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Black Women and Interracial Relationships


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Hello, I've been reading the forums for about a month.

 

As a black guy whenever I'm reading or listening to something about interracial relationships I tend to hear something about how black women are generally against IRs. One of the reasons I've heard is because "all the good men get taken" which I find kinda amusing. I also find it interesting that I usually don't hear about women of other ethnicities being opposed to IRs like black women are.

 

So anyway what do you guys think about this situation?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Personally being a black women I don't have a problem with IRs even though I have never been in one. However I remember when I was in college (an HBCU) just before I transfered to a college that was majority white I was told to make sure I didn't basically turn crazy and get hookup with white guy. Perhaps it's just because its not common yet or because in my area (South)white people still aren't really trusted by blacks. However, I have also noticed that even though I haven't dated outside of the black race I have received alot of ridiculous statements just for dating blacks from other countries from African-American. So perhaps its not even really about race.

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Im a brown beauty and I dont have any problem with interracial relationships. I think what black women get upset about is when certain guys will ONLY date outside their race. As black people are in the minority in England and USA it may feel like its not fair if white women take all the working black men.:(

The reason why white women arent as fussed is because there isnt nearly as much white men going out with black women as the other way round so they dont have to worry about their patch.

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I really REALLY struggle with this issue. In general, whatever makes a person happy, they should go for it. If s/he is good for you, then be good to each other.

 

What I have a really difficult time with is the attitude that I have encountered with some black men. We're treated like we're inferior or something. When I ask them why they choose to date ONLY women who non- black, I've heard many of the same answers over and over:

 

1. White women do what they're told.

2. Black women have too much attitude.

3. Black women don't put with as much as other women would.

 

 

 

For this reason, I physically have to control myself and not roll my eyes when I see a black man with a white woman. It feels, to me, like it's "easier" for a black guy to get a good white/asian/hispanic/other race woman than a good black woman. Just because we are taught to be strong and not put up with mess, we get to scrape the bottom of the barrell? I think we get a raw deal.

Few non black men really date black women. So if black men aren't dating black women, then, basically, NO ONE is.

 

In addition, from what I have come to understand, black men feel free to date white women but will cut eyes at a black woman who dates a white man. Maybe there are shades of a 'slavery chip on the shoulder' or something. :shrugs: But I've been told 'I can date white women if I want to... but black women should date in their own race. That's just not right for a black women to be dating a white man'. :mad:

 

It would be like a white guy who refused to date white women for some really superficial stupid reasons. Wouldn't that piss off white women?

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I am a white guy and I only date only asian girls for the same reason you mentioned some black guys only date white girls... that is:

 

They don't have as much attitude

They generally treat you better

 

and to me:

 

They look better

They're smarter

 

and yes, White women find this very annoying ;)

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Ive had experiances with black men that make me feel momentarily: all black men are dogs or have 50 children. But in truth its only the loud, good looking, testosterone pumping guys that treat girls bad time after time usually. There is nice Black men out there but I just walk past them because I dont like "nice guys" I prefer sexy but thats what gets my heart broken.:(

 

So to say all of my race is bad wouldnt be right. I dont understand people like you. If I decided not to date anyone my race whatsoever what If I got asked out by someone black who isnt the stereotype and they would have really looked after me! And then I could go out with a white guy that was less than satisfactory:confused:

 

For the record I know loads of nice white girls, so I dont know where the f**k your living!

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. :shrugs: But I've been told 'I can date white women if I want to... but black women should date in their own race. That's just not right for a black women to be dating a white man'. :mad:

 

 

LOL!!!:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

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When my black dad got together with my white mother three decades ago they went through all sorts of stuff from both sides. But the fact is they fell in love - and my mother is as firey as any of my black sisters! Me, i learnt from my parents that it doesn't do to make assumptions about people. I tend to date white men, it hasn't been exclusive, but that's just the way i have fallen in love, my black brother has a puerto rican wife, my white neice has an Indian boyfriend - i'm proud to be global and keeping the gene pool fresh and exciting :)

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it's true what curvygirl sez. black guys get all offended when they see a black woman with a white man. "what's a fine sista like you doing with him?". it's all just stupid really. people have free will ~~~~ shrug~~~~~

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I think its quite funny. The type of guys who get upset about that are the kinda guys who dont treat girls nice anyway so I dont see the problem.

