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Relationship but no time?


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Why do people claim to want to have a relationship when they have little time for it? Would you call seeing someone one day a week a relationship?

 

 

 

How can people who want a lot of me time have normal relationships?

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Whilst some people have different attachment needs, if you’re at relationship stage and not seeing each other 2-3 times a week at minimum then it’s not a relationship.

 

Once a week is courtship for the first month.

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Curiousroxy86

People want a relationship on their terms. Some people can only handle so much intimacy/connection/togetherness...well relationship lol. I have a sister who is super anti social and stay to herself most of the time when we have family get togethers. She will come out and socialize for a few hours and then we don’t see her anymore for the rest of the day. Now back to romantic relationships Some people can tolerate being with a person one day a week. Some people need few days. Some people need to connect everyday hence choosing living together/marriage or actually see each other everyday if not living together or married. Depends on that persons tolerance level of relationship and at what stage

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if I could get away with it I would see the person i'm dating only twice per month....that's more than enough for me. But in reality it turns out to be 2-3 times/week

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Logo, when reading posts on here I constantly ask myself the same question. If I was to meet someone the first time and they couldn't fit me in their schedule for that same week, I wouldn't bother.

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Curiousroxy86
if I could get away with it I would see the person i'm dating only twice per month....that's more than enough for me. But in reality it turns out to be 2-3 times/week

 

So you just pretend that your okay with it lol?

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So you just pretend that your okay with it lol?

 

 

I can see it now: "Dear Loveshack, I don't know what to do. I'm feeling smothered in my relationship because I've been pretending to be happy with seeing my partner 2 to 3 times per week, when in fact, I need more space than that but I like the regular sex and know that if I talk to her and let her know what I really want, she will bail. Do I end it and just go with casual dating that includes sex or keep pretending I'm happy with this situation until I become so moody, distant and stressed out and finally explode and hurt her more"?

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if I could get away with it I would see the person i'm dating only twice per month....that's more than enough for me.

 

I am quite happy with this type of arrangement at the moment, about 3 months in, so far so good.

 

the lady in question is completely engrossed in her career, no sign yet of looking for more frequent contact,

 

which suits me just fine

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See, as a guy who's never dated, this is one of the things I worry that I'd get very wrong. I always worry that I'd be too clingy, and I'd try to fight that urge super hard, but then I'd worry that I'm trying so hard not to be clingy that I'll end up coming off as distant and uninterested. I don't know how you figure out the right balance.

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OatsAndHall

As has been pointed out, it all comes down to people's comfort level. I'm experiencing the very thing with the woman I an seeing right now.

 

 

 

We've been seeing each other for three weeks and we pretty much spent the first week in each other's laps. Our first date started out as a 9am coffee meet up and finally ended at midnight, watching movies at her place (yes, just watching movies). This was the theme for the first week; we spent over 30 hours with one another.

 

 

 

I just went with the flow of it as I didn't have many obligations that week and enjoyed the time we spent together. We click, we're compatible and chatted for hours about all kinds of things. Having been married and lived with someone, I was completely comfortable with it as one hour together just rolled into another without awkwardness.

 

 

 

But, it spooked her a bit as a) it was a lot of time together initially and b) she's not used to it given her personality and life style. So, she started to pull back and I've mirrored and respected that. She's a teacher, doesn't have a hectic schedule right now and would be free to hang out most days. But, she needs that space so the ball is in her court with respect to when we hang out.

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Huh. See, in my naivety, I would've said that "once a week" would be my "playing it safe" answer. Not that I wouldn't want more than that, but I wouldn't want to come off as overbearing or clingy.

 

Heck, I use the "one a week" notion when contacting my friends, for the same reason.

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Curiousroxy86

inflikted you should start out doing what feels naturally to you and see what results from that. if you dont get results make a small change and see how that goes. dating alot of times is learn as you go anyway. you will shape your view on what actually works the more you date

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Michelle ma Belle

Different strokes for different folks.

