Body Image??

[Vikingfan]

Ok so Im starting to get back into the dating scene after a few months of getting over my ex. I have put on some weight and I am not comfortable with the way I look at all. Do guys pay alot of attention to how overweight you are? Like would it keep them from liking me if I talked to them do you think? I am trying to diet but its not working out so well. I will have a good day then I will have a bad day. anyways I hope you can help me

[westernxer]

Do guys pay alot of attention to how overweight you are?

Some guys do.

 

Like would it keep them from liking me if I talked to them do you think?

Depends on the guy, I suppose.

[elijahBailey]

Do guys pay alot of attention to how overweight you are? Like would it keep them from liking me if I talked to them do you think?

 

depends on how overweight you are I suppose. If you're a 5'1" and you're like 140lbs, that's a little much. how tall are you and what's your weight?

 

take note of these factors..

1. confidence (a turn on for me)

2. toned thighs

 

I'm not too into boobs. And you should not underestimate the way you carry yourself; it make a difference.

[impuls3]

some guys care some guys dont... body doesnt mean as much to me as attitude and character... but some guys r really shallow, others, not so much

[elijahBailey]

some guys care some guys dont... body doesnt mean as much to me as attitude and character... but some guys r really shallow, others, not so much

 

ALL guys do! You would date a 200lb girl with an awesome personality?

 

If so, you probably don't fall under the bell curve. Your attraction criteria appears a little different from others'.

[laRubiaBonita]

but if you are uncomfortable, and insecure in your own skin, SEriously dooo something about it.

 

your insecurities will infiltrate evrey aspect of your life.....and women will pick up on it.

[bunnzy]

If you are confident in yourself and are a good person, the right guy will not care.

[Deshanga]

Don't date anyone who cares. They should like you for your personality. If they really care about you they won't care what you look like.

[elijahBailey]

If you are confident in yourself and are a good person, the right guy will not care.

 

provided you're not too out of shape.

 

If they really care about you they won't care what you look like.

 

If they don't like how you look, they wouldn't really care about you

 

 

Anyhow, my point is, guys CARE about how their chicks look. You're delusional if you think we don't. For those that don't, it's not that they don't care, it's a matter of 'they didn't get a chance to choose'.

 

Let's say you've this awesome guy with good personality who's pickin' between 2 babes..

babe#1 - cute, good personality, very IN shape

babe#2 - cute, good personality, very very OUT of shape

 

his picks..... who? ..... babe#2??...........get outta here.....

[Lishy]

Looks are a 'first impression' ...... Period

 

Shallow guys full of insecurities choose the fit girls so they look good and feel better about themselves - They want their friends to say "Wow have you seen his chick she is a BABE!"

That smacks of insecurity and that isnt attractive.

I am so hung up on a guy right now who is 16 stone and the nicest guy you will meet! I have been asked out by guys who are 6ft tall, handsome with a six pack and not much else, and i wouldnt even consider giving them my number!!!!

Looks at the end of the day mean nothing. The best looking, fittest person can soon start to look ugly when you look further and see a self obsessed egomaniac whose most important part of the day is down the gym lifting.

Give me the guy who loves his kids and enjoys taking his partner out for a romantic meal and not worrying about eating carbs after 6pm!!! YUK! So un-attractive!

 

So really the problem is not with how you LOOK, it's about your inner confidence and how you value yourself - If you feel overweight and you wont enjoy life because of it then it's a problem.

Dont worry what guys think about you - Worry about what you think about yourself.

If you are in bed with a guy and covering up your body it will draw more attention to it and he will be desperate to see what you are hiding - Get it all out and go for it - If you cant, then do something about it or you will never enjoy a great sex life.

After I had my son i was blessed with disgusting stretchmarks on my stomach (I now call them my war wounds lol) - After i left my partner of 14 years I honestly did not think i could ever show another man my stomach

Hey ho the next guy i was with was KISSING my stomach and i did not care - Cos he made me feel good about myself!!!!!!