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The problem is that they influence their friends and the people around them... raise their sons ands nephews with this attitude and it spreads. Great for you but what about your black friend who is attracted to black (not white/asian/hispanic ) men?

 

I purposely moved to an area where there were more black men, and black men that date black women (Atlanta). It doesn't seem like white men down here really dig black women (they prefer big busted socialites).

 

Of the black men I have gone out with, I STILL have to filter out the ones that I wouldn't be interested in. If that pool is already too small it doesn't leave a lot of options.

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  • 3 weeks later...

As a white guy, I dated a black girl for 6 years and I rarely felt any discrimination from the black community. Actually, their arms were always open to us. Nothing better than a west african summer picnic.

It was all the white eyes staring when you asked for a table at a restaurant that took some time getting used to. Overall, I got the impression from alot of women of all colors that they approved of our relationship. I got the label as the sensitive liberal white guy....LOL.

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I have only dated only Latino men (of all shades), save for one Black man. And this exception was only recently after I dared myself to go out on a limb. :rolleyes:

 

In general, I don't think the Latino community has a problem with interracial dating. If anything, I've found people to be overzealous about what my blue eyed and red haired self could bring to the gene pool. Add to that the fact that I have lived in Latin America, speak fluent spanish, and dance Latin music like a native, and I have been accepted with very little problems.

 

Location also has a lot to do with it. I live in a small, liberal, northeast city. On my block alone growing up, there were four interracial families. I was part of a 12% minority of White kids in my high school. There just weren't many white guys to date, period, so I don't think my peers, regardless of their race, saw it as odd that I dated outside of my ethnicity. In this case, being brown skinned was the "norm", so I was just dating, in a sense, "the norm".

 

As an adult now living in the same city, things are a bit different because the demographics have changed. In high school, your standards for people you date are different; you are not really looking for "marriage material", and it is not always clear where people are going to end up ten years in the future. The current reality is that people are now looking to get married and there is a very low percentage of educated, professional Black and Latino men my age. Thus, I am no longer looking for and dating "the norm", but a highly coveted minority. When supply and demand becomes such a problem, issues of race and entitlement are highlighted (e.g., he should be dating me because we are of the same race).

 

Luckily for me, I like working class men and so only occasionally have to dip into this rat race. :)

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I'm a Black (and Jewish) woman and I have NEVER dated a Black man, or a Jewish one for that matter. I'm all for IR's.

 

(But I don't date anymore, so it's a moot point!)

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Im a brown beauty and I dont have any problem with interracial relationships. I think what black women get upset about is when certain guys will ONLY date outside their race. As black people are in the minority in England and USA it may feel like its not fair if white women take all the working black men.:(

The reason why white women arent as fussed is because there isnt nearly as much white men going out with black women as the other way round so they dont have to worry about their patch.

I have also heard this complaint and I will tell you the reason.

Black men have no problem with the girlfriends skin color. They just date the woman who is nice to them.

But thats the problem. The "treat yur man like you treat your dog" attitude transcends all races with millions of women treating their boyfriends in an abusive manner that they would never treat anybody else.

 

But white women do not treat black man in this abusive manner because its racist.

 

And black men date women who do not abuse them.

 

Dead simple!

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I have also heard this complaint and I will tell you the reason.

Black men have no problem with the girlfriends skin color. They just date the woman who is nice to them.

But thats the problem. The "treat yur man like you treat your dog" attitude transcends all races with millions of women treating their boyfriends in an abusive manner that they would never treat anybody else.

 

But white women do not treat black man in this abusive manner because its racist.

 

And black men date women who do not abuse them.

 

Dead simple!

 

I dont have a problem with Black guys going out with white girls at all its there perogative:) . I have never treated a man like a dog in my life I tend to find Black Men treating my mixed race and white friends like dogs very often, its crazy. I think Black Men have a lot of insecurity issues as in their status in the world. When some of them get into the household they want to feel like they are a real man whether they are acting according to that than not. A white or mixed race girl who will put up with anything fulfills that role. When my pretty light skinned friends tell me what their guys are saying to them I think they are joking!:eek:

I hate they way my "non black" friends get treated by black guys, half of them are crying theirselves to sleep on a regular basis as they tend to take a lot of foolishness without saying anything. Im not saying all interaccial relationships are like that but ive seen it too much for it not to be true.

