SOS...need direction

[Just Visiting]

My bf has been stressed and distant lately. And it hurts like hell. I am a sensitive person, and when someone close to me is going through hard times, I feel it too. He talked last night about the things bothering him (work, his parents, his son) and acknowledged that he has been distant with me. I told him that I am being pushed away and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel helpless/useless. Since he has mentioned about wanting to be alone, I have taken it personally and been keeping to myself.

 

I am very upset and stressed now because of the tension between us today. I woke up feeling hurt and angry. Again, I kept myself busy in the bedroom doing some crafts. He left to go see his parents.

 

I don't know what to do. I have thought about packing an overnight bag and spending the night at friend's place. But a part of me sees that as running away. I even wrote out a short note to leave him. I don't know....can someone give me some direction on how to handle this?

[cole]

Oops - double-posted, my response is below!

[cole]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't, huh?

 

From what I've read, you sound terribly anxious, confused, and frustrated! Compounding the problem, you mentioned that you're super-sensitive - I have been accused of the same on many an occasion myself, and I know it affects how I react to tension-saturated situations and confusion in others ... I inevitably become defensive, angry at everything and everyone at the slighest provocation, and depressed.

 

I think that your gut is right and that you should definitely take some time for yourself to relax, recharge, and shift your perspective a bit. I mean, how helpful and supportive are you going to be able to be if you're feeling crappy, ignored, unappreciated, and confused?

 

However, please do not think I'm implying that your bf feels that way about you - I'm not! He told you where he was and what was going on with him that was causing all the negativity you're feeling, and I'm sure he's just trying to focus and get through it all. We have all been guilty of taking our significant other for granted at one time or another, and sometimes we almost have to be able to rely on their understanding while we work through whatever it is we are having difficulties dealing with.

 

Could you let him know how you're feeling at all, without adding undue stress to an already stressful situation? Could you take a few days to hang out with some friends, but let him know you are available whenever he needs someone to talk to, by phone or something?

 

I think you'd both benefit from a little space, just to get your heads together, from what I'm hearing. And I worry that where you are emotionally right now could cause you to blow up at him, or just end up making you feel really down and worthless.

 

But you know what I think is so awesome? That you recognize where you are at right now and are willing to make a temporary "sacrifice" so that both of you can benefit. That's so tough to do when you feel like nothing is going right! Ugh. But no one is to blame, and I'd hate to see you beat yourself up for no good reason! It's a difficult time for the both of you , and sometimes the best thing to do is to step back, do as little as possible, and reassess what's really going on with you and with the situation in general.

 

These situations are so tricky, but you're totally on top of it. Let me know how everything works out - though I'm sure it will!

[Just Visiting]

Once he got home from his parent's. We both talked about the things that have been going on. But things are better now that we "cleared the air". I really appreciate your response. Especially being someone who is sensitive as well. Sometimes, my emotions get the better of me.