Lishy Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Have any of you girls ever been in a position where you have met a guy, had a thing going and they go a bit cold so you persue them and when that doesnt work you stop contacting them and they come back to you? Let us all know!!!!!!! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 I think that's a pretty standard aspect of the courtship ritual. Some people look on it as games-playing, others just see it as an inevitable part of getting to know somebody gradually. I'd gravitate towards the latter view, provided that it doesn't entail calculated mind-games. You can't be full-on 24/7 with someone you hardly know. You need to let eachother have space, and in a healthy situation there's no reason why it shouldn't be a case of 2 steps forward, one back, on both sides until the two of you meet in the middle. Even then, the "need for some space" is likely to arise now and again. Otherwise, it would be like having a diet of nothing but chocolate. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Yes, but generally speaking when the guy 'goes cold' I simply walk away and move on. If he comes back later, then hey - too bad for him. I've already moved on. I have no tolerance for games like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted September 24, 2005 Author Share Posted September 24, 2005 But how many times have they come back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted September 24, 2005 Author Share Posted September 24, 2005 why dont guys just tell you they dont want to know - Why just go silent? Is it keeping his options open or is it fear of confrontation? I texted a guy i really like asking if he wanted soemthing a little less casual and he didnt even have the decency to reply!! Now i have deleted his number but i cant stop thinking about him i just wonder if now that i have stopped calling will he miss me and wonder what i am doing? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 But how many times have they come back? Some I had trouble getting rid of - a few just couldn't get it through their heads that I was serious about walking away and that my walking away did not mean I was intending for them to chase me. I guess some see that as a challenge. A few persisted even after I was seeing someone else! If I was interested, and the guy 'went cold' - I simply walked forward without a single glance back. If he was truly interested, then too bad. His loss. If he was not truly interested and moved on, then good for him. No great loss to me. I think some guys can sense the difference between the actual 'challenge' and the girl they know doesn't really have it in her to seriously walk away. The first ones they will chase to little or no avail. The second they will toy with. A man only toys with someone to the extent he knows he won't lose her. If he is seriously concerned about losing her, he will come running in order to prevent that from happening. If he isn't concerned about losing her, he won't care and will simply move on. The question is: when you are walking away, do you have your eyes set ahead or are you walking forward while looking back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted September 24, 2005 Author Share Posted September 24, 2005 I so wish i could feel like that and belive me i have tried every damn thing to stop me thinking about him BUT I CANT!!!!! I know time will get me over it but i feel obsessed right now! I know all the answers but i just keep hoping that now i have stopped calling he will get in touch with me. Dumb broad I am!! Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 But how many times have they come back? If the other person is going cold on you in that they don't respond immediately and with alacrity every time you indicate that you want to see him, that's not a big deal. "Coming back" suggests that they have actually indicated at some point that they're no longer interested in you. In that situation, what LB says comes into play. ie if they went cold in a way that was clearly intended to humiliate you and make you feel unwanted. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Guys like that will never stop the hot/cold game. I learned my lesson. Now the only sort of man worth any of my time is one who's affections towards me will always be hot and never go cold. I refused to settle, and that's why I found my Mr. Consistently Hot boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 i just keep hoping that now i have stopped calling he will get in touch with me. Dumb broad I am!! You aren't dumb. It took me a long time to get to the point where I am now. I sure wasn't like that in my early twenties! I've been there, trust me. It took me a long time to realize that there are other people out there, and that some men are simply not worth your time - even if it means being alone for a while. Stop calling him. Stop messaging him. If he wants to contact you, he will - but if he does and he catches even a whif of what he thinks is desperation on your part, he will probably be contacting even less. In the meantime, you will want to force yourself to try not to focus so hard on this. Do you have friends who can take you out for nights on the town and stuff like that? Not to hook up or anything like that, but to just cut loose and have some fun? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted September 25, 2005 Author Share Posted September 25, 2005 I have lots of friends and family and i go out every weekend. I get chatted up and guys ask for my number but the problem i have is that i find it so hard to get that connection with guys. The connection with him was amazing and i find it harder when i go out drinking because thats when i really want to call him for a cuddle. I have made the decision to not call or text him at all - last night was really hard because he works just around the corner from where i was (he is a bouncer in a club) but i didnt call him and today i feel so good about it!!!!!! Any got a pill to get this guy out of my head????? lol Thank you to everyone for your help and support!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted September 25, 2005 Author Share Posted September 25, 2005 He has NEVER indicated that he isnt interested - he wont give closure and just say hey i dont want to be with you! He just didnt answer when i asked if he wanted something a little less casual!! Is he just keeping his options open? One time when he didnt reply to a text i did ask him if i was getting on his nerves and i offered to take his number out of my phone and he replied instantly not to do that he is just busy. I think his ego loves me contacting him and i think he loves the power he thinks he has over me - well i am taking that power away now and it's HIS LOSS!! (if i keep saying that i will belive it lol) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted September 28, 2005 Author Share Posted September 28, 2005 ............... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Right On Lucrezia I dont waste my time either on someone who does not show interest and plays games. Life is too precious Link to post Share on other sites
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