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honeybunch2k5

I am a black woman, and I don't have a problem with interracial dating. I'll admit, I don't always like to see attractive black men run after the fattest white women they can find. In fact, thus far all the guys I've dated have been white. I guess black men dating white women just makes more white men for me. Many black women are mad b/c there is a shortage of available good black men, and the ones most motivated to succeed often date out of the race. Black women outnumber black men almost 2:1 in college campuses

 

I think the main things that keeps white men and black women apart are stereotypes. I believe that many white guys think black women are mean, fat, have a bunch of kids, and have weird standards for men. They also believe that not many black women find them attractive. From my experience, some white men feel they are not as endowed as black men and may not be able to please a black woman. Also, where I live it is very unacceptable for black women to date white men b/c many people believe that white men never want true relationships with black women. In other words, white men won't take black women home to their mommas (untrue).

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Hello, I've been reading the forums for about a month.

 

As a black guy whenever I'm reading or listening to something about interracial relationships I tend to hear something about how black women are generally against IRs. I also find it interesting that I usually don't hear about women of other ethnicities being opposed to IRs like black women are.

 

So anyway what do you guys think about this situation?

 

I think it's a tough question. Rejection is one reason why many black women react negatively to seeing hordes of black men trip over themselves like idiots trying to catch the attention of any white woman. I've seen it first hand (maybe you carry yourself with dignity this is not an attack on you). I think there is a knee-jerk emotional reaction to the rejection in some people. When I see an attractive educated black man parading around with an overweight, ugly, or trashy white woman, I feel rejected. My gut reaction is "Am I so bad, that he would rather be with that?" I'm pretty, smart, and fun.

 

I know that's completely irrational. He's never had the opportunity to meet me. I've also just passed all sorts of judgments on this woman. That's usually not my style.

 

But white women do not treat black man in this abusive manner because it’s racist.

 

And black men date women who do not abuse them.

 

Define abuse.

 

Historically black women have suffered from the abuse of black men. (Maybe that's why some black women are so tough and have defenses up when dealing with men.) My parents worked diligently to make sure that I didn't turn out hard. That was the point of the fancy private school education, the fancy piano lessons, all of the stress on good manners and etiquette. Now because of the color of my skin, I don't even have a chance.

 

One of the reasons I've heard is because "all the good men get taken" which I find kinda amusing. [/Quote]

 

Why do you find this amusing? It's all about perception. I'm feeling the "good men are taken" sentiment right now. However, when I lived in Atlanta I never felt that way. People always want to at least date within their socio-economic class (if not date up). Your options as a black woman can be limited if you don't live in an area with a large black upwardly mobile population. So, if the few black men are into white women, you're out on your own. Personally, I'm working on finding men of other races attractive and interesting. I know that people are people, with feelings and interest, few of which have anything to do with the color of their skin.

 

 

On the other hand, is it so wrong for black girls to want the fantasy of marrying someone like their Dad/big brother/uncle. Black women are the only group prescribed to give up this American Dream due to negative stereotypes and lack of options.

 

As I write this, I’m wondering why I care so much about black men when they clearly don’t care for me at all. Maybe this is where black women go wrong. Maybe it’s time to give up on the people who have given up on us.

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I have no problems with interracial dating as long as its done for the right reasons. In other words, Black men and women who date other races for true love is great. When you date outside of your race and generalize your race (ie Black men have no education and are only after sex....Black Women argue too much...ect) in a negative light, then you are wrong. Sadly, 90% of interracial couples that I talk to tend to do this. I can understand the pain and hurt one can have by dating the "stereotypical" Black man or woman, but you must realize that you should not talk negative or demeaning about your entire race. As a Black man, I find it very offensive when I hear brothers or sisters doing this. Its hard enough dealing with the embeded racism in USA.

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Define abuse.

 

Historically black women have suffered from the abuse of black men. (Maybe that's why some black women are so tough and have defenses up when dealing with men.) My parents worked diligently to make sure that I didn't turn out hard. That was the point of the fancy private school education, the fancy piano lessons, all of the stress on good manners and etiquette. Now because of the color of my skin, I don't even have a chance.

