Rebound relationships

[bridgett]

I recently dated this guy and he seemed really into me really fast. He took me out and was just so sweet. He always wanted to see me, which I thought was great because I really liked him too. We spent a lot of time together and I thought we really had a connection. Then all of a sudden he wasn't so into me anymore and stopped calling. I'm thinking maybe he was on the rebound and then dropped me once he felt better about his previous relationship being over. Does anyone know how I could look back and tell this for sure, without asking him? Maybe there were warning signs that I missed? He never talked about any women in his life (we dated for about a month).

[JS17]

It could be anything based on what you've written. Too much too soon, on the rebound, met someone else, playing a game. You won't know and it doesn't matter. You just need to move on to someone else. Try to not get attached to them quickly and you'll be fine.

[SilentPrayer]

Well,

 

Seems to me that the lad you are seeing is not 2 sure of you or he could have possibly had an agenda for you the whole time. Men are like light switches...there is no middle. It is either ON or OFF!

Don't get caught up on the what if's...the but's....the how's...the why's.

Just remind yourself of who you were before you met. Still the same girl..but just a little confused.

If you want to know the truth. He doesn't seem to care about you all that much if after only a MONTH..he is doing the no contact thing.

 

Just be upfront and FRANK..and just say..."Why havent you called....are you seeing someone else? I deserve an answer...I was in this relationship 2".

 

You will get an answer...Ps: what is his star sign?

 

Silent:love:

[bridgett]

My girlfriends who I've talked to about this seem to think it was the agenda thing. But it doesn't make sense to me that he would try so hard if that was the case. I don't have much relationship experience, so maybe I was just kind of gullible...and now trying to find an explanation.

 

I think his star sign is cancer.

[Iluvsiamese]

I think that you are hoping for some indicator that will help prevent such from happening in the future?

 

That's a tough one. I don't think that there is anything that is going to give you a real heads up on that one. Some guys just are like that--they run hot and cold and there isn't any single reason for it. There's just no accounting for how some people behave.

 

About all I can say is watch out for the guys who come on too strong, too fast. No matter what the reason, the result is generally the same. Overkill and then nothing.

[bridgett]

Yeah, at first I was kind of reluctant and then when I was just starting to really show that I liked him a lot too, it was suddenly over. Maybe it was just the thrill of the chase that excited him...ok, I really need to stop speculating and just forget about it.

[hoppy28]

bridgett.................this sounds so much like my story. except im a guy in the situation.

 

the same thing happened to me............she was all about me and then dropped off the face of the earth. or atliest my earth. she ditched me for another guy........whom she recently ditched.

 

some people are just to shallow to tell you the truth. i have no need for people like that in my life. i was disapointed, hurt, confused. ive spent waisted time trying to figure out what happened......in the end the only answer is she simply wasnt who i thought she was. she put on a good show.

 

this guy is the same way. i know it hurts. be strong and realise there are guys that wont do this. unfortunatly there isnt really a good way to tell right away. i was as fooled as you were.

[housebaby]

People play games like this all the time (weather they are consious of it or not, I can't say).

 

He may have been trying to woo you because he liked chasing you - but as soon as you showed 'too much' interest, he moved on. Now you should, but take this as a lesson.

 

Don't let a man know how much you are into him (too early on). At least, don't express it verbally...

[bridgett]

I guess this is my first experience with the ON/OFF switch thing in regards to dating. I have noticed, though, that the more interest I show in people in general (not just guys) the more they take me for granted. The ones who really appear to appreciate me the most are ironically the ones I don't care as much about and don't pay as much attention to. It's kind of a cycle of loneliness.

[fusangite]

People play games like this all the time (weather they are consious of it or not, I can't say).

 

He may have been trying to woo you because he liked chasing you - but as soon as you showed 'too much' interest, he moved on. Now you should, but take this as a lesson.

 

Don't let a man know how much you are into him (too early on). At least, don't express it verbally...

Except for all the men who need the confirmation...

 

As for preventing this in future, it is basically impossible. To quote a Suzanne Vega song, "It's a one-time thing. It just happens. A lot."

