This guy I was talking to told my friend I sound handicapped?

[Alugo6340]

So I am sure you guys read my other posts about how my online dates would sometimes walk out on me during mid date or leave the date early during first meetups and block me or try to use me sexually. Today is a different story, I don’t think I mentioned I am part deaf and I wear a hearing aid and I don’t sign cause I can talk well due to speech therapy and people understand me when I talk and I tell all my dates this before they meet up with me and they all hear my voice before agreeing to meet me so I have no problems getting dates it’s just most dont stick around for a second date or they leave during first date early.

 

I've been talking to a guy on Meetme and he messaged me and told me he seen me at work. I work at a grocery store and anyway he told me he recognized me cause he’s a customer there sometimes and so (I’ll call him Jason) Jason said he saw me working there one time and said I was really cute and he was checking my body out etc. This made me feel really good about myself too cause one of the comments I got in here was Im sure there are guys out there who find you attractive “ even if my dates didn’t find me attractive despite me using recent full body pictures of myself and video chatting with them and stuff they still would leave early in a first meetup sometimes but Jason made me feel good about myself and made me forget those other guys and I believed him when he said he saw me.

 

Anyway he told me he wanted to meet me and I sent him a video of me talking so he knew what to expect cause I think videos are even more accurate than pics but he did see recent pics of me too and he told me I looked cute in my video and I think he said he liked my voice too so he wanted to meet me and we tried to make plans to meet up but after talking online for a few days, he dropped off the face of the earth for 3 weeks and he wasn’t online for like a week then I deleted my account and tried to text him but I didn’t hear from him til he texted me one day and he said “Hey how are you girl?”

 

I asked him why I haven’t heard from him and he said his grandpa died so he had to be there for his family so I said “oh I’m sorry to hear that” but anyway we texted back and forth and we kept making plans to see each other but then he would just stop texting me after flirting with me and telling me things like “I wanna put a baby in you “ or “you’d be the first person I have sex without a condom with” and things like that cause he told me how beautiful I look and how he would love to meet me and kiss me and have sex with me but then he would disappear for a day or two or in the middle of saying all these flirty things.

 

My friend is on meet me and since I deleted my account cause of the flakes and stuff on there, I asked if I could quickly message Jason but she said she could do it and ask why he doesn’t actually meet up with me or why he keeps disappearing on me if he “likes me so much” so anyway we both messaged him together and he did send her a message despite getting upset with me for talking to other guys but yet he still messages others obviously so anyway he said “hey “to my friend and messaged her first and that’s when she asked him he’s treating me this way and I messaged saying to him “it’s a very immature thing to do, I felt you were hiding something” anyway he told my friend that the real reason he stopped to me and (this was in his own words) “ I know it’s you asking this, but the reason I stopped talking to her was cause when I watched her video, she sounds like she has a handicap and her voice sounds like my cousin with Down syndrome and I don’t want to take advantage of someone like that”

 

He goes on to say that at least he is smart and has a “a high paying job” and goes on about how much he makes a year and so I blocked him and I just felt betrayed and I see my friend got a bunch of notifications from him commenting on her pics and her “rate me” or “what do you think ? Am I pretty?” posts and I asked my friend to immediately delete the nasty comments he put cause I didn’t want to read them and I knew he was commenting nasty cruel things about me cause he told me he thinks I’m pretending to be my friend and he knows it’s me messaging him , probably cause I told him in the past I felt like he was lying or hiding something from me something in my gut told me that.

 

I can’t stop crying tho , my friend tells me it’s ok and that I don’t sound handicaped but I actually thought this guy was genuinely attracted to me and even though I didn’t read his comments I knew they were about how he thought I looked ugly in person or something really mean. He knows about how guys treated me and yes I told him my past cause we talked about our past but now I know he really feels about me.

