Art_Critic Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 This post comes out of the last girl I dated and just kicked to the curb yesterday It only took her about 3 weeks before she showed her true self. How long into a relationship do y'all think it takes for a person to start dropping their guard and showing the other person their true self ? And do you think living together can affect the honeymoon phase ? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 6 months for me with eery guy. He just changes in to this other person?IT happens. It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
hoppy28 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 in my situation a bad one at that..................the red flag should have gone up wheh she was wiling to cheat on her boyfriend of 6 years. instead i ignored it. it took a month before she disapeared. the "true colors" were there from the start. it took me a month to realize it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Art_Critic Posted August 24, 2005 Author Share Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer The first fight/argument. The timing depends on waaayyy too much to put a date on it. Because of this, sometimes I will pick a fight, just to see how they respond... Bad, I know, but most of the time they respond pretty well (either that or they can see right through my little attempt). That isn't such a bad thing to pick a fight .. I have had 2 relationships end right after the 1st fight .. One at 10 months and one at 5 months.. But I didn't end it they did.. Hummm., The first fight theory .. That is one I've never thought of . Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat826 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I agree about the first fight/argument. Its always interesting to see for the first time how people handle conflict. Shows people true communication skills...maturity..emotional intelligence..etc. Usually around two months I notice these things and can tell whether its gonna go farther. My problem is usually effectively putting on the brakes before it drags on any longer.. Actually this is one reason why I often advocate sex earlier rather than later in a relationship, because it has the tendency to bring out peoples "true colors" quicker. Of course I know people will say that waiting allows you to truly get to know someone beforehand without the other complications, but I think a lot of people in the pre-sex stage live in rosy-colored denial land, and really don't know they'll get funky after sex. So its a crap shoort either way I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
MattB Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I agree that early sex can be good or bad. In my case it was good. It made us much more open to each other and helped out our true "selves" much quicker. The downside is, I don't think anyone should be having sex until they hit the point that they want to be together regardless if they have sex or not. Any sooner and it just gets too focused on the physical aspect and goes no where. But yea, the first fight is a big milestone Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 Agree with the first fight theory. (Also See Signature) Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by Art_Critic How long into a relationship do y'all think it takes for a person to start dropping their guard and showing the other person their true self ? really depends upon the person and how smart they are and how good they are at "glossing" themselves over. I'd say anywhere from a month to a few years. Eventualy it comes out. Alcohol will help these negtive traits to come out also. But with some it could take decades, look at the Bacon-Lettuce-Tomatoe Killer (BLT or BTK killer, whatever). It took like 30 years for his true colors to come out Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 We usually show our best sides in the beginning. It's not pretending, it comes naturally. The other person treats you right and you treat them right back. When a problem occurs, people start showing their worse sides. But the real revelation comes when you start living with someone. I knew my ex-husband for 6.5 years, he was my friend; then we dated for 4 months and everything seemed more or less great, but when we started living together, I think I saw the real him after a couple months. Unfortunately I was too much in love to leave him. We divorced 3 years later. You can't know anyone enough prior to moving in together, but sometimes you can see that someone is not for you even on the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
Opium Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I've seen some people take about 3 to 6 months to show their true colors. I've also seen those woman/men who never show their true colors and live in a constant lie because they are afraid their SO won't love them the same. It's a shame if you meet someone great and put up a front of who you are and what you're all about. People need to except you for who you are, bottom line. I'm very up-front and I don't act or try to be someone I'm not, that would be to hard to keep up with. If you're in a serious relationship and you decide to move in, that's where the colors show and it might not be a pretty rainbow. Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I'd say when you start living with someone. True colors come out when you are more comfortable with each other. Like he's been putting on a facade until you are in love and then you find out that he likes to sit naked on the kitchen counter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curvycrys23 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 man this is a hard question. i think that many people show there true colors right off the bat but maybe i dont aways want to see them. that annoying thing they do isnt so annoying at first until you get to the point were you just cant take it anymore. i totally agree with the first fight theory, its healthy to know that you can fight contructively and not have them spaz at you. but i watch for fights over nothing. if a guy is going to argue over medium size, large, or extra large eggs at the grocery store. there is a major problem. i think that waiting to have sex is good. not waiting does help the colors come out but its not the best idea if your not sure you want to be with the person long term or not. i think 3 months is a good time to wait. get to know them as much as you can without it and then add it to the mix and see how it goes from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Jolene Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 