Thedubman Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 I picked up the girl I am dating, now girlfriend, from the airport Saturday from vacation. We get back to her house, hangout on her porch, and talk about her vacation. Not to long after we have sex. After sex she tells me how much she likes me and enjoys my company and ask me if I would be exclusive to her and be official, I said Yes!!. Well later on that day we decide to watch a movie, I say around 9pm she ask me if I was spending the night, I said yes. She said ok, but in a real non excited, plain tone. Well an hour later I guess the other guy she was dating showed up at her house, which I thought was really weird. I can tell she’s texting him for 5 minutes then she excuses her self to talk to him and does not come back to the room for like 45 minutes. At this point I’m pissed, she comes back to the room and try’s to be all affectionate and I reject and say I’m going to bed. Next morning I ask what happened, all she did was shrug her shoulders and changes the subject. Should I be concerned? After this I’m not sure if I can trust her? Btw this women showers me with gifts, always wants to cook me dinner, very affectionate, and always try’s to pay for everything when we go out. I just don’t know what to think. I mean what were they talking about for 45 minutes then her not willing to explain herself. I think why she was not excited about me spending the night was because this guy was suppose to come over and I ruined them plans? (I could be wrong). Whole situation was so shady. Need help working this out. Should I end things? Was I really about to get cheated on the same day we made it official? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Yes, the situation was shady. Tell her you need an explanation of (1) why he showed up at her place and (2) why she disappeared for 45 minutes to talk to him while you were there, and (3) then refused to explain what it was about. If you are exclusive - at her initiation - then she needs to be more transparent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 When she asked you to be exclusive the relationship rules changed. She's owes you a rational explanation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Should I be concerned? No you shouldn't be concerned. You should be SINGLE! There is no way I would accept that kind of behaviour. Asking to be exclusive and then disrespecting me that very same day! Was I really about to get cheated on the same day we made it official? Yes, for sure, I would bet my bottom dollar that if you had not stayed, she would have been rolling in the hay with this dude. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thedubman Posted September 3, 2019 Author Share Posted September 3, 2019 What’s the best way to call this girl out. Do it over the phone or should I play it cool like nothings wrong then call her out in person when I see her next? Link to post Share on other sites
beldar Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Tell her you're giving her a mulligan on the exclusivity, for her, and for you. Tell her that you know that is what she really wants anyways, so now you do too. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 (edited) Man, that's foul a.f. If nothing else, she was keeping from you the fact that there was another guy who felt he had dibbs on her time and bed that night--and that's why she was non plussed when you wanted to spend the night--like a committed boyfriend would. She never mentioned she was involved with another guy, sexually and you weren't the only one? A woman that keeps you in the dark does so to manipulate you on her terms. I'd block her. Leave her standing where she is and let her torment herself for the next few months over why you snatched away the relationship. She had one in the bullpen waiting for when you'd left. Just think of it--if you hadn't asked for exclusivity that night, would she have shuttled you out the door earlier so she could get under this guy? She had sex with you to manipulate you into thinking she was free to engage with you when there was someone else she was dealing with. It costs nothing to tell the truth--unless the truth will lead them away from what they want, so they manipulate. Get an STD test asap. God only knows what she's let in there. Edited September 3, 2019 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 What’s the best way to call this girl out. Do it over the phone or should I play it cool like nothings wrong then call her out in person when I see her next? No point in calling her out--you can't shame the shameless. Ignore her. Pretend she doesn't exist. You used to didn't know her... remember that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 the only thing we KNOW she did wrong was not tell you what she talked to him about. If you were non exclusive, she had every right to tell her other guy that she'd meet up later in the day. If she then decided she wanted to be only with you, which clearly she could have waited until the next day to do but chose to do in advance of his arrival, then I would expect that she'd text the guy to not come over and if he did, she'd have to go talk to him. I can easily imagine her not wanting to escalate it by bringing you out too and sometimes it can take a while to tell someone you're no longer interested, especially for women, since there is often the potential for some level of violence. She may have then sent him on his way and then come back to you. On the other hand, she may have made out with him for 45 minutes. That's why she should have told you what happened. Of course, you also showed bad communication skills by not expressing the strong desire to understand the resolution and then went to bed in a huff. It sounds like both of you need to work on communication. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 the only thing we KNOW she did wrong was not tell you what she talked to him about. If you were non exclusive, she had every right to tell her other guy that she'd meet up later in the day. If she then decided she wanted to be only with you, which clearly she could have waited until the next day to do but chose to do in advance of his arrival, then I would expect that she'd text the guy to not come over and if he did, she'd have to go talk to him. I can easily imagine her not wanting to escalate it by bringing you out too and sometimes it can take a while to tell someone you're no longer interested, especially for women, since there is often the potential for some level of violence. She may have then sent him on his way and then come back to you. On the other hand, she may have made out with him for 45 minutes. That's why she should have told you what happened. Of course, you also showed bad communication skills by not expressing the strong desire to understand the resolution and then went to bed in a huff. It sounds like both of you need to work on communication. There may be some truth to the communication piece on the OP's part but in reality - she was WAY beyond disrespectful. I have no issue with men or women seeing multiple people early on in the dating process. But by the time you get to the point where she wants to be exclusive, most women would have ended seeing other guys. And if she was seeing just one, she wouldn't plan on seeing him the night she planned on asking you to be exclusive. Sounds like she was hedging her bets in case you said no. And, after disappearing for 45 mins you deserve an explanation of the whole situation. Maybe she forgot to cancel with him or he showed up on his on. But you still deserve to know the truth. I would not settle for anything then a complete read out of her story with the guy from the time they met and I would be weary for the first few months - trust, but