 

I know no one is attracted and yes people like my dates probably cause of my looks cause after I made posts on here I believed the answers I got that it was my insecurities that scared them away but some of these guys message me again after not speaking to me and I asked one why there was no date and he said it was my weight and that he was “too good”to date a thick girl at the time and I don’t understand I look overweight in my pics and he still agreed to meet me and no I don’t think I look bigger in real life as they were recent pics so he shouldn’t of agreed to meet up with me.

 

Another guy when I took my sunglasses off that I met a week ago told me “you don’t look bad “ really?? Thats not what you say to a date and this dude was telling me how beautiful I looked in my videos too and they weren’t sexual videos then he has the nerve to tell me I don’t look bad ” when he meets me in person he told me he didn’t mean it the way I thought just that I’m not ugly like these guys think and then after a couple days of flirting with me he blocks me.

 

One guy I met in person from a dating site recently said he found me attractive when he met me in person but when I asked if others would ever be physically attracted to me he said “to be honest, most guys are jerks so I wouldn’t know” I considered him a friend so that’s why I asked that and there was no second date cause he was too sexual.

 

Anyway I haven’t asked these guys about my looks really I been trying not too but I feel so ugly with what happened with Jason now I know why guys don’t ask me out in person and I give up on dating now and I don’t lose weight cause it doesn’t matter Ill still look ugly to guys.

 

I don’t need nasty responses I just want your support and sorry this was so long I needed to vent. I would get a therapist if I could but it costs too much and my family is unsupportive and verbally abusive.

 

How can I deal with all this? These guys I talked about are recent especially Jason.

Edited August 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[amaysngrace]

Someone telling you they want to put a baby in you or have unprotected sex with you isn’t being “flirty” ... it’s being disrespectful.

[preraph]

I think what he was basically saying (and a lot of the things he talked about prior back this up) is that he is a player looking for sex. He is attracted to you, but after talking to you and you being sweet and naive, I believe he just started to have a conscience and decided not to take advantage of someone who is already having kind of a hard time.

 

So yes, he was attracted and it sounds like other guys are as well. But you know, most of these guys out there will just take quick easy sex if they can get it, so it's hard for every woman, not just you, to try to find out what they are really like, so don't feel it's your failing. It's universal! So many just looking for sex.

 

Thank goodness he decided not to take advantage of you. You may have more luck in real life. But be sure to have an experienced friend have a look at your profile and be sure you have worded it some good way to say you are not just looking for sex. Try to weed these guys out.

 

Good luck!

[Alugo6340]

Why would he tell my friend and (me since he knew I was also asking why he stopped talking to me) that I sounded like his cousin with Down syndrome so it made him think I’m [handicapped]? It just sounds kind of rude and why would he start commenting nasty mean things about my looks or whatever on my friend’s posts and pictures? She puts a lot of “rate me how do I look posts” out there but I had a horrible feeling he was commenting mean things about me in her profile so that’s why I didn’t read them I just saw a bunch of notifications when using my friend’s profile to look at what his answer was. It seemed like he was trying to cyber bully

Edited August 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Alugo6340]

I geuss what I mean is why would he say and comment mean things if he was attracted to me instead he could of just not put all those comments .

[preraph]

I think maybe you are just so different and maybe inexperienced and naive from the women he's used to talking to that he just wasn't sure why you are that way, and yes, it was very insensitive, but you did go through a friend and kind of cornered him. He'd likely never have said that to your face, but now you know he's kind of immature, right?

 

So I'm thinking have a friend help with your profile and maybe put things in there to show that you are deaf, but otherwise fully functioning. Like put something academic in there or something intellectual you are interested in. Like "Hearing impaired, but with full vocabulary. Working toward my bachelor's and a career in (nursing, STEM, whatever). Looking for a relationship, not a hookup. "

[Flame Aura]

This guy was indeed very rude. Not just what he said about you, but the way he was communicating with you. He is still a boy, a very immature one, not a man.

 

 

Don't give him another thought or try to understand why. He is not worth it.

 

 

One day you will meet someone who appreciates you for you, this is not him.

 

 

All the best.

Edited August 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Alugo6340]

Okay I’ll try to remember to put that in my profile more often. I might of forgot to this time and I thought I told him I was deaf but anyway I still don’t get why he had to put a bunch of comments which made me think he was trying to cyber bully but I don’t know.

[Alugo6340]

I just think no one will ever be attracted to me , if you want you can read my other posts but guys have left the first date early (guys from online) so idk I try to post full body pics that are recent and even take a pic the day I’m meeting them in person and they say I’m beautiful but then I’m not sure why they leave or why that one guy told me I didn’t look “bad “ when I took off my sun glasses but he said I was beautiful when we texted before meeting and he’s seen a couple of non sexual recent videos of me so I’m not sure why he said I don’t look bad instead of just saying I look good , it could of been his way of reassuring me but I don’t know cause two days later he blocks me . He told me he was shy in person and that he didn’t mean it in a bad way , I actually broke down crying when he told me I didn’t look bad cause I thought he was trying to avoid calling me ugly but I don’t see how I could look that much different without sunglasses. He called me beautiful again later but only cause I asked if he still thought that or not after meeting me and told him I didn’t want him to lead me on and he assured me he wasn’t doing that so he acts flirty calling me “beautiful “ in every sentence til he blocks me two days after we met in person and this thing with Jason trying to cyber bully me confirms I’m ugly. I think I’m pretty personally but I doubt anyone finds me attractive cause Jason told me multiple times he saw me in person but now that he put mean comments and said that about me he just confirmed how other guys in real life see me. It’s no wonder nobody asks me out .

[Alugo6340]

I only had second to 7 or 10 dates with 4 or 5 guys that were like eighter relationships that lasted 3 weeks to a month or didn’t make it past a second date so I had little success with online dating.

[amaysngrace]

Here’s the deal...care more about what you think of them rather than what they think of you and you’ll be gold.

[The Outlaw]

He's a total douchebag. He isn't looking for a relationship, he's looking for a hookup. And be wary of MeetME.

[Alugo6340]

This doesn’t make me feel any better , I mean what am I supposed to do kill myself??? but to clarify it’s happened with 4 guys out of the 15 I have met in person from dating sites, only 4 have done it but still if they don’t leave then I usually just eighter don’t hear from them again after first dates or meetups or something . Some of these guys have tried to kiss me and I just politely pull away and tell them later that night we can kiss when I feel more comfortable so I don’t know if it’s cause they are wanting sex and their not willing to wait or what. I’m as honest as I can be to them . I did have 4 or 5 guys out of 15 that seen me again and we met up a few times and a couple I met up with 10 times and then hey ghost or lose interest but most don’t make it past the first date. I had two guys that blocked me after the first meet that messaged me a month later asking to meet up again for something sexual or to hang out but I decline cause I don’t like that they blocked me like that.

[Alugo6340]

*they * ghost me

[kendahke]

I get you're angry and confused right now, but there is also another angle here you might want to consider and I think that in the long run, he did you a favor.

 

Have you ever had a conversation with him about this cousin and how he feels about the cousin? How his family and people in general feel about the cousin? Perhaps he sees that all that smack he was talking to you before about planting babies in your belly and busting raw is no different than some of the abusive attitudes he's seen them direct towards this cousin and that your voice indicted his intent, which would make him no better than anyone else who has hurt or taken advantage of you and your kind nature.

 

Or he's a tool...

 

...and while I can appreciate you felt you had love in your grasp, believe me, in 30 years time, you will be so glad you let him pass.

