as an annoyance.

Nope, that's for spending time doing the activity and occasionally for those very few who have the requisite social skills in the local language to yack to their existing buddies and pretend that they actually give a crap about anything involved

 

You must change your attitude if you want to meet people. And it will absolutely rely on you, women won't approach you, because you think they should.

 

On what basis do you dare accuse me of predation or assuming that anyone is prey?

On the basis that after reading your posts I sense strong vibes of hostility towards women combined with a sense of entitlement that you deserve to be approached and people should do this or that. I read "Feeling good: The new mood therapy" by David Burns, there's a chapter about anger management and I can only recommend you to read it. It explains very well why your expectations that people should and must behave in a certain way will only lead to unhappiness. By teaching you more empathy and a different mindset to approach anger, it helps you to create more happiness for yourself.

 

If you really want to get somewhere in your private life you need to develop a good sense of self-awareness and also enough empathy and acceptance of other people's differing motivations and actions. I consider pickup tricks to be like fast food, cheap, fast, satisfies short-term goals, but in the end the good feeling doesn't last. These techniques often usually don't teach people on how to overcome their mistrust and to truly connect with someone on a human level, there's rather a tendency to objectify people.

[loony]

She makes some good points, but I don't know how much I can agree with someone who has a powder puff girl for an avatar.

You mean, you looked at my avatar and then judged the quality of my posts by it? I bet, you also think that the size of the breasts correlate directly with a woman's intelligence.

[Lights]

I personally think that some places are classical pickup places and others are just places. There are no places where picking someone up is wrong, even church is used by some people to go out and meet potential partners (even though most wouldn't be so bold to look for a one night stand there).

That's all good. I would be interested in what they are where you are from. As far as I can tell, there just aren't any classical pickup places, to use your terminology, in existence where I am.

I don't see anything wrong to try and befriend people who interest you.

I don't either.

I'm sure Basic understands what I'm talking about when I say you insinuate malice. Your post emitted arrogance and mistrust and it was quite inappropiate.

Actually, no, it wasn't. Through the use of three letters Basic chose to express a scoff in response to my use of the word "sequential": "Hah!". I reacted to it in the way I would were anyone to unjustifiably speak in such a manner to me. Inappropriate? Not in my book.

Do you have any women as friends or do you merely consider them as 'those', the ones who reject you and make you feel nervous, the ones who don't appreciate you and don't see your worth? Are you associating anything positive about them as human beings or are they just the 'other gender'? The ones with the power over men,

I don't currently have any women as friends at this time. My current friends are men and none of them are local.

unwilling to approach you out of malice, social incompetence, stupidity, lack of courage to step out of the confinements of their social circle, etc.?

Sadly, this is a problem with both genders where I come from. I'd definitely agree with you if I had said these things purely out of personal bias from experiences involving me. Unfortunately, this is the way I all too often see people deal with each other with me out of the picture too--a disturbing majority of them are, as you describe, unwilling to approach anyone they're not ordered by a superior or by a more active fellow tribalist to approach, due to the same qualities listed above.

In every post I have read of you as far as now I see you insinuate negative reasons if not evil intentions if people don't do what you expect them to do. Whether it is that you don't get the kind of advice you want from this messageboard

Hardly. Regarding the advice from the message board--has anyone ever taught me how to get approached and asked out and have women come to me? The answer is a resounding no.

On the basis that after reading your posts I sense strong vibes of hostility towards women combined with a sense of entitlement that you deserve to be approached

I'm so sorry.

 

I've mastered various social skills in the local language and show a more than significant degree of social proactivity. Over the course of years I've tolerated a proactivity ratio among individuals of both genders that would make most people where I'm from cry out loud for their mothers.

 

I suppose I must repent for my most outrageously unjustified arrogance in assuming that I am even the slightest bit worthy of hearing things like "Hey, how's it going?" or "I don't think I met you. My name's Jenn..." or "You new here? I'm Mike..." in my life.

 

What a sin it must be to have hostility resulting from correctly perceived inequity. I must of course teach myself to love having half my social life destroyed outright without any justification, consigned forever to nonexistence before the commission of even one faux pas on my part. I shall begin atonement at once!

[loony]

That's all good. I would be interested in what they are where you are from. As far as I can tell, there just aren't any classical pickup places, to use your terminology, in existence where I am.

Bars and discos. People go there in order to pick up or being picked up.

