Love life and family life

[ICS]

On reading some of the threads here, family unity caught my eye. I have a girlfriend who tells me that I spend more time than I should with my family ( parents, brothers, sometimes cousins) The truth of the matter though, is that I don't- and most of the time that I spend with them are for my dinners. Anyhow, one day she became extremely irritated at me for it and wanted me to skip famliy time for girlfriend time. That may not be so unreasonable, but I see her everyday and the amount of time I spend with my famliy is almost only exclusive to dinners and sometimes weekends. Is it a turnoff for girls if their guy spends time with their family or has a healthy, stable relationship with their family? I suspect that maybe it's because she does not get along well with her folks, which is the case. But be frank with me, and tell me if I am at fault here? Because of this situation, some distance was created between us and we haven't seen each other as often as we used to. There are times when it feels like if I end up marrying her, I would be "restricted" from seeing my family or having the same relationship I share with them right now..

[kitkat826]

I am 23 and live about 10 minutes away from my parents, and usually there once or twice a week for dinner or some other issue (but mostly involving food..hehe..i don't cook a lot). I don't see that as problematic.

 

However, my ex I DO think had "family" issues, in that I could see that his mother would always be the number one woman in his life, with his only and older sister a close second. IMO, you get married for a reason, to start a *new* family and create that structure for yourself. I was simply afraid that I would always play second fiddle to them, and I did not want that. This isn't why we broke up, but I know it would have become a problem had we continued.

[sweetie7]

I think a stable family life is important for a guy to have. But I also had issues w/ my ex and his family. He lived with them (only until he went to school) but he wanted me to come over all the time. I loved his family and all but I didn't really feel comfortable sleeping there every night. In the mornings his parents would come in to wake us up. Weird in my opinion (we're 22 yrs old) Also, on the weekends he would want to go to the lake with them all weekend and sleep there. I definitely got a little bitter over not ever being alone with him and he translated it to I hate his family (so far from the truth) He was also constantly talking about how great his mom was-it got a little sickening even though I did agree that she was great. You know? Also, I knew my own parents were feeling really bad that I was always with his family. Anyway, this was a big problem for us and one of the major reasons we broke up.

 

I think you need to find a balance and understand your girlfriend's feelings but at the same time don't let her tear you away from your family. Try to look closely at what her intentions are. Does she just love you and want to spend more alone time with you are does she have ill intentions and not want you to be with your family? Also, do you invite her to your family time? This might make her feel a little better.