BenJ Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Hi guys n gals, I was just a after a few opinions. I'm 22 and have had a few relationships, some long some short. Anyway I met a great girl who is so perfect in so many ways. She's not only fun, very intelligent and interesting, she's also an absolute stunner, the kind of girl I have never before dared to believe I could find. We started seeing each other six weeks ago and after a few dates she stayed the night at mine and it was wonderful. This carried on the next few times we were together and we we had a lot of fun. Something over time I did start to notice was that just before we begun fooling around she would go to bathroom for a short time with her night bag. I didn't think much of it and just presumbed she was fixing herself up. Anyway, and this is where it gets kinda personal, one night while we were hanging out at mine we'd been getting kinda hot but when I went to feel 'down there' I realised she was wearing a pad in her underwear. She sort of swatted my hand away and, as none of my previous girlfriends have been too keen on sex when they are on their period, I asked her about it. But she kinda got flushed and said it would be ok. Again she went to the bathroom and when she came back she had just her knickers on with no pad, and we had another great night. The thing was like ten days later she said that she was having her period. Now I don't pretend to be an expert on anything to do with women but I can add up. So I asked her. She got very embarrased but told me that she has suffers from a bladder weakness. So it now all became clear, why she uses pads all the time and why she changes knickers during the day fairly frequently (being a great boyfriend I always pay attention to my girlfriends underwear!!). Anyway at first it was ok because she felt a lot better about it (she had been very stressed that I would find her Tena in her bag or see her knickers etc). The thing is, without being mean, I find it really puts me off. And I know I shouldn't feel this way because I know it is a medical thing but I nothing quite stunts a romantic moment than wondering whether your girlfriend has wet her knickers or not. Am I normal or do I have to get over myself. Ben Link to post Share on other sites
BenJ Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Anyone with any ideas? It's becoming kind of a serious issue! Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 I would hate to be in your girlfriends shoes. Fate handed her a bum deal on that one. You know how hard that would be for her? Constantly worried the man you're dying to get to know, or are falling in love with, will find out and be repulsed by you? To hear that you're beautiful and funny one second, and then as soon as he finds out, you're gross and disgusting... I just wanna give your girl a hug. I feel really lucky not to have that problem. It'd be like that girl signed a "I will be single forever" contract, all because of something fate dealt her. I'm just blown away that she still has the courage to date, while fearing she'll be cast out like a freak. I don't think I could handle that. I really admire her. Look at how you're reacting. (Nothing wrong with they way you are, it's human nature.) but she must have to go through that all the time. Then hear the excuses right afterward. "I need space.", "It's not you, it's me.", "I don't think we're working out." When the day before you knew, you were all over her and couldn't get enough. Then she bravely has to go back out into the dating world again, knowing as soon as the guy finds out he'll probably react the same way all over again. Do some research on the subject. Talk to her about it after you've researched it more. Understanding something will make you more comfortable with the problem. You're not a bad person for feeling this way. However, it's how you deal with the situation that will show what kind of person you really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Anyway I met a great girl who is so perfect in so many ways. She's not only fun, very intelligent and interesting, she's also an absolute stunner, the kind of girl I have never before dared to believe I could find. ... Am I normal or do I have to get over myself.In any relationship there are going to be things that are not perfect for you (or anyone) or at least that's what people find. You have a great woman. Part of her body isn't functioning perfectly and of course you have some discomfort about it. If you are happy with her except for this one thing then I think it's a case of you getting over it, accepting it and making it "no big deal." Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Some people are born with this type of thing because their kidneys haven't caught up with their body.. My daughter's bestfriend that is 6 has this problem and she takes medicine for her kidneys and when she stays here she wears pull ups and we usually have to change the sheets when they get up but i understand!!! She may grow out of it but she may not depends on the growing of her kidneys because right now they are undeveloped but i don't think this should be an issue for you maybe her kidneys never caught up with her!! Good luck we all have our flaws but shouldn't we loved anyway!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 In any relationship there are going to be things that are not perfect for you (or anyone) or at least that's what people find. Yup. Since you're only 22, I'm gonna take this point further and say that there's no such thing as a human body that doesn't have at least one weak point. It could be migraines, or digestion problems or allergies or back problems or whatever. If you don't know what your weak point is yet, I guarantee you're gonna find it in the next few years. I think it's a case of you getting over it, accepting it and making it "no big deal." Yup. You're gonna see worse once a month anyhow. Link to post Share on other sites
BenJ Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Ok thanks for yout input everyone, I do honestly appreciate it and hope I didn't come off as a terrible person. I spoke to a friend of mine too who I have known siince basically forever and she is never slow or subtle in telling me when I'm being a jerk, and she went as far as to say she doesn't think it is even that uncommon, just not talked about much because of the kind of stigma attached. So anyway I am trying to just be a big person and deal with it. The only thing I don't know is whether to talk to her about it. I always try to be honest because I think that secrets and lies always find a way back in the end. But I feel that maybe she will be embarrassed, or perhaps even that I will or that I may drive her away. But on the other hand I feel maybe there would be things that could make me deal with it better. As you say ReluctantRomeo, worse happens every month, and so when she wears 'protection' it is a lot easier to ignore. Sometimes she doesn't (depending on what outfit she is wearing) but seeing her actual underwear like that is a lot harder to ignore etc. Could / should I talk to her about that? Or would that still be unreasonable? I hope I don't come across too badly here because I am honestly trying to do the right thing be a good guy. Oli Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Could / should I talk to her about that? Or would that still be unreasonable? Nah. I'd leave it alone. And get on with getting to know her You could try doing some exercises to desensitise yourself. Offer to change the diapers/nappies for some of your relatives. Or hang out with their unpotty trained kids. Or clean the toilets in your parent's house. Or clean out the cat litter for some friends. You get the picture. You're being sweet in trying to deal with this, but IMO you're way too sensitive about ick. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 I agree your being too sensitive about something natural. Personally I would talk to her about it, IF you can do so without showing your uncomfortable about it. I'm sure she's worried whether you're going to accept her for who she is, and whether you'll ditch and run over this. I think it could make both of you more comfortable with this if the both of you could sit down and talk about it. Maybe pull her close and cuddle up with her, then bring it up. Just a I understand, and accept you for who you are kind of talk. My other thinking is maybe if she discussed how and why's of it, then you might feel a little more comfortable with it too. But I think leaving this hang in no man's land of non-discussed topics probably won't lead to a completely comfortable relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Any conversation about her condition will be uneasy for the both of you. Don't try to pressure her into talking about something she is embarrassed about. Let her know that when she is ready to talk you will be there for her. DO NOT give advice! Just shut up and listen. Hold her and comfort her. Be the sensitive understanding guy. Something tells me other guys have dumped her over this and if it isn't a deal breaker for you, you could be on the threshold of having a beautiful stunning girl in love with you. Link to post Share on other sites
AlmostMarried77 Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Theres nothing to talk about really - she has a problem and she knows how to deal with it. Next time yuor having a passionate moment and she swats your hand away don't back off, give her a big kiss and tell her you don't care about it. IF you've already got past saying I love you to her then say that too. Do not explain why you don't care about it. Just leave it at that, moments like that actions count for a lot more than words. I'd even give her a pat on the arse and tell her to hurry back as she tootles off to the bathroom to get ready, but then thats just me Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 Theres nothing wrong with it... You are being mean. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 I'd even give her a pat on the arse and tell her to hurry back as she tootles off to the bathroom to get ready, but then thats just me :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
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