Turning Down Invitation Into Her House

[Saturn98]

How many times can a guy turn down a woman's invitation to come inside her house at the end of the date when he drops her off? Does it ever hurt a guy's cause in dating to turn her down?

 

I think it is good to turn her down at least the first 2 or 3 times she invites me in so I don't appear too hungry for her attention. Most guys jump on it right away if she invites him inside.

[d0nnivain]

More then twice & she is going to think you don't like her.

 

Next time, go in. Talk to her a bit more. Have some coffee or a night cap. Perhaps share a kiss or three but if you are not anxious to move forward physically, go home. You can show interest without being needy, clingy or "too hungry" for attention. Boundaries are fine. Going inside is not necessarily an invitation into her bed. It probably is but that is not guaranteed

 

Do not play games, especially "chase me."

[lurker74]

Once. I have a hard and fast rule that is only violated when I'm drunk...I don't have sex until the third date (at least). You cannot BELIEVE how insulted a woman gets when you tell her no, even if it's because you think there's a chance for a relationship and you want to build the emotional connection before, you know, knocking boots...making the two backed monster...parting the beef curtain...a bit of the old in-out, out-in....attacking the pink fortress...batter-dipping the corn dog...doing the forbidden polka...locking legs and swapping gravy. I think you get what I mean.

 

But if you think turning down a woman once is tough, twice is just too much for most women to bear. We see posts on here all day long about..."Why won't he launch his meat missile," and the most common responses from women are:

 

• He's gay
  
• He's got ED
  
• He's got the herp
  
• He's not interested in you
  

 

Any one of those choices is fatal for future chances.

[preraph]

If it becomes a pattern, she'll realize you're afraid of sex.

 

I agree that once is fine. But try to remember, too, that going inside for a bit does NOT mean she necessarily is asking you for sex or to spend the night.

[Fluffkitty]

How many times can a guy turn down a woman's invitation to come inside her house at the end of the date when he drops her off? Does it ever hurt a guy's cause in dating to turn her down?

 

I think it is good to turn her down at least the first 2 or 3 times she invites me in so I don't appear too hungry for her attention. Most guys jump on it right away if she invites him inside.

 

Maybe I'm just old but what's with all the game playing these days? There is nothing wrong with letting a girl know you are interested. In your effort not to "appear to hungry" you might just wind up with no one to date.

[Saturn98]

If it becomes a pattern, she'll realize you're afraid of sex.

 

I agree that once is fine. But try to remember, too, that going inside for a bit does NOT mean she necessarily is asking you for sex or to spend the night.

 

I did not say that I interpreted her invitation as sex. I have other reasons for not going into the house.

[Saracena]

I have other reasons for not going into the house.

 

Which are? Actually, I was going to ask why you declined the invites.

 

You see, unless you explain your reasons (and she's not a mind-reader) she, more than likely will interpret this to some degree, as luke-warm interest. Unless she lives at home or something, in which case she's believe you're scared of meeting her parents etc

 

BTW, where I come from being asked isn't auto regarded as an invite for sex, though of course, some might interpret it this way!

[preraph]

If you want anyone here to be able to give good advice, you're going to have to say why you don't want to go into her home.

[Saturn98]

If you want anyone here to be able to give good advice, you're going to have to say why you don't want to go into her home.

 

Because I'm not the boyfriend yet. Only boyfriends get to be invited in when a woman is alone late at night.

[Shining One]

Because I'm not the boyfriend yet. Only boyfriends get to be invited in when a woman is alone late at night.

Is this customary in the area you live? Or is this a personal rule of yours?

[preraph]

Because I'm not the boyfriend yet. Only boyfriends get to be invited in when a woman is alone late at night.

 

If a woman is dating you, she can invite you into her home!! Where did you get THAT idea? Even just friends can go visit each other! You can't expect her to play by your rules.

[Saturn98]

If a woman is dating you, she can invite you into her home!! Where did you get THAT idea? Even just friends can go visit each other! You can't expect her to play by your rules.

 

It is for security reasons on her end. It shows she does not care about her safety and she is taking a chance inviting me in.

[Gretchen12]

Because I'm not the boyfriend yet. Only boyfriends get to be invited in when a woman is alone late at night.

 

This must be cultural. Here in the US we can invite coworkers and neighbors of the opposite sex to our house.

[kendahke]

It is for security reasons on her end. It shows she does not care about her safety and she is taking a chance inviting me in.

 

Why? Are you going to assault her or something?

[GorillaTheater]

and she is taking a chance inviting me in.

 

Far be it for me to argue otherwise.

[preraph]

It is for security reasons on her end. It shows she does not care about her safety and she is taking a chance inviting me in.

 

Hey, for all you know, she could be a sharp-shooter with an arsenal in there or have a black belt in karate. I think you're the one who's afraid.

[Saturn98]

Why? Are you going to assault her or something?

 

You are missing the point. In the early stages of dating she doesn't know me that well. I don't have intentions to attack her. I don't have intentions to attack cops when they pull me over but they don't know me so they have certain safety measures to use such as asking me to keep my hands where they can see them and letting them know before I reach in the glove box for insurance and reigstration documents.

