singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I am dating 2 women non exclusively as I'm at a stage in my life where I'd like to play the field shall we say. Woman 1 is a filipino MILF that I've seen since 2014. Woman 2 is an indian woman I met at an event back in 2017. The main focus of my question mostly revolves around woman 2. We met at an event at around September 2017 and since then we met up and by the second date we were holding hands, kissing and we went away on one getaway in the countryside in April 2018 for 2 days. I'd say we meet every 2 to 3 weeks and we are holding hands in public at the cinema and theatre we are always cuddled up etc. During our getaway in 2018 we didn't go all the way a she put up resistance however we did get and sleep naked, kissed and she gave me a HJ and after that when I cleaned up and we cuddled she said randomly whilst still naked "All guys are dicks!" just randomly. What does this mean and why did she say that at that moment? After the getaway in 2018 we again met up not every week but mostly 2 weeks to a month. We don't text regularly or talk on the phone regularly. Around October 2018 she texted me saying "I love you and want to be with you no matter what, I don't know how you feel, are you seeing anyone else?". Which to that I replied "I want to be honest with you and I respect you, I am seeing someone else, and I'm going through family issues so I'm not able to offer you an exclusive relationship, but I appreciate your openness and sharing this and il still be there for you as you've helped me in my life and left me strong". After that the Indian said, "Me and you are filing for divorce lol" with a winky face. She didn't abuse me, get angry or tell at me or call me any names. The Indian woman then reached out to me in December 2018 and asked if she wanted to meet up again? I agreed and she didn't mention about the other woman I was seeing, no question and we were still all over each other, cuddling, kissing, caressing etc. On valentines day I gave her a rose gold heart pendant was about £30 with a wash bag and a card and on her birthday I gave her a pen, journal and water bottle. The vibe when we have is always flirty, we always having a banter, holding hands, kissing and making out. In the last 2 months she was the one who was pushing for me to go in a getaway with her and its happening soon? My question to you is that, has she accepted the fact that I'm seeing this other woman? Surely if she had a problem she would have told me to **** off or she could have blocked me right I havent said anything to her about being exclusive and she hasn't brought it up. I do like her but unsure if I see her as long term. What's the best thing to do? Is there a likely hood she would push for being exclusive? I'm quite happy at present to be playing the field rather than settle down. Would appreciate your thought on this? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Nobody here can answer that question for her. If you don’t want to lead her on, remind her again that you are also seeing someone else and - you will have your answer. If you plan to have causal relationships with different people, the last you can do is be very honest about that and let people decide if that is acceptable to them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 It's good that you've told her earlier that you are not exclusive. I agree with Bailey, if you think she's hoping you've changed your mind, find a direct but polite way to ask her if she still wants to see you though you see another woman also. As she took a break from seeing you, and did not ask if you are exclusive before resuming dating you, that she has decided you are OK even not being exclusive, but it is polite if you check in and make sure she's got that figured out before she brings it up. I wouldn't keep rubbing it in her face, or talk about your dates with another woman, but if you are unsure what she expects then ask or tell her so you can be sure she is aware. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 She may have assumed that as you already knew she was unhappy with you dating others, that when the two of you reconnected you were actually truly single. She may have assumed if you were not, you would have told her... Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Do they both know about one another? Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I think you should commit to the Indian girl,she sounds lovely she deserves better than you fooling around with the older philipino lady, commit fully to her or else let her go Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Although I commend you for being upfront and honest, I still think your actions are confusing and misleading which is why Woman #2 may be thinking there is more there than what really is. Sometimes people only hear what they want to hear. I suspect she's not particularly happy with the situation but is likely still coming back to you because she genuinely cares about you (hell, she said she loves you!) but is secretly hoping you'll change your mind about things and choose her and only her. If that is not in your plan, then perhaps you need to stop treating her like a girlfriend (hand holding, going on trips, buying expensive gifts/jewelry etc). If it's sex you're only after from these women, then keep it simple. Stop playing relationship if you have no intentions of entering into one. Just my two cents. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 She may have assumed that as you already knew she was unhappy with you dating others, that when the two of you reconnected you were actually truly single. She may have assumed if you were not, you would have told her... Exactly. Which is why, a little more clarification is probably in order... If, after you have told her the truth, she still wants to see you - all clear. But, you owe it to her to be completely honest, nothing hidden... And can I just say, I hope nobody ever refers to me as a MILF - that’s so disrespectful to any woman you are “dating...” 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 Although I commend you for being upfront and honest, I still think your actions are confusing and misleading which is why Woman #2 may be thinking there is more there than what really is. Sometimes people only hear what they want to hear. I suspect she's not particularly happy with the situation but is likely still coming back to you because she genuinely cares about you (hell, she said she loves you!) but is secretly hoping you'll change your mind about things and choose her and only her. If that is not in your plan, then perhaps you need to stop treating her like a girlfriend (hand holding, going on trips, buying expensive gifts/jewelry etc). If it's sex you're only after from these women, then keep it simple. Stop playing relationship if you have no intentions of entering into one. Just my two cents. But surely if she had an issue she would have said something or walked away. She said absolutely nothing. If she brings it up again about me being exclusive could I just not refer to the conversation we had back in 2018 and say the situation is the same? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 You are conflict avoidant. YOU are the one seeing two women, it is up to YOU to inform them of that fact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 however we did get and sleep naked, kissed and she gave me a HJ and after that when I cleaned up and we cuddled she said randomly whilst still naked "All guys are dicks!" just randomly. What does this mean and why did she say that at that moment? LOL! Seriously? Did you give her an orgasm? Did you give her oral or at least lots of attention with your hands? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 LOL! Seriously? Did you give her an orgasm? Did you give her oral or at least lots of attention with your hands? I got an orgy when she gave me a HJ and I did finger her and go down on her for a considerable amount of time. She didn't moan or scream but she said it felt amazing and loved it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 You are conflict avoidant. YOU are the one seeing two women, it is up to YOU to inform them of that fact. The filipino is aware and totally cool. She even asks about them now and again. The Indian only when she asked me back in 2018, I told her the truth since then we reconnected she didn't even mention me and other women. She did propose about going into business partnerships together as we are both entrepreneurs in the speaking business, she one time was saying "oh we could get a dog when we buy a house", suggesting future places to visit, and talking about what to name the kids and she combined mine and her name and made it one word lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 Another thing for your info, when I gave her the rose gold heart pendant only £30,she messaged me the night saying "I'm going to sleep with it on" and send me a large heart on my whatsapp Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 The Indian only when she asked me back in 2018, I told her the truth since then we reconnected she didn't even mention me and other women. We already know that. It is now up to YOU to inform her that you are still seeing two women... She is obviously under the impression that you are more serious about her than you are telling us. Is is really cool to refer to these women as "the filipino" and "the Indian"...???? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 But surely if she had an issue she would have said something or walked away. She said absolutely nothing. If she brings it up again about me being exclusive could I just not refer to the conversation we had back in 2018 and say the situation is the same? Women can be complicated! Yes, in an ideal world this woman would either have said something or walked away but also, in an ideal world, you wouldn't be dating and sleeping with multiple women at the same time Again, I'm just speculating. No one really knows what she's thinking or hoping for except her. I'm just giving you my opinion based on what you said transpired. I really do think you need to tone down some of the things you do, at least with this particular woman. The necklace thing is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 We already know that. It is now up to YOU to inform her that you are still seeing two women... She is obviously under the impression that you are more serious about her than you are telling us. Is is really cool to refer to these women as "the filipino" and "the Indian"...???? What makes you say she is under the impression I'm more serious about her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 Women can be complicated! Yes, in an ideal world this woman would either have said something or walked away but also, in an ideal world, you wouldn't be dating and sleeping with multiple women at the same time What impression did I give her by gifting her the pendant? It's only a Ted Baker heart shaped pendant not a £100000 diamond ring lol. Again, I'm just speculating. No one really knows what she's thinking or hoping for except her. I'm just giving you my opinion based on what you said transpired. I really do think you need to tone down some of the things you do, at least with this particular woman. The necklace thing is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. So me gifting the pendant, what message does that give to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 So me gifting the pendant, what message does that give to her? That she's special. That it's serious. Take your pick. Casual relationships don't parade around like real relationships where you're buying gifts, holding hands and vacationing together like I already said. I'm willing to bet that this is part of what is confusing Woman #2. Jewelry is very personal and often seen as a romantic gesture reserved for couples in a serious relationship. Does anyone else see his actions being confusing? I just think you need to be more careful with Woman #2. She clearly doesn't believe the memo you sent out about not wanting anything serious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 (edited) OP, since you aren't bothered by woman #2's attachment to you (you seem more amused by it, than concerned about it), why do you even care? Men who play the field with women, who aren't CLEAR with the women they are involved with, creates situations like the one you're in. If you want to spare woman #2's feelings, just break up with her now and find another woman #2 to fill-in your black book. You are clearly not interested in exclusivity with woman #2 or woman #1. But you also don't know how to handle multi-dating b/c you've really created a big ol' mess with woman #2's feelings and delusions about what she means to you (which is, not much, if we go by your posts here). The best way to resolve this mess, is just break up with woman #2. She thinks you love her (you do not) and that you are in an exclusive relationship (you are not). The sooner you break up with woman #2, the quicker she can start the healing process of getting over you. Edited August 15, 2019 by Watercolors 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 ... Does anyone else see his actions being confusing? Yes, to put it kindly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 OP, since you aren't bothered by woman #2's attachment to you (you seem more amused by it, than concerned about it), why do you even care? Men who play the field with women, who aren't CLEAR with the women they are involved with, creates situations like the one you're in. If you want to spare woman #2's feelings, just break up with her now and find another woman #2 to fill-in your black book. You are clearly not interested in exclusivity with woman #2 or woman #1. But you also don't know how to handle multi-dating b/c you've really created a big ol' mess with woman #2's feelings and delusions about what she means to you (which is, not much, if we go by your posts here). The best way to resolve this mess, is just break up with woman #2. She thinks you love her (you do not) and that you are in an exclusive relationship (you are not). The sooner you break up with woman #2, the quicker she can start the healing process of getting over you. Precisely! .............................. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 She did propose about going into business partnerships together as we are both entrepreneurs in the speaking business, she one time was saying "oh we could get a dog when we buy a house", suggesting future places to visit, and talking about what to name the kids and she combined mine and her name and made it one word lol. You think that is funny? Of course she is serious about you. Tell her she is not the only one or break up with her, it is cruel otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 OP: Second time asking---Do. These. Women. Know. About. Each. Other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author singletotaken Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 You think that is funny? Of course she is serious about you. Tell her she is not the only one or break up with her, it is cruel otherwise. I did back in October 2018 say I'm seeing someone else and she hasn't questioned me following that conversation or brought it up. Link to post Share on other sites
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