Like he's been putting on a facade until you are in love and then you find out that he likes to sit naked on the kitchen counter So true! You just brought to mind an old visual. So glad I don't have that to deal with anymore. I used to throw him a towel when he sat naked on the brand new sofa and he used to get mad at me. So gross! I totally agree with the first fight theory. You want to rule out whether someone will throw a temper tantrum, become abusive or brood and ignore you for four days after a fight. Ideally, someone who is mature will discuss things rationally and come to a resolve and you don't go to bed angry. Ever. Ideally. Also, sleeping with someone is important to know if you will be happy and compatible. Regardless of what bible thumpers will tell you so that they can feel all self-righteous about it, many affairs later on happen because people were never all that compatible in the first place. So I say find out sooner rather than later. So, all things considered, most people will show their basic true colours within 3 to six months. From there the characteristics of what's already on the table only get more ingrained or frequent. Living together is different than true colours in some ways, though, I mean you have to expect that cohabiting with someone will force you into their personal space and you will find out what their habits are...that's different from true colours which are personality based and attitude. Like is she a shopaholic or is he addicted to sports. It's different than she leaves the facecloth rolled up in the tub or he leaves the toilet seat up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I think it takes a few years. I love my fiance but I am not planning any weddings until I share the bills and housekeepin with him. A simple argument does not reveal whether a person can really handle things. I think you need to go through a whole series of ups and downs. And just to throw it in there, usually abusive men do not start abusing women the 3-6 months. It takes time to know true colors! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Art_Critic Posted August 24, 2005 Author Share Posted August 24, 2005 Interesting Take Groovy.. Thanks And thanks everybody Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy I think it takes a few years. I love my fiance but I am not planning any weddings until I share the bills and housekeepin with him. A simple argument does not reveal whether a person can really handle things. I think you need to go through a whole series of ups and downs. And just to throw it in there, usually abusive men do not start abusing women the 3-6 months. It takes time to know true colors! Mine took 3 months. Pretty smart cookie Link to post Share on other sites
Jtizzle Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 i agree with the first fight theory..i tend to do that as well..just to feel the dude out and see how he goes about things and arguin.. my mother says it takes a year of being with someone to see and know and understand their true colors, and now i see she's right... for me lately i've been able to see true colors within 3months..like the dude i am talkin to know..known him a month and sum change..he's already told me he loved me, and i now i can see that hes overly possesive, needy, emotional, jealous,the works.. it just all depends on the person...person u dealin with might have on 3layers of makeup..but they do say that drunken words are sober thoughts..so like alpho said..get them drunk ull see what you need to know Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 You need to go on a trip together, wallpaper or do some other home project together, and go through some problems together. And don't marry anyone you haven't lived with for at least a year. But if the person has road rage, drop him or her like a stone. Link to post Share on other sites
FataMorgana Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast And don't marry anyone you haven't lived with for at least a year. Totally agree with that one. Might kill some of the honeymoon, but at least you will have a much better idea what awaits you after the honeymoon. 3 to 6 months is generally the time for me to work out if I am really interested in a person (or not) and that gives more than enough time to try to work out their "true colours" even if you don't see them too often. Guess depends on the person, with some people you know where you stand after a few weeks, some you never know after a few years. All you can do is look at cues of their personality, what they say and what they do, to work out if they are who they seem to be... and then trust your gut feeling 3 weeks for you seems quite early on. Do you mind if we ask what did she do, what true colours she revealed that made you turf her? Would be just as interesting to know what things in the "true colour" category would make you people break it off there and then (except violence and abuse which goes without saying) Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast You need to go on a trip together, wallpaper or do some other home project together, and go through some problems together. And don't marry anyone you haven't lived with for at least a year. But if the person has road rage, drop him or her like a stone. I totally agree. Some people show their true selves early, others don't. Sometimes the reality of how they tend to deal with stress or anger start to appear 6 months-1 year into dating. Meeting and seeing how they relate to their family and friends is another thing--if they tend to badmouth them or are rude to them frequently, watch out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Art_Critic Posted August 25, 2005 Author Share Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by FataMorgana Do you mind if we ask what did she do, what true colours she revealed that made you turf her? She constantly badmouthed her family and friends. She also called almost all of her friends drunks and one of the reasons I dumped her was I think she was abusing sleeping pills .. After 3 weeks of putting all the things together but it was only the last week that it was really noticable 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jtizzle Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 to test them...put all of ya clothes on wire hangers..and ask the person to go and get ya shoes out of the closet..if they have a mommy dearest moment..thats their true colors... NOoooooooooooooooooo mooooooooooooore WIRE HANGERS EVEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts