How many dating at same time?

[Sam2020]

While I do realize that it's all an individual thing, I wondered how many people you might date around the same time?

 

I ask because one of my friends is on Match and he takes it one at a time while I kinda have been doing the buck shot method. For instance, he took out one woman and didn't click. The next one, he said they had golf in common so he took her out twice but no connection there either.

 

He's not really going to look or respond to anyone online right now because he will be taking out a friend of mine in the next few days. He said he wants to just concentrate on her for now.

 

I feel that the buck shot method would work better for me since I haven't yet met anyone I'm interested in going out with more than one time. So I've begun to take notes (LOL) on each in order to remember smaller things because it can get a bit confusing.

 

Thoughts?

[preraph]

Buckshot, otherwise known as "dating around," isn't anything new. Before internet, at various eras, at least, it was expected a single person would "date around" until they found someone they liked better. No one's nose should ever be rubbed in it, but it was not hidden. One would be seen out with a different date. The difference is if you go back far enough, these dates did not lead to sex. Dating is to get to know someone. So all these first and early dates are really just to get to know someone, or should be. It's at the point you're having sex with more than one that you're going to continue to see that you'd be wise to pare it back or otherwise, you'll simply get them all mad at you or offend someone or get one pregnant when it was the other you liked more. In other words, buckshot is messy if it involves sex. Very messy. Use birth control religiously.

 

And if you're actually trying to meet a keeper, once you find one you like better, drop the other. Don't date anyone more than a handful of times without letting them know you're dating around or you'll hurt someone because some people fall too fast. And you can end up stuck with them if you're a guy because then they cry and make you feel like a heel and you find them endearing and before you know it, you're in up to your neck.

[primer]

Be careful if you are using "buck shot".

 

 

I went on three dates with a guy I met OLD. Things were good. We had the same sense of humor and the same interests.

 

 

This past weekend he took the time to tell me he would be going out with someone else Saturday.

 

 

Delete. I don't compete.

 

 

Everybody is different and I am older (50).

[Asayi]

Dating around is too exhausting honestly. I remember months ago I had a date with someone on a Friday evening, a date with someone else on the next day in the afternoon and another date with another one on Sunday While I was getting ready for my Saturday date, I had to answer to the Friday guy and confirm to the Sunday guy. I couldn’t do it.

 

Usually, if a guy gets a second date, it means that he has A LOT of potential. I prefer to get to know one person at a time because that’s just how I’m more comfortable, but it often put me in a position where all my eggs were in one basket, so I ended up having more expectations and then being disappointed.

 

Sooo it’s tricky. I found it really exhausting to date around (I didn’t sleep with them tho that would have killed me lol) and I felt like I couldn’t get to know one person on a deeper level by doing that. BUT it does help with not having too many expectations and not putting all my eggs in one basket. Maybe I’ll try it again, but I definitely need to change my method.

[Sam2020]

Be careful if you are using "buck shot".

 

 

I went on three dates with a guy I met OLD. Things were good. We had the same sense of humor and the same interests.

 

 

This past weekend he took the time to tell me he would be going out with someone else Saturday.

 

 

Delete. I don't compete.

 

 

Everybody is different and I am older (50).

 

Yeah I generally do one date and if there's a spark between us, a second would hopefully follow. I can understand how you felt after he told you he was going to date someone else after your third date. Quite honestly, if I felt a connection with a guy on the first date, I would probably stop dating anyone else after the date #3.

 

This dating thing after being with the same person for over 20 years sure can be confusing, lol.

[The Outlaw]

I wouldn't date more than one woman at a time. It's less confusing and potentially drama free that way.

[Sam2020]

Dating around is too exhausting honestly. I remember months ago I had a date with someone on a Friday evening, a date with someone else on the next day in the afternoon and another date with another one on Sunday While I was getting ready for my Saturday date, I had to answer to the Friday guy and confirm to the Sunday guy. I couldn’t do it.

 

Yep!

 

I wouldn't date more than one woman at a time. It's less confusing and potentially drama free that way.

 

What's making it difficult is that several guys have messaged me in the past couple of days. Right now I have a lunch date for tomorrow, while the other guy has asked for available times.

 

I don't usually care to date more than one at a time either...it can be confusing that's why I'm taking notes on each, lol.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

This may sound bad, but bear w/me. As I got experience, I was talking to 5 or more guys at the same time. This is way before I became exclusive w/anyone. I never promised anything to any of those guys and I didn't sleep w/any of them. Nor did I lead anyone on. When I 1st started, I did one at a time. That was torture because I got played a couple of times and flaked on as well. I noticed that I got way too invested in one guy and he would end up being a jerk. I also wasted 6 months on a LDR where the guy wasn't all that interested, had I been multi dating, I would have lost interest. Once I started feeling out a guy, all dating w/others was stopped and I was in a relationship. Just to add, a lot of the guys I talked to never moved forward for a 1st date.

[winny]

One at a time for me. I know when I like someone and that automatically stops my brain from liking anyone else even if they may be better looking or better salary etc. Human beings are not like material things.

[Lotsgoingon]

Hmmm ... I don't know that I accept the language of "at the same time."

 

Ok busy week ... set up meetup on Wednesday evening with one person. Friday with another. Saturday with another.

 

But I see that as three different times ... Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. High likelihood I won't want a second date with Wednesday person ... So as soon as that date is over there is no more "dating."

 

Actually I don't see these first meetings as "dating." These are meetups ... "dates" perhaps ... but I am not dating someone I just met for 30 minutes or an hour.

[Blind-Sided]

OK... maybe it's just my personality, but I don't think "Dating around" or the "Buckshot" method is good for anyone, and at it's core is flawed. The main issue is, you may not give real effort... or even give off a negative vibe to someone who would be a perfect long term partner because you a too busy thinking of the date you have in 2 days with someone who is "Hotter" than the person you are currently on a date with.

 

 

 

 

Think of it this way.....

 

 

You have a big box of candy. You grab 3 or 4 as soon as you open the box, and gobble them down. But in your haste, you kind of blend the flavors, and can't get a real idea what one you liked. So you slow down, and find some really great ones and think you may want more of that. BUT, there are a couple that just look great... so you decide to try them, but find they are just nasty inside. Because of that... you wish you could go back and get the one that didn't look as nice, but tasted great... but now they are gone.

 

 

 

 

So... slow down, take one person out at a time... give that person real effort. If they aren't your kind of person... then move on.

[justwhoiam]

To save time, you could invite 10 or 12 at the same time to the same date. Just an option. I wouldn't go past that number, as it'd be hard to find a table that sits more than that, and the date would get ruined

[Gaeta]

Depends what you call dating. Going to a first meeting isn't dating to me. It's a meeting.

 

When I was dating I could have several 1st meeting in a week. Out of 4 maybe 2 were interesting for a 2nd meeting if it was a good week, sometimes none of the 4 were good for a second meet.

 

My personal rule if I am interested in meeting a man for a 3rd time then I am not pursuing anyone else.

 

 

 

 

.

[dramallama]

The pattern I seem to fall into when I'm dating is make a handful of matches, talk to the ones that can string a sentence together, and if it's a good batch, 'harvest' 3 over onto the phone / WhatsApp to talk to further.

 

 

 

Of those 3, I'll usually accept a date from 1 or 2. If I've had a first meet with both and I'm thinking about a second date with one, I usually wish the other one good luck in their search; but if I have more than one date with someone, it tends to either stretch over a couple of months or become.a LTR (i.e I don't have any 2nd/3rd date and stop experiences to compare).

 

 

I've recently ended up with a 'leftover' penpal and things are moving forward with the chap I'm dating so I feel I need to tie up loose ends, but penpal is totally friendzoned - we disagree about everything, but entertainingly so. Can you make friends from dating apps?!

Edited September 17, 2019 by dramallama

[SumGuy]

For me I will only be messaging etc. 3-4 max and lining up first meets with 3-4 max, never the same day. If I go on a date 4 with someone that means I am focusing on them and will wind down any others. Typically though of those 3 or 4 meeting only 1 or 2 will go to a second meet (for me 1st date).

 

 

This is all before sleeping with someone. If for some reason I lose all my good sense and sleep with someone before date 4 and we want to keep going I will cancel the others. Not that that has ever happened to me where I sleep with someone soon while still seeing others.

[lurker74]

Be careful if you are using "buck shot".