 

Initially, once a week seems about the norm but once there's been a talk of exclusivity and trying to make a relationship out of it, once a week long term isn't going to be good enough for me. I mean, that's not taking into consideration periods of busyness which we all have but if all he can carve out for me is once a week at the best of times...not sure I can get on that program.

 

Once again, this all boils down to compatibility. You have to find someone who is on the same page as you are on many levels otherwise you run into challenges and some of thse challenges can end up as deal breakers.

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Why do people claim to want to have a relationship when they have little time for it? Would you call seeing someone one day a week a relationship?

 

How can people who want a lot of me time have normal relationships?

Truck Drivers can be MARRIED and only see their family for 2 days out of every 3 week period with sporadic contact with home in between. Military personnel can go their entire deployment period with only sporadic long distance contact with their families.
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Curiousroxy86
Truck Drivers can be MARRIED and only see their family for 2 days out of every 3 week period with sporadic contact with home in between. Military personnel can go their entire deployment period with only sporadic long distance contact with their families.

 

I always said to myself about truck drivers and military "why do you even get married or start a family" lol. but hey some spouses dont mind and if it works for them it works for them

 

that just cannot be me

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Curiousroxy86

Alpha you said if you had it your way you would only spend time two times a month but end up seeing someone two-three times a week? So my question was so you just pretend like your okay with seeing the girl for two-three times a week when you really want to see her for much much less?

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TheFinalWord
I don't know how you figure out the right balance.

 

You never will man. So, don't even try. Women don't know what they want. And they don't use logic when it comes to these things, it's all emotional-based decision making. If you try to figure it out or fix things, it just proves you don't "get her" and why it wasn't meant to be. :lmao: Just do you and don't get too attached to any woman. It has less to do with your actions, and more to do with a state of mind. Make her earn you too. Too many men put women on a pedestal when they've done nothing to deserve it, other than look good.

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Alpha you said if you had it your way you would only spend time two times a month but end up seeing someone two-three times a week? So my question was so you just pretend like your okay with seeing the girl for two-three times a week when you really want to see her for much much less?

 

well....if I want to continue getting sex I am sorta forced to see her more than less but if I could maintain a relationship with only seeing her twice a month I would. but I understand why girls want to see more of me, I am so great, handsome and smart :)

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If you only see a potential partner once a week, I wouldn't call it a relationship. With as insane as dating is in this age, I don't even fool with it anymore. I'm not saying I won't, but it's going to take one special woman to make me want to change my mind. I've been burned too many times before.

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If you only see a potential partner once a week, I wouldn't call it a relationship.

 

I would...

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Alpha, I'm interested to find out more about your perspective here. Is this always the case even when you're really into someone? Or do you keep your options open? Or do you just have a really busy lifestyle?

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l wouldn't go into something if she was that busy. Such bs these days how it's all so trendy for everyone to be busy busy, forget it.

Even if you did only wanna see her once a week you'd have to book that with some anyway and they'd be on their phone through half of it or rushing off 2hours later.

l don't like the personality , ways and mannerisms that come with most really busy women either.

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well....if I want to continue getting sex I am sorta forced to see her more than less but if I could maintain a relationship with only seeing her twice a month I would. but I understand why girls want to see more of me, I am so great, handsome and smart :)

 

 

I was spot on in my earlier reply to your other post in this thread:

 

 

I can see it now: "Dear Loveshack, I don't know what to do. I'm feeling smothered in my relationship because I've been pretending to be happy with seeing my partner 2 to 3 times per week, when in fact, I need more space than that but I like the regular sex and know that if I talk to her and let her know what I really want, she will bail. Do I end it and just go with casual dating that includes sex or keep pretending I'm happy with this situation until I become so moody, distant and stressed out and finally explode and hurt her more"?

 

 

Your attitude is shockingly immature and unfair to the girl you are dating . . .

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