Ghosting after making a connection :(

[MVS60988]

Advice needed!

So I started talking to an old high school acquaintance through Facebook. We were talking for a few weeks now, we causal flirt, laugh and can talk about serious like things for hours on the phone. He would always talk about how beautiful I always was, and how I had this amazing smile he couldn't forget. and how sweet my voice and laugh was. He also told me about his chaotic last relationship and how he was still coming out of the hurt. But only briefly he spoke of the ex, and we continued to forge our own relationship as something real. When the time came, we finally hung out, spent the whole day together laughing and having fun, like we were teens again, I felt so oddly comfortable and relaxed around him, like we could tell each other anything. which caught me off guard. towards the end of the night, he brought me home, I did lean in for a peck to which he kissed me back. a short while later, during a phone call , he let me know he wasn't ready for anything serious with anyone and that our kiss made him realize it and it caught him off guard as well, he said he didn't want to play or be an ******* and lead me on. I completely understood, we said to remain friends, and even made plans for the coming weekend. Well, that was over a week ago, he has seemingly gone radio silence, not to the world, it seems just towards me. he won't texts back, or take my calls. To say I'm hurt is an understatement, to have completely vanished and ghosted on our friendship totally. I don't feel like I've done anything to deserve this. The only thing I could think to do now, is to just unfriend, delete and move on for the time being, I'm still sad because I actually do like this knucklehead

any advice? would help

[Ami1uwant]

Wait a little longer and see...

 

What’s going on..hard to say

 

His excuse may have been truely legit. Sometimes you don’t know you are ready to date until you date. Then realize he wasn’t ready.

 

He could be stuck in high school and you don’t look like you did so he didn’t have that attraction to you.

 

He could be multidating. You are not in first place so he wants to date someone else. Maybe he comes back to you later.

[Maggiemay1]

When people are relatively fresh out of a relationship they often look for distraction , especially if their self esteem or confidence has taken a knock.

 

With your help, he has built his confidence back up. Enough so that he no longer needs a distraction. But he is right not to get into another relationship yet. Rebounds don’t generally last past a few months.

 

He did the right thing by you. Be grateful of that.

 

I wouldn’t delete him as he has done nothing wrong unless you need to delete him for your own sanity.

 

But do not directly contact him.

 

Forget about any potential relationship/ friendship with him and be available to date others.

 

If he contacts you months down the line and if you are single then great.

This may or may not happen so don’t wait.

 

Good luck!

[Versacehottie]

I actually think he's just following through with what he said to you: he's not ready for anything....and he probably senses that you are. He knows that's gonna blow up in either his/yours/both of yours faces if you keep on carrying on like you have been. Idk why you would expect or not respect that he's doesn't want a relationship now when he told you respectfully.

 

It's hard that he can't keep playing friends with you but it's all out in the open now that you have interest and sounds like he might too but not "now". If the situation was reversed and a guy was hanging on and calling/texting, he might be considered a pest and no matter what no one would think he is "owed" another talk, just like you really aren't. Sorry that's just the harsh truth. You won't change his mind right now.

 

Ok, to make you feel better, I know a guy who had this exact situation with his now wife. He thought it wasn't the right time, left it for a 6 months, she contacted him after 6 months and it still wasn't the right time so a year later it was the right time and then everything was fine. He was strict with not talking to her in between. He just didn't feel like it was right to, since he didn't believe the time was right. She was also his ex-gf from high school. Once they got together everything again was smooth sailing and moved quickly. I'm not telling you to hold on but when a guy says it's not time, it's not time; there's little you can do to change their minds. Ok good luck

[kendahke]

I think that the person he's actually involved with felt a "disturbance in the force" and yanked his leash--despite what he told you, his truth came and grabbed him by the ear and led him back into his lane.

 

He ghosted -- it's easier to disappear than to tell you the truth because he has absolutely no emotional investment in you to lead him to take things that far.

 

How many years did you not deal with him? You can do it again.

[Gretchen12]

So he was really into you until you met up? If high school was a long time ago, you both have changed. He would be delusional to expect you to still look like a high school girl. Maybe he's looking for his past. You should move on with your future.

[The Outlaw]

Typically, you don't have to do anything to deserve being brushed off. But give it a little more time first. Don't text him. But if not, just move on. Anyone that ghosts you isn't really worth a second thought no matter how much you may like them. I learned that the hard way.

[MVS60988]

Thank you all for your advice and opinions.

Thus far, there has been no contact between us, it has been a little over 3 weeks now

it has been fully apparent that for whatever reason he no longer wants contact with me. I suspect it has to do with his own issues with relationships etc, and not me.

I didn't do anything wrong but open myself up to someone and my heart followed. I am not angry or upset with him, I wished him the best. to which I got no reply.

I can only move on with myself and my life, even though im not fully healed, I have no choice. because he made them for me, and no friendship is not an option, he made sure of that.

[Ana1234]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. But I so admire your courage to be vulnerable and to reach out for advice. I can tell that you are mature and are kind to wish him the best.

 

Praying for you, friend.