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Womanizer vibe


SurDeFil

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Hello,

Less than month ago I met a guy on Tinder. He wrote on his profile he's looking for long term relationship and he confirmed that when we were talking. Already on a first date I could feel this '****boy vibe' from him. However, he is very consistent, we talk everyday, we go on real dates, he buys me flowers, he plans what we can do, we met 4 times and all our dates were long, he is not touchy feely (we didn't kiss yet, just a hug) I was thinking to stop seeing him because of this vibe and my mixed feelings, but I am not sure maybe I should give him benefit of a doubt? What do you think?

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Twizzlestick

His actions as you describe don’t seem to fit that profile. Not discounting your vibe, gut feelings are very real and worth paying heed to. What’s giving you that vibe? Things he said or mere appearances? A vibe alone is not very specific.

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His actions as you describe don’t seem to fit that profile. Not discounting your vibe, gut feelings are very real and worth paying heed to. What’s giving you that vibe? Things he said or mere appearances? A vibe alone is not very specific.

He is charming, self confident (almost arrogant), relaxed, and he has this specific type of gaze, I don't know how to describe it. I know he used to party a lot but he keeps saying thay now he calmed down. For me it's surprising that his behaviour does not match this vibe (at least for now).

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How trustworthy is your gut? If it's not 100% accurate, I would say you are seeing problems where none exist because you are afraid. If you are so used to bad boys when you find a confident guy who treats you well, you jump to conclusions about his fidelity because you only have experience with jerks.

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How trustworthy is your gut? If it's not 100% accurate, I would say you are seeing problems where none exist because you are afraid.
No one is 100%
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He is charming, self confident (almost arrogant), relaxed, and he has this specific type of gaze, I don't know how to describe it. I know he used to party a lot but he keeps saying thay now he calmed down. For me it's surprising that his behaviour does not match this vibe (at least for now).

 

 

Over confident can be a turn off too,

 

he obviously likes you though and is happy to play the patient game, I imagine he will rattle it up a notch soon.

 

I guess when the dates are long you are getting on quite well, yet your not feeling it as such yet,

 

benefit of doubt perhaps, you'll know more in another few weeks.

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ChatroomHero

I have had more than one woman say they thought I was a player, that I was banging women in my free time all the time, must be dating multiple people...and they explained it as a feeling they got. It always surprised me and I never got a clear answer why they felt that way or what I did to give off that "vibe". When they asked when was the last time I dated and I told them XXX, they would say, "yeah right".

 

 

It's not every woman, but more than a few. They were pretty much wrong. I don't multi-date and I don't lie about seeing other people. I was told by at least a couple that I seemed confident or cocky on initial impression, despite them admitting we didn't really interact or talk much the first time we met and I didn't really say anything wrong.

 

 

I think sometimes when I am straight forward and show straight forward interest and because I am a fairly open book, for some reason women don't trust that or believe that.

 

 

My opinion is that you are probably judging this guy on past experiences you have had with other men and not him. I wonder if your gut is saying this guy comes across as legit, but past experience indicates that most guys just put on a show. I always go with my gut, but you have to determine what your gut is really telling you. Is it telling you that based on other guys you don't trust him or is it telling you that based on how he is acting, something is off...or that you just aren't felling it despite thinking you should? Because it may be that things he says vs how he acts don't match up (good or bad) and that is deceptive. If it is telling you he is too good to be true based on past experiences but his words and actions match up and he follows through, then you should ignore your gut.

 

 

Listen to your gut, but you need to determine why/what your gut feeling is really trying to tell you.

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Already on a first date I could feel this '****boy vibe' from him.
You "Vibe Detector" is on the fritz. If he was a ****boy (guessing at what that means) he wouldn't go 4 dates without a kiss.

 

I was thinking to stop seeing him because of this vibe and my mixed feelings
That problem is with you on your end,...your insecurities, your hangups, your baggage. If you can't see clear of that then for his own good you should set him free so that he can be with someone who is not hung up on that. Then he can be with someone that he can enjoy being with more freely.
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Twizzlestick

To the OP. To give you an example of being “falsely accused”

 

 

...with OLD I’ve been accused of being a “catfish” (resulted in a google search as never heard of it :D) on a few occasions by neurotic online matches. They cite my job and photos can’t be both real and I seem to “normal” and decent and that this combo is a “red flag” (say whaaaat?)

