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Is She Threatened by My Success


oldschoolromantic

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oldschoolromantic

The woman I've been dating for the past several months is great! We have chemistry, lots to talk about and have many things in common. In all areas of my life, except one she takes interest.

 

However, when my career comes into the conversation she seems avoidant or disinterested. At least that's how she comes across. I have a successful career and was recently featured on a TV program. The entire 30 minute documentary was about me. I was very excited and shared that excitement with her. At the same time, she didn't seem to share in my excitement. In fact, the night the program aired, she was busy. Understandable. BUT...the program is posted to YouTube and the TV station's website, yet she still hasn't watched it.

 

If the shoe was on the other foot, I'd want to share in my partners excitement and success and wouldn't miss the program for anything in the world.

 

I sometimes wonder if she feels threatened by my career/success. At this time, she doesn't have much of a career.

 

I don't understand her behavior, and it doesn't feel good!

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In all areas of my life, except one she takes interest. ...when my career comes into the conversation she seems ... disinterested.

Hi oldschoolromantic, perhaps she is just not interested? It's ok for people to have different interests.

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Yes well her own career insecurity seems to be the heart of the problem,

 

Perhaps she is a smart lady in her own right and is feeling inadequate about her own lack of career achievement relative to yourself,

I think that is quite understandable and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

maybe she would appreciate more support from yourself in terms of boosting her own career development,

rather than getting the pompous "look at me on television vibe"

 

some women would happily be all over you about it, but then there are some who think it is too egotistical,

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oldschoolromantic

I totally agree. People have their own interests, and we don't need to share all of the same interest. But when your partner has a major event you'd think they'd want experience it too.

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oldschoolromantic

I'm not sure what's pompous or egotistical about being featured on a TV show. it's not like this is ever happened to me before. If you had a career or "life first", wouldn't you be excited and want to share it with people? Wow! Judgemental much??

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oldschoolromantic
Yes well her own career insecurity seems to be the heart of the problem,

 

Perhaps she is a smart lady in her own right and is feeling inadequate about her own lack of career achievement relative to yourself,

I think that is quite understandable and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

maybe she would appreciate more support from yourself in terms of boosting her own career development,

rather than getting the pompous "look at me on television vibe"

 

some women would happily be all over you about it, but then there are some who think it is too egotistical,

 

And believe me, I support her in everything she does. Actually, it's to the point where the support I give exceeds the amount of support I get. There should be a certain amount of balance.

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It could be resentment. I had a problem with someone who would guffaw anytime I talked about my job, which was pretty much my life, and just try to make fun or something. I had to tell her off. Pretty sure it was just jealousy.

 

Any chance she saw the video before you wanted to air it for you and didn't want to sit through it again?

 

You know, I have limited experience with people with boring jobs or interests, but had one bf who was very academic and too quiet most of the time, not good at just chit chat at all or pleasant conversation and he really only had two subjects and one of them was marine biology on the micro level on which he had written his thesis and boy, was it boring. I wasn't resentful, just bored. And yet, I thought he was brilliant and all, but I just couldn't listen to all that stuff.

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hey its nothing to me either way!

 

Im simply giving you an insight into her possible mindset,

 

well done on the tv exposure anyway,

 

the closest I got to being on tv was someone's phone a friend on who wants to be a millionaire! (and I did know the answer)

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oldschoolromantic
It could be resentment. I had a problem with someone who would guffaw anytime I talked about my job, which was pretty much my life, and just try to make fun or something. I had to tell her off. Pretty sure it was just jealousy.

 

Any chance she saw the video before you wanted to air it for you and didn't want to sit through it again?

 

You know, I have limited experience with people with boring jobs or interests, but had one bf who was very academic and too quiet most of the time, not good at just chit chat at all or pleasant conversation and he really only had two subjects and one of them was marine biology on the micro level on which he had written his thesis and boy, was it boring. I wasn't resentful, just bored. And yet, I thought he was brilliant and all, but I just couldn't listen to all that stuff.

 

We have Great conversations! TONS to talk about. But whenever I mention something that's going well at work, she just kind of clams up and gets quiet.

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Usually there's jealousy only when you're in the same field. Anyway, the jealousy angle is pure speculation. You're saying that because you didn't get as much attention as you wanted.

 

Let's look at the facts. She wasn't as impressed by your achievement as you expected or at least we know she withheld signs of being impressed. You thought she was too stingy with praises.

 

You need a partner (Wife?) who is the president of your fan club. You're missing a lady who's gonna say "wow!" I think you will adore the woman who adores you. You will worship the woman who's gonna worship you. This is important to you in a partnership/marriage. And if you don't get that at home, you will gravitate toward other women who show more excitement about you.

 

Admit it. You love being in the limelight! You'd be happy to sit on a throne. I know plenty of people like that who are successful. Know what you need in a partner. You see it'll never work out with this woman.

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I dunno. Sounds like jealousy to me. Like you being successful makes her feel unsuccessful. I agree it is odd she wouldn't want to share that moment in the limelight with you. That's not very supportive. And pretty rude too.

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It's been my experience that some people just really aren't all that passionate about work. On the other hands, maybe she feels as though your success makes her accomplishments small by comparison? It's really hard to say without more context.

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Did you tell her how you felt about her not watching the show?

 

"wife name, I was really excited about the TV show and hurt that you didn't watch it with me" Then give her space to respond.

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emeraldgreen

Not showing any interest in it at all is weird.

 

I'm quite successful in my line of work too and have had some public features. I never bother to itemise them to my girlfriend and when she asks me about my career I just tell her everything's great. She's my girl, not my fan club. Despite that, she's the one who actively finds things online and shares them with her friends to share her pride and encouragement.

 

In your case, her not even feigning interest says a lot. If she doesn't applaud or take pride in your success, how encouraging will she be in your hardships?

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Does she compliment you in general?

And other than those things in common, is she still interested in or does she still care about other aspects of your life?

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crispytoast

In your case, her not even feigning interest says a lot. If she doesn't applaud or take pride in your success, how encouraging will she be in your hardships?

This x1000

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it'll never work out with this woman.

I don't think it's fair to her to say this. If he explains the problem to her, and she does not want to be more expressive, that is her choice. But if oldschoolromantic does need this kind of attention, and chooses not to tell her about the problem, she is robbed of the opportunity to work through it.

 

If this really is a serious problem, he needs to have a talk with her.

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I have to admit my wife supports just about anything I do within limit. She will even seek me out when I'm practicing a new song, praise me and pretend she is interested even when I know I stink.

 

She's much better at it then I am. I try to show interest in her studies of art history but I admit it doesn't touch me like it does her. I spend some time on the couch allowing her to page through a heavy art book from the library as she points out paintings and explains details to me. Her interest in the subject is compelling.

 

I suggest you do much the same. Ask your girl friend for advice about your work. Ask her for her viewpoint and take her seriously. Ask her to tell how you did in your video and how you could have improved your performance.

 

Have her explain the details of her work to you and show some interest.

 

You did state you believed in balance?

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I think you might want to talk to her and ask her, I noticed you weren't even happy for me last week. Do you dislike my work or something? It made me feel bad.

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