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Can a long-term, meaningful relationship still come out of this?


Lexxi

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Hi everyone, I’m back after a bit to get a little bit of insight on my relationship. I am still with my boyfriend I posted about last year. I remember there were a lot of problems with regards to his lack of communication between dates.

 

We are 11 months in now, things are great. I would say this is a very normal, healthy relationship and has changed significantly since the last time I’ve posted. In June, we finally introduced our children into the mix. This is a first for both of us- we had never felt serious enough with anyone in the past to introduce our children to. The kids are all close in age and have a wonderful time together. We have regular dates now twice a week (always overnight due to the distance), and occasionally see each other a third or sometimes a fourth (rarely) time when we get the kids together and have a full day as a unit.

 

Just a reminder, we still live about 1 hour apart, work full time jobs with his being very demanding, sometimes 12 hour days and works 6 days a week. In addition, 50/50 custody of our children from previous marriages.

 

I absolutely love the time we spend together. We have developed a very deep sense of comfort, he’s very affectionate, communication is much better although he’s still on the quieter side as he’s an introvert :)

 

So with that said, given all of those factors, particularly the distance, can a long term, serious relationship still be achieved? I know we have our wonderful times together, but sometimes I think of the fact that if we lived closer, it would be easy to have a quick coffee date before work, or one of us to drop by just for a while after work. Things like that, which could allow us to spend a little more time together. Any success stories? We haven’t discussed moving as our families, kids’ other parent, schools are all in the areas we live in. Just wanted to get opinions on if something like this could still be serious, long term and sustainable.

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you call living one hour apart long distance??

 

seems to me if its working well under the current arrangement why change it,

 

also with families and kids involved, a certain amount of space is no harm,

 

familiarity breeds contempt as came up on another thread.

 

why would you want to put that upheaval on your family of moving schools and so on just to satisfy your own personal needs,

 

also if this guy is introverted he may not want you present all the time either, may appreciate his own space,

 

this is a no brainer to my mind-leave things as they are.

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It sounds to me like this is developing in the long term direction and at a good pace. With two sets of kids involved it pays in my opinion to take it slow.

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My bf and I have been 3 hours apart for 6 years now. We are waiting for my youngest to graduate hs before getting married and living together. We have a solid and wonderful relationship which grows more and more each year we’re together. I don’t see how yours couldn’t do the same. The relationship should progress over time regardless of distance if you’re committed, compatible, and in love (AND consistently spend time together).

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I live five minutes from my boyfriend and I am moving next month after three years. We don’t see each other more often than you do - we are busy with work, and kids, and families, maintaining two homes, and living life.

 

There are no quick coffee dates before work, I think we’ve met for lunch twice during the work week, if we do stop by to see each other during the week it’s usually to pick something up we forgot. ;)

 

Don’t create problems where they don’t exist. An hour away is not the most convenient situation, but it’s not awful. It’s literally like driving from one side of the city to the other where I live...

 

It sounds like your relationship is good - enjoy that and give it lots of time before disrupting children’s lives to move in together.

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Great points, and it’s also wonderful to hear your story hippychick- what a great relationship you both have! It really gives me hope.

 

Foxhall- Sorry, I probably should rephrase... I’m not considering this a long distance relationship. It’s just the distance keeps us from doing little things that wouldn’t be difficult for others who are closer together. I already enjoy the time we do have, but wish a quick visit here and there would be possible too, and it isn’t.

 

It is working well for the both of us though, and we are spending consistent time together. The problem is (and it’s minor), still, not a whole lot of texting or phone conversation during the time apart, which was a huge problem for me before but doesn’t bother me as much now because he’s a very busy guy juggling his work schedule and kids. And he’s never been much of a phone guy. The time and attention he gives me when we’re together makes up for it all.

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There is no distance between you so not sure what you mean, 1 hour is nothing.

 

As long as you have a plan to live together in the future then off course it can become long term.

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It’s just the distance keeps us from doing little things that wouldn’t be difficult for others who are closer together. I already enjoy the time we do have, but wish a quick visit here and there would be possible too, and it isn’t.

 

It’s not always possible though when you have jobs and kids. Seriously, it’s not like we are in university with no responsibility and tons of free time! When you are older and you have jobs, homes, and kids... we lose our ability for spontaneity and life gets a little more routine...

 

Sure, we get the occasional quick visit but it’s never enough... It always leaves me wanting more. My boyfriend often tells me that he thinks he should not stop by because I always have such a hard time saying “hi” and “goodbye.” It’s easier just to wait until we can really spend time together...

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Yeah , an hours nothing , although l do know with kids and work and the rest it often may as well be 24hours but still , you two are doing well and even the kids like it, that's also huge.

lt's only 11mths , you can keep things going for as long as you have to if you want to, sooner or later you'll be able to figure it out.

This stuff is damn hard if not impossible for many to find so something so good is better even part time imo than wasting time on rubbish .

 

My gf's 12 hours away and the part time thing is kinda nice tbh. l could myself keep going like this forever but she misses us too much so from her side it is admittedly getting harder and she wants to move down .

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Do you not consider what you have long term and serious? Eleven months sounds like a serious relationship to me, especially if your kids interact. Has marriage been discussed, if that is what you are looking for? If that's what you want, now if probably the time to start a conversation. It doesn't mean you need to get engaged today, but you should probably discuss what you need.

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Of course a long term meaningful relationship can come out of this. A 1 hour drive is nothing, that's what it takes me to make it to the office every morning and night with traffic. Sometimes my boyfriend is located at 1h30/2h00 from my home when he's done working and he'll still come over even if he gets here at 21h at least we get a bit of time and a night together.

 

 

 

Do you have the same goal? Are you dating to eventually move in together? Are you ready to relocate and change the kids school?

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I think you are getting way too far ahead of yourself. You just introduced the kids and went out a couple of times. You are still in the testing stage of seeing if things are going to work out. The expectations of meeting for a coffee date is to far reaching at this time. So sit back and take it one day at a time. Who knows what may happen. The key thing is to keep positive.

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