Men with low sex-drive

[Curious33]

I have noticed the same thing in many threads lately, so I decided to start a new thread on the subejct.

 

Is it me, or are there more and more women frustrated with their partners' low sex-drive?

 

I have had the same experience with my last boyfriend, and I must admit it was horrible. Society, tradition,... tells us that men are always interested in sex and women are the ones with a low sexdrive.

 

So when my boyfriend stopped initating sex or even rejected me when I tried to seduce him, this confused and hurt me a lot. I started to wonder what was wrong with me. Was he no longer in love with me, did I gain weight, got ugly, boring,...

 

I talked about it to him a few times and his only explanation was that he had a low sex-drive. He excused his 'sexed up' behaviour of the first few months with the fact that everyone is horny at the beginning of a relationship.

 

In the last year of our relationship we only had sex about 10 times and then always initiated by me. I know I would not have left him because my self-esteem was damaged so badly that I thought I would never find another man who could love me and he was the best man on earth and G-d's gift to women, and the likes.

 

He ended it and now I am glad because I always felt unwanted, undesired and unappreciated in my relationship. I dont consider myself to be a 'sex-addict' but once a week or so would be nice, and espcially if he would initiate it as well once in a while.

 

I thought I was the only one having this problem, but now I believe there are more women out there frustrated by this.

 

Ladies, if you are or have been in a relationship with someone who just did not seem interested in sex with you, please let me know. How did you handle it? Did it hurt your self-esteem? Could you work out a compromise?

[Gold Pile]

seems to me that old fashioned women supress their sex drives till they let loose in their 40's. At least the appearance is that a women's drive goes up in 40's.

 

This is a time when men are less driven than they were 20 years earlier.

 

Toss in job, mortagage, other issues.....they just need some rest.

 

 

It does seem that many younger women do not supress it.......good for them.

[RecordProducer]

I dont consider myself to be a 'sex-addict' but once a week or so would be nice, and espcially if he would initiate it as well once in a while.

Or once a day! You were not married for 20 years, what's wrong with having sex at leats once every other day on average?

I would never be with a guy who has significantly lower sex drive than myself, unless I am already married to him and he has some problem.

[Jayhawks]

Sorry.

I need a women to keep "up" with me.

 

I am in a perpetual state of horniness.

[Cecelius]

I think so many men have become so solidly feminized and sexless that they just aren't really men anymore...

 

Honestly, the fact that this is a forum to discuss such issues generally means that you are more likely to hear about frustrated women here than some other type of forum -- doesn't mean it's a hopeless trend.

 

Lastly, as a man, I have to be honest: relationships are not terribly great places for a man to have a permanent, high level of erotic interest -- having sex with the same woman time and again just gets less exciting. Most men who enjoy long relationships (1) just really think she's hot and (2) know that their sexual interest ebbs and flows/cycles, etc..

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Lastly, as a man, I have to be honest: relationships are not terribly great places for a man to have a permanent, high level of erotic interest -- having sex with the same woman time and again just gets less exciting. Most men who enjoy long relationships (1) just really think she's hot and (2) know that their sexual interest ebbs and flows/cycles, etc..

 

Not true, at least in my case it's not. We love having sex with eachother. The more we do it the better it gets. As the love grows, were like animals!!!!!!!!! I guess i have a rare relationship. Nice guy and great sex.

[Cecelius]

Not true, at least in my case it's not. We love having sex with eachother. The more we do it the better it gets. As the love grows, were like animals!!!!!!!!! I guess i have a rare relationship. Nice guy and great sex.

 

Wouldn't dream of saying its true in all cases. But in any event, haven't you been dating your b/f for just a few months?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

haven't you been dating your b/f for just a few months?

So? What does that have to do with the sex we have? Its love and that's why its so good. And that's why we'll never lose that spark. I know its quick blah blah. But in some cases you DO know that this is the one and that you have the kind of love in movies.

[JS17]

So? What does that have to do with the sex we have? Its love and that's why its so good. And that's why we'll never lose that spark. I know its quick blah blah. But in some cases you DO know that this is the one and that you have the kind of love in movies.

