libby0715 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I met this guy 3 years ago back in Uni and we became frineds. I had a crush on him and I he knew. So we were a little more than friends (kissed on the lip once), until he got a real girlfriend which broke my heart and we got distant from each other. We were still like normal friends when we see each other, but stopped talking eventually for more than a year as I finished school and started working and got a boyfiend later on. We would still like each other's FB and Ins occasionally. So a few months ago I saw him in the street when driving after not talking to each other for a long time. So I messaged him to tell him I saw him in the street and turns out he's working in the same area I work after he graduated. We caught up over coffee (not a date) a few days later and it was nice. I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago and I also found out later he's single. Two weeks later our mutual friend (who I also lost touch with for a long time) was hosting a dinner in his place (they live together) so I went over and we hung out as a group. After that he started to text me every now and then just to ask me what I was up to and stuff. He also asked what my plan was for the weekend twice. The first time I said I didn't have much plan but he didn't follow up by suggesting doing something. The second time I was busy at both weekends but at the second time I said I was busy but I had nothing planned the next weekend and maybe we should do something. He listed a few things we could do and I said I would think about what we do. Closer to the weekend we decided to do some cooking together. He wanted to cook at my place but my flatmate was having her friends over that night so we did it at his place instead. His flatmate and also our mutual friend was their as well so he was joining us the whole time... So I guess that was not a date either. After that in a few weeks we did hang out a few times where he was a bit flirty but was all in groups. He kind of stopped sending me random messages, which made me think he was probably not interested. Then last Monday he suddenly asked me to buy some furnitures for his room with him at the coming weekend as he would like my opinios. So he let me look at his room and asked me how he can arranged things and what to buy. And then we went shopping together. He asked me to help him assemble the furnitures so I did. During that time he would find excuse to put his arm around my waist and my shoulders, and he touched my hands multiple times from the beginning on that day when it was not neccessary. I would've thought he's just using me as a handy friend or something but we're actually not that close friends. And the flirting part also confuses me. I like him still but definitely not obssessed over him like I was 3 years ago. And I know he never truely liked me back then but I can tell he was attracted to me. It's been 3 years and we have both changed and matured a lot so I'm open to the possibilities. He's not that kind of guy who would be very forward and fast with a girl and maybe the history between us is holding us back as well. So just out of curiosity and want to know if I should treat him as a potential date or just friends. I would like to explore things with him if he's interested but don't wanna repeat the history 3 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Sorry Libby, unless he's unable to make an advance with all women, I think he sees you as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author libby0715 Posted August 18, 2019 Author Share Posted August 18, 2019 Sorry Libby, unless he's unable to make an advance with all women, I think he sees you as a friend. It's totally fine he only sees me as a friend. I just need to know his intention so the next time he asks to hang out like this I'll prioritize other more important things. It's also annoying that he still flirts with me when he has no intention to date me. Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 If you "can't" tell if he is interested in you or not, then indeed he is NOT interested. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 He has done nothing to suggest he is interested. So assume he is not. Stop shopping and putting together flat pack furniture with someone who has not asked you out for goodness sake! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 It's quite common for people to flirt with each other when they have no intention of dating. You'll find it anywhere you work or study. (or at least, you did when I was younger) Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow12 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Libby, he couldn't really like you the same way as you like him years ago because he found someone else even when he was seeing you and kissing you once but as you both matured now and are still in contact maybe you could tell him face to face that you still like him and you would like to spend time with him without the group there. See what his reaction is but don't get your heart too involved with him because he could possibly likes the flirting with you and other girls but doesn't lead anywhere after that. Just ask him out and if he only sees you as a friend then you know where you stand. It's got to come out of the horses mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Really 95 percent of the time--unless it's your first time dating--if you have to ask this question, it means the other person is not interested. If someone is interested, they will make their interest clear ... He might simply want to sleep with you casually and not necessarily regularly. But he's not smooth about it and doesn't have the confidence to come out and ask for that. If someone cannot make their interest known to the other, then the person has some serious social deficits that will interfere with a relationship in any case. He's not interested. But the point is moot because from what you say, you are not interested. So you don't need to ask this question in the first place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I