I've got a date Saturday night, however...

[Trail Blazer]

... I'm not sure about this one!

 

I matched with a girl on Bumble about two months ago. She's 30 with a 9 year old daughter. We hit it off from the get go. She's local (live 5 miles away) and we even go to the same gym (but have never seemingly crossed paths).

 

We chatted for a few days, I was really starting to like her. There was that perfect mix of flirting, semi-serious talking to get to know one another and the like. So, after the third day I asked her out on a date. I was met with dead silence. 24 hours later, she replied and said, "I would love to go on a date with you." She sends me her cell phone number and told me I can maintain contact that way.

 

The following day, Saturday morning I sent her a text. We chatted a little bit and I'd told her I was busy over the weekend but we could catch up for a coffee locally during the week (as she'd told me earlier her mom lives close by and could babysit her daughter). She asked me what I was up to that night. I'd told her I was heading into (a swanky part of town) and she said, "OMG, I'm going to be there as well."

 

So I'm thinking to myself, awesome... perhaps we could do an impromptu meet-up... Well, didn't my nifty little plan get quashed quicker than I could say, "damm." She asked me what I was doing there and I told her I was catching up with a few buddies for dinner. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Well... I'm going on a date. Haha" (with a silly emoticon added). So I just said 'cool, good luck, enjoy your nignt."

 

I appreciated her honesty. It didn't bother me at all, given we'd only been talking for a few days. It actually didn't surprise me at all, either. She's the kind of girl who would literally match every single time. Her photos on Bumble were subdued, but I did stalk her Insta (which somewhat humbly she didn't attach to her profile) and she's got lots of gym pose shots, handstands in a skimpy bikini on Cannon Beach in front of Haystack Rock, airborne shots on a snowboard at Mt.Hood... you get the idea!

 

So, I'd written her off in my mind. I caught up with my buddies and strangely enough, she was messaging me while she was on another date with someone else. She asked me how my night was going, etc. After a few messages to and from, I hadn't heard back from her. Not for the rest of the night, not for the rest of the weekend, not for the following week leading up to me flying out to Texas to start my new job.

 

That was cool, I thought. However, and it was a little stalkerish of me, but curiosity did get the better of me. I checked her location distance and it's normally 5-10 miles away as we're local. Well, it had remained at 30 miles (we live in the outer suburbs) for the couple of days I looked, so I chuckled and thought, "hmmm, lucky guy!"

 

I flew out to Texas and worked there for 25 days before rerurning home. I had no access to OLD as we were out of range for most of the time and the limited Wi-Fi we did have wouldn't load Bumble or POF. At that point we'd been talking on the cell phone through text, however I hadn't received any messages from her upon my return to civilization. I stalked her Bumble location one last time, noticing she was still 30 miles away and thought, "she's moved in with the dude." LOL.

 

Fast forward another week, which was last night and I received a message from her on Bumble, which she said, "Hey TB. I'm really sorry, I suck at replying." I saw that she was 5 miles away, so she must have returned home LOL. I wasn't really interested, but just responded with some indifference. I said, "Hey stranger, long time no talk. Where have you been hiding?" She said, "I had been playing hide and seek, but you suck at seeking." I told her, "Well, I lose interest quickly when games are not engaging." She replied, "Let's play a new game, then. One where we meet up IRL."

 

So, over the last day we've chatted briefly. I fly back to Texas for a month next Tuesday, so I told her it had to be this Saturday coming. She seemed very keen, so we've locked it in for 5pm at a local coffee shop.

 

Why am I not sure about this one? I can't help but feel I was the second choice, even though I get that she was probably talking to the other guy before me. But perhaps more critically, I'm going to be away for a month (which she knows) and I'm not really expecting a girl like her to be waiting around for a month until I get back.

 

I'm not really after a relationship, so it's not like I really care in that regard. But it would have been nice to be able to get a few dates in so we could build a little continuity. I've also got a FWB arrangement with another woman, so it would be a bit rich for me to lament her seeing anyone else. It's just, I wish I had more time to spend with this one as she's something else to look at, and at least has relationship potential, unlike my FWB who's certifiably nuts.

Edited July 18, 2019 by Trail Blazer

[schlumpy]

I don't see how you can be the second choice when there was no competition in the first place. She's shopping and she's decided she likes what she sees so instead looking in the window she's going into the store to try something on. That something is you.

 

Best Wishes

[d0nnivain]

All that stuff you think you know about her other date & her location are not facts. They are supposition & they don't matter.

 

You have a date with her at 5 pm on Saturday. Go get coffee. See if you like in her person. Build from there.