[kendahke]

You are missing the point. In the early stages of dating she doesn't know me that well. I don't have intentions to attack her. I don't have intentions to attack cops when they pull me over but they don't know me so they have certain safety measures to use such as asking me to keep my hands where they can see them and letting them know before I reach in the glove box for insurance and reigstration documents.

 

I'm not missing any point.

 

You are looking for a reason to eliminate her, so just save yourself the hassle and quit dealing with her. You're already looking down your nose and judging her, so this has ended before it could even begin.

[Saturn98]

I'm not missing any point.

 

You are looking for a reason to eliminate her, so just save yourself the hassle and quit dealing with her. You're already looking down your nose and judging her, so this has ended before it could even begin.

 

 

 

Yes you have missed my point. The fact that you accused me of wanting to assault a woman proves this. You just assumed the worst about my intentions when interacting with a woman. You say I'm judging when all you have done is misjudged my intentions.

[Kitty Tantrum]

You kinda seem like maybe you're not ready for girls yet. You're all over the place with your excuses to turn down the invitation to go inside another person's home. You don't want to seem too hungry, you're worried about how it looks, you're worried about her safety, you're worried it's a sign she's too easy/vulnerable to men in general (seems to be the gist of it anyway), etc.

 

 

YOU SCARED.

[GorillaTheater]

Yes you have missed my point. The fact that you accused me of wanting to assault a woman proves this. You just assumed the worst about my intentions when interacting with a woman. You say I'm judging when all you have done is misjudged my intentions.

 

She didn't accuse you of anything, she merely asked a question.

 

You, on the other hand, are presuming to take away the agency of the woman inviting you in, essentially saying that she's not capable of making a reasonable decision to do so and that you'll make that decision for her. Even though, as you claim, you pose no threat to her.

[kendahke]

Yes you have missed my point. The fact that you accused me of wanting to assault a woman proves this. You just assumed the worst about my intentions when interacting with a woman. You say I'm judging when all you have done is misjudged my intentions.

 

I haven't accuse you of anything, assumed anything about you or made a judgement about your character. I just asked a question that seemed to have landed well.

 

It shows she does not care about her safety and she is taking a chance inviting me in

 

You made a judgement about the character of someone you barely know and I'm illustrating the silliness of the speculation you're attempting to make fact about her character.

[d0nnivain]

Because I'm not the boyfriend yet. Only boyfriends get to be invited in when a woman is alone late at night.

 

Those are your rules, not hers. She is free to invite anyone into her house -- you, her BF, the guy down the street, the delivery person.

 

 

 

It is for security reasons on her end. It shows she does not care about her safety and she is taking a chance inviting me in.

 

Yeah, basically you are s**t-testing her. This reads like you are getting on a high moral horse here & concluding that a woman who invites a date into her house before she & that man are exclusive BF/GF she is somehow "less than" & she makes bad decisions which could potentially compromise her safety.

 

You are a good guy & would not hurt a woman you went on a date with. Give that same level of credence to the women you date. Assume they have enough intelligence & survival instincts not to accept dates from creeps or invite bad, dangerous men with criminal intentions into their homes even if they were silly enough to go out with those men in the 1st place.

 

Stop being all high & mighty about this claiming you are declining her invitation for her protection.

 

Your initial Q came across as game playing. This one reeks of some misguided sense of male superiority, thinking you know best about this woman is allowed to invite into her home.

 

Perhaps you need to go back to that church of yours from your other Q & pray for grace, understanding & compassion. You shouldn't be this judgmental.

[Saturn98]

Those are your rules, not hers. She is free to invite anyone into her house -- you, her BF, the guy down the street, the delivery person.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, basically you are s**t-testing her. This reads like you are getting on a high moral horse here & concluding that a woman who invites a date into her house before she & that man are exclusive BF/GF she is somehow "less than" & she makes bad decisions which could potentially compromise her safety.

 

You are a good guy & would not hurt a woman you went on a date with. Give that same level of credence to the women you date. Assume they have enough intelligence & survival instincts not to accept dates from creeps or invite bad, dangerous men with criminal intentions into their homes even if they were silly enough to go out with those men in the 1st place.

 

Stop being all high & mighty about this claiming you are declining her invitation for her protection.

 

Your initial Q came across as game playing. This one reeks of some misguided sense of male superiority, thinking you know best about this woman is allowed to invite into her home.

 

Perhaps you need to go back to that church of yours from your other Q & pray for grace, understanding & compassion. You shouldn't be this judgmental.

 

 

It is the same as asking her for the phone number on an internet dating site. I would not do it for security reasons. I could ask and hope she turns me down which she should for security reasons. I usually give my phone number instead because she has the option of blocking her number when she calls me.

[d0nnivain]

It's sweet that you want some one you date to be safe but I really think you are not giving enough credence to the intelligence of the women you date. No sane woman is going to intentionally put herself in danger.

 

A phone # is not a huge security risk. She may have a burner phone for dating. She may have adopted an internet based #. Her # may not be tied to her physical address. It's waaaayy harder to reverse a phone # these days then it was 10-15 years ago.