see things differently...when someone just takes your breath away, you get very very scared to make a move. You get very insecure, have doubts so you do nothing about it. I think this is what happened 3 years ago, and this is happening now....he is nervous as $%^&. When he put his arm around your waste you should have turned around and hugged him, telling him "I have always wanted to do this....." Most likely he would have kissed you right there. I know you sense something, so it's time to flirt back, touch him, give him clues or just admit to him you had a crush on him back in the day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I see things differently...when someone just takes your breath away, you get very very scared to make a move. You get very insecure, have doubts so you do nothing about it. I think this is what happened 3 years ago, and this is happening now....he is nervous as $%^&. . I can certainly attest to this as I've been like that myself in the past, which created a totally wrong impression! However, I'd like to know what makes you think this is the case here? Since to me he sounds more ambivalent than anything else but he knows the OP is interested, like last time. I could be wrong of course (sorry OP) but this is how it comes across to me! At least at this point in time anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I see things differently...when someone just takes your breath away, you get very very scared to make a move. You get very insecure, have doubts so you do nothing about it. I think this is what happened 3 years ago, and this is happening now....he is nervous as $%^&. When he put his arm around your waste you should have turned around and hugged him, telling him "I have always wanted to do this....." Most likely he would have kissed you right there. I know you sense something, so it's time to flirt back, touch him, give him clues or just admit to him you had a crush on him back in the day. Great point Smackie ... So Libby ... why didn't you respond to his touch as Smackie suggests here? I assumed because you were not clear that you wanted something with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I can certainly attest to this as I've been like that myself in the past, which created a totally wrong impression! However, I'd like to know what makes you think this is the case here? Since to me he sounds more ambivalent than anything else but he knows the OP is interested, like last time. I could be wrong of course (sorry OP) but this is how it comes across to me! At least at this point in time anyway. I know guys....99.9% of the time they don't really reach out or spend their energy on a girl unless they are interested. IMO he's confused/unsure and is trying to read her. The OP simply needs to throw this guy a bone or two. Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 oh, wow...people have two complete opposite opinions. OP, please keep us updated which opinion is true in your case. would be curious to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 It sounds like he likes your company and is flirting a bit. The question is, is he interested in you being his girlfriend or in a FWB kind of arrangement? You do not want to get into the latter with him as you would only get hurt. Maybe be a bit less available next time he contacts you, just have something you are doing and suggest another time. It will make him realise you are not easily available. If you want to carry on just being friends with this guy, then meet up with him as a friend, but do not let him get touchy-feely. Keep a firm line there. I can promise you that if it starts to get more flirty and into kissing, for example, without him having suggested a real date, you will get even more confused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I would assume he likes you from sending you texts etc. Personally I would only do the stuff he's doing if I was interested, but maybe I'm more straightforward than most guys. I'm definitely over the its ok to be friends with women stage of my life... Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I'm definitely over the its ok to be friends with women stage of my life... What's wrong with being friends with women? lol they met through uni, not like he's a new guy she met a few months ago. I think they can be friends, especially if he already has several other female friends. next time when he flirts, flirt back. when he touches, touch back. If he likes you, he will advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Fekenaws Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I don't think he sounds interested at all, to be honest. One of my really good friends, I'll call him John, is best friends with 3 very attractive girls and they all flirt with each other non-stop. Sitting in each other's laps, compliments, extended hugs, etc. They have never had sex even one time. They are just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author libby0715 Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 So he suggested to go TV hunt with me this weekend. It's actually for me as I mentioned earlier I'm looking to buy a new TV. I didn't started the conversation at all so it's all his idea. So I guess he's still wanna hang out just the two of us:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Author libby0715 Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 Guess I'd feel super embarrased if I got rejected lol. But yeah you're right. I guess I'm not sure if I really want something to happen Link to post Share on other sites
Author libby0715 Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 Great point Smackie ... So Libby ... why didn't you respond to his touch as Smackie suggests here? I assumed because you were not clear that you wanted something with him. Ooops failed to quote the first time. I'm new to this site.. Guess I'd feel super embarrased if I got rejected lol. But yeah you're right. I guess I'm not sure if I really want something to happen Link to post Share on other sites
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