 

So in answer to your question you may meet guys who dont find you attractive cos you have extra pounds and you will meet guys who will worship every spare pound on you. Love your self and if you cant then you need to make a change - For YOU not for some shallow man who cant see the person you are!!!!!!

[reddog63]

Don't date anyone who cares. They should like you for your personality. If they really care about you they won't care what you look like.

__________________

Deshanga Luwyn

Firey Warrior

Poet and Writer of fantasy

 

This is one of the most common mistakes I see women make. "They should like you for who you are......". Ladies, men are visual bastards........in general, it is a high need.

 

That can be similiar to saying...........I am a man who doesnt like to talk much or show my feelings or help much around the house..........you think I need to change or can I find someone who likes me for who I am??

 

*** Note: I will throw in a related misconception.......we men are not looking for models........meaning, as long as you are reasonably fit and take pride in appearance, then we are satisfied. And if you fit that discription, then be more confident with your bodies.

[elijahBailey]

This is one of the most common mistakes I see women make. "They should like you for who you are......". Ladies, men are visual bastards........in general, it is a high need.

 

That can be similiar to saying...........I am a man who doesnt like to talk much or show my feelings or help much around the house..........you think I need to change or can I find someone who likes me for who I am??

 

*** Note: I will throw in a related misconception.......we men are not looking for models........meaning, as long as you are reasonably fit and take pride in appearance, then we are satisfied. And if you fit that discription, then be more confident with your bodies.

 

man, I'm so with you on the visual bastard thing. I confess I'm one myself

 

Ditto to everything you said.

[Lishy]

But guys come on ..... Have you EVER met a girl and your first impression is ... well not alot - But you get to know her and the more you do the more you like her?

 

Its happened to me lots of times - I meet a guy who makes no impression on me at all and after time i see him as very attractive and fancy the pants off him!!!!!!!

 

Maybe it's just a girlie thing?

 

Do all fat girls remain single?

[reddog63]

I can say that as I have gotten older, I do find a woman's personality much more important then when I was younger. But I still have to find her attractive.............not perfect.........but attractive.

[Blackfrost]

But guys come on ..... Have you EVER met a girl and your first impression is ... well not alot - But you get to know her and the more you do the more you like her?

 

yes, I usually end up liking her as a friend, not someone I want to sleep with. I tend to be of the mindset, that if I bust my butt to keep myself in shape, the person I'm going to be with needs to care about themselves as well.

[elijahBailey]

But guys come on ..... Have you EVER met a girl and your first impression is ... well not alot - But you get to know her and the more you do the more you like her?

 

if she's a 5'1" and 160pounder? ..... No

if she's a 5'1" and 100pounder? ..... Yes

 

 

Its happened to me lots of times - I meet a guy who makes no impression on me at all and after time i see him as very attractive and fancy the pants off him!!!!!!!

 

Maybe it's just a girlie thing?

 

It is

 

Do all fat girls remain single?

 

I wouldn't go as far as that, but the odds are against them.

[lilmoma1973]

Some guys don't and some do...I'm not the same size as i was before i had my daughter .. I think before i looked sick now i look healthy not fat im very fit and toned ..My h loves that i look like i do he says i have more of a shape and loves that my boobs won't leave !!I think most men are boobs and butt men .. I think models and celebrities look sickly so what if you gained a few pds as long as you are healthy and the guy likes you!!

You can be the skinnest person and hate yourself!!! It is how you feel about yourself in your skin fat or skinny !!! If you would feel good about losing weight then do it .. Don't do it for no man do it for yourself!!! Make sure you aren't starving yourself and you are eating three small meal and snacking in between if your exercising if not you will not notice a change because your body will keep what you are bringing in if it isn't getting enough and you have to trick your metabolism... Drink lots of water !! Good luck

[ReluctantRomeo]

man, I'm so with you on the visual bastard thing. I confess I'm one myself

 

I think most guys are programmed to include body shape as one of our selection criteria. The shape we're looking for and how high on the list this comes will vary from guy to guy, but it's pretty much in our genes to be visual - survival of the fittest and all that.

