max3732 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I was happy to get a message from this beautiful woman that talked about some of my favorite hobbies and right up front asked to meet. We started exchanging tons of messages and she asked a lot of questions about me and I did the same to her and everything seemed ok. We even exchanged additional pictures and complemented each other and I was attempting to flirt. Then things started to get out of control. She was disappointed I wouldn't agree to meet her family for Thanksgiving (we haven't even met in person yet) and started asking financial questions, saying things like as the man it's my responsibility to provide for her financially through retirement and she will give me a lot of babies, which really scarred me. If I block her the app says it deletes the whole conversation. Am I better off just blocking her without any further conversation? I'm just scared she might be crazy and try to come after me or something if I just block her like that. Or should I keep talking and then send a message letting her know it's not going to work? Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 A simple 'I've been thinking and I don't think we are a good match after all. All the best in the future.' Then just block/delete. Easy as that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I wouldn't block her, at least not yet. Make a copy of the conversation if you can. If she flips you'll want as much written record as you can get. This may be one of those situations where you need to lie a bit to get out without triggering crazy. Can you make yourself look undesirable to her, like not making much money, saying you had a bankruptcy? This is just speculation, I have no real suggestions except do agree with you there are red flags galore here. Do you know a therapist your could talk to to get some ideas on how to extract yourself? Also don't put too much stock in her liking your hobbies if she knew you liked them (from photos or your profile), it can be a trait of the disordered, it's called mirroring. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 You are right to be concerned OP. Those are some pretty big warning signs... As has been said above, tell her that you have changed your mind and wish her well. Then, block her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I wouldn't block her, at least not yet. Make a copy of the conversation if you can. If she flips you'll want as much written record as you can get. This may be one of those situations where you need to lie a bit to get out without triggering crazy. Can you make yourself look undesirable to her, like not making much money, saying you had a bankruptcy? This is just speculation, I have no real suggestions except do agree with you there are red flags galore here. Do you know a therapist your could talk to to get some ideas on how to extract yourself? Also don't put too much stock in her liking your hobbies if she knew you liked them (from photos or your profile), it can be a trait of the disordered, it's called mirroring. You really do post a lot of rubbish advice, not the first time I have noticed. Copy of the conversation? What? Make himself undesirable? Why? They haven't even met, if he decided he doesn't want to meet her for whatever reason, that's all she needs to know. A therapist for ideas to 'extract' himself? What on Earth? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 You are right to be concerned OP. Those are some pretty big warning signs... As has been said above, tell her that you have changed your mind and wish her well. Then, block her. That's what I'm going to do. She said even more crazy things but I don't want to post it here in case she comes on. I was so excited at first and shared a lot more with her than I normally would. It really bothers me I shared so much in writing with someone who is obviously mentally unstable. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 ^ Uh huh. Just delete and block. You don’t owe her any explanation. Women do it all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 It really bothers me I shared so much in writing with someone who is obviously mentally unstable. ...Or criminal. How much did you tell "her" about your finances? Link to post Share on other sites
JEG88 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 No matter what happens, I hope this is a lesson learned for you to be more careful and private when you’re only in the stage of messaging someone. Take control of how you filter and what you tell people, and that goes for initial dates too. It’s just common sense. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 You really do post a lot of rubbish advice, not the first time I have noticed. Copy of the conversation? What? Make himself undesirable? Why? They haven't even met, if he decided he doesn't want to meet her for whatever reason, that's all she needs to know. A therapist for ideas to 'extract' himself? What on Earth? Thanks for the insult. Is that how this site works? Was kind of hoping for respectful disagreement. I'll let you know why I provided this advice, to disassemble and maybe even lie, which I normally never ever recommend lying or seeking a therapists advice. I'm guessing you have never dated crazy or know the extent to which a disordered person can go when they suffer narcissistic injury. You have no idea. There will be lies, accusations, may call or show up at your work, a smear campaign certainly. They will spread lies that are easily disproved by their own written words and video evidence...but if you didn't keep it you could well be screwed. As a third party this stuff is astonishing but for the people that have gone through it, it is a hell. Hence good to have a copy of all communications, it's not much but better than nothing and easy to do. I know way to much about disordered people