 

I find this utterly bemusing not to mention quite rude the way some have posed it. For one, A - my job is something thousands upon thousands of people do every day. I’m not a Holywood star. B - I’m hardly that good looking, just average good but I’d blend in on a Sat night in a bar. C - being “decent” now gets you called a catfish.

 

My thoughts after this were - Yeah I get there’s weirdos out there. Yes I do (said with a sigh). But if when you meet true and decent people with OLD and one accuses them of being fictitious, then it begs what’s the point of being on there at all. May as well stay at home with a cup of tea and watch the tele.

 

That was an example of being on the end of unjustified concerns :D

 

So given this guys actions don’t match your vibe worth dating more? If you like him that is. How about not getting physical too soon. If he’s a player you’ll soon find out. It’s dating, you’re not marrying him. Chill and enjoy it. People are in such a rush these days. You can still hold the cards and protect yourself just take it slow and whilst you have doubts don’t get in too deep.

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Over confident can be a turn off too,
Yes,...to insecure women with hangups,...which is something you want revealed to you so than you know to move on from them.

 

If a woman rejects you for being what you "should" be, then you don't want to be with them. The ones that like and appreciate you being what you "should" be are the ones you want.

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What do you think?

 

he's trying to get you in the sack and then he'll move on to the next conquest

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My husband is drop dead head turningly gorgeous. My own mother warned me off of him because he looked like a player. Ironically when I met him I was looking for a player because in my experience players give good date. I wanted the whirlwind with NSA attached. Instead I met my husband & got the most loyal steadfast guy. He couldn't be a player with a celebrity PUA whispering in his ear.

 

The behavior you describe simply sounds like a together confident guy to me, although the lack of a kiss would be making be crazy right about now. DH did not kiss me until our 3rd date & I was fully prepared to dump him because the snails pace was maddening.

 

Seriously don't look for problems where none exist. Don't ignore red flags either but honestly I don't see any.

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OP I totally get what you mean. IMO you should go with your gut. I know that gaze too, and the hint of arrogance is enough to have my stomach churn. The guys on here can call you insecure all they want...but you can't question a woman's intuition.

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Huh. And here I was thinking the discussion was going to be about this... I wonder if this is how they got the inspiration for a name, lol.

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I have had more than one woman say they thought I was a player, that I was banging women in my free time all the time, must be dating multiple people...and they explained it as a feeling they got.

 

It's not every woman, but more than a few. They were pretty much wrong. I don't multi-date and I don't lie about seeing other people.

You're dealing with insecure women. "Multi-dating", which I don't even like the term, is just a natural way to handle things. You can't restrict yourself to only seeing one person before that one person becomes significant in your life. You should be "multi-dating" (or be mentally willing to, if not in practice) and you should not apologize for it. Many of those same women will be doing it themselves behind the scenes all the while complaining about you doing it. There are people who want you to "stack the deck" in their favor so that they don't have to face any competition. They have a low view of themselves and feel that if they had competition they would surely lose to the competition.

 

For myself, in practice, multi-dating rarely actually happens, but I am always mentally and emotionally willing to do it. But I always grant the women the freedom to do it themselves which in turn implies that I can as well.

 

When someone is "just a date" and not a BF/GF,...you do not owe anyone exclusivity before they are exclusive, that is just silly and those who want to deny you that are just selfish and self-focused.

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Shining One
The guys on here can call you insecure all they want...but you can't question a woman's intuition.
If women's intuition were 100% accurate, wouldn't women never make any mistakes whatsoever?
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If women's intuition were 100% accurate, wouldn't women never make any mistakes whatsoever?

 

woman's "intuition" is BS

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OP I totally get what you mean. IMO you should go with your gut. I know that gaze too, and the hint of arrogance is enough to have my stomach churn. The guys on here can call you insecure all they want...but you can't question a woman's intuition.

If the guy was a "player" and just trying to get laid there is no way he would have gone 4 dates with not so much as a kiss. He would have been all over her on the 1st date and certainly by the 2nd. If he didn't make any progress by then she would never had got the 3rd or 4th date.

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If the guy was a "player" and just trying to get laid there is no way he would have gone 4 dates with not so much as a kiss. He would have been all over her on the 1st date and certainly by the 2nd. If he didn't make any progress by then she would never had got the 3rd or 4th date.

