Is he interested in more than a friendship?

[LilyJ]

A guy I went to high school with, and sort of got to know better after finishing high school, randomly asked if I was in town and if I wanted to meet. A little bit of context: We're both living in different countries due to college. After high school finished (3 years ago), he asked me to help him with a project for the summer before starting college. We're both interested in politics, and bounded over that. By doing so, I got to know him better. We did try to keep in touch after moving away from our home town. I would get random links to articles and he would ask me how I was. I would comment on the articles, but now it only seems that is cares about more personal stuff, rather then politics like we used to do.. Anyway, there have been few incidents where I've felt that this is not only a friendship anymore (e. g. him constantly insisting on paying for things when I am perfectly capable, like for coffee, movie ticket etc. Once when he invited me to watch a movie, he was so offended when I tried to pay him back for the movie ticket.. I still don't know why he reacted that way. I mean, I always pay for myself when I'm with friends). Nevertheless, we lost contact last year. Now, out of nowhere, he wants to meet again. I tried to move on, as I really got confused last time and felt like he only used me for help. And if he really was interested to begin with, then would be not have been in touch?

 

Now, I don't know what to do. I told him I was not back home yet (I was travelling when he sent the message), and he replied that he would be back home by the end of August. I have no clue why he wanted to intiate contact again, since I did not hear back from him in over a year.. Am I reading too much into this, or is there more to it? (P.S. I'm not sure what I'm feeling about this, but I want to have another perspective of this situation before I make a decision to reply him again )

[d0nnivain]

You seem to be reading a lot into this. I also do not understand why you would want to set yourself up with a LDR with a man you barely know anymore. You haven't been in eth same country for 3 years & you are not the same people you were in HS.

 

When you go home, meet him. Enjoy the moments you have together but don't commit to anything. If in the future you both find yourselves back home & single, then you can see if there is anything there but for now, don't tie yourself down. You have school to finish. Then you have to get a job. Do not let some romance close your options before you even know what they are.

[LilyJ]

Thanks for the reply.

 

We did meet each other after high school as well for two years, whenever we were both home. In fact, that's how I got to know him more (we were not kn the same friend circle). So it's not like I don't know the guy at all. We just lost contact last year. We have both finished our degrees now, and it has always been my primary focus. I'm not looking for a relationship anyway, I just wanted to know if he could want more than a friendship. If not, then I would be happy to meet with him again.

[d0nnivain]

From what you wrote I have no idea what he wants. If you only want friendship make that clear to him. I see no harm in meeting

[PRW]

Once when he invited me to watch a movie, he was so offended when I tried to pay him back for the movie ticket.. I still don't know why he reacted that way.

It is like getting a present for Christmas or your birthday and then trying to pay back the person that gave you the gift. It is an insult to the gift giver.

 

Yes he is clearly interested in you as far more than a friend. I'm surprised to find a woman who can't see that easily. It is as plain as day to me. But he seems to show some Beta male tendencies and doesn't have the guts to just be straight with you about it. He is trying to sneak it in under the radar. He will suddenly spew his feelings on you and you will react with shock and surprise, and then you will give him the worn out line, "I don't think of you that way. Let's just be friends". He will be crushed internally but may not show it right away. He will then fade from your life.

 

At least that is the typical way the story goes with guys who act too "Beta".

Edited August 9, 2019 by PRW

[MetallicHue]

There was someone I contacted in college and hadn’t talked much in a while. My intentions were definitely interest in her. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was interested in you from my perspective given the background.

[Foxhall]

Thanks for the reply.

 

We did meet each other after high school as well for two years, whenever we were both home. In fact, that's how I got to know him more (we were not kn the same friend circle). So it's not like I don't know the guy at all. We just lost contact last year. We have both finished our degrees now, and it has always been my primary focus. I'm not looking for a relationship anyway, I just wanted to know if he could want more than a friendship. If not, then I would be happy to meet with him again.

 

Yes well he is happy to keep the friendship going while secretly wanting more of course,(which is pretty normal)

 

it was nice of him to get in touch anyway, and it would be a little mean of you not to meet him.

 

well sure if we can take your post literally, then make it clear friendship is as far as it goes,

 

I think you might be open to persuasion though:rolleyes:

[smackie9]

He wanted more than friendship...but when you insisted on paying your way all the time, that made him think twice about making a move.... So he faded off into the sunset, probably tried dating someone else. He's back, single and thinking he will give you another shot, and maybe approach things differently.

 

 

 

Tip: if you like a man, let him be a man...let him take the lead, let him pay, look at it as a date.You can even ask him "Is this a date?" and then smile! That should do the trick. Tell him how much you have missed him, or you were thinking about him....throw him a bone!