 

Actually, no, it wasn't. Through the use of three letters Basic chose to express a scoff in response to my use of the word "sequential": "Hah!". I reacted to it in the way I would were anyone to unjustifiably speak in such a manner to me. Inappropriate? Not in my book.

I guess, Basic had the same reaction to the word "sequential" as I did, he was a bit appalled. If you did consider these women to be people like you, you wouldn't be talking about them like this, or would you like it if someone was talking of doing all the men who were in a room one by one, including you? You treat them like numbers, therefore my previous criticism, you do not treat them individuals who have feelings and deserve respect as well.

 

Sadly, this is a problem with both genders where I come from. I'd definitely agree with you if I had said these things purely out of personal bias from experiences involving me. Unfortunately, this is the way I all too often see people deal with each other with me out of the picture too--a disturbing majority of them are, as you describe, unwilling to approach anyone they're not ordered by a superior or by a more active fellow tribalist to approach, due to the same qualities listed above.

I'm starting to get curious about this weird place where you live. Must be a really strange place or it's you. Sometimes it's the place, sometimes it's one's own attitude. I've experienced both. If they don't like approaching other people, then you will have to do it when you want to meet new people. Either you become active or things stay as they are. Your whining is not going to change them, I also frankly don't see any reason why they should change just because you don't like their mentality.

 

Hardly. Regarding the advice from the message board--has anyone ever taught me how to get approached and asked out and have women come to me? The answer is a resounding no.

You said this: "and no one here's been willing to teach me how to have them approach me" "Willing" in my book implies deliberateness in one's actions and decisions, so you were actually saying, people could have helped you, but chose not to do so intentionally, which equals saying, they were mean and didn't want to help you. What else is this than insinuating malice?

 

I'm so sorry.

If someonce complains about you being hostile you should take a good look at yourself and wonder why this happened. If you always lack this kind of willingness to self-reflection, then I'm not surprised that you're not very successful with your social life. You don't seem to be willing to look at yourself like other people see you.

 

And what do I have to do with you having bad experiences with people around you that you feel I deserve this hostility? If you want to have success with people you should learn not to take your anger out on others who have nothing to do with it.

 

I've mastered various social skills in the local language and show a more than significant degree of social proactivity. Over the course of years I've tolerated a proactivity ratio among individuals of both genders that would make most people where I'm from cry out loud for their mothers.

If you are not successful, then you're not doing it right.

 

I suppose I must repent for my most outrageously unjustified arrogance in assuming that I am even the slightest bit worthy of hearing things like "Hey, how's it going?" or "I don't think I met you. My name's Jenn..." or "You new here? I'm Mike..." in my life.

Tell me why they should approach you? And who says they approach other people but not you? And save your sarcasm for your grandma.

 

What a sin it must be to have hostility resulting from correctly perceived inequity. I must of course teach myself to love having half my social life destroyed outright without any justification, consigned forever to nonexistence before the commission of even one faux pas on my part. I shall begin atonement at once!

I'm talking about hostility towards people on this board. And please tell, who is destroying your social life??? Nobody does it, but you and if you don't understand this, you're not going to improve a lot. If you don't have a good social life, it's your fault, it means, people don't like talking to you, hanging around you and given the negativity and hostility that I see in your posts I'm not surprised about it. You want to know how to make people approach you?! If you want to make a change, it's your job to change things. If you really want to meet more people why not learn how to approach them? Or is this some sort of ego thing that demands that people find you so irresistible that they just have to approach you? I used to think like you, but one day I learned, things just don't work this way. If you want something, it's your responsibility to get it and if you want to meet more people you have to make yourself attractive enough so that they will be interested in developing a relationship with you. It's not their bloody fault if they don't like you.

 

There's a slim chance that indeed a reason for your lack of success is the location, but then the only thing you can do is is to move away.

[Lights]

or would you like it if someone was talking of doing all the men who were in a room one by one, including you?

Doing them all? Maybe, maybe not. Having fun talking to separate people one by one, and maybe getting one or more fun dates as a result? Why not?

 

People often talk about "working a room" in any of various platonic contexts. Is that an insult to all one's intended audience?

 

You said this: "and no one here's been willing to teach me how to have them approach me" "Willing" in my book implies deliberateness in one's actions and decisions, so you were actually saying, people could have helped you, but chose not to do so intentionally, which equals saying, they were mean and didn't want to help you. What else is this than insinuating malice?

 

This is true. I can only say I'm sorry.

 

Tell me why they should approach you? And who says they approach other people but not you?

There I honestly have no idea. Viewing it from the other person's perspective though, I could just as well ask why that person Lights standing in the nearby location should approach me, or what's so great about anyone that I'd approach anyone. If we play the game of asking why anyone should approach anyone, though, we'll simply result with a planet of isolated individuals.

 

As far as "who says they approach other people", I don't rely on "who says" for that information--I've witnessed others being approached. Within one's little clique it appears to be more normal. Outside it, however, it isn't happening unless, as I described before, the person is under orders.

 

I'm talking about hostility towards people on this board. And please tell, who is destroying your social life???

Half of it (the 50% created by people coming to me) is relegated to nonexistence because it is never created. I'm left fighting for scraps of the remaining 50% generated by me proactively seeking people out.

 

If you really want to meet more people why not learn how to approach them?

Every time I make a post you invariably and wrongly assume that I don't approach people, and denigrate me for some perceived egotistic-ness or falsely accuse me of laziness or some hypocrisy. It's made for an interesting test of patience, I suppose (which I don't doubt I've also been for some others here).

 

The point, as I've repeatedly reiterated and which you seem to ignore, is that I do approach people. I just expect proactivity to go both ways. Half the time I plan on doing the approaching, calling/IMing and so on, and the other half the time I expect to be the recipient of such proactivity. A near 100-0 distribution is unacceptable. 50-50 is acceptable. And no, holdovers from pre-modern gender roles are not an excuse to this modern-age man, so I hold other people of both genders to the same standard to which I hold myself.

 

If you have a problem with people wanting to learn how to have others come to them, please excoriate someone else instead (Basic, for an example, has made an indication that letting people come to him is a valid method), because I'm getting tired of this old argument flaring up again (I'm sure you are too). Maybe you're right that I'm coming off hostile towards forumites here--it's just that now my patience with the evasions and the lectures on antediluvian gender roles and the unjust accusations of laziness, instead of working advice on how to even out the proactivity divide in one's dating life, is at an end.

 

Creating hostility isn't my goal here. If this is just going to result in more and more arguments, can we just drop this already?

[loony]

Doing them all? Maybe, maybe not. Having fun talking to separate people one by one, and maybe getting one or more fun dates as a result? Why not?

You should try to meet as many nice people as possible and that does not mean knowing how to approach them sequentially. If you try to pick them up one by one, it's not wonder if you won't get far with them.

 

People often talk about "working a room" in any of various platonic contexts. Is that an insult to all one's intended audience?

Those people are also talking about "targets" and "objects", so what is so different than me accusing you of looking at them as if they were only prey and not human beings?

 

There I honestly have no idea. Viewing it from the other person's perspective though, I could just as well ask why that person Lights standing in the nearby location should approach me, or what's so great about anyone that I'd approach anyone. If we play the game of asking why anyone should approach anyone, though, we'll simply result with a planet of isolated individuals.

My question was in regard to your sense of entitlement, the idea that they do have to approach you. They just don't have to.

 

Every time I make a post you invariably and wrongly assume that I don't approach people, and denigrate me for some perceived egotistic-ness or falsely accuse me of laziness or some hypocrisy. It's made for an interesting test of patience, I suppose (which I don't doubt I've also been for some others here).

No, you approach them and complain. You're supposed to just approach them and take a rejection with grace and understanding that it might not have anything to do, but with them.

 

The point, as I've repeatedly reiterated and which you seem to ignore, is that I do approach people. I just expect proactivity to go both ways. Half the time I plan on doing the approaching, calling/IMing and so on, and the other half the time I expect to be the recipient of such proactivity. A near 100-0 distribution is unacceptable. 50-50 is acceptable. And no, holdovers from pre-modern gender roles are not an excuse to this modern-age man, so I hold other people of both genders to the same standard to which I hold myself.

There is this sense of entitlement again, that's why I say, if you want to have contact, then it's you who has to approach them. And if you're not successful, you will have to change your method. I think you said somewhere you were Asian, that might be a problem, maybe they are racist, maybe they are too conservative, but then it's on you to change the situation. You can shout out how unfair it is that the ratio is not 50-50, but that's just how it is there. You will have to work with what you have. Or you move away. Complaining about the unfairness of the universe won't change anything. If there is no proactivity coming from these people, go and look somewhere else. Or start a local campaign where you try to change their social conditioning or personal beliefs, unless you do this, just accept that the burden to approach will be on you. Others may have it easier, but that is not your problem. Sometimes you just won't be able to get what everybody else gets.

