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Am I Overreacting Here?


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So I went on a first date over the weekend...my first in awhile, and we met on an app. I could tell before we even met that he liked me a lot, but didn't really think much of it. Although it did kinda make me feel a little "eh" when he asked if he could Facetime me literally the day after we first matched up on the app. Also, he was divulging to me so much personal stuff before we went out. Someone he was close with had just passed away, and he'd been at the funeral the day we'd first started messaging. And I felt bad but was also sort of like...why don't you talk to your friends about this, you don't even know me? And then he made some sort of joke about being sad and needing a cuddle buddy. Idk, like am I just a cynic or is this a lot? lol

 

Anyways, we go out. It's nice, he's a little more shy in person which I thought was sweet. He kissed me at the end of the night and that was that. Sent me some nice texts after about how great he thought I was. I get a good morning text first thing the next day, followed by him asking if he can see me again that night. My first thought was "wow, already?", but I said sure. He suggested watching a movie, which I was cool with since I had to work the next morning. Not even five minutes into the movie, though, he's kissing my neck and has his hands all over me. So of course I'm thinking...is this what he came here for? Also the making out was a little weird...no tongue at all? Never had that before.

 

Things got a little heavy, and at one point he just sort of bluntly asked if I wanted to ****...I asked if he had a condom. Said no, and didn't seem all that upset when I said I wasn't comfortable doing anything without one. We fooled around a little more before he went home. Although afterwards, he said he was kicking himself because he hadn't even thought to bring one...and part of me was wondering if that was true. Just because he'd been so quick to be all over me, that it didn't seem likely that he hadn't thought about the fact that we might sleep together but instead had just assumed I'd be cool about doing it with no protection.

 

Next morning texted me right away again and said something along the lines of how he normally loses interest immediately after messing around with a girl, but that it hadn't happened with me. And I have no idea why that bothered me so much, but it did. Like was that supposed to make me feel special?

 

So I've been pretty busy this week and haven't been able to respond to his texts as quickly as usual. And he asked me to hang out last night, but I legitimately couldn't because I was working late. So last night he called me out and said that I didn't seem as interested anymore, and wanted to know if he was just a bootycall to me...cause that wasn't what he wanted and he was worried about catching feels with me. Which I get is a valid question, you want to know what you're getting into...but it'd only been a day since I'd last seen him. And also he was the one who was ready to have sex with me on our second date.

 

This could all be me overreacting because I really haven't dated in awhile, but I feel a lot of pressure. He's very nice and sweet, but I feel like he's sort of pushing for this to be more serious than what it is....we've had two dates and have only known each other a week. Am I reading too much into this? Or is it a little much? I'm not trying to come off as an ass, I just legitimately don't have any idea.

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Am I reading this correctly? You went on a 2nd date to the cinema and he asked you if you wanted to have sex and your response was does he have a condom? Do you not have any self respect for yourself?

 

 

If it's not clear he just wants to sleep with you then let me make it clear; he just wants to get into your knickers.

 

 

If you value yourself as low as it comes across then sure meet up with him again, but he sounds like a total creep.

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Wow, okay.

 

We weren't at the cinema....we were at my apartment lol. And I think if I choose to have sex on the second date, that would be my preference. I respect myself quite a bit, thanks. I respect myself enough to choose to have safe sex when I would like to. That is all. Goodbye.

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I always have sex early on, so I’m not judging here ahah.

But he is being quite persistant and insecure. I get you want to know where you stand, but after only 2 dates, maybe not.

 

He does seem to be way more into you that you are into him. If you feel pressured (I would feel like you btw), it’s probably because he’s asking too much too fast. I don’t think you’re overreacting, personally, I’d move on.

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Thank you.

 

Like I said, I haven't dated in a very long time. I was in a serious relationship up until about six months ago so this is my first attempt at all in getting back out there...finally felt like I was ready enough to at least try. Haven't been on any other dates, and no haven't been sleeping with anyone at all either-- in case I needed to say that, because apparently we're big on judging here.

 

So that could also be why it feels like too much, too fast. I think I may just kindly let him down.

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Id have to agree with Flame,

 

this guy he is certainly ensuring he will not be "friend zoned" anyway- all or nothing eh,

 

my opinion is well even if you like the guy, he needs to be put back in his box,

 

say your happy to date him but no sex for three months,

 

lol take control show him who is boss.

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Foxhall, why should she deny herself sex for three months? And why resort to using sex as a weapon?

