noclobber Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 okay, almost everyone knows that if u r friends with a woman u can never ever become her boyfriend!!! i just want to understand the psychology behind this... women, assume that u break up with ur boyfriend and after that one of ur guy friends that is interested in you expresses his feelings. would u refuse to date him just b'cos u started as friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 okay, almost everyone knows that if u r friends with a woman u can never ever become her boyfriend!!! If YOU ARE friends with a woman, YOU can certainly become her boyfriend. It does happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 I'm not sure this applies to noclobber's situation. She seemed more like she wanted all the fun and gifts of a boyfriend, with none of the responsibility or obligation. So she's either really selfish and immature, or there's one heck of a hang up on her religious preferences for men. Having said that... The only guys I have ever really fallen for hard, and had long term relationships with started as good friends. I think I told the first guy about a dozen times that I didn't want anything more then friendship. Blew him off like crazy, over and over again. He wouldn't go away. Mostly I was just really scared of getting hurt again. Over time I fell in love with him too. That one lasted 9 years. Second guy, we never discussed "dating", we just hung out a lot. I wasn't attracted to him, and I didn't see him as "dating" material. Nor did I want to be in a relationship again. So we were friends. He never pushed the issue, or said he wanted more. Never said he liked me as more then friends. But he'd spend time with me instead of his friends, and we'd talk on the phone for hours. Over time I got to see who he was as a person, and I started really falling for him. I was still dating other people during all this, and realized I was comparing all the dates to the friend, and they all fell short. Long story short. Friend turned into lover, and although rocky at times, it's been almost 2 years. The guy's I've dated from the start never lasted. Think the longest was 2 months. So, yes. I do believe friends can become lovers. But I also know I'm not the norm, and I tend to be really.... uh... weird. so take it with a grain of salt. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 okay, almost everyone knows that if u r friends with a woman u can never ever become her boyfriend!!! this is basically true because it is very hard for the female to "reframe" the relationship as something else. If you start out as friends then you'll remain friends (from her perspective).... by "friends" I mean good friends or buddies. Aquaintances are different. If you are an aquaintance with a woman you can most definiately become lovers. That is the best thing....to have many female aquaintances and not friends. I always recommend to men to not be friends with a woman unless you are involved with her romantically. BTW...if the man chooses to become friends with the female then he will most likely never become her lover. Now....if the female chooses to become friends with the man then she may like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 BTW...if the man chooses to become friends with the female then he will most likely never become her lover. Now....if the female chooses to become friends with the man then she may like him. Ahh... I am enlightened. I think that's probably very true. p.s. Love the avatar. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Ahh... I am enlightened. I think that's probably very true. I usually found out later on that most of the women who befriended me were actually romantically interested in me.... I remember I ran into some chick at a bar last summer. We used to work together 15 yrs ago and she befriended me back then. She confessed at the bar that she was totally in love with me back then and I thought we were just friends. I've heard this story over and over again from women. When it is the woman who encourages and fosters the friendship then she probably likes the man. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 When it is the woman who encourages and fosters the friendship then she probably likes the man. Someone - I think it might have been Outcast, actually - put this very well on another thread. Something along the lines of "there are just friends and then there are guys you like so much you'll take them any way you can get them. Including as just friends". A good way to tell the two apart would be to see how much effort and initiative the woman puts in. Which is back to Alpha's comment. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Friends can become more, but it takes a helluva long time for the girl to see the light. Some guys are willing to suffer it out, even though there's no guarantee she'll come around. Link to post Share on other sites
Nur Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 My boyfriend and I were really good friends for three years first. We got to know each other extremely well and be completely comfortable around each other. Then, during the third year, he started acting oh-so-subtly different. He'd ask me to movies (as friends, I thought). He asked me to prom. Sometimes he'd give me little touches... a hand on my back, etc. At first I didn't really connect them, but finally I realized he liked me as more than friends. I decided to give the relationship a shot (just for the heck of it) and ended up falling for him with emotions stronger than I've ever felt for anyone before, and he feels the same. I'm not saying that every friend you have might become more. But sometimes, when you are least expecting it, a friendship blooms or takes a turn, and those, I think, are the most valuable. No nasty surprises, no akwardness -- you already know the person, and he/she knows you. You've seen each other at your best and worst, and have a deep emotional connection to build upon, making the rest all the sweeter. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 I honestly do not believe guys can be *friends* with women - unless he is involved with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Nur Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 I honestly do not believe guys can be *friends* with women - unless he is involved with them. Oh, sure they can. I have more guy friends than girl friends, I think. None of us are interested in each other romantically -- some have girlfriends at other colleges even -- but we still hang out and enjoy one another's company without any romantic feelings between us whatsoever. It's kind of a brother-sister relationship. In fact, they feel sort of protective of me and call me their "little sister." I think the problems come up if you only want a friendship and the other person wants something more. Then you feel strange around them. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Oh, sure they can. I have more guy friends than girl friends, I think. None of us are interested in each other romantically -- some have girlfriends at other colleges even -- but we still hang out and enjoy one another's company without any romantic feelings between us whatsoever. It's kind of a brother-sister relationship. In fact, they feel sort of protective of me and call me their "little sister." I wouldn't know of any of that. I consider any females in my life (besides my GF) to be acquaintances only. No *hanging out* or anything *social*. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 If YOU ARE friends with a woman, YOU can certainly become her boyfriend. It does happen. Totally agree with Outcast you have to be friends in a relationship before you can be lovers so i would say yes but it can also hender yoour friendship if it doesn't work as long as you are willing to take that chance then go for it!! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 I honestly do not believe guys can be *friends* with women - unless he is involved with them. At the very least, he has to be attracted to the girl in some respect, otherwise he wouldn't be friends in the first place. This is true of most guys. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 At the very least, he has to be attracted to the girl in some respect, otherwise he wouldn't be friends in the first place. This is true of most guys. I agree totally WEST....personally, I don't even give fat and ugly women the time of day unless I am forced to.... as in someone you have to work with or a fat and ugly friend of my girlfriend, you know what I mean. What I'm trying to say is I am not mean to them but I don't give them any extra attention either.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted November 15, 2005 Author Share Posted November 15, 2005 wow, lots of interesting replies... thanx guys.. alpha it was surprising to read ur view points about women approaching men as friends if they r interested... never knew that women had that train of thought.. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 What I'm trying to say is I am not mean to them but I don't give them any extra attention either.... Bingo!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lifeasiknowit Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Shouldn't it be the opposite? If you're only friends with women who you're attracted to, don't you run the risk of it evolving into something more, because of the attraction? Or are you afraid that the "fat and ugly women" might pursue something more and that disgusts you, so you don't even want to take that chance? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Or are you afraid that the "fat and ugly women" might pursue something more and that disgusts you, so you don't even want to take that chance? Pretty much LIFEASIKNOWIT....the "fat and ugly" ones are the most aggressive ones. Mainly cause the only way they can get a man is to be assertive. Men generally don't approach them or show interst in them... My guesstimate is that 90% of the women that have approached me or made the first move were average or below avg looking... Good looking women let the men come to them and then they choose the pick of the litter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noclobber Posted November 15, 2005 Author Share Posted November 15, 2005 My guesstimate is that 90% of the women that have approached me or made the first move were average or below avg looking... cud u be any more honest? Link to post Share on other sites
kellyinfl Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 It's sad only ugly chicks ask you out. I guess an ugly state of mind helps. Link to post Share on other sites
lifeasiknowit Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 Alphamale, It makes more sense to me, that the so called ugly women would most likely have lower self esteem, and hence less aggressive and forward. But you seem to have first hand experience with this, so what am I to say? Let's say you were friends with an "ugly" woman and she didn't pursue anything? What is "ugly" anyway? Haven't you ever met an average looking woman who had something about her: a way of speaking, carrying herself, intelligence, wit, etc that made her more attractive the more you got to know her. Haven't you ever met a knock out, a staggering beauty who was incredibly annoying, dumb and just an all around nasty person who became uglier and uglier in your eyes the longer you knew her? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!!!! I dont think there is such thing as ugly - I have met lots of guys who at first impression I didnt look twice at but after chatting for a while I was like WOW!!! But I have to say I have NEVER had a male friend who has not tried it on with me at some point. I dont think it is that possible to have a good friend of the opposite sex (thats my finding) Cos they try it on and then it changes everything!!!! And I would LOVE to have a male friend who was just truly a friend! ::Sigh:: Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 And I would LOVE to have a male friend who was just truly a friend! ::Sigh:: These are what we call gay men Lishy. It is very trendy to have one these days from what I hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 These are what we call gay men Lishy. It is very trendy to have one these days from what I hear. Yeahhh thats what i need!!!! A Gay friend who will say to me "Honey why are you wearing THAT you look like a hooker!!!" Hahhahahaha Link to post Share on other sites
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