bc72fgbjbc Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) I've been dating someone for the past 5-6 weeks (we're both 19 and 20 y/o students working full-time summer jobs), we usually see each other once a week (soetimes twice if we're lucky) and slept together 2 times. However, this week she was on vacation and was busy all week partying with friends so we haven't talked much, but she was already starting to become more distant a few days before that. We were supposed to spend the weekend together at the end of her vacation, but our plans got suddenly canceled. She says she forgot I took my time off for the weekend and that she said yes to her close friends who wanted to rent a cabin for the same weekend, and now she can't cancel otherwise they'd need to pay her part. She is supposedly soo sorry. The thing is: next week I'm going away for at least 2 weeks. She did not know about it yet, but when I told her that it was our last opportunity to spend full days together until nearly a month, she told me that it's only a month and that I shouldn't make it such a big deal. I don't know if it's worth it to continue with her. On top of that, as far as texting goes, I'm recently doing all the work to maintain a conversation. Edited August 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 dump her...think about it, is this really what a relationship is about? no it's not. TBH you shouldn't worry about relationships at this stage of the game...you should be casually dating different girls at your leisure.....you are in uni/college you should be free and having fun. Now if you like her, just hangout, get laid, but don't commit to anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 you are in uni/college you should be free and having fun. Now if you like her, just hangout, get laid, but don't commit to anything. Only having fun without becoming too emotionally invested would be cool, but it remains a complete mistery to me. Any tips or golden rules? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 When you have sex the human being secretes certain hormones to chemically bind you to your partner. Some people can't overcome that biology & thus can't do casual. You may be one of them. If you are not hardwired to do FWB don't try. You will only make yourself nuts. Assume you are a fun distraction for her & that she doesn't care about you. Go on your vacation & see what she does. She probably won't give you a 2nd thought. When you both go back to school it will be even harder to keep her attention. Save yourself the heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Only having fun without becoming too emotionally invested would be cool, but it remains a complete mistery to me. Any tips or golden rules? Ya date other girls, and don't get hung up on her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 Is there a specific conversation I should have with her or I should just let things go, stop texting all the time, meet other people and see what happens? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 (edited) I'm not sure there was a specific conversation you should have had, but the evidence in my eye that she wasn't really interested in you is that you only see each other once a week ... two if you're lucky. If the relationship is on fire (which is needs to be to start) you would be seeing each other two times a week at minimum. Her "forgetting" that you took off a weekend ... no such thing. Firing offense. Shows she's not thinking of you and prioritizing you. Disconnecting when she is with friends ... doesn't happen if you're really interested in someone. So the insight here is ambivalence = disinterest. A relationship needs to be fired up with overwhelming enthusiasm in both people to get going. Anything less and you are putting yourself in trouble. Think of how much you're thinking of her ... and prioritizing her. (You took off work for her.) You want to date someone who prioritizes you in the same way. Hint: you won't have to think hard to figure out if someone is really into you. It'll be obvious. If they're enthusiasm is not overwhelming, and if you are working hard at the start of a relationship, things aren't going to go anywhere. Keep dating. Lose this person. Next time give ... wait for her to give the exact same amount or more. If you give or propose an idea or make yourself available and she hesitates, stop pursuing. Edited August 3, 2019 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Some of this just has to do with how young you are both. this is really not the age to get all settled down with a partner or most people. And one reason for that is because when you're young you're having too much fun to want to limit yourself to one person. Just that she is doing, it is more fun for her to do the various things with her friends and the explore. She's just isn't really looking for a serious boyfriend and she is not going to give up her social life for you at this young age. you should just go out and have fun and try not to get hung up on one person for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted August 5, 2019 Author Share Posted August 5, 2019 I'm not sure there was a specific conversation you should have had, but the evidence in my eye that she wasn't really interested in you is that you only see each other once a week ... two if you're lucky. I get what you're saying but to be more precise, it's not only on her if we only see each other once or twice a week. We have to do some distance to meet up and we're both busy, so I'm not sure if this is the right indicator. The possibility of 2 or 3 weeks without a date is very long tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted August 5, 2019 Author Share Posted August 5, 2019 (edited) This week she just went from ''taking a long time to answer and not always replying'' to complete ghost mode. After 2 days I told myself it was over so I hooked up with one of my neighbors. However, the following day the girl I'm dating sends me this random message (after not opening any of mine for 3 days) saying that she's ''just having fun'' and not avoiding me. She also clearly said that nothing is over between us. We still have no plans to see each other before my vacation tho, so I'll to not think too much about it for now. .....you should just go out and have fun and try not to get hung up on one person for a while. I guess that pretty much confirms your point. I'll just do my thing while keeping the door for her (but for other girls also) if she wants to make plans with me. Edited August 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beautifulearth83 Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 (edited) Yeah sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Too many people consider others disposable these days. That is not what a relationship is about. You have needs and they are not being met, so it's best to move on. Edited August 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 The following day the girl I'm dating sends me this random message (after not opening any of mine for 3 days) saying that she's ''just having fun'' and not avoiding me. She also clearly said that nothing is over between us. We still have no plans to see each other before my vacation tho, so I'll to not think too much about it for now. Sounds like she's playing the field. It's not abnormal at your age, although imo it's a bit rude to leave you completely hanging like that. I would not invest too much emotion in this relationship. I guess that pretty much confirms your point. I'll just do my thing while keeping the door for her (but for other girls also) if she wants to make plans with me.[/Quote] Good call. Don't be too attached and have fun. After 2 days I told myself it was over so I hooked up with one of my neighbors.Ouf man. Be careful hooking up with neighbors. They know where you live Link to post Share on other sites