 

Ahh, to be young again

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Ahh, to be young again

What are you trying to say? that I'm young and niave? That b/c I'm young that I can't experience anything like this? Why can't there be any instances where this is real and not spoken by age? I may be young yes, But I have been on my own since I was 18. Taking care of myself, so I see my self as early thirties. Would you stil say that now?

Sorry If I'm being defensive but I can't stand when people use my age to bring me down. I dont give a s*** if your 50 or 90. Does that meant hey can tell me " Oh, your young, you don't know" f*** YOU!

[Cecelius]

The OP's point was that they've been dating for a while (she said "in the last year" implying that it was a multi-year relationship).

 

My point was that things wind down for a man after dating a while (like a multi-year relationship).

 

You said that may not be true in your case.

 

I agreed, but said you haven't been dating him for a while (like a multi-year relationship).

 

I think my logic is still sound. But you sound like you have the magic in your relationship to overcome it.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Sorry If I sounded on edge. Your logic was sound. And we kinda hijacked it. But thanx Celcius, my relationship does have that magic

[Outcast]

It's not magic. It's that 'my lover is perfectly perfect and we're perfect and everything's perfect and will always be' syndrome that afflicts everyone at the beginning of a relationship.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

It's not magic. It's that 'my lover is perfectly perfect and we're perfect and everything's perfect and will always be' syndrome that afflicts everyone at the beginning of a relationship.

And this is a syndrome? In NO CASES can this be true? None? Why can't there be something as a perfect relationship? Do they not exist? So If i come back in a year and say its still perfectly perfect, then they do exist. I don't like when people but limits on things. "Its the beginning of a relationship, your fogged by puppy love and lust" Why does that always have to be the case? I undestand that you guys are miserable but don't deflect the happiness of those who aren't. Misery loves company

[Cecelius]

It's not magic. It's that 'my lover is perfectly perfect and we're perfect and everything's perfect and will always be' syndrome that afflicts everyone at the beginning of a relationship.

 

he thinks she's really hot. There's magic in what a hot girl can do for the steam in a man's stride that no amount of mature, solid love can

[Curious33]

Hi,

 

thanks for your posts. To clear something up. We were together for 3 years. In the first 9 months we had lots of sex, mostly iniated by him (oh happy days, where have you gone).

 

Then, after 9 months we decided to move in together as I was moving to this town and we figured that we were gonna spend most nights together anyway.

 

Well, that was obviously a bad idea, as he stopped having sex with me straight away. Not only that, he was always out as well. Meeting friends, playing sports, working, you name it. I barely got to see him. I told him that it was a mistake to move in together, as I saw less of him now than before.

 

We were fighting a lot and I am sure the sudden loss of his sex-drive at that time had psychological reasons. Even though he was nearly 30 at the time, he had never lived together with a woman, and apparently he could not handle it.

 

We broke up for a short time, but got back together after a few weeks. During the time we were broken up I slept on the couch as I did not have another place to move to so quickly.

 

After the reunion things were good again and our sex-life increased as well, but it was never again like in the first few months. He still initiated sex once in a while, and he did not reject me all the time, but the sex surely decreased.

 

I dont believe now that the relationship lasted for 2 more years, as the lack of sex always bothered me, but I guess I hoped that things would get back to the way they were and did not really believe him when he said he had a low sex-drive.

 

I still dont know what the real reason for his disinterest in sex was (I suspected him of an affair for quite some time, but never found any proof) but I realized that I would not want to be in a relationship like that again.

 

Would still love to hear from women who have been or are in a similar situation like me.

 

Good luck with your relationship Freakin, I hope your sexlife will stay the way it is!

[Guest]

hmm my bf has a low sex drie i am always intiating it and he is always rejecting me and now we have opposite work schedules, i work night he works days, i kno he is tired but, it always seems like an excuse . . and i am tired of being rejected, and i think it is unfair to only hae sex whenever he feels like it, what about me? any 1 willing to give me advice?