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Should I ask this guy what he wants or just wait?


faithandfood

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faithandfood

We have been talking since late May. He's 21. We have the same humor/personality and also going through the same situation. We met on Thursday at the mall and hung for 5 hours. It was so fun. I was being myself and he made me laugh a lot. After the mall closed, we went to a park. I asked him a lot of questions. He said that he likes me, he likes our vibe, and im hilarious. BUT what scared me is he kept saying he doesn't know if I can handle him, that he may be too much for me. I told him I was a virgin btw and he said he was indifferent to it. Then...I don't know what happened but we kissed and made out. He also mentioned that he would communicate soon what we are.

 

Btw, I didn't say I liked him back even though I do. And I regret not asking what does he want between us. I wanted to tell him I want to make sure we're on the same page. I'm looking for something exclusive. When I asked when we would see again, he said with due time, but he'll see me again. I should let him initiate right? I was like, what does that mean?

 

And the thing with him is he replies late sometimes or ignores. He's been single for 6 months after being in a long distance for a year. We've been talking since then. I found his Twitter after we hung out (I asked him for him it, but he brushed it off. Guessing he didn't want me to see what he posts. Yesterday, he posted "I need something... I know what I need now ?" I'm guessing he found someone to hook up with (despite him saying he isn't into that anymore).

 

So should I ask him what he wants/looking for via text today? Or wait until he brings up meeting again? I'm so confused. Thanks.

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So should I ask him what he wants/looking for via text today? Or wait until he brings up meeting again?

 

You should NEVER have serious relationship discussions via text. Save texts for quick one shot short messages not discussions that have emotions behind them that require all sorts of non verbal communication.

 

 

What he wants is to date you. He likes you. He enjoys your company. But he also knows that you are not sexually experienced & he has the good sense to be concerned about that. When he says you can't handle him, he's telling the truth. He wants a sexual relationship. I'm not saying that is all he wants but to him that is part if a healthy loving relationship. He may not be patient enough to wait for you & when you do have sex it will not mean as much to him as it will to you. First times at your age are sacred, to be cherished & to be given to a partner you love who appreciates the gift & the huge emotional undertaking. He knows he's not that guy.

 

Proceed with caution.

 

If he is willing to try, OK fine but it sounds like he has enough sense to recognize the points of incompatibility between you two when he sees them.

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faithandfood
You should NEVER have serious relationship discussions via text. Save texts for quick one shot short messages not discussions that have emotions behind them that require all sorts of non verbal communication.

 

 

What he wants is to date you. He likes you. He enjoys your company. But he also knows that you are not sexually experienced & he has the good sense to be concerned about that. When he says you can't handle him, he's telling the truth. He wants a sexual relationship. I'm not saying that is all he wants but to him that is part if a healthy loving relationship. He may not be patient enough to wait for you & when you do have sex it will not mean as much to him as it will to you. First times at your age are sacred, to be cherished & to be given to a partner you love who appreciates the gift & the huge emotional undertaking. He knows he's not that guy.

 

Proceed with caution.

 

If he is willing to try, OK fine but it sounds like he has enough sense to recognize the points of incompatibility between you two when he sees them.

 

Okay got it. I'll just hold it off until-wait if we see again. Cause he asked me why I haven't had it yet & I said because I haven't found anyone I trust yet. He also said with time, I'll get to see his layers of his personality.

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If you can be cautious you should be OK. He needs to earn your trust here.

 

Remember if he says or implies anything like, "You would have sex with me if you loved me", if he loved you, he wouldn't pressure you.

 

Best wishes.

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Versacehottie

Um don't be confused. He's acting like a player. When he starts being consistent with you, then you might be able to believe some of what he says. Right now look at his actions. Inconsistent and not so caring. Do NOT ask him where this is going--he will say what you want to hear, not the truth--see how he wiggles out of stuff with you that he doesn't want to answer? So let him be the one to initiate and chase you. If he doesn't, forget him. Good luck

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You've only been on one date! Way too soon to start asking what a guy wants with you. I mean, he barely knows you. You want him to learn to know you before deciding what either of you wants, and you to know him. For all you know, he could be a big mess who is just being on good behavior. Don't ever try for exclusivity before you get to know someone. And no, texting doesn't count.