Historically White men raped and abused Black women but this is not stopping sisters from dating White men at an alarming rate. Funny how White men are not generalized like Black men.

 

 

 

 

As I write this, I’m wondering why I care so much about black men when they clearly don’t care for me at all. Maybe this is where black women go wrong. Maybe it’s time to give up on the people who have given up on us.

 

Trust me, there are some good brothers who care so don't give up on us because we have not given up on you.:)

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Historically White men raped and abused Black women but this is not stopping sisters from dating White men at an alarming rate. Funny how White men are not generalized like Black men.

 

Oh no. White men are generalized too. Most of my friends have never seriously dated a White man for fear of recreating the master/slave scenario. The assumption that White men are not well endowed is prevalent too. There's also the assumption that they are weak, and the list goes on and on.

 

G-Soul I haven't given up on black men, I really would prefer not to date outside my race. Times are tough here in Central Florida and it seems that if I don't get on the IR bandwagon, I'm going to be one lonely woman.

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Oh no. White men are generalized too. Most of my friends have never seriously dated a White man for fear of recreating the master/slave scenario. The assumption that White men are not well endowed is prevalent too. There's also the assumption that they are weak, and the list goes on and on.

 

G-Soul I haven't given up on black men, I really would prefer not to date outside my race. Times are tough here in Central Florida and it seems that if I don't get on the IR bandwagon, I'm going to be one lonely woman.

 

Good point. White men are generalized to a certain point. I just hear sisters tear brothers down so much because of their personsal experience. Because of their personal experiences, I notice Bw going to Wm for relief. When I was in college I saw Bw always going for the player,athlete type Bm exclusively. Try expanding where you search for Bm. If you go to the club to find men, then you will get a typical club type Bm. :) Expand your search in other areas.

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Although I have nothing against a "true" interracial relationship, I think that a Black women fits my needs in American society. When I get stopped by the police because of racial profiling, a Black women can relate to me. When I loose that job promotion to a White person even though I am the more qualified person, a Black women feels my pain. This is something I, as a Black man in this society, need in a relationship. From my experience, when I talk to some of my White friends, they don't seem to get it. But that is just me. Some peoples experiences and needs are different. So, I respect that.

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Although I have nothing against a "true" interracial relationship, I think that a Black women fits my needs in American society. When I get stopped by the police because of racial profiling, a Black women can relate to me. When I loose that job promotion to a White person even though I am the more qualified person, a Black women feels my pain. This is something I, as a Black man in this society, need in a relationship. From my experience, when I talk to some of my White friends, they don't seem to get it.

 

This is exactly why I prefer Black men (in addition to the fact that I find them attractive).

 

Try expanding where you search for Bm. If you go to the club to find men, then you will get a typical club type Bm. Expand your search in other areas.

 

For the record: I haven't hooked up with anyone from the club since my Freshman year in college. But I prefer quality over quantity, and sheer lack of numbers is my current problem.

 

Hey G-Soul would you like to join me for a drink? ;)

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I know the topic of this thread is about black women (surprise, surprise). But I actually think the reaction from black men when they see in their words "a fine looking sista" hand in hand with a White guy is just as bad if not worse!:laugh: .

Because that Bw, Wm doesnt happen exclusively very often people forget the negative and dissaproving "sell out" vibes you get from black guys. Plus if your a Black woman who has a white boyfriend people tend to think theres something not quite right about you or your turning your back on where you came from.

 

Ive got a bi-racial friends who would never go out with another bi-racial guy, or they just prefer black guys. One of my friends said she thinks mixed race guys are horrible "we'd look like brother and sister!". Surely this is the exact same attiude that some black guys have:confused:

 

Two of the dumbest reasons some black guys said for liking only mixed or white girls:

 

1. "I don't do black nipples" [and "too black" is another part of a womans anatomy im too polite to mention;) ]

 

2. "I don't like black girls coz when your having sex in front of the mirror you cant tell whos, who" (I kid you not!):eek:

 

Bearing in mind one of these guys has a good job and is intelligent and well educated. If thats the kind of attitudes some of these "only interracial" guys have its no loss to me!:p

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