 

there are many different kinds of "players" PRW. each has his own M.O.

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My husband is drop dead head turningly gorgeous. My own mother warned me off of him because he looked like a player. Ironically when I met him I was looking for a player because in my experience players give good date. I wanted the whirlwind with NSA attached. Instead I met my husband & got the most loyal steadfast guy. He couldn't be a player with a celebrity PUA whispering in his ear.
Excellent. If I ever wrote a book you could be my muse :D

 

The behavior you describe simply sounds like a together confident guy to me, although the lack of a kiss would be making be crazy right about now.
Yea, that is the one enigma here. He seems to have his act together very well except for that part. One possibility is that he is spotting something in her eyes, facial expressions, demeanor, that is telling him something is off with her and he maybe senses danger in going for the kiss,...so he holds back. I've seen "that look" a lot myself and I don't go for the kiss,...but of course they don't get 4 dates out of me in that case either.
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Excellent. If I ever wrote a book you could be my muse :D

 

Yea, that is the one enigma here. He seems to have his act together very well except for that part. One possibility is that he is spotting something in her eyes, facial expressions, demeanor, that is telling him something is off with her and he maybe senses danger in going for the kiss,...so he holds back. I've seen "that look" a lot myself and I don't go for the kiss,...but of course they don't get 4 dates out of me in that case either.

Yes, it's my body language. I am not 'touchy' person and for me no kiss for that long is definately ok.

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Yes, it's my body language. I am not 'touchy' person and for me no kiss for that long is definately ok.

 

If he's correctly reading AND respecting your hands off vibe after 4 dates, your "vibe" must be seriously off. To me that is more evidence that you found a good one.

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Michelle ma Belle

I'm all about instincts. Mine are bang on and when I don't follow them, I always end up in trouble.

 

I've been here with one particular gentleman. Similar to your situation, he pulled out the stops with me from day one. Every date was better than the next. He was thoughtful, creative, charming, an amazing communicator, intelligent, seemed to share a lot about himself and asked a lot about me as well which is always refreshing. He was always a gentleman, never overtly sexual or inappropriate but there definitely was some sexual tension and attraction which made things all the more exciting.

 

I had a huge fundraising event I was managing and he insisted he wanted to attend, not only to support my cause but to see me "in action". He loved the fact that I was passionate about my work and wired for success. So he he paid the $250 price tag and proceeded to spend more than 6 hours fending for himself while I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. At the end of the evening, he helped me tear down and walked me to my car where he kissed me good night and congratulated me on such an amazing evening.

 

On the surface he seemed to be perfect but my gut was nagging at me that he wasn't really who he was presenting himself to be. He too had this way of looking at me that both excited me and frightened me to death. I think I even commented to him about it saying that he had this predatory look whenever he looked at me. In the end, I chose to ignore those feelings and moved forward with him thinking it was past experiences getting in the way of an otherwise great thing.

 

When we finally decided to take things to the next level and spend the night together, he once again pulled out all the stops. When it came to sex, he was very selfish which surprised me a bit. We ended up having sex 3 times that night and all the while, it was about him.

 

After that night, he told me he was going out of town for business but wanted to see me the minute he got back. During that time away, he then confessed that he wasn't sure he had the time for a real relationship even though that was his MO the whole time. He said that he would love to see me again but given his busy work schedule and his kids, he would prefer something more casual.

 

That's when I realized I got played...BIG time.

 

C'est la vie. Live and learn. I realized, once again, that my instincts are never wrong.

 

Go with your gut.

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I'm all about instincts. Mine are bang on and when I don't follow them, I always end up in trouble..

.

I believe I've been dating a narcissist in the past as well. He was more about grand gestures, and was more sexual from the beginning, also a lot of compliments, saying he missied me (on a third date already). I made him wait for 5 months and didn't sleep with him because he turned out to be an ugly person inside. This guy seems more.. like a simple guy and less fake than the other one but yeah, the gut feeling is there

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Yes, it's my body language. I am not 'touchy' person and for me no kiss for that long is definately ok.
It won't be ok for him. He has been patient, but it won't last. You won't have to dump him,...he will dump you. So the situation will just take care of itself naturally.
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