alphamale Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Does anyone else have this problem?? I'll start dating someone new and I'll be real into them for 3 or 4 months and then my interest level will just hit rock-bottom and I don't care about them anymore..... This has happened to me with many different women. Its like they can't hold my interest for more than 16 weeks. There have been 3 or 4 women I dated that were able to keep my interest level high for quite a long time, as in years, but even with them I eventually lost interest (or they did).... My dating pattern has been that i'll meet someone new and she'll be all into me and I like her but after 3 or 4 months i just lose interest and dump her or stop calling her out-of-the-blue. Now, conversely, a few women have done the same to me (lose interest in me after a few months) but 80% of the time it is me losing interest in her. I don't know what the deal is, its weird. What do you think it is? Fear of falling in love, fear of commitment, wanting to sleep with many women? Hmmmm.... Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Hey Alpha, Could it be that they no longer become a challenge after 3-4 months? Normally after this time, for me I tend to let down my guard around a person a little them start getting close and now londer play games, so I guess I would no longer be a challenge. I have heard that guys like to persue, after 3-4 months I quite playing hard to get if I really like the person. Just a thought. I know for me I like a little bit of a bad boy. If you are to nice up front and seem like to much of a push over I loose interest real quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I've had the same problem before earlier in my life.. I always felt that I was using the person as a filler until " the real one " came along. And since the " real one " isn't around I just find another after it petered out. Today if the person doesn't fit into what I would consider " my long term goals of what I want in a woman " then I just move on.. I'm too old for games anymore..I think the " Fillers " have stopped me from finding " my goal " Maybe this is what you experience as well.. If not.. Maybe its the CP Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Maybe its the CP Art, What is the CP? Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I agree with Art. And I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I was always like that too. It just means that's not the person for you. When you meet THE one for you, you don't get bored after 3 to 4 months. I was more like that when I was younger though too. As I got older I got better at recognizing those whom I'd only last a few months with and didn't even bother getting involved in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 maybe, ALPHA, you are just too set in your ways, and get sick of having to accomidate anothers needs....aka, you are selfish. Not that is necessarily Bad...but as i said, you are accustomed to doing things a certain way, you have your routines, and after having your style cramped....you get over these women, and get to be ALPHAMALE again. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I don't know what the deal is, its weird. What do you think it is? Fear of falling in love, fear of commitment, wanting to sleep with many women? Hmmmm.... I can count the time that it hasn't been this way with me on one hand. I've only felt deep, lasting connections a few times, and out of those - only one of them in my 20 years of relationship involvement actually 'stuck'. I think, looking back its that it was an addiction to the 'rush'. I don't think it had anything to do with any deep psychological stuff or 'commitment phobia' - just that the whole 'brand new' process is fun, and the type of connections that allow for truly lasting long term connections are not as common as people would like to think. Once the 'brand new' wears off, its time for a new 'brand new'. Infatuation fades, and when expectations and wishful thinking clear up in a couple of month's time - you find yourself sharing a bed with someone that you find you don't actually like as a person, and no longer find yourself wanting to pleasure or please anymore. Time to move on. I think that deep connections between people - the kind where you actually like and accept someone as an individual as well as a dating/sexual partner and not just a dating/sexual partner are a lot more rare than people think, and a good deal of relationships are basically prolonged 'brand new' situations that are endings waiting to happen, or are a case of people trying to convince themselves that what they have is the 'real deal' when actually they know deep down it isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I used be that way after my divorce. I tried to have a relationship but te only thing I eer wanted from them was sex and it got boring sleeping with the same woman. Now I am with a woman that I look forward to seeing all the time. We see each other almost everyday after work and never get sick of each other. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Because people suck. And you like to play games. Once the games end you need to move on to someone else you can play. Men who play games will always play games. They never grow out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I don't know what the deal is, its weird. What do you think it is? I think it's the inevitable consequence of allowing the desire for ego gratification to supercede the need for intellectual stimulation. You've indicated in many of your 6000+ posts that you are a firm subscriber to the belief that women are generally irrational, led primarily by their emotions - and, if they have any aesthetic appeal, enjoy being treated badly. The desire to substantiate that view with your own relationship experiences will lock you into thinking and behavioural patterns that are as damaging to any chance you might have of a happy and stimulating long term relationship as they are derogatory to women in general. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 You'll be real into them as they pose a challenge for you that you want to overcome, because in your heart you're still this nice guy who couldn't get laid and wasn't successful with the ladies. After a while you realize they are not that exciting. They were challenging in the beginning, played their games with you, but when they dropped their guards and became human, you lost interest. Women simply shouldn't date guys who only look at them as prizes or challenges. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Art, What is the CP? Commitment Phoebic Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 hmmm....some very interesting replies so far. I am quite busy at work this morning (auditors are here!) but I will reply later in the afternoon.... one thing I would like to add is that the handful of women who COULD keep my interest for a long period were the ones who were more aloof and played hard-to-get....they showed interest in me then backed off, then showed interest and then backed off, sorta like a little "dance".... maybe that will help. Like I said....I can count on one hand how many women in my past kept my interest long-term... Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Sounds like you're just into the thrill of the chase. No offense but I noticed your age. People usually outgrow that by the time they reach your age. I haven't read all your posts like some have but are you REALLY looking for something more long term? I gather from your original post that this pattern you've established bothers you. But yet you're still into the game playing. I'm curious. What happened with the "handful" who DID keep you interested. Did you run once you knew you "had" them? Do you really know what you want in a woman? Do you even really WANT one woman? Just some things to ask yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 It is your way of dating. And your perception of what women are all about. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 My guess is that your shields went up after experiencing great emotional pain that you attributed to a relationship. Since then you have been unable to allow yourself to be vulnerable and "truly" yourself. The need for intimacy has been replaced (temporarily) by the desire to win at the "game" of "love." This game that you play, complete with a set of rules, is not satisfying deep emotional needs that you have. You go through the motions, see the results of your actions but there is something missing from your life. Inevitably, perhaps after much introspection, self examination and pain you will drop your shields, give in to love, get married and have children. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I'd go with previous remarks. Thrill of the chase gives way to fear of deeper commitment. Have you ever seen a therapist or other professional about this? Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 In the words of Vince Vaughn from the movie Old School...."one vagina for the rest of your life, way to think it through man" Maybe your not done having your variety yet Alpha. There is nothing wrong with dating and then moving on if you know its time for you to move on. You will know when the right one comes along and since they don't always just fall in your lap you have to get out there and try a few on for size (pun intended). Until the right one comes along I see nothing wrong with what your are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 BECAUSE.... the time you spent over the years are spent on refining your ways of getting the women and not on building on a relationship with them. There's huge difference there. While I've never doubted your ability to get women interested, I've never believed you're someone who could be in a lasting relationship. A couple of my buddies are like that. Getting the chicks are easy but beyond that, they're befuddled as to why things can't progress. They tell me the feeling's a pretty shallow one. I wouldn't know, cos I'm someone who'd try to hold on to a relationship and try to weather thru the storms....even when the feelings come and go. Our society is to blame too because everyone seems to be looking for an aphrodisiac. Everyone wants to live on a high, and when things start to cool, we think there's something wrong in the relationship. It ain't that, surely we all know. Things run in cycles and so do our relationships. I'm being blunt here so I hope you take it the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Well this is pretty funny. All along you've claimed that you're not interested in anything but getting your pecker polished so what's the complaint? You proudly proclaim that you've slept with dozens of women and post your 'strategy' for tricking more into bed. You think you're just the hottest thing around. You're not trying to say that Hef wants to grow up and have an actual relationship, surely? You've made your bed; literally and figuratively, and are lying in it. What's the cause? I'm not going to be as kind as some; IMHO your problem is that you haven't developed the maturity to deal with women as people rather than as objects to amuse you. You may, as LB suggested, be hooked on 'infatuation high' - you'd rather trade the artificial highs of serial infatuations for the calmer, steadier high of a stable long-term relationship. I suggest you take up skydiving or running to provide yourself with the highs you're after and hire hookers for sex so you won't end up disappointing women. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 And you bash ME for being too blunt and for not being "supportive?" I can't stop laughing! WHAT a hypocrite! Where's your support for him? He came on here for answers and support not to be bashed! Are the OW's a better breed somehow than what you think he is? Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 It irks me that some people take cheap shots at people who come here for help. We should all recognize our own humanity and concede that we ALL have issues in our lives. Never kick a person when he's down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 And you bash ME for being too blunt and for not being "supportive?" I can't stop laughing! WHAT a hypocrite! Where's your support for him? He came on here for answers and support not to be bashed! You're a newbie, HC. You haven't endured the thousands of anti-female posts that this guy has foisted on us. He's quite proudly proclaimed that he's only out to screw women. If you'll look you'll find it in his own words. Are the OW's a better breed somehow than what you think he is? WTF are you talking about? I don't even post on the OW boards; I loathe infidelity and have no sympathy for people in that situation. I suspect you mistake me for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 soo ALPHA, the women...do they also get "bored" with you after a while? or are they totally captivated when you toss them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 soo ALPHA, the women...do they also get "bored" with you after a while? or are they totally captivated when you toss them? sure LRB...some of them do get "bored" with me....but most of the time, 80% i'd say, it is me who splits. I guess I'm just to frightened to get too emotionally close to a female. The few times I did it ended in disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
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