[The Outlaw]

This doesn’t make me feel any better , I mean what am I supposed to do kill myself??? but to clarify it’s happened with 4 guys out of the 15 I have met in person from dating sites, only 4 have done it but still if they don’t leave then I usually just eighter don’t hear from them again after first dates or meetups or something . Some of these guys have tried to kiss me and I just politely pull away and tell them later that night we can kiss when I feel more comfortable so I don’t know if it’s cause they are wanting sex and their not willing to wait or what. I’m as honest as I can be to them . I did have 4 or 5 guys out of 15 that seen me again and we met up a few times and a couple I met up with 10 times and then hey ghost or lose interest but most don’t make it past the first date. I had two guys that blocked me after the first meet that messaged me a month later asking to meet up again for something sexual or to hang out but I decline cause I don’t like that they blocked me like that.

 

I'm not trying to be rude or make you feel worse, but why would you want to kill yourself? Dating is tough but from the sound of it, you've dodged quite a few bullets. This last guy wasn't any good for you. He shouldn't have commented to you about your body and said what he did. It's extremely disrespectful and uncalled for. But try getting off of these sites for awhile and try to see if you can meet someone through a mutual friend. That way, you will have a far better idea of what you're getting.

[Alugo6340]

I like to think I’m cute. I do actually think my face is pretty. Am I a gorgeous model? No obviously not or none of this would be happening to me. I know I’m fat and I know my voice is slightly different but it’s really not that bad. I look more chubby than fat but my BMI says obese but I know guys are not attracted to fat usually but some are however I’d like a guy to like me for all of me. I just thought I was one of those fat girls with a cute face that’s all and I still like to think I am. I’m fine with never looking like Angelina Jolie but still I always thought I was kind of cute and can’t understand why these guys are not seeing it cause I been honest with my pics.

[kendahke]

This doesn’t make me feel any better , I mean what am I supposed to do kill myself???

 

Never. Ever. Please don't.

 

but to clarify it’s happened with 4 guys out of the 15 I have met in person from dating sites, only 4 have done it but still if they don’t leave then I usually just eighter don’t hear from them again after first dates or meetups or something . Some of these guys have tried to kiss me and I just politely pull away and tell them later that night we can kiss when I feel more comfortable so I don’t know if it’s cause they are wanting sex and their not willing to wait or what. I’m as honest as I can be to them . I did have 4 or 5 guys out of 15 that seen me again and we met up a few times and a couple I met up with 10 times and then hey ghost or lose interest but most don’t make it past the first date. I had two guys that blocked me after the first meet that messaged me a month later asking to meet up again for something sexual or to hang out but I decline cause I don’t like that they blocked me like that.

 

For the most part, On Line Dating (OLD) is feral; with the exception of a few sites, they are about hooking up and that's about as shallow as it gets. One and done. Traverse at your own emotional peril.

 

The longer you're around people, the more you get to know them, which is why a lot of people opt for the workplace to find a mate (bad idea in the long run). Or some other place, like a gym or a park you jog, where you begin to see the same people at the same time over and over. Church/Temple/Mosque/Nature... It's really hit or miss, but at least there's someone looking you in the eye rather than someone staring at a screen imagining how they want you to be and you could never measure up to what they built in their mind no matter who you are.

[preraph]

Hey, literally everybody has a bad score in online dating. But if you have up accurate up to date photos of your whole body and face for them to see, and a few are following through with a date, then you are probably doing as well as anyone else trying to date online. Realize some of the people are just on there playing and aren't who they say they are anyway!

 

So stop worrying if you're cute. If you have good photos up and people are interested, then you're cute.

 

You know a whole lot of people are just awkward about any type of disability. Most people have not dealt with it at all and don't know how to and are afraid of saying the wrong thing. And just like with people who speak another language, they are afraid it will get awkward if they have to ask you to repeat or whatever.

 

BUT one of these days you will find someone who has some experience with it and isn't afraid of it. In that vein, I would encourage you to socialize with groups of people and families who also deal with it because those people will be skilled and smart about it and not leave you wondering what just happened!

 

But people get ghosted ALL the time on OLD, so don't feel you're unique, Sister!

