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Texting etiquette in between dates


whatwhit

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Hi everyone!

 

I met a new guy off bumble yesterday. And I think we hit it off pretty well. I don’t know him very well. But from our conversations prior to meeting. I am getting a sense that he may not be a great texter. He didn’t text me back one whole day before meeting. Anywho, should I put a huge emphasis in how much we text between our first and second date as a indicator of interest. I naturally have bad anxiety and I overthink everything. And so I just don’t want to mess this up. For context Ill post our conversation after the date from last night. We went to a brewery and a bar. And we did kiss at the end of the night. We made plans to hang out on Thursday he’s taking me out for dinner and drinks. He told me to text him when I got home so I said.

 

Me: made it home. Thanks for a fun night you’re a really good kisser wink face. Looking forward to Thursday <3

 

Him: I had a lot of fun too, you’re as well. Looking forward to Thursday as well :)

 

He didn’t text me when he got home so I asked him if he made it. He responded this morning with a face palm oh geez yeah I did. I responded back and haven’t heard from him since.

 

 

Thanks everyone

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Maybe he doesn't want to come off as needy/too strong. Maybe he is more of an independent type guy and doesn't need to be chatting your ear off all the time. Maybe he is kind of introverted and likes his space. Maybe he hates texting! Who knows?

 

I understand the beginning parts of dating suck! My advice is to RELAX and try to distract yourself with something. Read a good book, get into a good tv show, ect. If he is interested, trust me he will make that known! My advice is not to chase him down. Let him take the lead and try to let it happen, instead of forcing it to happen!

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Personally I am not a great believer in texting,

 

If I am texting generally I feel something did not quite go right on the date and am texting vigorously to cover up and try to get another date,

 

if all went good on the other hand, sit back, relax and look forward to the next date,

 

no need to be pushing it.

 

little check in text wednesday evening confirming for thursday should be enough.

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Texting is meaningless. You should put zero emphasis on it.

 

Keep the texts to a minimum. Use them to confirm a date. Maybe say good morning or goodnight but otherwise forget the technology exists. Do not attempt to grow the relationship through anything other than face to face in person communication & interaction.

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don't use texting as an "indicator" of anything. the less texting you do, the better

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I think it's an individual thing. I look for a good communicator so, for me, the ability to keep in touch at least once a day is crucial if we are dating. If a guy does not keep in touch regularly, then I assume we are not compatible and lose interest.

 

Another woman, who does not like texting anyway, might see things completely differently!

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I think it's an individual thing. I look for a good communicator so, for me, the ability to keep in touch at least once a day is crucial if we are dating. If a guy does not keep in touch regularly, then I assume we are not compatible and lose interest.

 

Another woman, who does not like texting anyway, might see things completely differently!

 

I agree spiderowl...funny, I always thought you were a boy :laugh:

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I didn’t even think there were people who liked texting anymore (at least over 25 - outside of me). I stand corrected. Well regardless I think it’s always better to speak to a person than text.

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I'veseenbetterlol
I think it's an individual thing. I look for a good communicator so, for me, the ability to keep in touch at least once a day is crucial if we are dating. If a guy does not keep in touch regularly, then I assume we are not compatible and lose interest.

 

Another woman, who does not like texting anyway, might see things completely differently!

 

Hit the nail on the head here. I used to believe wanting a text couple times a day was too much until I met my partner. Lack of texting always ended up w/the guy having low interest.

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That response he gave you was pretty safe--say-nothing-ish.

 

So I'd be cautious and lean toward him having low interest at this point. You can hate texting and do a better job than he did when responding to someone you're really interested in.

 

Don't think you're over-thinking whatsoever. Sorta a guideline … if you have to repeatedly ask if someone is interested, then you and this person aren't a good match.

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ChatroomHero

I think early on the best way to handle it is to only text when you actually have something to say and nothing too deep.

 

If he mentioned he had an interview, you can text and ask about that. If you told him you were going to a pool party, he could ask how it was.

 

texting, "Hi, how are you?" is just forced communication in my opinion. Usually a feel the other person out, maybe see if they say anything to stroke your ego. Early on you tend to eat up all the date convo on text and then it can fall a little flat because you are with someone you don't know, but you already know the getting to you know answers from text.

 

As long as he doesn't flake, maybe texts you the day of to confirm the plan or time, I don't think leaving the mystery there by not texting is a bad thing.

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At this point texting should be restricted to confirming time and place of next date.

So next message should be Wednesday.

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If you're a few dates into knowing someone, I think it's best to match each other's texting energy. (A few dates for me assumes you're both interested.) For example, if a woman texts in the morning and at night, I'll respond accordingly. But it's only up to a point - if she texts every hour, that gets old and tiring FAST.

 

If it's only after a first date, as others have said keep it to a minimum. Text about confirming the date, text about confirming the restaurant/activity, etc. But don't get into mundane topics.

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As another poster said, if you have to ask the person you went on a date with if he's still interested in seeing you again that's not a good sign.

 

Anyone who is interested in seeing you for multiple dates will tell you.

Anyone who goes silent or has to be bugged, isn't interested.

 

Pretty simple.

 

To text or not to text, that's not the question.

 

The question you should ask yourself is, why do you care if he's not interested in you? If he's not, there's no point worrying about it. He wasn't the right guy for you anyway.

 

Listen, if a guy isn't asking you for a 2nd date by the end of the 1st date, he's just not that into you. Do not use his texts as an indicator of his interest. If anything, use his texts as an indicator of his disinterest.

 

Why don't people just call each other anymore? Oh the days of the Lan line. Where art thou, wall phone? When you couldn't leave a voicemail because it hadn't been invented yet.

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We do have a date set up. It's for Thursday.

 

I am just wondering how normal is to to text between dates? And if it doesn't happen is that a indicator that they're not interested.

 

I don't expect him to profess his love. And for some of you who are saying that his text was OK. What should he had said instead? After a first date?

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I really think you are wasting your energy over-analyzing his text message content and duration.

 

There's literally no text manual for dating that I'm aware of, that discerns what each text from a potential love interest means. So, constantly wondering about the meaning of his texts, or wondering why he hasn't texted x amount of times per day is a fruitless pursuit.

 

I think your focus should be on what he SHOWS you by his actions. Words are but wind, whether they are written or spoken.

 

You have a date with him on Thursday this week. Focus on THAT instead. By all means, you could prepare a questionnaire for him to complete on your date, about what your text-expectations are so he knows. But, I wouldn't recommend doing that if you want a 3rd date with him.

 

This is why I use the phone. :lmao:

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