[cmander]

I think you're right on target, unfortunately. And this is from a male perspective. I recently met a girl at a wedding that I thought she was something special. For 3 weeks she told me how amazing I was and how she wanted to be with me constantly. Well, then I said goodbye to her on a Monday, not knowing that would be the last time she would talk to me.

 

So I get a call from her saying she can't do this and not really getting an explanation. I realized from hindsight that I was a rebound test, and I was the loser. And of course I left a couple pathetic messages that went unreturned. It sucks but try to move on.

[hoppy28]

commander........................almost exact same story as mine!!!!!!

it went on about a month. she even had me meet the parents!!!!!!

WTF??!!!!

she has no spine. she new from day one she would ride me out until someother guy showed interest in her. actually from what ive heard.

she slept with 2 guys whom are roommates.........one each weekend.

meanwhile the guy she ditched me for is sitting around thinking he's got something special. while she's out being the town bike. lol little does he know. poor guy. if i knew him id tell him what's going on............if i knew her ex i'd tell him he's lucky as hell she left. 6 years together and she cheated on him. what a piece of crap!!!!!

[SilentPrayer]

YOU AND CANCER MAN

This sensual man doesn't come at you directly. He'd rather play the attentive courtier, the one who brings candy, flowers, and champagne and takes you to nice places. At most, he'll make an oblique suggestion that could as easily be taken for a mere risque quip. That's to leave himself an avenue of escape, for he can't stand rejection.

 

He falls in love easily, for he is inclined to be a romantic daydreamer. His imagination becomes quickly engaged and anything will start him off: a wisp of a remembered fragrance, an almost-familiar face, the sound of a foghorn across the water. He begins to visualize scenes out of the past or to fantasize about the future. He can work up a whole romantic scenario out of very little raw material. Unfortunately, this also applies when he becomes jealous. He must know that his chosen mate is faithful at all times. His own fidelity runs very deep, and he demands total fealty in return. Anything else is a threat to the stability he prizes, the security he needs.

 

Cancer male is very affectionate, and certainly doesn't insist on having a number of women around. ("If you've got one good woman, who needs two?" a Cancer male would ask.) Lovemaking is best for him when it happens at the whim of the moment.

 

He is intensely imaginative and expressive, with remarkable empathy and an instinctive understanding of the human heart, especially of its pain. He can actually feel his way into your emotions and sense your problems. Loving and attentive, he is willing to go to any lengths to please the object of his desire. He has a gift to amuse, and will spoil you outrageously if given half a chance.

 

Above all, he wants the woman of his dreams to share his dreams with him. He is faithful and takes his role as a strong male protector very seriously. He is a very masculine man, not necessarily in an outer show of brawn and ruggedness but in his inner strength of tenderness and sensitivity. If you're the kind of woman who likes being pampered and looked after—having a constant devoted companion—Cancer is definitely your man.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In my part...I have deal with Cancers alot and I notice how sencitive they are and intuitive to emotion and physical reactions to things. I noticed when Cancers feel smothered they do back off for a little while but they usually make up for it 10 fold.

So if you are interested with this guy...heart to heart talks..but not too mushy help them come out of their shell..be really patient with them as well..they get all flustered when there put on a schedule. In all due respect I really do like Cancer guys.....there easy to deal with...and I dont fluster easily....ps: they like doing things @ home.

 

So give it a try....invite him over for a home cooked dinner...make sure the HOME is really cozy...and also....buy him a tooth brush or something to signify that you like him in your home.

 

I don't know..it's worked for me..Ive dated 6 cancer guys...and there still fallowing me around lol.

[SilentPrayer]

Ps: I usually buy a tooth brush for guys that I am in a relationship with to show that they can come over unexspected and spend the night...and that..I have something for them in my home..specially for them.

It kind of shows the guy...that you have a small space in your home for them.

 

It's my way of saying."I like you around...in my home...and if you want to spend the night..you have a tooth brush for you...specially for you"

 

It's casual but slightly bonding.

 

"WHO WANTS A TOOTH BRUSH LOL"?

