Myasylum Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Through my divorce and many other losses in my life I decided to talk to a therapist ţo kind of talk through things in my head. Everything is wonderful, but... she tells me a lot of personal things about herself. I know whe she lives, private things that happened in her life all kind of stuff you might think she'd keep private. However, I do LOVE she confides in me and I would never tell anyone what she has said. Now, I kind of enjoy this, but i'm learning about her every bit she's learning about me... almost feels more like dating. Thing is, as much as I do enjoy these sessions... it feels it's blurring the lines between therapist and friendship... if not more and it's concerning. I admit it may just be "normal therapy" to relate to your client. I just don't know? I don't know what she's thinking, maybe she's just oblivious to the whole thing? Everytime I think she might feel she too much she tells me more. I guess i'm just starting to care about her, possibly more than I should. Does anyone have any for site in this? Is this something that could end badly, or just carry on? I guess I'd just feel a lot better about this if we were just two freinds chatting at a bar. I'd be content with that. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 She’s probably just sharing stories to be more relatable to her patients. It’s totally normal as long as she keeps it professional. It seems you may want to explore boundaries next session. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Asylum this will most likely end badly for you, keep things on the up and up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 That's just it... what would be considered "unprofessional"? I've been to marriage counseling (more than once) NEVER have I had a therapist tell me so many personal things! (Not that I mind) I guess I'll just keep rolling with it and keep those thoughts to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 It is very common for a patient to bond with their therapist. It is part of the healing process, in fact, for most people. I wouldn't read too much into what she shares with you unless it's becoming too personal. You have to kind of think of this like a bartender or hair stylist -- It's biness and having good rapport with the clientele is good business. But besides that, it's a matter of drawing the patient/client out so that they can feel comfortable in the surroundings and be open about their thoughts and feelings. You do need to talk to her about what you're feeling and talk about boundaries and expectations and experiences in therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Guys fall for therapist and women fall for personal trainers. It's the danger of the types of relationships they are. People who you pay to make you feel better about yourself and if they are good at it you can confuse feelings better about yourself with having feelings for the person helping you get there. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 What sort of personal things is she telling you, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I think it would be wise to seek out a different therapist because you are losing sight of the purpose of being there. You are getting confused and having mixed feelings....that isn’t helping you through the process of healing from your divorce. She is just being a distraction. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 That's just it... what would be considered "unprofessional"? Her blurring the lines between patient and doctor, her allowing you to become emotionally invested in her through transference. Her suggesting you date her/her not shutting down you when you ask her out on a date or to spend time with her outside of office hours and not on a professional level. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 It is very common for a patient to bond with their therapist. I've been seeing a shrink for 30 years, over that time I've had 3 different doctors. Never "bonded" with any of them. And none of them told me personal details about themselves besides the normal small talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 It's interesting how their seems to be two complete opposite lines of advice here. One state's it's normal and another that states it's too much. I basically know about her family, relationships, where she lives, likes and dislikes... it's like having a friend. Which I enjoy. It's just tough when your paying for it, and it's not much different than hanging out with friends. Which I enjoy... however, you start caring for the person after awhile .. if not a little too much. I guess it is what it is and I have to put on my big boy pants and accept that... or don't. I don't really look at it as a "transferance". It's not really like that. I actually like her for who she is as a person. It's not me using her for what i'm lacking, or from missing anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Some therapists will use their own personal life stories to illustrate and drive home a point and to bring some out of their shell too. "I'll tell you about my relationship with my mother, how about you tell me about your mother" kind of a thing... but a lot subtler.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Some therapists will use their own personal life stories to illustrate and drive home a point and to bring some out of their shell too. "I'll tell you about my relationship with my mother, how about you tell me about your mother" kind of a thing... but a lot subtler.. I don't want to know about my doctor's relationship with his/her mother. I want advice on my problem(s) and my medications, that's what I am paying him/her $150 per half hour for... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I don't want to know about my doctor's relationship with his/her mother. I want advice on my problem(s) and my medications, that's what I am paying him/her $150 per half hour for... That sounds more like a psychiatrist than a therapist... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 That sounds more like a psychiatrist than a therapist... correct elaine567 but my only experience is with shrinks and not "therapists", whatever they do... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Let me ask you, does she have an actual certification as a bona fide psychologist or is she some non-medical type therapist? Because a psychologist or psychiatrist would not be sharing their personal life at all. And you should read up on something called "transference." It's a common phenomenon. I have concerns about how good she is if she's behaving this unprofessionally. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Let me ask you, does she have an actual certification as a bona fide psychologist or is she some non-medical type therapist? Because a psychologist or psychiatrist would not be sharing their personal life at all. And you should read up on something called "transference." It's a common phenomenon. I have concerns about how good she is if she's behaving this unprofessionally. that's what I was thinking too preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 ^ Yes. I will say though, if you feel she's helping you with your issue, then fine, but she shouldn't be giving you another issue, and she is....her. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I've been seeing a shrink for 30 years, over that time I've had 3 different doctors. Never "bonded" with any of them. And none of them told me personal details about themselves besides the normal small talk. I said it was common, not that everyone experiences transference. It depends on the individual and what issues they are dealing with, etc. but it happens often and it's a good thing usually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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