[rainbow12]

Since you are not looking for anything special on the dating site apart from sex, then yeah you have no right to feel second best when you do the shopping on bumble as well. She's entitled to change plans as much as you without any promises. I don't know why you are reading so much into this when to YOU it is only for casual fun. I mean you just want what you don't have at the moment and that is the woman whom is 5 miles from you. You just want your cake and eat it. Let's face it, you're not fallen in love with her, You are just a daddy that wants new shoes for yourself.

Edited July 18, 2019 by rainbow12

[Flame Aura]

So you are going on a date but don't want a relationship..what?

 

Is she on the same page? Otherwise you are just wasting her time which is very selfish.

[Trail Blazer]

So you are going on a date but don't want a relationship..what?

 

Is she on the same page? Otherwise you are just wasting her time which is very selfish.

 

I've gone on a few dates and not wanted a relationship. All so far have been on POF where I've clearly stated I "want to date but nothing serious." They're not mutually exclusive concepts.

 

Sure, Bumble is slightly different in that there's no relationship preference box. I don't know if we're on the same page. She didn't ask me what I wanted, I didn't ask her what she wanted.

[Trail Blazer]

All that stuff you think you know about her other date & her location are not facts. They are supposition & they don't matter.

 

You have a date with her at 5 pm on Saturday. Go get coffee. See if you like in her person. Build from there.

 

You're right, it doesn't matter one iota. But it's interesting nonetheless.

 

If I like her in person then I'll gladly go for a second date. I just don't think she'll wait around for a month until I'm back from working away. That'd be some kind of effort in my part if I managed to convince someone like her to wait that long.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How in the world could you tell she was 30 miles away? What app tells you this? Weird. Stop looking at stuff like that!

[Trail Blazer]

Since you are not looking for anything special on the dating site apart from sex, then yeah you have no right to feel second best when you do the shopping on bumble as well. She's entitled to change plans as much as you without any promises. I don't know why you are reading so much into this when to YOU it is only for casual fun. I mean you just want what you don't have at the moment and that is the woman whom is 5 miles from you. You just want your cake and eat it. Let's face it, you're not fallen in love with her, You are just a daddy that wants new shoes for yourself.

What is the point of having cake if you don't ever eat it?

[Trail Blazer]

How in the world could you tell she was 30 miles away? What app tells you this? Weird. Stop looking at stuff like that!

 

When you put a search radius for people you want to date, only those people who fall within that radius show up. Their distance from you will be displayed in their profile. You've obviously never used Tinder or Bumble before.

[ChatroomHero]

I'm guessing you are sensing the medium to low interest from her ghosting. She was gas lighting you a little bit by making it sound like you were at fault for not seeking. Frankly, someone who basically ghosted and gas light is what I would define as a flake. Flakes are frustrating and send a lot of mixed signals.

 

All of the scenarios about where she was, how she must have been with the guy out of town, whatever, are all just made up in your mind but I believe things like that come about from a gut feeling. So whether your exact scenario in your mind is accurate or not, your gut is telling you she was avoiding you for something along those lines and whatever reason she was avoiding you dissolved and now she is rolling on to you as a backup or cure for boredom or validation. I expect you are probably generally correct even if you are not specifically correct.

 

If it were me, I would meet as planned but i would also expect mixed signals, ghosting, push pull and flakiness until I saw otherwise. It sounds like you are feeling just that based on your gut feeling. Since you are not looking for a relationship, I think that's really what you should suspect from anyone you meet under those circumstances. It's not good or bad, but it's how it goes when things are casual with a stranger.

[Curiousroxy86]

I feel like if your multi dating and you even got some fwb set up going on then you damn sure cant be worried about what she got going on from her end. she is not your girlfriend and you are not her boyfriend. if you want the option I dont think its wise to judge her for dating unless you want a girl to judge you as well. so I say get to know each other and go on dates and not worry about "other people" right now. it is a given you both are multi dating. if you and her click and it goes somewhere and you two both agree to exclusivity theeeeennn you can have these expectations. but other than that? you are worried about the wrong thing dude.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

When you put a search radius for people you want to date, only those people who fall within that radius show up. Their distance from you will be displayed in their profile. You've obviously never used Tinder or Bumble before.

 

Ohhhhh, ok. No, I have not .

[smackie9]

I feel like if your multi dating and you even got some fwb set up going on then you damn sure cant be worried about what she got going on from her end. she is not your girlfriend and you are not her boyfriend. if you want the option I dont think its wise to judge her for dating unless you want a girl to judge you as well. so I say get to know each other and go on dates and not worry about "other people" right now. it is a given you both are multi dating. if you and her click and it goes somewhere and you two both agree to exclusivity theeeeennn you can have these expectations. but other than that? you are worried about the wrong thing dude.

This 100%^^^^

[Trail Blazer]

I'm guessing you are sensing the medium to low interest from her ghosting.