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Beendaredonedat

He sounds like a player who would gladly have you fawn all over him while he is uncommunicative about his whereabouts and with whom he's whereabouting with.

 

He will shred you if you keep up with him and his indifference to you. Notice how he doesn't answer any of your questions directly. He is hiding something or someone and he'll likely not be exclusive.

 

You've only been in his company one time and you're already having some infatuation and limerence for him. That's not good. Simmer down your eagerness. Players will just pounce on that.

 

I highly recommend you find someone else to lose your virginity to because this guy is just out for a good time by all accounts. If he was really interested in you, he wouldn't be so allusive in his responses to your general questions.

 

In any event, its far too soon to be putting him on the spot about what you are and where it's going. He will just lie to you about his end dating goal at this point or just keep avoiding the discussion by answering your question with another question.

Edited by Beendaredonedat
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faithandfood
Um don't be confused. He's acting like a player. When he starts being consistent with you, then you might be able to believe some of what he says. Right now look at his actions. Inconsistent and not so caring. Do NOT ask him where this is going--he will say what you want to hear, not the truth--see how he wiggles out of stuff with you that he doesn't want to answer? So let him be the one to initiate and chase you. If he doesn't, forget him. Good luck

 

You're right. Thank you!

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faithandfood
You've only been on one date! Way too soon to start asking what a guy wants with you. I mean, he barely knows you. You want him to learn to know you before deciding what either of you wants, and you to know him. For all you know, he could be a big mess who is just being on good behavior. Don't ever try for exclusivity before you get to know someone. And no, texting doesn't count.

 

Thank you. Yeah, he really could be. Just gonna do my own thing.

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faithandfood
He sounds like a player who would gladly have you fawn all over him while he is uncommunicative about his whereabouts and with whom he's whereabouting with.

 

He will shred you if you keep up with him and his indifference to you. Notice how he doesn't answer any of your questions directly. He is hiding something or someone and he'll likely not be exclusive.

 

You've only been in his company one time and you're already having some infatuation and limerence for him. That's not good. Simmer down your eagerness. Players will just pounce on that.

 

I highly recommend you find someone else to lose your virginity to because this guy is just out for a good time by all accounts. If he was really interested in you, he wouldn't be so allusive in his responses to your general questions.

 

In any event, its far too soon to be putting him on the spot about what you are and where it's going. He will just lie to you about his end dating goal at this point or just keep avoiding the discussion by answering your question with another question.

 

I will try to simmer down. Not going to initiate convo. He has since. Also not going to showcase my feelings. Just keeping things on a platonic level.

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Beendaredonedat

Keep us informed on what is happening with him. We will try to decipher what he's up to for you. ;)

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I don't see player in here anywhere.

 

A player would not leave you confused. You'd be swept off your feet not questioning anything. He'd have you believing that this was forever & he was Prince Charming. He'd take what he wanted, convinced he gave you a good time & then move on to his next conquest.

 

Him saying he has reservations about this does not make him a player. It may make him the wrong guy for you but in my book he gets major kudos for knowing that & pushing you away. He's putting distance in here because he doesn't want the burdensome responsibility of dealing with a virgin. He I snot playing you but rather has indirectly communicated that while he's down for a good time he knows you are not that kind of girl.

 

All of this is why I recommended caution because you want to play with fire even though you are going to get burned. If you do get burned it's not because he's a player / user. It's because you were a willing participant. Don't blame him for choices you make.

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faithandfood
I don't see player in here anywhere.