 

Also your complain that you are a modern-age man and want woman to approach you is not realistic. Most women will simply not do this, unless you're really interesting and they want you. Unless you can create this feeling of attraction in them, you should be prepared that the burden of approaching women is on you.

 

If you have a problem with people wanting to learn how to have others come to them, please excoriate someone else instead (Basic, for an example, has made an indication that letting people come to him is a valid method), because I'm getting tired of this old argument flaring up again (I'm sure you are too).

I did actually answer your question, I said if you are interesting enough they will approach you. I did approach guys in my life, not that often, but I only did it when I felt very attracted to them. I only have a problem with it, as it once again hints to your sense of entitlement, that when you approach someone, they also have to approach you.

[LN8840K]

the sad fact is your hands are tied ....... you can't approach multiple women without looking like a player, and your chance decreases with everyone you talk to because after the first girl ..there is only second best .... < laughing > who wants to treated like the town bike

[Lucasarts]

Here's what wrong with you Lights after readin the posts and hour long texts in each one

1.) You're expecting too much. You want women to give you the same amount of time and day that you give them. Now it sounds like a fair arguement, that each person should give 50% effort, but thats more like if you were in a relationship here. You are not in a relationship with any girl here, you're trying to get a girl, which requires 100% of YOUR effort and time to be successful.

2.) Stop trying for females and try to make some male friends in your area. You are way too isolated and socially deprived to be making any advances with a girl now. Once you get some local friends, then move on to befriend females. The way you carry yourself on the boards with ur words and intellect, i feel that you have some confidence as long as you know what you are doing/saying. But b/c you have no social experience with females it seems, you lack the confidence to communicate with them.

3.) Are you physically un-appealing? I mean that right there is a hurdle to get over if you are. I dont want to sound rude but when girls say things like "size doesn't matter" or "it's what on the inside that counts" they are bs'ing you. The physically unattractive guys can hot girlfriends b/c they either became friends with them, and took advantage of a situation that occured i.e: the girl broke up wit her b/f or something bad happened.

4.) Referring back to step two, unless there is an immediate connection with a girl, just try to be friendly and such. At the places you are trying to get with girls it takes alot more effort and "skill" talking to girls and pick them up. People usually go to places where booze is served and such because alcohol loosens people up more, and no offense to the ladies, it makes it easier to pick up women who've had a few drinks in em.

 

I probably have more advice for you, but atm i really dont feel like typing anything else out.

 

Good luck and i hope this helps

[Lights]

You should try to meet as many nice people as possible and that does not mean knowing how to approach them sequentially.

 

Unless one's attempts to meet anyone consists of one and only one massive greeting in an amphitheater seating seven billion, followed by total withdrawal from society, the attempts to meet people that one makes in life will be sequential.

 

Whether or not they are deliberately sequential and/or visibly so or not may vary, and often may simply be a matter of timing, incidental location, and possibly of technique in my book.

 

Or you move away.

Working on this...

If there is no proactivity coming from these people, go and look somewhere else.

Working on this...

 

Also your complain that you are a modern-age man and want woman to approach you is not realistic.

We'll just have to agree to disagree. I'd recommend that instead of telling me this, you should explain this to the men I've witnessed being asked out, being approached, or being asked for their phone numbers.

 

Talk to Basic or others if you wish to discuss the matter of people coming to one further.

 

the sad fact is your hands are tied ....... you can't approach multiple women without looking like a player, and your chance decreases with everyone you talk to because after the first girl ..there is only second best .... < laughing > who wants to treated like the town bike

 

Hi LN8840K. I see--maybe I did the right thing (not doing anything) then if what you are saying is correct. Just out of curiosity, what's a town bike?

 

Here's what wrong with you Lights after readin the posts and hour long texts in each one

Sorry about that. The moment a post involving me and anyone coming to me comes up (regardless of whether I'm the one actually suggesting it), it gets ugly around here. Not my intention.

 

2.) Stop trying for females and try to make some male friends in your area. You are way too isolated and socially deprived to be making any advances with a girl now. Once you get some local friends, then move on to befriend females. The way you carry yourself on the boards with ur words and intellect, i feel that you have some confidence as long as you know what you are doing/saying. But b/c you have no social experience with females it seems, you lack the confidence to communicate with them.

Working on this.

 

3.) Are you physically un-appealing? I mean that right there is a hurdle to get over if you are.

I can't be sure, but I suspect this isn't the case. (None of my friends have made any indication of it, at least, so I suspect no.)

 

Good luck and i hope this helps

Thanks. I hope so too.