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What's the ideal pacing?


Inflikted

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Sorry, I just have a tendency to ponder on things, and even though I don't see myself ever dating, the concept of it and relationships always fascinates me and makes me wonder.

 

Anyway, I'm curious what the ideal pace of dating, relationships, and intimacy is. Granted, I know all situations are unique, and there's not necessarily a one size fits all plan to follow. For instance, some people might jump into bed together on the first date, and I'm sure some people go months without getting intimate.

 

Personally, I'm mostly curious what women would be considered as "too slow", as I tend to believe I'd be the kind of guy that would take things "too slow".

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It's about being able to read your date, by body language, their tone of voice, their words, how close they get to you, how they respond to you....it's about reading the signals so you know what action to take next.

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in general (but not always) the more a woman has to offer the longer she will make the man wait for sex

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in general (but not always) the more a woman has to offer the longer she will make the man wait for sex

False. If she makes you wait...she's seeing how much you value her and not someone who is going to take advantage of her. BUT that is the mind set of some women......some just act upon their emotions on how much they like the guy and not care about that crap.

Edited by smackie9
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It's whatever works for both of the people involved. There is no one size fits all.

 

Some people are all about 1st date sex. Other people want to wait until marriage. It's all good if the people engaged in the behavior are what they are doing.

 

Set a pace that makes you comfortable & tweak it according to your intended's response / reaction.

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....

 

Personally, I'm mostly curious what women would be considered as "too slow", as I tend to believe I'd be the kind of guy that would take things "too slow".

 

 

Curiosity is good but there is no one answer to this. You know that. What is too slow for one is too fast for another.

 

 

At the end of the day it is the pace you are most comfortable with and to find some who has the same view. (If you want to change your pace that is another question)

 

 

If you are worried about being perceived as "too slow" I'd just come out and let her know. The problem with "too slow" is women may think you are not that interested in them by your pace. Women want to protect their heart and ego, and fear rejection too.

 

 

Why leave her guessing when you can let her know how much you like her but some might consider your pace slow.

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The problem with "too slow" is women may think you are not that interested in them by your pace. Women want to protect their heart and ego, and fear rejection too.

 

Heh, yeah, that's what I'd be concerned about if I were to ever date. I feel like I'm prone to becoming "clingy", and I feel like I'd try to overcorrect that problem and come off as disinterested and/ or not attracted.

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Heh, yeah, that's what I'd be concerned about if I were to ever date. I feel like I'm prone to becoming "clingy", and I feel like I'd try to overcorrect that problem and come off as disinterested and/ or not attracted.

 

why don't you try dating in real life end see what happens?

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why don't you try dating in real life end see what happens?

 

Haha, highly improbable. It's just kinda interesting to think about and ponder over, but nothing more. Either way, it fascinates the heck out of me, lol.

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Having recently gotten back into the dating world, I have dated women on both ends of the spectrum. I'll preface my comments by saying I'm definitely the type of guy who takes things slow.

 

One woman I met for a few dates got frustrated that I was so slow. Needless to say it caused friction, and we didn't end up seeing each other after two dates. I suspected she was just looking for a fun time rather than something serious, and I was not up for that so we went our separate ways.

 

One woman I have seen for 5 dates, and we haven't even kissed. From the little she has talked about her past relationships, I suspect she was really hurt in the past. This is on top of her being more socially conservative in general, so I have definitely not even "stepped on the gas" at all so to speak. But I really like her (and I know she likes me too) and see it going somewhere, and with me being much the same, am fine with the pace.

 

All this to say, you just need to read each person you date to understand the appropriate pace of the relationship. And when you have a handle on that, deciding whether the pace is something you're comfortable with as well.

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in general (but not always) the more a woman has to offer the longer she will make the man wait for sex

 

Nah. Making a man wait in order to prove himself is just a S test.

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in the early stages you need the dates fairly regularly- at least once a week and preferably twice,

 

if your clicking well and building momentum the sex should follow pretty soon,

 

lol it happens quite often too on the first date I imagine, but Im more of a slower builder myself,

 

gaps of two or three weeks between dates can make it harder to build momentum though and it is like being back to a first date again,

 

I think that answers your question- too long of gaps between dates is too slow- frequent meetings are needed to get comfortable with the person,

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so I have definitely not even "stepped on the gas" at all so to speak.

I have a lead foot so to speak :laugh:

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Interesting, interesting. I suppose, perhaps in my inexperience, I imagine overcompensating too much on the side of being "gentlemanly/ respectful", though I'm sure women DO want things to "escalate", as well.

 

How, exactly, does one know when it's okay or appropriate to move things forward? What exactly are these "signs" one is supposed to pick up on?

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