from friends where this is part of their profession. The very brief story outlined by the poster I have heard exactly before. She may not be so disordered, I certainly hope not and odds are she is not, but if she is she needs to be able to tell herself the decision to end it is hers. These are very, very difficult people to deal with hence my recommendation to ask a professional for advice especially if you know someone already. You could certainly just be upfront, that is the right thing to do. You could certainly just block her, but for me if you need to block someone that means you think they won't take no for an answer. If you want to learn more about the horror stories of breaking it off with a narcissist there are many on-line resources. It doesn't matter how serious the relationship is in reality, it is the story they are telling themselves in in their head that matters. What story do you think she is telling herself? Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 ... She said even more crazy things but I don't want to post it here in case she comes on. I was so excited at first and shared a lot more with her than I normally would. .... Just to "defend" my advice. Not at all surprised. The ability to get you to open up is also consistent with such people. Don't blame yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I get it, you start talking to someone who is very attractive, the conversations flow, you develop a connection...it can be very addictive. You start to lose yourself and overlook the red flags. As for the mentally ill, they can be very skilled at manipulating, just like the scammers...this becomes real dangerous. Now how you handle it, is up to you. If making up a bs story about losing your job, or someone died or you have taken ill...that's fine whatever works for you to get out of it. Block/delete, and hope for the best. This is why you have to be very careful about how much info you provide over the internet. Chatting on line is OK, just don't give any specific details. It's best to keep it simple. Have a two or three exchanges of conversation, then ask to meet. Talk further on dates. If they refuse, then you refuse them, it's as easy as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 ...Or criminal. How much did you tell "her" about your finances? Don't worry, I didn't give her my credit card number or anything personally identifiable. Just the kind of business that I'm in and some info about how I'm good at managing money so she wouldn't have to worry about that. So basically I feel like I opened myself up to a gold digger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 I get it, you start talking to someone who is very attractive, the conversations flow, you develop a connection...it can be very addictive. You start to lose yourself and overlook the red flags. As for the mentally ill, they can be very skilled at manipulating, just like the scammers...this becomes real dangerous. Now how you handle it, is up to you. If making up a bs story about losing your job, or someone died or you have taken ill...that's fine whatever works for you to get out of it. Block/delete, and hope for the best. This is why you have to be very careful about how much info you provide over the internet. Chatting on line is OK, just don't give any specific details. It's best to keep it simple. Have a two or three exchanges of conversation, then ask to meet. Talk further on dates. If they refuse, then you refuse them, it's as easy as that. Exactly! Normally I'm extremely rational and level headed, but the conversation was flowing so well and then she starts sending me these pictures and it kind of overwhelmed my normal sense of caution. She was really getting me turned on with the pictures and conversation. I felt almost giddy and so excited with ever message from her. It's only when I put the phone away and settled down that I really realized what a mistake I'd made continuing to talk to her. Fortunately I didn't give away any specific details. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Block her. There's too many red flags to just ignore and it's always better safe than sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I agree with other posters, she sounds like a nutcase or a scammer. There is no reason why you cannot block her. I hope the following is useful: - Do not give out any identifying details online - surname/family, date of birth, landline phone number, profession (if it is unusual and would identify you), workplace, home address, family names, places you frequent. It is best to give some info but be vague, e.g. east of Detroit, or something like that. - Do not share any incriminating pics or go on cam and get carried away. There are people who blackmail others by using such pics and recording video chats. - Always meet in a public place with other people around. Be careful the person you meet does not follow you back to your car afterwards. - Best not to share your email address either, unless it is one you do not use regularly and which is not available elsewhere online. Obviously, you have to go by gut instinct but I would suggest taking at least a week of chatting online to get a 'feel' for the person. Some guys will complain that that is pointless and you should meet asap, but as a woman I am pretty sure it is the best way to go. It is surprising what people say once they start to relax with you and anyone with major red flags will usually raise them in chat messages within a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 Just to follow up. I blocked her a few days ago Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Take screenshots of the conversations that you want to keep as evidence and then block and delete her and take screenshots of that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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