L90 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 This girl that I've been talking to and been on a few dates with has some pretty interesting pictures posted on instagram and I'm not sure how to interpret it or feel about it or what it could mean about her. She's 25, I'm 29. It feels like we have an awesome connection, have a great time together, talk all the time, do fun things together, she's really cool. I really enjoy my time with her and want to see this go some where but I was checking out her instagram and I'm not sure what to think. Most of her pictures are of just her. A bunch of "thirst trap" type pictures. And most recently, pictures of her on two different vacations, topless, with emojis to cover her breasts/nipples. I don't mind nudity if I'm on vacation with my girlfriend, but I'm not sure how I'd feel about her posting it on the internet like that. What does everybody think? Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I don't think I would be happy with it but I'm an introvert and such behaviour would just not work for me. However, I think you should talk to her about it and see what she says. Her family might have had quite a liberal attitude to nudity - who knows? You like her company and get on well but I can see that this would be a red flag for how she might behave in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I know this sounds totally irrelevant but what kind of a relationship does she have with her parents (If you've only been "talking" to her, you prolly don't know that much about her yet). I ask because I wonder, if she had a good relationship with her parents, what they would think about her seeking such attentions from strangers on the internet. If she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents, (had a dysfunctional growing up) then that would explain her need to show off like that. She's showing you who she is. Can you accept that and not try to change her? If the answer is "no" then stop "talking" to her now before you both get in too deep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderlust2018 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 She’s an attention seeking narcissist seeking validation and needing to feed her ego...plain and simple. Let me guess...she has way more male “friends” than female friends? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I think she is not the brightest bulb on the porch.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 She maybe cool but that kind of behavior just wouldn't do it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author L90 Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 I know this sounds totally irrelevant but what kind of a relationship does she have with her parents (If you've only been "talking" to her, you prolly don't know that much about her yet). I ask because I wonder, if she had a good relationship with her parents, what they would think about her seeking such attentions from strangers on the internet. If she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents, (had a dysfunctional growing up) then that would explain her need to show off like that. She's showing you who she is. Can you accept that and not try to change her? If the answer is "no" then stop "talking" to her now before you both get in too deep. Well apparently her father had an affair with his secretary for a while which was discovered by the mother. They have decided to stay together. She has told me she was a bit of an ******* about it throughout high school but that she's forgiven him and that he's a good dude. I know she's very close with her mother. Although her parents are still together, it doesn't seem like the most loving relationship from things she's told me. What do you mean she's showing who she is? What does it say about her? I'm not sure if this is something she's doing because as of now she's single and a bit on the younger side or something else... Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 She is a wild child and a free sprit... Did you ask her why she posted them? Link to post Share on other sites
emeraldgreen Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 She posts them for the same reason she pulls out her phone to check how many likes she got every time you go to the bathroom and the same reason she clicks on the profiles of the people that like and comment - the validation of strangers. You'll never be enough for her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I think women (and men) who do that don't have a lick of sense and let their thirst for attention outweigh common sense. Those will affect her every step of the way in the future. Some boss won't hire her because of those -- and even worse, some boss will hire her only because of those and be assuming he'll be able to have sex with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 have you had sex with this girl yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author L90 Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 have you had sex with this girl yet? Yes. We've been hanging out for a month or a little more Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I'd be outta there at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderlust2018 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I'd be outta there at that. Yep! A woman like that will always be like that... She’s hardwired to need attention, it’ll never change. And where’s the self respect? Years from now, she’ll be part of the #metoo movement...?. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 What does everybody think?That you need to remember what you wrote: This girl that I've been talking to and been on a few dates with She's not your girlfriend. She's a chick you really don't know--she's not who you're imagination is constructing. This is what she likes to do, else she wouldn't have posted those pics. Either you're down with that behavior or you're not--and if you're not, there's the door. Use it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Don't be so uptight and judgmental... The nude body is beautiful! It is have been displayed publicly since the beginning of time. Some of our most famous pieces of art duplicate the nude body... ancient selfies... So how is the boss going to see them? Are you so sure she won't be able to get work because of it? They use to say that about people who got tattoos just a few years ago and now it's everywhere. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 She's a chick you really don't know--she's not who you're imagination is constructing. To add: just because you're having sex with her doesn't mean you know her. Johns have sex with pros they don't know, so... Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Chicks do this stuff for attention and ego, pure and simple. So lf your cool having someone that needs this kind of attention even while she's seeing you then good for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author L90 Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share Posted August 17, 2019 That you need to remember what you wrote: She's not your girlfriend. She's a chick you really don't know--she's not who you're imagination is constructing. This is what she likes to do, else she wouldn't have posted those pics. Either you're down with that behavior or you're not--and if you're not, there's the door. Use it. To add: just because you're having sex with her doesn't mean you know her. Johns have sex with pros they don't know, so... I'm very well aware she's not my girlfriend and that I don't know her that well yet. I definitely like her though and I'm just not sure about this type of behavior. I'm not sure if this is some sort of red flag that says she's not relationship material or if there's no correlation. Don't be so uptight and judgmental... The nude body is beautiful! It is have been displayed publicly since the beginning of time. Some of our most famous pieces of art duplicate the nude body... ancient selfies... So how is the boss going to see them? Are you so sure she won't be able to get work because of it? They use to say that about people who got tattoos just a few years ago and now it's everywhere. I don't mind nudity, it's not that. I'm looking for advice on whether this type of thing indicates potential relationship issues before I invest anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Forget for a second about the emoji-covered nudes. Let's assume she's a free spirited exhibitionist or that she's from some exotic island where it's the norm. If her ego and self image are shattered to the point that she needs this much validation, it's going to be a relationship you're going to regret ever getting into, if it evolves into a relationship. Think about all the pictures of her that you yourself described as "thirst trap". There's your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I'd call it off for two reasons: 1. It's extreme attention seeking behavior. I would imagine she has some things to work through if she is posting those kinds of pictures for the world to see. IME, this behavior won't stop until something negative happens with those pics (i.e. someone photoshops out the emojis and now she's an internet sensation..). 2. If you were to continue seeing her and end up in a relationship, you're going to have to deal with the attention sees getting. There's going to be comments tossed up on those pics from guys that are going to set you off. I'd also assume she's going to end up having contact with guys who are enjoying her exhibitionism. I have an ex who did quite a bit of attention seeking via Facebook. A few guys flirted with her via social media and some posted some inappropriate sexual stuff on her page and it bothered me. Her and I had several conversations about why it was bothering me and establishing boundaries. It didn't do much good and I should've been out of there. Long story short, she got a massive tattoo that ran from the base of her neck half way down her butt. She asked me to take a picture of it so she could post it on Facebook and I refused to do so. I told her she could do as she pleased but that a) I wasn't going to be a part of it and b) she was inviting more inappropriate comments. She found someone to take the pic, posted it on Facebook, the trolls came out of the woodwork and I called it quits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I'm very well aware she's not my girlfriend and that I don't know her that well yet. I definitely like her though and I'm just not sure about this type of behavior. I'm not sure if this is some sort of red flag that says she's not relationship material or if there's no correlation. I don't mind nudity, it's not that. I'm looking for advice on whether this type of thing indicates potential relationship issues before I invest anymore. Well this crowd is full of judgmental type people and they will tell you to run. I'm 58 and I post nudes myself. I think I would be awesome relationship material. I am not in a relationship but if I was and my other half was bothered by the pictures I would remove them and not post anymore. Have you talked with her about it? Did you ask her why she posted it or are you going to let a bunch of people here tell you that she is not relationship material. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 If I'm understanding this correctly she is not nude in the photos but topless with her nipples covered. Frankly I'd consider the pose as well. Fun on topless beach, so what. Topless sunbathing is pretty normal in parts of Europe. You can tell who are the Americans by the stares (creepy). People in the US are so hung up on nudity, or even partial nudity. Is it attention seeking? In a way any use of Instagram and the like to me is attention seeking, as people curate the image they present (naturally). Especially to me an introvert with no social media. So for me context, context, context. From what you said, this behavior to me is consistent both with a confident, free spirit, who is not ashamed of her body, or an attention seeking flake, or anything in between. I would not let such pictures determine how I see a person, rather I'd determine that by how they treat others and me. I can say from personal experience that just because a woman is unashamed of being topless (rightly concerned about how it might attract creeps) doesn't mean she is "loose," impossible to please, or narcissistic. In fact the opposite in my experience. Very picky about who she dated, but once she chose you, you're one very lucky guy, very easy going, faithful, great communicator, confident and thoughtful. The one narcissist I was with, was very insecure inside (so would not post such photos), impossible to please, was more a tease and ego stroker big time and the highest form of her control was to make a guy want her but never let him catch her, and a black and white thinker. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 @SumGuy I could get behind your train of thought if it weren't for the "creeps" as you described. And you're right; a lot of it is context. In the situation I described, I wouldn't have taken an issue with a pic of the tattoo if: a) We hadn't already had issues with her lack of boundaries when it came to other men and some of their highly inappropriate comments. The "it's just Facebook" defense doesn't fly when a guy is posting about the size of his d-ck on a SO's page. Or, a guy responding to a breast cancer awareness post with "Show us your tits!!". She had no issues with these posts because again, "it's just Facebook..". b) She was openly inviting more of those kinds of comments and attention by posting that tattoo pic. It wasn't an R-rated pic by any stretch of the imagination and I liked her tat as it was artistic and well done. A part of her posted the pic because she wanted to show off the art and that's great. But, a part of her was doing so because she loved the attention she'd get from other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow12 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Don't you want to be the only guy that she wants validation from and not from other guys?, if you was in a relationship with this free spirited chick, she will message a lot of random creeps, she could possibly meet them and the reason I say that is because...if she's willing to show her body with a emoij covering her nipples etc and accepting creepy pervert messages then whats to say she wouldn't end up seeking attention in real life and you wouldn't be enough for her because what you say to her is just coming from one individual when she wants loads of individuals to make her feel wanted/appreciated. She is attention seeker but there is no doubt she could turn out to want even more and more by looking for it in real life. Thats the thing you possibly need to be aware of for in the future. You don't know what she will turn out to be in that time. Sure, you can look past it and look it as a way of her being a confident girl whom doesn't care about judgements in the whole world but your the one who needs to go by how you feel, if you are not sure then...you need to think things more clearer and ask yourself is a attention seeker necessarily good for a committed relationship? She should be getting all of it from you not from social media. These perverts could be aggressive or ask her for requests and she would probably be more happy to do em. You seem unsure about her so if your unsure then that means you can't be 100% okay with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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