 

The good news is that you don't have to be particularly fit - for most of us guys, just not being in bad shape will do. In fact - and girls seem to have a hard time getting this - most of us consider curves to be an important part of feminine beauty.

[elijahBailey]

..My h loves that i look like i do he says i have more of a shape and loves that my boobs won't leave !!I think most men are boobs and butt men ..

 

I luv legs. but boobs and butts are good too

 

so what if you gained a few pds as long as you are healthy and the guy likes you!!

 

The key word here, lilmoma, is "a few pds".

 

I love curves and shape. If a girl's a little over but still got the curves, it's still fine by me. Too skinny is bad and is a turn off.

[ReluctantRomeo]

The key word here, lilmoma, is "a few pds".

 

I love curves and shape. If a girl's a little over but still got the curves, it's still fine by me. Too skinny is bad and is a turn off.

 

Lol, I think we were doing the telepathic thing... our posts were even at more or less the same time

[kitten chick]

and girls seem to have a hard time getting this

 

Why do you think that is?

 

 

I luv legs. but boobs and butts are good too

The key word here, lilmoma, is "a few pds".

if she's a 5'1" and 160pounder? ..... No

if she's a 5'1" and 100pounder? ..... Yes

man, I'm so with you on the visual bastard thing. I confess I'm one myself

If they don't like how you look, they wouldn't really care about you

ALL guys do! You would date a 200lb girl with an awesome personality?

 

This is one of the most common mistakes I see women make. "They should like you for who you are......". Ladies, men are visual bastards........in general, it is a high need.

Anyhow, my point is, guys CARE about how their chicks look. You're delusional if you think we don't. For those that don't, it's not that they don't care, it's a matter of 'they didn't get a chance to choose'.

 

Yes there were quite a few posts in support of the woman posting but quite a few comments to make her feel even more insecure. I applaud you all for your honesty but a woman knows these thoughts are in a man's mind while dating. It will be hard for her to believe that he is being honest and will only perpetuate her insecurities. There's a reason that middle aged women are afraid their husbands will run off with a little 20-something woman.

 

Personally, I believe it has a lot to do with societal conditioning. There are tribes in Africa that believe the fatter the woman, the more desirable she is, yet here in Western cultures (as well as most others) men are taught to want skinny modelesque women. Throughout history women who were pale were considered desirable because it meant that they were of wealth and culture, today a woman with a tan glow is more desirable.

 

I firmly believe that each person desires different traits, however, there are some general norms that cover the majority.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Why do you think that is?

 

I don't know... probably the same reason that you took my phrase, expected to hear something else, didn't look at what I was actually saying and went off on the rant you were going to do anyhow.

 

Listening is an underrated skill

[elijahBailey]

agreed Kitten. I hope the OP takes it the right way. Truths are priceless in a society where deceit is the way of life.

 

After all, you CAN alter the body image; it's within your control.

[elijahBailey]

man, you reading my mind again RR?

[kitten chick]

agreed Kitten. I hope the OP takes it the right way. Truths are priceless in a society where deceit is the way of life.

Unfortunately, I agree with you on this. I have quite a few issues with society these days.

 

After all, you CAN alter the body image; it's within your control.

Yes, you can to some extent but not everyone has complete control. Things like hormones / metabolism may make it impossible for a woman to be a size 2 (US) and by the standards you listed a size 8/10 (US) is unacceptable.

 

I don't know... probably the same reason that you took my phrase, expected to hear something else, didn't look at what I was actually saying and went off on the rant you were going to do anyhow.

 

Listening is an underrated skill

I know I pulled one of your phrases and I did listen to what you said. You said that women don't have to be perfect and have a hard time understanding that. Then you went on to agree with elijahBailey that legs, boobs, and butts are great and there had better be only a few pounds or you wouldn't be interested.