[kitkat826]

I have to ask...was there sex involved?

[lost_in_chgo]

Ps: I usually buy a tooth brush for guys that I am in a relationship with to show that they can come over unexspected and spend the night...and that..I have something for them in my home..specially for them.

It kind of shows the guy...that you have a small space in your home for them.

 

It's my way of saying."I like you around...in my home...and if you want to spend the night..you have a tooth brush for you...specially for you"

 

It's casual but slightly bonding.

 

"WHO WANTS A TOOTH BRUSH LOL"?

 

 

LOL, sounds more like territory marking.

"Don't you even think about using my toothbrush and you damn well better brush your teeth."

[bridgett]

double post

[bridgett]

I have to ask...was there sex involved?

 

That's a good question and is another confusing aspect of the relationship. He stopped showing interest shortly after sex became part of it (we had sex once). And hence the reason my friends say his sweetness was insincere and he had an agenda the whole time. But it still confuses me why he would take me out and everything for a month before that...and then it's just over.

[flowergirl]

Hey, Bridgett:

 

I've been the very same thing with someone for 6 weeks. He was just like one of the Cancer guys described on here. And since there was sex involved n both of our stuatons, it probably freaked these guys out. It's really true, sex changes everything. Don't worry about it, chalk it up to experience, and move on. May seem hard at the begnning, even if it was only a month, but the short time period may have the advantage of helping quicken the healng process. Good luck, girl, you'll be fne.

[Art_Critic]

sounds more like territory marking.

 

Women just love peeing on the mailbox post when you take 'em for a walk..

 

The toothbrush .. the pair of panties under bed.. the whole 9 yards.. is all about marking the territory.. The other thing they do is change you dress.. ie: buy him nice sweaters.. so all women know he is taken..

[JS17]

"WHO WANTS A TOOTH BRUSH LOL"?

 

I have a 6 pack and a basket full of toothbrushes from the dentist. You never know when you're going to need an extra.

 

To the sex girls....a lot of guys bolt after having sex. IMO, I think that when they're not completely comfortable with the relationship and you have sex it's easier for them to just leave. It's a tough situation because most women don't work that way.

 

P.S. All guys are sweethearts until you sleep with them, after that it's a crap shoot.

[BadBadGirl]

i have done this to an ex-boyfriend of mine. i had just broken up with my first ex (i broke up with him, but it was still extremely hard) that i was with for a veryyyyyy long time, then immediately got with someone else.

 

i guess i liked him, i liked him intensely in the beginning. but it wore off, and i realized my "intense" feelings for him were really my "intense need to focus on something else" to get past my break-up.

 

it wasn't his fault, and i hated to hurt his feelings, but i had to break up with him. it wasn't ever a relationship based on mutual feelings, and i wanted out of it when i realized.

 

i think, though, that people getting involved with someone who has just recently ended a relationship should consider this carefully before getting involved...because your situation (and my ex's) can be a result.

 

hope you feel more "up" soon.

[flowergirl]

Thanks for the insight, you guys. Makes me feel a whole lot better about the situation, like it was an unfortunate thing, as opposed to me being a repulsive freak. (haha).

[brittanyjean259]

well atleast you werenty dating him any longer ya know?...

 

i hate MIND games, the push and pull...im hoping that just because im young thats why i always had a push and pull relationship for like 2 years....

 

yeah never ever verbally let a guy know how you really feel....he can wrap you around his finger and do what he pleases( even if he does love you)....

[Lwilliams]

Thanks for the insight, you guys. Makes me feel a whole lot better about the situation, like it was an unfortunate thing, as opposed to me being a repulsive freak. (haha).

Flowergirl:

 

Your situation seems to be more common than you think. I'm 37 years old and it just happened to me! This was a first in my whole life. Guys never just disappear on me, and I'll tell you, it was a blow to my ego at first. But then when I backed off the lust and examined the whole situation, I knew it was a blessing from God that he stopped calling me. I think I ran him off because I saw all the warning signs and I told him so. That was the last time I heard from him. What a loser.