bckseat Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 (edited) Is there a specific conversation I should have with her or I should just let things go, stop texting all the time, meet other people and see what happens? No conversation brah. She's letting you go easy. Girls don't come and say it's over, they letting dudes go easy. They grow distant. Some dudes fall for this and become her orbiters. Calling her and stuff, in hopes of relationship with her or sex. Understand what she told you.. She canceled date.. She left.. It's over brah. The ONLY way is if she comes back to you.. Sometimes they do it to test waters out, they'd give you a call or text, and see if you fall for her again, ask her out.. Don't be one of those dudes. She reaches out, you play it cool, you got things going on.. Go ahead and meet other people. As a matter of fact, with women, it's best to have variety. Women would rather share a successful man than to be attached to a fateful loser. Remember this one. High value men have options.. You should focus on your education, career, very important your body (become a muscly man with 8 or bellow body fat, they will be chasing you) and after all of these women. Not a single woman, women. High value men have options become women come to successful dudes naturally. Same thing with her, you want your woman to be high value, you don't want her to be a loser with no options. Go ahead and date other people. Edited August 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 Is there a specific conversation I should have with her or I should just let things go, stop texting all the time, meet other people and see what happens? Should just say that it would make more sense that you both date other people and if she wants to hangout sometime that would be cool. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 Or you could quit dating party girls who are normally one-off and match yourself up with a girl who wants a long term commitment like you obviously do. Why try to be someone you are not? Choose your own way forward in life and leave the herd behind. Best Wishes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted August 5, 2019 Author Share Posted August 5, 2019 So after all of your advice I decided to tell her (by text because we still have no plans to meet again anytime soon) that if she's not in the mood to talk or meet right now it's okay but I don't have the energy to continue pursuing her and making all the efforts like that. So If she wants to chat or hangout she can reach me but I won't be insisting and texting all the time anymore because it seems unhealty to me. Still waiting for a reply, but I give it much less attention at this point (she's already been distant with me for more than a week now). Only one week of work remaining and then I'll have my vacations at a cabin and have fun outside. Then school starts and I can start meeting more new people, so it's not that bad I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 (edited) So after all of your advice I decided to tell her (by text because we still have no plans to meet again anytime soon) that if she's not in the mood to talk or meet right now it's okay but I don't have the energy to continue pursuing her and making all the efforts like that..... This makes you come off as attached and as a pushover. You were better off leaving the silence and letting her wonder. She knows where you stand, there's no mystery. I've learned in my many interactions with women like her that an explanatory text like that when things are on the rocks is basically throwing in the towel. Edited August 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted August 5, 2019 Author Share Posted August 5, 2019 This makes you come off as attached and as a pushover. You were better off leaving the silence and letting her wonder. She knows where you stand, there's no mystery. I've learned in my many interactions with women like her that an explanatory text like that when things are on the rocks is basically throwing in the towel. At this point I don't really expect a relationship with her I think. I was just leaving the door open nicely if she somewhat changes her mind. If she doesn't, then too bad, at least I will have stayed true to myself without playing her games. That's what I tell myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Melrose78 Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 Hang on. 5 to 6 weeks. You've seen each other on average once a week, if you're lucky twice. Tell me something. Have you had any convo on what you both are looking for? A relationship, casual.... Sorry, but it sounds like she's either just someone vwho doesn't jump head first into a relationship or not after anything serious. Communicate! Assumptions are the mother of all f..ups! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted August 5, 2019 Author Share Posted August 5, 2019 Hang on. 5 to 6 weeks. You've seen each other on average once a week, if you're lucky twice. Tell me something. Have you had any convo on what you both are looking for? A relationship, casual.... Sorry, but it sounds like she's either just someone vwho doesn't jump head first into a relationship or not after anything serious. Communicate! Assumptions are the mother of all f..ups! Communicating is the thing I want the most but she says she hates it. At the beginning we made it pretty clear that we wanted something serious. But last time I succeeded to talk to her about it without her avoiding the subject, she said sometimes she just is in the mood to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 She isn't really interested. If she were, she'd make more of an effort to spend more time with you instead of making other plans with her friends. You would be her priority. It's best to just move on and date other girls. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bc72fgbjbc Posted August 13, 2019 Author Share Posted August 13, 2019 So Ive met other interesting girls recently and decided to completely move on from the one I was talking about. She didn't even ghost me she just gave me less and less attention and now only answers like every 5 days without trying to make any plans. I just don't understand why 2-3 weeks ago when she started being distant she didn't simply tell me she was no longer interested, letting it die slowly and waiting for me to be so hurt that I have to dump her myself is just so...evil. Anyway, thanks to all of you for your advice I should have listened to you earlier instead of hanging on the false hopes she was giving me. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Hey next time, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...if not, then don't give it a second thought and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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