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Ghosted by a guy I see every day at work, how do I proceed?


An0nymiss666

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An0nymiss666

So Loveshack, I was ghosted by a man I see every day at work. Thankfully we don’t actually work together, we just work in the same office building and see each other all of the time in passing and on our way in and out every day. We’ve been talking for a little over a month, texting outside of work and everything.

 

We hadn’t made plans yet, our first actual date was supposed to be last night, he ditched, and made me feel stupid as I sat around all night until 10pm when he finally texted me. We even confirmed the plans earlier that day and he expressed how excited he was to finally spend time with me.

 

He fed me an excuse about his parents needing him, of course I’m not going to be rude, you never know what might’ve happened, I just said it was okay and told him we’d reschedule for another day. No response...I sent another lighthearted message and he didn’t reply to that, either.

 

Usually I’m pretty bold and honest but that can come off as brash and insensitive if you don’t know someone well enough. I usually express my feelings if I feel hurt or as if I’ve been treated unfairly - in any situation. I don’t understand keeping up an act like that if he was just planning to ditch the entire time. Don’t tell me you’re excited to see me mere hours before disappearing.

 

I just don’t know what to say or do since I will inevitably see this man first thing Monday morning. I don’t know if I should confront this or just leave it at “Hi, have a nice day.”

Edited by An0nymiss666
Accidentally posted before I was done typing
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Your first “date” was meant to be last night?

What were the plans? Where to meet and what time?

Where were you until 10pm??

And why respond at that time?

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I'veseenbetterlol

Just act like nothing happened. If he tries apologizing, tell him you would appreciate not having your time wasted. Unless he has a good reason for why he ghosted, do not give him a second chance.

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An0nymiss666
Your first “date” was meant to be last night?

What were the plans? Where to meet and what time?

Where were you until 10pm??

And why respond at that time?

 

We agreed to meet up at 5:30 to get drinks and figure out dinner. I was just home all night, I didn’t go anywhere because I didn’t hear from him - at least not until 10. That’s not too late to meet for drinks if something truly came up but he didn’t mention going out, he just apologized then disappeared. Problem is it’s going to be weird seeing him Monday at work and I won’t know what to do or say.

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An0nymiss666
Just act like nothing happened. If he tries apologizing' date=' tell him you would appreciate not having your time wasted. Unless he has a good reason for why he ghosted, do not give him a second chance.[/quote']

 

He apologized via text message, but then didn’t reply back to me when I answered. Honestly I want to shoot him another message saying I would’ve appreciated some honesty and not having my time wasted, because there was no prior indication that he wasn’t interested in going out anymore...and I have to see his face Monday-Friday.

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If you see him try to avoid him but if you have to speak to him just say 'I'm surprised you showed up' in a jokey way and walk on. Don't let him know it's got to you - that's far too much care and concern.

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Agree with the above post. I'd act as if it really didn't matter at all and if he refers to it, just say something very casual as if you've only just remembered it! Then listen......

 

Whatever you do, do sent not off any more texts, especially ones about wasting your time etc etc as this will show you're still dwelling on it and will put you in a poor light!

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mortensorchid

Just act like it never happened. If and when you see him be polite and friendly but don't push it any further. The ball was/is in his court and he's not returning it to you. It happens. I went through that recently at my last job, it's what it is.

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mortensorchid
My advice: Don't date coworkers or people you see at work.

 

^ This. Coworkers are not friends. It's easy for you to think this because you spend more time with them than you will with anyone else but they aren't. Have friends and acquaintance outside of work,don't talk about them much. If you get into a situation where someone invites you to be part of something outside of the office (I'm not sure how you and this guy got entangled), say you have other plans.

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Acknowledge him but nothing more. And as much as it sucks, be thankful that it happened now and it didn't have a chance to turn into a relationship. I've said it before and will say it again, people that ghost aren't worth a second thought.

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We agreed to meet up at 5:30 to get drinks and figure out dinner. I was just home all night, I didn’t go anywhere because I didn’t hear from him - at least not until 10. That’s not too late to meet for drinks if something truly came up but he didn’t mention going out, he just apologized then disappeared.

 

But where were you meant to meet at 5:30?

Was there any contact between 5:30 and 10?

Were you dressed and ready to go at 5:30 ?

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Springsummer
My advice: Don't date coworkers or people you see at work.

 

But what if that person is the most or only attractive person? how else do we meet people? OLD doesn't work.

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But she said that he's not a co-worker, just working in the same building. And even if he was, I don't really agree with the whole "never date a co-worker" thing. That's where you spend most of your time & that's where you probably meet 80% of new acquaintances as an adult. I wouldn't have my daughter today if I had not decided to go out with a former colleague at one point :)

 

 

 

But back to your question OP: I'd just nod hello, but not speak to the guy again. And I definitely wouldn't send another message. Seems like an a***.

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But what if that person is the most or only attractive person? how else do we meet people? OLD doesn't work.

Been there done that...biggest mistake I ever made.

 

 

 

I met my dates from going out with friends, or activities, at parties, events or through friends.

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An0nymiss666
But where were you meant to meet at 5:30?

Was there any contact between 5:30 and 10?

Were you dressed and ready to go at 5:30 ?

 

Oh I was absolutely ready to go at 5:30! We were going to check out a nicer local bar/restaurant that was recently renovated and reopened. I always confirm plans or make sure the other person is still going shortly beforehand because you know how flakey people can get. Even including get-togethers with friends. I sent a message asking if we were still on for the night and didn’t get a reply until the message he sent at 10.

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But what if that person is the most or only attractive person? how else do we meet people? OLD doesn't work.

There is nothing embarrassing. Just go on with your life. Why give him that much importance. He's a nobody in your life.

 

 

Don't date people at work. There are 10s of ways of meeting people other than at work. OLD is not gonna work till it does. It's the same with meeting through friends, you need patience.

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An0nymiss666
Just act like it never happened. If and when you see him be polite and friendly but don't push it any further. The ball was/is in his court and he's not returning it to you. It happens. I went through that recently at my last job, it's what it is.

 

Right, that’s pretty much my attitude with anything. We’re adults, you can’t have too many expectations with casual dating, but within any type of workplace it definitely complicates it as well.

 

Thankfully I got to work a bit early and I’ve been in a series of meetings so I didn’t see him today. But he sent me a message early this morning apologizing again and saying he was busy with his niece/nephew and blah blah blah...

 

To me, it takes two seconds to shoot someone a message and ghosting for periods of time and giving excuses even if they’re being nice just tells me they want to keep you on the hook. Not sure what changed all of a sudden but again it doesn’t matter. Mixed signals are a “no” to me.

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Do not send any more texts!

I would just carry on and not pay him any attention.

 

Just a note...

If someone cancels a date, they should be the one to mention rescheduling, not you.

If they don't mention rescheduling, never contact them again.

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