verify as they say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thedubman Posted September 3, 2019 Author Share Posted September 3, 2019 Man, that's foul a.f. If nothing else, she was keeping from you the fact that there was another guy who felt he had dibbs on her time and bed that night--and that's why she was non plussed when you wanted to spend the night--like a committed boyfriend would. She never mentioned she was involved with another guy, sexually and you weren't the only one? A woman that keeps you in the dark does so to manipulate you on her terms. I'd block her. Leave her standing where she is and let her torment herself for the next few months over why you snatched away the relationship. She had one in the bullpen waiting for when you'd left. Just think of it--if you hadn't asked for exclusivity that night, would she have shuttled you out the door earlier so she could get under this guy? She had sex with you to manipulate you into thinking she was free to engage with you when there was someone else she was dealing with. It costs nothing to tell the truth--unless the truth will lead them away from what they want, so they manipulate. Get an STD test asap. God only knows what she's let in there. The funny thing is she already gave me an std. she said it was a guy she was dating before I came around. How much you want to bet it was this guy? I know it was this guy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 I think you know what to do. Kick this skank to the curb and get some treatment at the local clinic. Then, raise your standards! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 The funny thing is she already gave me an std. she said it was a guy she was dating before I came around. How much you want to bet it was this guy? I know it was this guy! Oh hell no! I bet it is this guy too. She’s disgusting I’m sorry. I’m not a fan of ghosting so I would tell her that you don’t want this relationship and don’t even explain your reasons. Break up and block her slutty ass. In my head she wasn’t talking to that guy for 45 minutes she was probably doing other stuff with him and then tried to come and be affectionate with you. Ughh!! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Maybe she was telling him she couldn't see him anymore because she'd just become exclusive with you and they got in an argument. I mean, you had only just asked her. No reason to think she was already exclusive and be mad she's also seeing someone else to that point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 (edited) And if she was seeing just one, she wouldn't plan on seeing him the night she planned on asking you to be exclusive. This. Right. Here. OP had no idea this question was coming out of her. She's the one who brought the whole thing up and she knew dude was on his way over---hence how powered-down she went when OP wanted to stay the night. She knew she just got hoisted upon her own petard. Did you know she was still seeing other men while seeing you? Edited September 3, 2019 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 No way to recover from this in my opinion. Move on. Getting an STD from her should have been enough. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 4, 2019 Share Posted September 4, 2019 What I see is a woman that was dating two guys, and made a final decision. The guy was coming over because she wanted to dump him in person. You were staying, so that put her in a position she didn't know how to explain properly.She knew it looked bad, but whatever. The reason why she didn't want to get into it was she didn't want to talk about the fact she was seeing the both of you the same time. She was hoping it wouldn't come up but the cat is now out of the bag. She is just going to let sleeping dog lie/avoid it. If you walk she has her backup. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 It's more what we don't know than what we do know about this story. I wonder how many guys she asked to pick her up at the airport and if you were the only one or the first one saying yes. Or if you offered spontaneously and she had to decline other guys' offers. I guess the guy showing up at her door didn't come unexpectedly. At the very least, he knew she was at home and not out with friends (or whomever) that night. Which leads me to assume that they texted to each other, while you were there, at her place. And since you didn't notice that, she might have done that from the bathroom or something, sneakily. You have any right to feel deceived. But the other guy was turned down! It's possible that they had made plans for her return home, so he had any reason to get mad too. To top it all, she gave you an STD. Great. Is she a keeper? I guess you have your answer, at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 She's been watching too much Game of Thrones Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 I have no idea why you even stayed over there after that ….Most people would have grabbed their shyt and slipped out the back door while she was "talking to him for 45 minutes"...And gave you an STD? Dude,.....c'mon... TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 I have no idea why you even stayed over there after that ….Most people would have grabbed their shyt and slipped out the back door while she was "talking to him for 45 minutes"...And gave you an STD? Dude,.....c'mon... TFY Dude, come on, you do not realize how hot this woman looks. And, does she have skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 There is much ick here. And everything could have been different if either one of you would have just communicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thedubman Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 On 9/9/2019 at 3:10 AM, justwhoiam said: It's more what we don't know than what we do know about this story. I wonder how many guys she asked to pick her up at the airport and if you were the only one or the first one saying yes. Or if you offered spontaneously and she had to decline other guys' offers. I guess the guy showing up at her door didn't come unexpectedly. At the very least, he knew she was at home and not out with friends (or whomever) that night. Which leads me to assume that they texted to each other, while you were there, at her place. And since you didn't notice that, she might have done that from the bathroom or something, sneakily. You have any right to feel deceived. But the other guy was turned down! It's possible that they had made plans for her return home, so he had any reason to get mad too. To top it all, she gave you an STD. Great. Is she a keeper? I guess you have your answer, at this point. I know I made this post a while back and I should of totally listened to you guys. The relationship ended with me getting lied to constantly and cheated on constantly. Oh yeah, it also came out she had borderline personality. When she first met me I think she was cheating with me on her current boyfriend at the time. I think that’s why the guy reacted like he did and came over. But her having bpd really explained a lot of things Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 The writing was on the wall from the get go. However, I get it: you was hoping that it would somehow work out and that her heart would remain firmly fixed on you. I’m sorry it didn’t happen that way. Sounds like you’ve had a rough time. Don’t dwell on it but take this learning into the future. If someone shows you who they are early on then believe them. You was lucky you found out the truth as quickly as you did. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 Thanks for the update... but yea could have seen that one coming a mile away Link to post Share on other sites
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