 

 

I went on three dates with a guy I met OLD. Things were good. We had the same sense of humor and the same interests.

 

 

This past weekend he took the time to tell me he would be going out with someone else Saturday.

 

 

Delete. I don't compete.

 

 

Everybody is different and I am older (50).

 

How long have you been dating, out of curiosity?

 

 

As for me, I don't know how you DON'T talk to a few people at the beginning of OLD. And that inevitably turns into 2 or 3 dates or meets with different (in my case) women. Usually, there's a leader among the 2 or 3 but every so often, I go out with the first, like her, expect to continue, then get blown away by number 2 or number 3. Is that dating many?

 

Eventually, after 2 dates, I have hopefully singled out which one I am interested in.

[SumGuy]

Be careful if you are using "buck shot".

 

I went on three dates with a guy I met OLD. Things were good. We had the same sense of humor and the same interests.

 

This past weekend he took the time to tell me he would be going out with someone else Saturday.

 

Delete. I don't compete.

 

Everybody is different and I am older (50).

Older too, low 50s.

I agree with your response, not so much that he was meeting other people, I assume my meets/dates are.

 

Although after three dates he maybe should have made his choice already.

 

That he had to mention it is a big negative for me. Maybe he thought he was "just being honest" but he should have thought that many women would have taken it as "you are just one of many, nothing special about you" especially after 3 dates.

 

I don't know, maybe he is a different kind of guy and likes to be told he is nothing special from his dates.

[primer]

How long have you been dating, out of curiosity?

 

 

As for me, I don't know how you DON'T talk to a few people at the beginning of OLD. And that inevitably turns into 2 or 3 dates or meets with different (in my case) women. Usually, there's a leader among the 2 or 3 but every so often, I go out with the first, like her, expect to continue, then get blown away by number 2 or number 3. Is that dating many?

 

Eventually, after 2 dates, I have hopefully singled out which one I am interested in.

 

 

 

We had been dating about four weeks. During the week he works out of town so we only saw each other on weekends. We did talk and text during the week.

 

 

He told me last Saturday he was going somewhere with a girl from another town because she asked him to go a long time ago. Then he asked me what I was doing.

 

 

We didn't have sex. Maybe that's all he was looking for. Who knows??!! It will be interesting to see if he contacts me again.

Edited September 17, 2019 by primer

[lurker74]

No, primer, that makes sense. It's one thing if it's the first 2 or 3 weeks when both of you might be in the vetting process. But that long of a period of time, I agree. He seems like he was self-aggrandizing.

[Lotsgoingon]

Think of it this way.....

 

 

You have a big box of candy. You grab 3 or 4 as soon as you open the box, and gobble them down. But in your haste, you kind of blend the flavors, and can't get a real idea what one you liked. So you slow down, and find some really great ones and think you may want more of that. BUT, there are a couple that just look great... so you decide to try them, but find they are just nasty inside. Because of that... you wish you could go back and get the one that didn't look as nice, but tasted great... but now they are gone.

 

 

Wow, this analogy so doesn't work for me.

 

For one, I can easily meet 10, 20 people that I don't feel any great chemistry with ... and I don't then go back to the one I had the "most chemistry" with because, compared to the others, they're the best.

 

I experience each person and judge them not against each other, but in themselves. Do I feel a powerful connection and interest in seeing this person again? And did I sense that interest in them? Period. I'm not looking for a pleasant time. I'm looking for more than that. I am a talker and a listener and a schmoozer. I can have pleasant conversations with all sorts of people and not feel any urge to date them.

 

I've been on dates where before we even walked into the cafe, just in greeting the person, I knew they weren't for me. Spreading out say six dates for me ... is a complete waste of time ... because frankly, if I like one in ten people I meet ... that's a high number. Probably a more accurate number would be I feel interest for one out of every 15 or 20 people I meet.

 

So spreading out 15 meetings in what 15 months? ... complete waste of time when I know I'm not interested in the first five minutes.

 

And let's say for one random period, I meet ten women in one week that I really want to see a second time. Well you know ... that's a problem I'd love to have. I'm more than willing to work through that problem. Humor aside, the reality is ... if I meet three people in the same week that I really want to go on a second date with ... I might pause meeting new people ... just for practical reasons that I want to do more with my life than just going out of initial dates-meetups.

 

I guess the bottom line is ... I'm not "comparing" people I meet with each other. I don't think of dating like hunting for a house ... Sure, for a house, you might buy what's available ... given your budget ... compared to other houses. But even then some people delay buying until they find something they're excited about.

[Ruby Slippers]

I've only ever dated one man at a time. One meet/date will make it clear whether there's potential for more. I never set a first meet/date further than a week out, so it's not much time to wait and see which way it goes.

[Sam2020]

Wow, this analogy so doesn't work for me.

 

For one, I can easily meet 10, 20 people that I don't feel any great chemistry with ... and I don't then go back to the one I had the "most chemistry" with because, compared to the others, they're the best.

 

I experience each person and judge them not against each other, but in themselves. Do I feel a powerful connection and interest in seeing this person again? And did I sense that interest in them? Period. I'm not looking for a pleasant time.

 

I've been on dates where before we even walked into the cafe, just in greeting the person, I knew they weren't for me. Spreading out say six dates for me ... is a complete waste of time ... because frankly, if I like one in ten people I meet ... that's a high number.

 

So spreading out 15 meetings in what 15 months? ... complete waste of time when I know I'm not interested in the first five minutes.

 

I guess the bottom line is ... I'm not "comparing" people I meet with each other.

 

I totally agree! I know within the first five minutes if it's someone I'd really be interested in actually dating. At my age, I generally don't just date for fun. I'm looking for something that has the potential of becoming a meaningful, fulfilling longterm relationship.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Wow, this analogy so doesn't work for me.

 

For one, I can easily meet 10, 20 people that I don't feel any great chemistry with ... and I don't then go back to the one I had the "most chemistry" with because, compared to the others, they're the best.

 

I experience each person and judge them not against each other, but in themselves. Do I feel a powerful connection and interest in seeing this person again? And did I sense that interest in them? Period. I'm not looking for a pleasant time. I'm looking for more than that. I am a talker and a listener and a schmoozer. I can have pleasant conversations with all sorts of people and not feel any urge to date them.

 

I've been on dates where before we even walked into the cafe, just in greeting the person, I knew they weren't for me. Spreading out say six dates for me ... is a complete waste of time ... because frankly, if I like one in ten people I meet ... that's a high number. Probably a more accurate number would be I feel interest for one out of every 15 or 20 people I meet.

 

So spreading out 15 meetings in what 15 months? ... complete waste of time when I know I'm not interested in the first five minutes.

 

And let's say for one random period, I meet ten women in one week that I really want to see a second time. Well you know ... that's a problem I'd love to have. I'm more than willing to work through that problem. Humor aside, the reality is ... if I meet three people in the same week that I really want to go on a second date with ... I might pause meeting new people ... just for practical reasons that I want to do more with my life than just going out of initial dates-meetups.

 

I guess the bottom line is ... I'm not "comparing" people I meet with each other. I don't think of dating like hunting for a house ... Sure, for a house, you might buy what's available ... given your budget ... compared to other houses. But even then some people delay buying until they find something they're excited about.

 

Agree that this analogy doesn't work. Just because I was meeting more then 1 guy at a time, doesn't mean that I didn't get the chance to feel them out. Out of 15 guys or so, there were maybe 3 I wanted to see again. The others for sure no. I was looking for relationship material and now I have the met the one. I had a neutral approach to every guy I dated instead of falling hard for just one of them. This was a huge issue for me, so I started dating more guys at once. Plus I had so many guys playing games and flaking on me.

[DrNo1962]

I would date 2-3 at the same time until 'the talk' about exclusivity was raised by one of them.

 

This generally would occur at about the 7-8 week mark. If the feeling is mutal then I would drop dating anyone else.

[SumGuy]

I totally agree! I know within the first five minutes if it's someone I'd really be interested in actually dating. At my age, I generally don't just date for fun. I'm looking for something that has the potential of becoming a meaningful, fulfilling longterm relationship.

 

Same here except I'll give the first meeting at least 2 hours unless it is really horrible, even then never just dash. The nice thing is it is often mutual, with her saying she didn't feel it when we part...a real relief. Luckily never had it where I felt it and she didn't.

 

The opposite is not necessarily true. Have had it where the first meet went great but the second was not so good, and once where it took 4 to realize it was not to be.