OverProtective Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Well i've been dating this girl for 7 months, I Love her and am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her. We had a strong connection from day 1, the first time i saw her it felt like i seen her before, like somehow i dreamt of this girl before i even met her! our bond is genuine and strong, she is perfect for me. Atleast that's how i see it. now you kind of get what i'm dealing with here is my problem! I've been Seeing a therapist for along time now. I have a serious problem he thinks. I am way too protective over my family, friends and lovers. I went so far one time that i stalked a guy after he stole my best friends girlfriend. Beat him up infront of his house and trashed his car and told him to think next time he breaks someones heart and said next time i'll kill him. I know why i'm like this. My father was abusive to my little brother and mother, verbally and sometimes physically and i always was there to stop him and ever since i was old enough to hold my own i'd been successful. So i feel like it's my duty to defend people who are either too scared or too weak to fight their battles. My therapist dr. Dwayne Burns says that keeping my current girlfriend will be Damaging to myself and eventually i will end up in jail. You see this is why my therapist has a problem. Natashas father sexually molested her when she was a baby. He got thrown in jail and she now lives with her mom, grandma and brother. She has trust issues and obviously feels vunerable. She leans on me for support and Defense against others . DR.Burns says that by being together we are not helping ourselves and that we depends on each other in a unhealthy way. I see where he is coming from! She has been violated and feels weak. I come along, a Big strong male and Give her the protection and love she wanted from her father. At the same time she is enabling me to be A bully and overprotective. I'm a pretty big guy, 6"4 220lbs, I work out 4 times a week! I can hold my own! I find myself constantly saying "what the **** are you looking at" and "you got something to say junior". And all natasha does is hug me harder and say "I'm os glad you're here to protect me". My mom and dad say it's unhealthy and I see it too but i love her! Is this wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Originally posted by OverProtective My therapist dr. Dwayne Burns says that keeping my current girlfriend will be Damaging to myself and eventually i will end up in jail. You see this is why my therapist has a problem. I would take his advice .. He has the knowledge and skill to assess your situation. It sounds like you two are toxic for one another. Sometimes no matter how much 2 people love one another they can never be together because they may have baggage that creates conflicts that cannot be resolved. Listen to your Therapist Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I think that certain types of damaged souls are drawn to each other like a moth to a flame. I don't think either of you consciously said "hmmm....how can I recreate bad situations from my past, with a new person, to acheive the outcome I should've had the first go-round." And yet, our quirky little brains oftentimes lead us to do just that. I've no doubt you care about this girl very much. She probably also cares a lot about you. So with all the love in your heart, you should encourage her to also seek counseling & the two of you work on your individual selves first. If there is to be a relationship - you will each have a ton more to offer the other after you've left your "baggage" at the counselor's "airport." If you go to the thread on 'abuse' in here, and read all of the testimonials of survivors, you'll see that the scars can stay scabs that rip open for a very long time in some very weird ways. The most loving thing you could ever do for this young lady is point her in the direction of a good theraputic healer. From there - who knows... P.S. Good for you for being in counseling! What a strong young man you must be on the inside as well. Link to post Share on other sites
room101 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 The way i see it is you love her and you will not be able to just stop these feeligs by visiting a therapist. just think to yourself that unfortunately people like your father and her father do exist in the world but the only thing that can stop them is by doing right. when you are with her, think of what the other people you say things to are thinking when they look at the two of you, is it that your gf is very attractive or are they thinking holy **** look at the size of him, which i might be doing if i saw some guy well over 6 foot who you can tell works out. i am almost certain none of these people are thinking of anything threatening towards you or your gf. you are going to have to try and let go of the anger you no doubt feel towards people with attitudes like both of your fathers. this way you can enjoy a happy life with your gf. and you do not need to worry about her feeling less safe with you if you do not yell at people - speaking from the position of an average sized guy - i wouldnt dream of doing anything to someone of your size, i value my life much more than that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author OverProtective Posted August 17, 2005 Author Share Posted August 17, 2005 wow, You guys are extremely helpful. I'm messed up and i know this. The reason i started working out is because I wanted to be able to Defend everyone in my life from nasty people. I believe that people change, Me being 24 now and having a good relationship with my father has proven this fact to me. I still have scars and my fathers actions shaped me into something i didn't want to be. My dad has been anger free for 7 years now. My family is looked upon as "perfect". He never punched my mom or did anything to that agree but the things he said to her and my brother hurt them just as much as a punch or kick ever could. Natasha is a beautiful girl and she's been abused by her last boyfriend. He was a jerk to her, he was very controlling and made her feel like crap but she does not know what real love is or what a real relationship is because of her father. She tells me she would of stayed with him forever because he was safe, She knew she was unhappy but she does not think highly of herself. I love natasha and i've asked my doctor to refer me to another doctor so my tasha can get some help. I don't really want her going to the same therapist. After that we will attend couples therapy. She makes me happy and i don't want to give her up. If in the end i'm hurting her more by being with her, i will turn away and bite the bullet. I need to realize that although my intentions are good i'm going overboard with my overprotectiveness. Thanks for the insight guys, it's been really helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat826 Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Keep us updated! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts