Stuck in Limbo once again

[welphereiam]

So, quick backstory on me. I am someone who usually ends up with women who tell me they like me but aren't ready for the next step. So I spend the next month or so trying to wait it out. Ok who are we kidding, I wait longer than I should.

 

This is something that happens most of the time in my life. So much so that I took a good long break from dating altogether. Almost 2 years I did not talk to anyone, look at anyone, try to date anyone. I really thought I needed to take a good look at myself and figure out why I continue to put myself in those situations.

 

The first girl to really catch my attention in quite some time is a girl I work with. We work in different departments so we don't see each other much. I asked her to hang out a few months ago and we did. We had fun and everything was great. We started to hang out every weekend. Whether it be me asking her, or her asking me...it was a mutual thing.

 

Because I am who I am (and there is nothing wrong with that) I started to catch feelings. I told her that I had these feelings for her and she told me that she did think there was potential there for us, but she just wasn't ready to date someone she works with. Ok fine. I maybe should have taken that as a hint.

 

Ever since then she will do things for me that make it seem like she likes me. Celebrate things in my life, get me tickets to something, think of me, etc. But then there is never that next step even though I have tried for the next step.

 

I won an award at work which came with a big prize package. A big old trip to an amusement park. Everything is paid for, parking, tickets, and even got a $100 gift card to use in the park. I asked her if she wanted to go a month ago and she said she did. Now that the date is coming up to use it, I am thinking I shouldn't use it on her. And I don't want to come off like a baby for cancelling on her.

 

I told her I could hang as friends. And I guess I couldn't.

 

Any advice out there? I don't want to play games. I don't want to have to prove I'm better than someone else. I have shown her what she needs to see. I am supportive, caring, and thoughtful. If she wanted to be with me (as she says she thinks there is chemistry) she would just take the leap.

 

At least I am realizing these things before I am in way too deep!

 

Any advice much appreciated. Thanks!

[smackie9]

Going to an amusement park is hardly a date, it's what friends would do. So she looked at it as going as friends. I say ask her again if she is still interested in going, if not you would like to ask your cousin to go or whatever. She just might say to take your cousin and bow out.

If not you need to suck it up and stick with your original decision to take her. It's just one day it won't kill you.

 

You understand your issue with letting yourself catch feelings, so put it into practice and stop going overboard every time you like someone. You might have had this in the bag if you just sat back and let things possibly happen organically. You are too much with expressing your feelings, it turns them off. In other words, control yourself.

[kendahke]

 

Any advice out there?

 

Yes. Remember what she told you:

she just wasn't ready to date someone she works with.

 

She's not one to poop where she eats.

 

You're not going to be given a chance as long as she's a professional colleague.

[Foxhall]

personally I would go on the amusement park date with her,

 

yes relax on the whole relationship aspect for the time being and simply go with a view to enjoying the day out and enjoying her company,

 

you never know she might even move towards liking you more when you are not forcing it.

[justwhoiam]

I wouldn't take her. I'd take a friend, even a relative...

If you decide not to take her with you, you just tell her that someone begged you to take them and you didn't feel like saying no.

[fromheart]

You haven't mentioned if you've connected with her sexually or kissed her? It would help to assess your situation, if we know this.

[winny]

I would personally stop too much interaction with her and try to get over my feelings before spending more time in her company. A guy at work once liked me but I did not feel the same for him. With some distance he was able to move on and started dating another girl. So then we were back being just friends and things became normal and we still continue to be friends. I care a lot for him but due to whatever reasons never developed feelings for him... guess it was my loss so yes, create distance, hang out with other women.

[schlumpy]

You've already acknowledged your first mistake and that was not listening to her when she stated upfront that she doesn't date people she works with. Instead, you clung to the faint hope you could change her mind.

 

You've let her go on believing you could be friends and now that things aren't working out the way you thought they would you want to stick a pin in her.

 

She was honest with you. That counts for a lot.

 

If your feelings are so overpowering find another job and then pursue her but canceling this outing to the amusement park is sour grapes on your part.

[PRW]

I am someone who usually ends up with women who tell me they like me but aren't ready for the next step. So I spend the next month or so trying to wait it out.

 

That is woman-speak which means they are not romantically interested in you. There is nothing to wait out.

 

I really thought I needed to take a good look at myself and figure out why I continue to put myself in those situations.

I like that you did that. That is good. But you didn't figure out what you were supposed to figure out so you just keep doing the same thing again.

 

with. We work in different departments so we don't see each other much. I asked her to hang out a few months ago and we did. We had fun and everything was great. We started to hang out every weekend. Whether it be me asking her, or her asking me...it was a mutual thing.

 

Because I am who I am (and there is nothing wrong with that) I started to catch feelings. I told her that I had these feelings for her and she told me that she did think there was potential there for us, but she just wasn't ready to date someone she works with.

Here's where you blow it because you didn't figure out what you were supposed to figure out in the previous statement. "Hanging out" is the last thing you want to do. Hanging out has a friend vibe, it does not have a romantic vibe. So all that viewpoint gets you is friend zoned. You do it to yourself by the way you present yourself to the situation. You need to "hang out" with men to make yourself seem more masculine,...then you "date" women. You do not "hang out" with women.

 

Ever since then she will do things for me that make it seem like she likes me. Celebrate things in my life, get me tickets to something, think of me, etc. But then there is never that next step even though I have tried for the next step.

I'm sure you does really like you,...but as a "Buddy". Women do not date their "Buddies". Women do not want to rip the clothes off their "Buddies" and throw them on the bed. But they do want to do that to the mysterious masculine guy that they have to work at getting his attention and wonder about if he is really into them or not.

 

I won an award at work which came with a big prize package. A big old trip to an amusement park. Everything is paid for, parking, tickets, and even got a $100 gift card to use in the park. I asked her if she wanted to go a month ago and she said she did. Now that the date is coming up to use it, I am thinking I shouldn't use it on her. And I don't want to come off like a baby for cancelling on her.

You'll come off as a dick. Take her to the park. You set it up,...live with it. If she cancels on you that is different. But the truth is by this point you will either go with her of go alone.

I don't want to play games.

Yes you do. The problem is you have no "game". You need to learn how to play the game to win rather than sit on the bleachers.

 

I don't want to have to prove I'm better than someone else.

That is exactly what you DO need to do,...you just have to do it properly.

 

I have shown her what she needs to see. I am supportive, caring, and thoughtful.

That will get you nowhere. That is not what she needs to see. Now I don't mean she needs to see the opposite,...not what I mean. But I 'm saying that this isn't going to get you "into" a romantic situation.

 

If she wanted to be with me she would just take the leap.

No. Absolutely not. That will never happen.

 

At least I am realizing these things before I am in way too deep!

You are realizing the wrong things and just digging the hole deeper.

 

There is a book out there called "How the be a 3% Man". Get it. Memorize it. I can't give the links or additional information because I'll get grief for spamming or promoting someone, but it is a very popular book,...you can find it.

Edited September 10, 2019 by PRW