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Yep kj, it's too much, too fast. I also find it odd that he wonderered if he was a booty call after you refused to have sex without a condom.

 

I think he's simply a bit needy.

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Foxhall, why should she deny herself sex for three months? And why resort to using sex as a weapon?

 

I agree with you there, not a « strategy » that would work for me. I think she should simply turn him down and move on.

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Lotsgoingon

Early signs are making you uncomfortable ... move on ...

 

Yes, you have a right to suspect that he's only interested in having sex with you. I know this can be difficult for some folks to do ... but ... let's say this guy did have a condom ... did you want to have sex with him? My guess: probably not and stronger. So really practice telling a guy like this a loud no! ... assuming that's what you felt.

 

BTW: nice catch to notice the over-disclosure about the funeral he just attended during your first conversation. That's a technique that some guys use to try to seem more vulnerable ... when really it's way too much too soon. It's a way to disguise that they want to get right away in your pants.

 

If you're into just having sex, then fine. Otherwise, drop this guy ... He almost got what he wanted ... Now he wants to bring a condom when you go out (he thinks you'll have sex with him if he has one). All he wants is sex. If you want that, fine ... If not, drop this guy.

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the guy he is too cocksure of himself,

 

he needs to be taken down a peg or two,

 

you can be certain that the dating will never get to 3 months anyway- or another 3 days,

 

I think it is important for a person, particularly a girl, to have self respect and not be brainwashed too easily be these players!

 

let the OP take the psychological upper hand in this.

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Wow, okay.

 

We weren't at the cinema....we were at my apartment lol. And I think if I choose to have sex on the second date, that would be my preference. I respect myself quite a bit, thanks. I respect myself enough to choose to have safe sex when I would like to. That is all. Goodbye.

 

 

This guy was a virtual stranger. Never, ever give a new dating partner your address or have them to your home until after you're a little bit more established at least. You're lucky he stopped and didn't take thing further forcefully . . . But now he knows where you live. Not a good idea.

 

 

You mentioned "safe sex". There was nothing safe about this scenario.

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In my opinion a relationship needs to be in balance. The amount of personal information provided is within that balance. I would not expect to know everything about my date's life history by the 2nd date especially when I had not shared my own or asked for that information nor would I expect a daily log. I think this is where you first felt uneasy and you were right to do so. The balance between you was off and you felt it.

 

He's racing a head of and frankly I don't believe you are at the same energy level. It could be that he really believes he's found the woman of his dreams. That has possibilities if you like him although him being sweet and you complaining he wouldn't swap spit with you doesn't seem to place him high on your list.

 

As you said, you make own choices.

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Everyone is clearly just different. I don't think it's at all weird he wanted to Facetime right away because there's so many people who aren't who they say they are and mostly because you can tell so much more about a person if you see them in action and avoid some of those awkward first dates that go flat in person.

 

I don't think it's weird he talked to you about what was going on in his life and I feel your reaction to it was pretty unempathetic. I'm sure you didn't let him see just how you felt about it, but I mean, the way you felt about it just seemed cold.

 

Obviously, he likes to move fast. At least he told you that he usually is one and done. I guess you've not had sex with him yet, so that could still happen. Fast start and fast to be over is fairly common.

 

Maybe it's just his personality you don't feel like fits with you, but he's not really done anything unforgiveable except yes, stupid he doesn't carry condoms.

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I dont have a problem with coming on strong or having sex early, I had sex with my current BF on date 2 and was seeing him 3 times a week from the get go and none of it was an issue.

 

BUT your guy doesnt stop and respect you when you say no,he guilt trip you instead and that's a huge glaring red flag.

 

Not too mention a lot of other weird stuff he said, he has red flags all over him.

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The biggest red flag for me is that he usually loses interest in other women after sex the first time. Don't know what that's about, but it doesn't reflect well on him.

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Versacehottie

He sounds super needy and you sound like you are already off him--that's all that really matters. Throw him back :)

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The best way I would describe him would be that he’s a maniac. He’s all over the place, jumpin from being pushy to insecure, saying stupid $&@#. He’s too much.

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He's either FOS or he is too heavily invested already to the point that his expectations are way too high for someone he literally just met. I'd move on, this guy is too much.

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How is he making you feel? List the feelings on a piece of paper. How do they look?

 

You say you are feeling pressured and it sounds as if he is telling you too much emotional stuff early on. If it is too much, too soon, and you are feeling pressured, you have every right to take yourself out of this situation.

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