Should I chase him?

[MnkyGirl]

Ok, my last thread said my bf needed time alone, to be single and what not...

 

I talked to him today for the first time since last weekend. He is really down, doesn't do anything but sit at home and watch movies, he usually goes out and parties...since he broke it off with me and moved out he doesn't do a thing...kind of depressed sounding. I was talking to him today and I asked him how he was doing with being single, he said ok so far...I then told him I wanted to chase him but I am really trying not to...he laughed a little...I am wondering...do you all thing he wants me to chase him? does he want attention from me? I am getting the feeling from me that he wants me to come to him...I don't know if I should

 

We broke up this time last year...it was me that time...I was having issues with the X husband, my bf and I just started dating and I didn't want him involved so I told him I needed time and space...well after a month of being alone and taking care of issues...getting a no contact order on the X I wanted to date the bf again...it took me two months of chasing him to get him to be serious with me again, we had a great 8 or 9 months and now he needs space...do you all think he wants me to chase him again? he liked it before, made him feel good that I wanted him so much...

 

Or is this a lost cause and I should just move on? I love him so much, I truly believe in my heart he is "the one" for me...if I have to let him go it will be hard but I will do it...I know sometimes men needs space, what does that mean exactly? how much space and time does a man need? a week? a month? more?

 

Any suggestions?

[BRISEIS]

okay, to be honest, i think you should let him go. If you love him let him go and if he comes back to you then cool. If not, that is really sad for you, but look at it this way, you say it took you two months to chase him and ya'll were together for 8 or nine months, so now let him do the chasing. I honestly feel like a girl shouldn't have to chase a guy to get him. If he wants to be with you, he will. So give him his space and be strong. If he loves you enough and if the relationship was strong enough, he will come back and things will work out, but for now, let him go. it is for your best benefit to let him go, so it won't hurt so much to keep dwelling on him. If he wants attention, he has a funny way of showing it if you ask me. You will be alright, I know it is hard because our heart doesnt do what our mind tells us, but be strong in whatever decision you make. Think about this: IS IT REALLY WORTH IT? Also, if he wants his space, GIVE IT TO HIM. And also, if he wanted attention, you did try to be there for him. You just talked to him. If he is miserable, then don't be miserable with him because you don't need that, let someone else do the worrying girl because you have done your part. If he doesnt try to get back together, it's his loss. Sometimes you have to be hard.

[MnkyGirl]

Ya I just got done talking with a friend and this is what he said...

 

"Just answer this question: Why would you chase him? He broke up with you. No amount of trying on your part will make the relationship work without his reciprocation. If he wants a committment, then why is he making you jump through hoops and play chasing games? Do you want to "get him back" without knowing in your heart that he wants to be back? Do you want a shadow of a doubt that he's back because he just wants to keep having sex with you?

 

You need to give him the impression that you are willing and able to move on, because until he realizes that he is actually going to lose you, he is in control and he knows it. When he sees that you are leaving, as in truly moving on, then his true feelings will come out.

 

And if he leaves for good, then you can move on knowing that it wasn't meant to be, and he doesn't get the satisfaction of watching you cling to the hope that there's still a chance.

 

It's the hope that makes it so hard to move on"

 

I think you are all right...I just need to move on. Give up hope, thing is I don't give up easily. I guess this will be a lesson that I can't have everything I want when I want it and that sometimes I just need to let go and move on. I tell you though, I am persisitant and I fight for what I want in life...that has always motivated me to do good and be a good person...it is going to be really hard to get past that...I guess my hope of getting him back can be switched to a hope of finding the right man for me...

 

Thank you =)

[mini696]

I thinkyou should explain to him that you are there to support him through any problems he has, but make sure he knows HE HAS TO COME TO YOU. Otherwise you could just be accused of smothering him.

 

Like your friend said, if he comes to you, then you will KNOW he wants you, and isn't just giving in out of pity. He is aware that you want him, so the ball is in his court now.