Your whole post was pretty much spot on. That's how I feel.

[Trail Blazer]

I feel like if your multi dating and you even got some fwb set up going on then you damn sure cant be worried about what she got going on from her end. she is not your girlfriend and you are not her boyfriend. if you want the option I dont think its wise to judge her for dating unless you want a girl to judge you as well. so I say get to know each other and go on dates and not worry about "other people" right now. it is a given you both are multi dating. if you and her click and it goes somewhere and you two both agree to exclusivity theeeeennn you can have these expectations. but other than that? you are worried about the wrong thing dude.

There's being worried and there's actually being worried. I'm merely making an observation. I'm happy to concede that my own intentions aren't angelic. I just think there's a game going on here I'll be getting plenty of $h!t tests coming my way.

[PRW]

There's being worried and there's actually being worried. I'm merely making an observation. I'm happy to concede that my own intentions aren't angelic. I just think there's a game going on here I'll be getting plenty of $h!t tests coming my way.

You're on a Hook-up app. Most on there are looking for just that. The game is everyone pretending they aren't there for that.

 

In terms of your game in relation to pickup,...you are doing poorly. A guy with good game wouldn't have chatted on a hook-up app for 3 days before making a date. He would have either gotten the date established in the first message session,...not the first message,...the first message session. If he got rejected he wouldn't have given it a second thought and went on the the next one. There would have been no drama and no confusion. We are meeting at this place on this day at this time,...boom,...done.

[Curiousroxy86]

what game?

 

she said she was on a date???

 

does she need to give you a play by play on what she does with other people as a single woman?

 

I dont think so and im sure you havent gave a play by play either

 

again you are "observing" the wrong thing imo

[Trail Blazer]

You're on a Hook-up app. Most on there are looking for just that. The game is everyone pretending they aren't there for that.

 

In terms of your game in relation to pickup,...you are doing poorly. A guy with good game wouldn't have chatted on a hook-up app for 3 days before making a date. He would have either gotten the date established in the first message session,...not the first message,...the first message session. If he got rejected he wouldn't have given it a second thought and went on the the next one. There would have been no drama and no confusion. We are meeting at this place on this day at this time,...boom,...done.

LOL. That doesn't work my friend. In some instances, some of the time, perhaps. I've tried before, it hasn't gotten me anywhere. Most women want at least some lead time before they'll agree to meet a stranger. If it's all the same to you, I'm doing all right with the amount of dates I'm getting as is.

[Trail Blazer]

what game?

 

she said she was on a date???

 

does she need to give you a play by play on what she does with other people as a single woman?

 

I dont think so and im sure you havent gave a play by play either

 

again you are "observing" the wrong thing imo

 

Erm, no? You're completely missing the point. ChatroomHero summed it up very well. Go and read their post. There's clearly a game being played. Some can see that.

[rainbow12]

What is the point of having cake if you don't ever eat it?

 

Because you already had your cake and now you want another one.

[Gretchen12]

It's also possible her "date" that night was meeting up with her ex-bf. Too many people go online to get over a breakup.

 

You haven't met, so why not go on the date just out of curiosity? You don't want a relationship anyway. You just want to date around, so a girl having low interest works out perfectly. If she had high interest in you, she'd be wanting a relationship!

[Trail Blazer]

It's also possible her "date" that night was meeting up with her ex-bf. Too many people go online to get over a breakup.

 

You haven't met, so why not go on the date just out of curiosity? You don't want a relationship anyway. You just want to date around, so a girl having low interest works out perfectly. If she had high interest in you, she'd be wanting a relationship!

That's exactly why I'm online dating right now. I'm going all right, it will be interesting.

[spiderowl]

I think if I was you, I'd feel a bit uneasy too. You think she was texting you while on a date? Isn't that incredibly rude of her? Is that how she treats the men she sees?

 

I think it best to be a bit wary of this one. She is having fun dating and you were doing the same. Now that you like her, maybe you start to see that dating around has its down side. Eventually, people start to want security and reassurance that their partner is on the same page.

[Trail Blazer]

It's also possible her "date" that night was meeting up with her ex-bf. Too many people go online to get over a breakup.

 

You haven't met, so why not go on the date just out of curiosity? You don't want a relationship anyway. You just want to date around, so a girl having low interest works out perfectly. If she had high interest in you, she'd be wanting a relationship!

I've met up a few times with my ex. It didn't stop me replying to other girls I've been talking to for 6 weeks. Bjt hey, it could be anything really.

 

A girl having low interest works in the sense that she won't want a relationship. I'm not really sure what she wants. Attention? All I know is that I'm treating this like fun, but if we somehow click and she wants to wait a whole month for me to get back from work, then it's telling just how keen she is. I do think that's highly unlikely, though.