 

A player would not leave you confused. You'd be swept off your feet not questioning anything. He'd have you believing that this was forever & he was Prince Charming. He'd take what he wanted, convinced he gave you a good time & then move on to his next conquest.

 

Him saying he has reservations about this does not make him a player. It may make him the wrong guy for you but in my book he gets major kudos for knowing that & pushing you away. He's putting distance in here because he doesn't want the burdensome responsibility of dealing with a virgin. He I snot playing you but rather has indirectly communicated that while he's down for a good time he knows you are not that kind of girl.

 

All of this is why I recommended caution because you want to play with fire even though you are going to get burned. If you do get burned it's not because he's a player / user. It's because you were a willing participant. Don't blame him for choices you make.

 

 

Yeah, I'm gonna be keeping distance as well. Not going to act desperate. He said that was he was indifferent to me being a virgin. So I'm just gonna leave it at that so I won't get hurt. We've just been talking platonically

Edited by faithandfood
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faithandfood
Keep us informed on what is happening with him. We will try to decipher what he's up to for you. ;)

 

As of now, been talking since morning. Mostly jokes.

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Talking is fine.

 

I want you to be happy & have fun. Just be careful because this guy is used to moving at a fast pace. He's slowing down for you which is a nice quality. I just have real concerns about how long he's willing to accept your pace.

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faithandfood
Talking is fine.

 

I want you to be happy & have fun. Just be careful because this guy is used to moving at a fast pace. He's slowing down for you which is a nice quality. I just have real concerns about how long he's willing to accept your pace.

 

True. And same here! That's why I'm trying to not be too attached. Will definitely keep you updated.

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I don't think he wants anything more with you right now. Saying you can't handle him is a way to manage your expectations.

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faithandfood
I don't think he wants anything more with you right now. Saying you can't handle him is a way to manage your expectations.

 

Yeah. I feel like he can just tell me this than beating around the bush. "In due time" is a bit childish to me. I'm just going to be distant so I don't get too attached.

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Versacehottie

Yeah it was silly that this discussion already came up however he played his part. He also however gave you an absolute non-answer...which is your answer. I think you said he is 21 so that discussion, combined with publicly saying what he said on twitter and him not responding to your texts sometimes, show that he is playing the field. Also the wording of "in due time" sounds like he is really looking to be "the man". There is so much ego and posturing here--he's a dead end for now. I'd advise game playing lol no not really because then you will get hooked as well. Distance, my friend.

 

He's acting much like a guy in desperate need of ego boosts so he will be back--if he is make sure that consistently over time he shows you real interest and effort--not this b*llsh*t. Good luck

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stillafool

He's 21 and not ready to settle down with one girl yet. Too many wild oats to sew first which is natural for his age. I would move on if I were you or else you will get hurt. He already warned you.

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faithandfood
Yeah it was silly that this discussion already came up however he played his part. He also however gave you an absolute non-answer...which is your answer. I think you said he is 21 so that discussion, combined with publicly saying what he said on twitter and him not responding to your texts sometimes, show that he is playing the field. Also the wording of "in due time" sounds like he is really looking to be "the man". There is so much ego and posturing here--he's a dead end for now. I'd advise game playing lol no not really because then you will get hooked as well. Distance, my friend.

 

He's acting much like a guy in desperate need of ego boosts so he will be back--if he is make sure that consistently over time he shows you real interest and effort--not this b*llsh*t. Good luck

 

I know right. That in due time comment was stupid to me. Lol just be honest. And yeah I know he wants an ego boost. I've been keeping distance, he's been messaging me since that day. I tried gameplaying by replying also slow at first but I was like, whatever. I just reply with short replies.

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faithandfood
He's 21 and not ready to settle down with one girl yet. Too many wild oats to sew first which is natural for his age. I would move on if I were you or else you will get hurt. He already warned you.

 

Yeah which I understand. I'm just gonna do my own thing and keep distance. He's been mostly messaging.

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faithandfood

Like he just sent me a video, but not gonna open it until later

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