[Alugo6340]

I misread his message he meant I sound like his nephew with Down syndrome but anyway I just feel cursed like I’m being punished for something. I seen girls that I personally found to be hideous or that society probably doesn’t find very attractive looking and these girls have no problems finding men who think their pretty or gorgeous and not just for their personality eighter but because well I thought different people find different looks attractive. I just don’t understand why these girls have no problem finding a man sometimes even a CUTE guy! I go for guys that are typically average maybe cause I don’t want to feel bad for being rejected by someone cute but also cause I pay attention to personality and the nicer the guy is the more attractive he looks to me. I met a couple guys in person from online who showed me a pic of their ex that they met on okcupid before we met in person and sometimes their exes weren’t that pretty in my opinion yet they closed to date them for a year but these same guys that dated the ex I didn’t find attractive well they didn’t want a second date from me so I wonder what was it about their not so pretty ex that looked more appealing than me? His ex was big like me actually she looked obese where as maybe I carry my weight well enough to where I mostly just look chubby idk but this same guy who dated that ex, leaves after 20 minutes on the first date when we were gonna hang for 2 hours or so and I don’t know if it’s cause he didn’t like my dad or what but anyway he was a sexual guy too well he was sexual before meeting me and planned on being sexual on the date but he didn’t make any moves then my dad introduces himself to him and I geuss that threw him off? Idk but we still texted after he left but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to meet me again cause something felt “off” to him so that’s why he left so early . I remember saying “sorry if I was so ugly you ran” he said “I’m sorry” I’m like “wtf that’s not reassuring why did you leave did I look like my pics?” He replies “yea you did but something seemed off and I can’t explain why” He videochatted prior to meeting so he knew what I sounded like. He would still tell me I was cute and stuff but he didn’t want to meet me again so he became a texting buddy and one day he blocks me and then two weeks later unblocks me to apologize for the blocking and says “sorry I was talking to my ex for awhile and we were thinking of getting back together but we aren’t together right now” so I asked him if he found me attractive when he saw me in person honestly and he said “I didn’t find you unattractive “ I’m like “what does that mean? You said I was cute before “ he changed the subject til I confronted him again and asked if he meant it when he said I’m cute and he said “yes but I think you need to learn to love yourself Ava”. I just thought I should share this and anyone can respond to it I just have a lot of venting to do right now but I can’t get over the whole “I didn’t find you unattractive “ “you don’t look bad” comments I got from some of these guys or the guy that said there was no second date with me cause he thought he was too good to date a thick girl but yet I had recent pics of myself and he still went on a date with me so I don’t get it. He told me he just wanted to give everyone a chance I geuss.

[Alugo6340]

I apologize for all the venting and sharing all these stories cause I know it’s hard to read all of it but I just wanted to hear what people had to say about the comments these guys said to me. I appreciate you guys being kind.

[Alugo6340]

I appreciate the encouragement:) but I don’t know what to think about the dates that have said I didn’t find you unattractive “ “you don’t look bad” comments I got from some of these guys or the guy that said there was no second date with me cause he thought he was too good to date a thick girl but yet I had recent pics of myself and he still went on a date with me so I don’t get it. He told me he just wanted to give everyone a chance I geuss.

[Alugo6340]

I asked people that know me personally if I look like my pics and they say yes so idk why these guys say this stuff.

[The Outlaw]

Think of it this way, if they're leaving early during the first date or mid first date, that has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. Just because a few dates have fallen flat doesn't mean that they all will. Dating is a weeding out process, you just have to keep at it. Don't give up and don't give in. Keep trying. I know it's easier said than done, but forget what they say. We all have critics. Keep your chin up.

[preraph]

So most guys won't want to hang out at your parents' house for longer than it takes to pick you up, at least in the beginning of dating.

 

It's intimidating.

 

You're attractive enough, so stop thinking that is the problem. Now, what this guy you just now wrote about said about putting yourself down IS going to be a problem because no one knows what to do if someone is feeling sorry for themself and putting themself down.

 

Here's what men want on the first few dates at least: A light hearted fun woman who smiles and laughs and enjoys herself.